Before, when he was a mischievous teen, Gabriel would have teased Castiel mercilessly about Dean, wanting to know what this handsome stranger could see in Cas. He would surely had made lewd comments, intended to make Cas blush and look away. But time had passed, and Gabriel had been sent away, and Castiel had been betrayed, and now they were all the family they had left. So, instead, his big brother had softly asked him:

"So, you're really gay?"

And Castiel had smiled, his mind so clear now, after the fog and confusion he had mistaken for happiness and answered:

"I am. I appreciated Hannah's company and I will miss it but I won't miss her body."

He was quite impressed at his daring admission. Gabriel raised an eyebrow and patted Cas' hair:

"Well, looks like my brother is growing up. I'm glad you're here, you know. I don't think Hannah was good company. She was quite cruel with you. I wanted to say something but Michael forbade me." He gave an exaggerated sigh:"And I might look like the incredible confident stud that you see, I fear him, always have."

Castiel chuckled but didn't miss the way Gabriel's fingers trembled. Michael, who was so righteous and holier-than-thou. Michael who had stolen his brother's wife. Castiel hoped his colleagues had asked about his black eye. The only good thing to have come out of this mess was that it had freed Cas from his influence.

That and Dean.

When he was tucked in new blue sheets, still a little crisp but terribly comforting, as he listened to the soft noises Gabriel was making in the next room, he grabbed his pants from the chair he had folded them on and took out Dean's phone number. He smoothed it with his thumb, remembering how hard Dean had felt in his hand, how warm his eyes were, after. He got up, took his phone and typed the number in.

He wasn't in the train anymore but he still felt the subtle cradle in his muscles, as he lay still in the bed. It was hard to fall asleep but he willed himself to. He had to start healing.

Dean called, after a few days. Castiel had waited for him to do so. After all, Dean grieved his father, he needed his space, with his own family. It was ironic that two broken souls could rebuilt each other like that, but maybe the humility born from the suffering made all the difference. Even Gabriel was different, not bitter anymore, not angry either, living with less fire, less passion.

"Cas?"

"Hello Dean."

"So, about that date..." There was a pause, then a shuffling of feet, then a door closing: "I mean, when do you want to meet?"

It was Castiel's turn to pause. He didn't know the city well. He would love to visit a museum or a botanical garden, but would Dean like that? On the other hand, if this was the beginning of a new relationship, as he sincerely hoped it was, he had to make new rules. And the first one was to voice out his needs.

Dean laughed and called him cute. Castiel felt his knees weaken with relief.

"How about I bring the food. You like pie?"

They met the day after Castiel's job interview. Gabriel had put a good word for him and he had parted with his old boss in good terms so he had been given a good recommendation. He had started talking about finding a new place until Gabe had pouted and grumbled that he wanted Castiel to feel at home with him. He did, but he didn't want him to meet Dean yet.

On the way over, he felt something protruding in his pocket, which turned out to be two boxes of extra big condoms. He almost went back to hand them to his brother. Then he decided they could be useful.

They sat in the big lawn next to the garden's green house. The many windows made the frail building shine in the Spring sun. While they ate, they kept the conversation light, about their jobs or their music tastes. The air was full of promises and pollen. Dean sneezed. Cas gave him a handkerchief and dislodged one of the condom box. It fell on the picnic blanket with a deafening, yet very small noise. Castiel looked at it, hypnotized, then lifted his head, silently daring Dean to mock him.

Dean wasn't smiling anymore. He looked composed but his fingers betrayed him, twitching lightly on his thigh. He reached Cas' cheek, grazing it softly and when he spoke, his voice was low and needy:

"You know, the botanical exhibit will still be here another day..."

Cas nodded. Dean licked his own upper lip: "Can I show you my place? We can have coffee there."

They stood up, still gazing at each other. Cas felt urges he didn't recognize, that frightened him. He had never been possessive, nor passionate. But he wanted to rip Dean's shirt and take him here, on this blanket, without caring who was watching. He breathed deeply, roughly, waiting for the tremor in his body to calm down.

They ran to Dean's car, ran to the apartment, fell on the bed. Castiel would be hard pressed to describe anything he had passed on the way over. Even the comforter's color was a mistery. What he saw where Dean's freckles, all across his body, until even that disappeared and all was left was smell, and touch, and feel.

"Cas, can I...?"

Dean was kneeling next to him, now, Cas' cock in his hand, next to his full lips. Castiel growled in response.

What followed was even better than in the train, better than anything he could dream of. It felt familiar, though, just a little, even though Hannah had never blown him. Maybe she did Michael? The dark thought made his head jerk up, but Dean moved his hand and knitted their fingers together. Cas relaxed and gave in to the insane pleasure.

"That was good, thank you, Dean."

"Only good?"

"I meant, very good, very." Dean grinned, chuckling feebly. He was asleep in Castiel's arm soon, after kissing his shoulder. "Thank you." Castiel said again.

He was standing this time, and the feeling was different. The mouth felt wrong around him. He grabbed the man's head and pushed him away from his cock. It wasn't Dean. It was a young, so-young boy, with sandy air too, and a name that came back with seeing the face. Balthazar. They were in a janitor closet, in the dark. There were noises outside but no one had noticed them...

He woke up, startled. How come he had forgotten this? Dean wasn't the first, he really had been with a man before. He sat against the bed headboard and tried to date the memory.

It was junior year, around Christmas. The dark times, the ones no one mentioned. Even now, Castiel was trembling as his mind ran through barricaded paths. Yes, he had felt true that day, himself, but it hadn't last. The next week-end, Chuck had been out the door. He had waited, not understanding how his father could leave, could forget he wasn't grown-up yet. He needed him so much.

And one day, he had found her. She was blue, still and peaceful. Gabriel and Michael had come as soon as possible, one from college, the other from the new town he was working in. He had taken Castiel away, Castiel who didn't matter to his parents, who wasn't important enough to make them care to stay or even live.

After that day, he had been shut in himself. Gabriel visited a lot, until the fight. Michael forbade any contact, and soon enough, he introduced Hannah. With all these emotions, he had forgotten to come out, forgotten he wanted to.

Tears were silently falling on the pillow. He didn't dare look for a handkerchief, he didn't want to wake Dean, but he did anyway.

"Cas, you crying? Talk to me, man."

He opened up, because he couldn't not. He trusted Dean more than he had ever his family.

"Mine was called Aaron."

"Your what?"

"My first guy. My dad caught us and it turned ugly. Couldn't hear that I was bi, so I waited to be older to hook up again."

"Am I a hook-up too, Dean?" He was teasing, but half-serious. He cared about Dean, but he wouldn't trap him, he wouldn't steal his days, like Hannah stole his.

"No, Cas, you're not. I want more. I want to be with you."

"So do I."

They made love, slowly, tenderly, with a passion emplified by emotions that choked Castiel up. He was inside Dean, inside both his body and his soul and Dean was meeting him. He cried again, but it was easier.

After, Dean just said:

"Thank you, Cas." and it was enough.