I remember the fateful day with such clarity that sometimes I believe it happened only yesterday. The woman I love is – in one word – extraordinary. Her name is Kate Beckett, and she is a member of the Twelfth Precinct in New York. Her mother, Johanna Beckett was murdered years ago, and Kate put all she had into finding her mother's killer. I think Kate crawled inside her mother's murder all those years ago and never came out. She became unable to open up to anyone – especially me. At first, I hated her for being so blind to how much I loved her, and how much I cared for her. But now I know it wasn't her fault. It was mine. I never once told her how I felt, not until it was too late.
That day I somehow knew that something bad, very bad, would happen at the late Captain Montgomery's funeral. Kate looked so proud that day when she stood up and started her carefully worded speech. Standing at her side she looked so lovely in her uniform, hair pinned back under her hat, only tiny wisps moving in the light breeze. The sun was shining warm and pink through her ear when a wave of panic came over me. I pushed her to the ground when I heard the shot, hoping, praying that the bullet missed. But in the back of my mind I knew it hadn't, so I began praying to a God I didn't believe in that the bullet had missed her heart. Looking down at her – relief – the bullet had missed her heart. Hit in the stomach, she clutched at the wound, and her white gloves began to turn red. I did the only thing I knew how to do, and now I see it just wasn't enough. I looked at her face, in her eyes that were glazed over.
Tilting her head back I whispered, "Kate, stay with me. Please stay with me. I love you, Kate. I love you."
No form of recognition showed on her face, and I had begun to think that I had lost her. Indeed, her eyes closed, and her breathing stopped. I was aware of a loud noise. I then realized it was screaming. Then I realized the screams were coming from my own lips. Esposito put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me away from her. Sitting sprawled on the grass I watched him begin CPR on her frail body, and I heard screams all around me. I faintly heard the sirens of the ambulance fast approaching, and that seemed to knock me out of whatever state it was that I had become trapped in. I jumped up and shoved Esposito away from her body. Her blood stained the grass beneath her. I began doing CPR, trying desperately to revive her. I wasn't even counting how many repetitions I was doing. All I remember was pumping hard on her chest, willing her to come back to me. I'm sure I broke some ribs. Now I remember the paramedics moving me out of the way before I did some serious damage. The last thing I remember is the back doors of the ambulance shutting with a loud clang.