AN: Many thanks for all the reviews, favs and follows that you lovely people bestowed upon the first part of 'Hypothetically Speaking'. Here's chapter 2, and it's only taken me, what? Nine months? Wow. I literally could have had a bloody baby in the time it's taken me to update this story. That's embarrassing, quite frankly! Rest assured, chapter three will come out a lot quicker, as I actually have a direction in mind for this story now. Anywho, this chapter is pretty angsty. I've tried to lighten it up with a bit of humour and some cheesy romantic nonsense, but... yeah, it's pretty much a total downer. It's necessary though, I swear. Enjoy!
Hypothetically Speaking – Chapter 2
Will sat at his desk, staring at the laptop screen despondently. For what felt like the millionth time, he clicked open his Facebook messages and scrolled through the correspondence he'd had with Simon over the past few days. He saw exactly the same thing he'd found every other time he'd looked at it; five carefully worded lengthy messages, all of which had been sent by him. According to the conversation log, Simon hadn't so much as looked at them yet. Will glanced over to the chat display: Simon would always log onto Facebook to chat on Sunday evenings, without fail. But the green dot next to his name hadn't appeared even once over the entire weekend. Clicking onto Jay's profile page, Will searched through the banquet of inane rubbish his friend had recently posted or shared to see if Simon had liked or commented on any of it. Not a thing. The same went for Neil's profile, and even Carli's. If Simon had been online at all over the weekend, he'd been very careful to be discrete about it.
In desperation, Will reached for his phone. He'd already tried both calling and texting, five and eight times respectively, but was yet to receive an answer. He'd even tried Simon's house phone once. He was told by Mrs Cooper that Simon was too busy to talk right now; that he'd call back later. Unsurprisingly, later never came. Will hesitated before hitting the call button one more time, deciding there was no harm in making it an even six. What was that quote from Einstein? The one about how repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting different results was the definition of insanity? Perhaps this situation was driving Will a bit crazy. But to be fair, he wasn't exactly expecting a different result by now. Just hoping for one.
Once again, the call rang through to voicemail. Will had already left two messages by this medium. Leaving a third wasn't likely to make much difference at this point. He ended the call, tossing his mobile back onto the desk. Without bothering to check Facebook again, he minimised his web browser. The Word document containing his unfinished Sociology essay filled the screen. He stared at the scant paragraph he'd typed out so far, none of it making any sense to him anymore. The words slowly became blurred as his eyes frosted over with tears. The last time he'd spent the best part of a weekend crying was when his father had walked out on him and his mother. His head was as much of a mixed bag of negative emotions now as it had been back then. He was deeply frustrated by Simon's lack of communication, and angry at himself for losing control of the situation on Friday. But more than anything, he was sad, because he now felt pretty certain that he'd lost his best friend and didn't know if there was anything he could do about it.
He removed his glasses, dropping his face into his hands. What the fuck had gotten into him on Friday? Why had he allowed things to go so far? Why did he have to bring up that stupid pointless game? Playing it had seemed to trigger everything else; the first domino to fall in the resulting cascade of further pointless stupidity. In between his many weeping sessions, he'd thought of nothing but how he could possibly remedy this horrible state of affairs, but it was proving impossible without Simon's feedback. All Will wanted was a chance to talk things over. But perhaps he was asking for too much too soon. Simon was an emotional lad who always took his time to silently mull over difficult situations. If he had been feeling even half as lousy as Will had felt all weekend, it was likely that he wasn't in any mood to talk. Perhaps it would have been better if Will had taken the same detached attitude, instead of so hastily acting to seek a resolution as he always did. Maybe pushing to discuss the matter was only making things worse, and that Simon's idea of a resolution was to simply ignore what had happened and carry on as normal. But if that was the case, why was he avoiding all contact with his best friend? That certainly wasn't normal; the antithesis, in fact.
Fed up of his fruitless attempts to focus on schoolwork, Will got up from his desk and lay on his bed. He gazed up at the ceiling, fighting his lethargy. His head was aching. He hadn't been sleeping well. He couldn't. Every time he closed his eyes, images of Friday evening would flood his mind. As much as he'd tried, he couldn't deny that what had happened with Simon had felt wonderful. But it shouldn't have. As far as he knew, Simon was straight and obsessed with Carli. This was the painful reality that Will had long since forced himself to accept. In truth, he'd always found Simon very attractive, albeit a little odd. To say he'd fancied the other boy in their early days of knowing each other would be a fair statement. But when it had appeared that their friendship was actually starting to progress, Will had done everything in his power to force aside any complicated feelings he might have been developing for Simon. He seemed to get away with it too, save for when Jay would make the occasional crass observation that he was clearly 'bent for Si'.
And perhaps Will was still a little 'bent' for him. He certainly cared for him deeply, and it was a fairly common occurrence for Simon to sneak into his thoughts late at night while he was pleasuring himself. But Will had never had a best friend before, and was rather proud to call Simon his. He never would have dreamed of doing anything to jeopardise the bond they'd come to share. Friday evening had ruined all of that though. Perhaps more accurately, Will had ruined it. He could have easily pulled away when Simon tried to deepen the kiss, laughed it off and continued on as if nothing had happened. If he had done, the situation might not look as bleak as it did now. How could he have let his guard down so spectacularly?
However, despite his persistent wallowing in self-loathing, a multitude of questions still burned at the back of Will's mind. Primarily, why should have the decision to bring their clinch to an end been solely his responsibility? Why hadn't Simon made a move to stop it? He'd actually seemed really into it, perhaps even more so than Will had been. Why? The fact that Simon had continued their kissing once the deed had been done was also a point of interest. In Will's experience, the achievement of climax usually brought a swift conclusion to the contact between himself and his allegedly straight male partner. Had Simon wanted to take things even further? Had he wanted Will to stay? Is that why he was ignoring Will's correspondence now? Because he felt rejected? And in the event that Will had chosen to stay, would things now be better between them than they currently were, or would they just be in an even bigger mess? Or would it not have made a difference either way? What had been going through Simon's head on Friday? More importantly, what was going through his head right now? Why wouldn't he just answer his messages or pick up his fucking phone? All Will wanted was the opportunity to straighten things out between them. What was Simon so afraid of? They were best fucking friends, for goodness sake!
Will sighed angrily at his foolish thoughts. He could easily lie here until he was old and grey, wasting even more time than he already had done speculating over Simon's feelings, conjuring up questions that he wasn't likely to ever receive satisfactory answers to. When it came down to it, it was probably quite obvious why Simon had continued to kiss him. It was exactly as Mr Cooper had inferred; teenage boys are driven by their cocks. Any sexual contact with a warm consenting body is better than none at all. Simon's libido had taken over him, the same as Will's had, and he'd just wanted to make the most of the moment while they were caught up in it. And now, in the aftermath, he was embarrassed and so filled with regret that he was unable to bring himself to so much as send his best friend a text message. It was as simple as that, most likely. But the fact that the most probable explanation was so basic just made the situation all the more painful for Will to handle. It all seemed so senseless, so avoidable...
His tired head starting to spin, Will stood on unsteady legs, practically stumbling back over to his desk. He took one last futile glance at Facebook before closing his laptop down and getting into bed. He'd really hoped to have at least had some level of communication with Simon before seeing him face-to-face tomorrow at school, but that clearly wasn't going to happen. Gritting his teeth, he returned his watery eyes to the ceiling, preparing himself for yet another sleepless night.
/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\
The next morning, Will waited by the school gates. His bleary eyes scanned the flow of grumpy Monday morning faces moving by him, seeking out only one person in particular. He was starting to feel a bit like a stalker, but didn't really care. He needed to catch Simon before registration. He wasn't sure how much they would accomplish in way of productive conversation in such limited time, but any was certainly preferable to none. Even if it was just a hasty apology followed by a vague promise to discuss and, with any luck, overcome their predicament sometime in the near future, it would be a start. Something he could cling to in hope that everything was going to be alright after all.
Will glanced at his watch. It was just after quarter to nine. On any other day, Simon would have arrived by now. The wait would soon be over. Unless Simon had decided not to come into school today, of course. That was a possibility, especially if he was still dead-set on his avoidance tactics. If that turned out to be the case, perhaps Will could pay a visit to Simon's house during his free period, or over lunch. Or would that be a little too imposing? He certainly didn't want to risk making Simon any more upset than he clearly already was. He could always send yet another text, alerting Simon of his intentions to drop by. That way, technically, he wouldn't be arriving unannounced, and it might at very least force the other boy into replying if he had any objections. Or it might just give him a heads-up to not answer the door, or to leave the house before his visitor arrived. Will felt a migraine brewing beneath his skull. All of this constant procrastination was very stressful...
"Alright, Briefcase?"
Will snapped out of his inner plotting as two grinning faces approached him. He forced a smile in return.
"What ya doin' out 'ere?" Neil asked.
"Yeah, I thought this was your mum's patch. She not mind you poaching her business?"
Will didn't react to Jay's lewd joke, barely even heard it. "I just needed some fresh air. Have either of you heard from Simon this morning?"
Neil shook his head. "Ain't 'eard nothin' since he dropped me 'ome Friday."
"Yeah, same." Jay added. "Text him yesterday though."
"And he didn't reply?"
If Jay had noticed how desperate Will's question sounded, he didn't show it. "Not yet, the rude twat."
Will wasn't sure if the fact that Simon was apparently also ignoring other people made him feel better or not. As he followed Neil through the school gates, Jay glanced back over his shoulder.
"Oi! You comin'? Or are ya just gonna stand there staring like a nonce outside a nursery?"
With a defeated sigh, Will picked up his briefcase and traipsed after his two friends. It did seem rather senseless, to continue to wait around like a lost puppy for someone who most likely wasn't going to make an appearance. The trio shuffled into the main school building with Jay leading the conversation, rambling on at length about having spent the weekend shagging his grandmother's Michelle Keegan lookalike care-worker in the back of his grandfather's Bentley. For once, Will couldn't be bothered to contradict him. As they rounded the corner into the common room, Jay halted his tirade of bullshit mid-sentence.
"Look! There he is, the wanker!"
Sure enough, Simon was already at the seated area the boys habitually convened at of a morning. He was slumped forward in his chair staring downwards, chin resting on clasped hands, almost as if he was praying. When Simon looked up on hearing his friends approach, Will could see that he didn't look particularly well, his face pale and his eyes distant and weary. Keeping his focus fixed squarely on Jay, Simon smiled awkwardly.
"Alright?"
His voice was strained and hoarse, a perfect match for his exhausted appearance. Jay and Neil flopped down beside him on adjacent seats, not seeming to notice how drained their friend looked. Will cautiously sat down opposite Simon, hoping to at least catch his eye at some point that way.
"Didn't see your car outside, Si," Neil said.
"Yeah. I woke up like, ridiculously early, so I just walked. Been in since about eight, actually."
Jay smirked. "Wanking off the caretaker again?"
Neil was the only one who laughed.
"No, catching up on coursework," Simon murmured.
"What, first thing Monday morning? Fucking hell, mate! I don't think even Briefcase is that tragic!"
Jay gestured towards their bookish friend, causing Simon's eyes to briefly flicker in Will's direction. Despite his uneasiness, Will managed to muster a friendly smile, but if Simon had caught it, he certainly didn't respond to it. Still oblivious to the tense atmosphere and apparently bored by Simon's lack of banter, Jay turned his attention to Neil.
"How'd your thing with that slag from work go then?"
Neil shrugged, cracking open the energy drink he'd fished out of his bag. "Was alright. She's nice. Bit boring, but nice."
"Did you get any?"
"Not really. Didn't 'ave time. We were ages at Nando's 'cause she wouldn't stop talkin'. Then afterwards, all she wanted to do was talk more."
"Urgh, wind-up! What is it with girls and fucking talking?"
"Yeah, talkin'!" Neil paused to take a swig from his can. "Wasn't sure if I liked 'er or not at first. But I give 'er a goodnight snog. S'ppose I must like 'er a bit if I bothered snoggin' 'er."
"Nah, a snog's just one of those things, innit? If it didn't go beyond that, you may as well have just shook hands."
Throughout this exchange, Will had been continuously watching Simon's troubled face out of the corner of his eye. He'd remained motionless for the most part, staring vacantly at the floor, but raised his head sharply as soon as the topic of kissing came up. As blue eyes reluctantly met his, Will offered up yet another gentle smile. Simon flinched in response, tearing his gaze away from Will and readjusting his sitting position to turn his body towards his other friends. Will barely resisted the urge to tut at such ridiculousness. Simon's almost fearful reaction made it seem as though Will had savagely beaten him the other night, not simply beaten him off! Just as he made the decision to cut to the chase and ask Simon if they could go somewhere to talk, he was thwarted by Neil continuing with his story.
"Would have been fingers too, but she's on the blob."
Jay frowned. "So what? Nothin' wrong with dippin' into the jam jar, mate. A lot of birds love it."
"Really?"
"Course they fucking do! Makes 'em feel all womanly an' that. You seein' her again?"
"Yeah, maybes. She let me squeeze her tit. That's somethin', innit?"
"Hmm, depends. Skin-on-skin?"
"Skin-on-bra."
"Doesn't count then, mate. Sorry."
Neil made a disappointed face before taking another long draught of his drink. Jay looked around, noticing for the first time how silent the other two were. Simon was staring off into space, while Will appeared to be staring at Simon. This was a fairly common scenario, as far as Jay was concerned; Simon had always been a dozy daydreamy prick, and Will was clearly fucking queer for dozy daydreamy pricks. But the silence was starting to irk him.
"Has someone died or what? Why's everyone so quiet?"
When Simon made no move to respond, Will cleared his throat.
"I, err... I'm just rather tired, that's all. I've had a lot on my mind this weekend and haven't been sleeping particularly-"
Jay held up a silencing hand. "Yeah, alright. Didn't ask for your fucking life-story, mate." Rolling his eyes, he turned to his other interrogation subject. "What's your excuse then, misery?"
Simon finally looked at his friend and shrugged. "Just thinking, that's all."
"Stick to what you're good at, Si."
"Yeah, funny. I'm actually trying to come up with an action plan..." He took one more cursory glance at the bespectacled boy sat opposite him before continuing. "I'm asking Carli out today."
This sudden declaration raised an eyebrow from Will, whereas Jay simply laughed.
"Course you are, mate! Just like every other day since you met her in primary, yeah?"
"Well, I'm serious this time. The second she walks through that door this morning, I'm asking. Fuck it. What have I got to lose?"
Will narrowed his eyes dubiously at the determined look on Simon's face, not really sure what to make of what he was seeing or hearing. For his part, Jay looked surprised but not overly impressed.
"Fair enough. What's brought this on all of a sudden then?" he asked.
"Something just... came to me over the weekend. I've thought about it a lot and it sort of made me realise some stuff."
Intrigued by Simon's resolve, Neil set his drink can aside and leaned forward curiously. "Stuff like what?"
"Like if anything's ever going to happen with me and her, it needs to happen now. Today."
"Why?"
"It just does, alright?" Simon replied tetchily. "I'm sick of wandering through life blindly, not knowing what the fuck I'm doing. I need to sort myself out. Take control of my destiny before it's too late."
After spending a few seconds looking at Simon like he'd just been beamed down from space, Jay turned to glare at Will.
"What the fuck have you done to him this time? I swear, whenever he spends time alone with you, he has these meltdowns and starts talking like he's some all-knowing mastermind of the fucking universe or something!"
Enlightenment via handjob, eh? That's a new one on me... Will bit down on his bottom lip in an effort to prevent his inappropriate cynicism from making him blush. He looked over at Simon for help, but his 'best friend' was once again busying himself with gazing at the floor. Donning his best poker face, Will coolly met Jay's accusatory stare.
"I assure you, this has nothing to do with me. Simon is perfectly capable of thinking for himself."
"Oh yeah, right!" Jay scoffed. "'Wandering through life blindly'? 'Taking control of my destiny'? Like that doesn't have your joyless influence tattooed all over it!" He glanced back at Simon. "Have you seriously been taking advice about birds from someone who sees even less action than you do?"
"No, he hasn't," Will said firmly. "Because I haven't been giving him any advice to take."
"Yeah, you have been! I can tell, 'cause the more he listens to you, the fruitier he sounds! You probably wanna steer him away from clunge completely! You're not gonna be happy 'til you've got him on his knees, begging to suck you off, will ya?"
No amount of lip-chewing could have halted the rouge tint that flooded Will's cheeks upon hearing that. Any other day, he would have easily shrugged off such a vile insinuation, but the remark was just a bit too close to home right now for his liking. Before Will could open his mouth to defend himself, Simon's head snapped back up.
"Would it kill you to keep your fucking mouth shut for once, Jay? This is something I've decided needs to be done, and it has fuck all to do with him, okay?"
To say that Will felt offended by being referred to in such a disdainful manner would have been an understatement. 'Him'? So Simon had been left so unbelievably traumatised by what had happened that he couldn't even bring himself to say his best friend's actual name now, and could only sneeringly spit out a pronoun instead? Jay also looked noticeably affronted, though obviously not for the same reason.
"Alright, you grumpy twat!" he said, glaring back at his riled friend. "No need to jump down my fucking throat, is there?"
Any further argument was cut short as Simon caught sight of something behind Jay. Carli had entered the common room, chatting with two of her friends as they wandered over to the vending machines. Will could have sworn that Simon glared pointedly at him before jumping up and practically bounding across the room. In his haste, he almost ran straight into his unsuspecting target.
"Carli?"
"Oh!" Her powder blue eyes batted wildly, his abrupt approach startling her. "Hi, Simon. How was your weekend?"
"Yeah, great. Just great... Listen, do you fancy going for a drink sometime?"
Her hand froze in midair as she went to sweep a stray blonde lock out of her face. She looked at him blankly.
"Sorry?"
"I'm asking you out. On a date," he clarified, a small smile contorting his lips. "Should have done it ages ago, really. But I'm here now, asking. So, Carli D'Amato, the most beautiful girl in the world... would you go for a drink with me sometime?"
She continued to eye him expressionlessly for a moment, mouth slightly agape. She glanced over at his friends, watching on the edges of their seats from the other side of the room, then back to her own friends who were whispering and giggling behind their hands at what they were witnessing. Her gaze then arrived back to Simon, his expression solemn yet hopeful at the same time. She broke into a playful smile.
"Alright then, Simon Cooper."
Eyes wide in surprise, he shook his head as if someone had just woken him with a bucket of cold water. "Really?!"
"Yeah, why not?" she said, a slight giggle in her voice. "I'm actually free tonight, if that's good for you?"
He hesitated, swallowing thickly. He looked back over at his friends; one of them in particular. Was this really happening? This was what he wanted, right? What he'd always wanted... The bell for registration rang suddenly, snapping his attention back to Carli.
"Okay, great! Tonight it is!" he blurted out hastily. "Umm...talk to you later to work out the details?"
"Sounds good. Speak soon then."
Smiling beautifully, she leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his cheek before heading off with her friends. He heard one of them make a comment about 'finally growing a pair', followed by more giggling, but didn't think too much of it. He slowly returned to the seated area, observing the astounded faces of his friends. Jay and Neil looked astounded, anyway. Will's expression was unreadable. Or perhaps it was, and Simon just didn't want to read it. After a moment of stunned silence, Jay and Neil rose to their feet to give their friend an embarrassingly raucous round of applause.
"Fucking hell!" Neil laughed. "Congrats!"
"Yeah, nice one!" Jay added. "Thought you'd lost her for a minute there with that 'most beautiful girl' malarkey, but you actually fucking did it!"
Simon shrugged, suddenly feeling rather drained again. "Had to be done, once and for all."
"Proud of ya, mate!" Jay said, clapping him on the back. "Now just try not to fuck it up, and sling one up 'er on my behalf, yeah?"
The three boys exchanged high fives before Jay and Neil collected their things and noisily headed off to their respective form rooms. As Will picked up his briefcase and moved away from the seating area, he considered offering his congratulations also, but simply didn't feel it to be appropriate. To be honest, the whole display had left him feeling a touch queasy, though he couldn't quite pinpoint why. He'd never been bothered by seeing Simon chase Carli in the past, regardless of how intense his now subdued crush on his best friend had been. Perhaps he just felt the whole thing had been in rather poor taste. Personally, he would never approach someone he liked so brashly, so publically. Such moves were much better off being made in private, when the moment called for it. During a quiet Friday night in on the sofa, for example...
Shaking that absurd thought from his head, Will stopped by the common room door and looked back at Simon. He was still stood in the centre of the seating area like a solitary zombie, staring ahead at nothing. For someone who had just secured a date with the girl of his dreams, he didn't look particularly happy. He eventually made a move, stooping to collect his backpack from the floor. As he turned towards the door, he noticed who was waiting for him and froze. After a moment's hesitation, he turned his back again and sat down, pretending to rifle through his bag for something. Watching his friend warily, Will took a few steps back into the room.
"Aren't you coming to registration?"
Predictably, Simon didn't look up. "When I'm ready."
He sounded so detached and robotic, like a serial killer. It made the hairs on the back of Will's neck stand on end. Despite how nervy he felt at the prospect of annoying Simon any further, Will took a breath and tried again.
"Okay. Do you want me to wait for you or...?"
He trailed off, cringing. What an agonizingly stupid thing to ask in the circumstances! Simon clearly thought so too, as he let out a short disparaging laugh.
"What the fuck do you think?"
Will tried to reply, but a growing tightness in his throat prevented him from doing so. He cast one final sorrowful look at the back of Simon's head before turning to leave. He walked a little way down the corridor, turning into the boys' toilets and shutting himself inside a cubicle. He sat down on the lidded seat, trying to compose himself as his head started to swim. He could feel his heart beating heavily in his chest and for a moment had serious fears that he was on the brink of some sort of panic attack. He closed his eyes, barely noticing as tears spilled down his face. It wasn't long before a second bell rang. He'd officially missed registration, and he didn't give a shit. If his stupid form tutor had a problem with it, she could just fuck off, and so could his worthless first period Sociology class. He didn't feel he could cope with anything that involved being near other people right now.
As Simon's harsh behaviour towards him replayed in his mind, Will kicked out at his briefcase in frustration. The huge thud it made as it impacted against the cubicle door made him feel slightly better, but not much. He had fully expected Simon to seem uncomfortable or awkward, even resentful. But from the contemptuous looks to the way he'd referred to the other boy as if he was nothing, Simon's action just reminded Will of the way everybody else treated him. It was exactly how the various people who bullied or claimed to hate him would act; scornful, dismissive and apathetic to his very existence. And the more he thought about it, it was clearly no coincidence that Simon's burst of confidence with Carli had come about today of all days. It was almost as if Simon was sending Will a clear-cut message; that what had happened between them had meant absolutely nothing, that it had merely served as verification of his heterosexuality and therefore, the very heterosexual feelings he harboured for his childhood sweetheart. That was fine. His fantasies aside, Will had never truly believed for one second that Simon would ever desire him romantically. That had never been what Will had hoped or intended to transpire from their encounter on Friday. All he'd wanted was for the closest friendship he'd ever known to survive, to not be so needlessly extinguished. Apparently, that had been too much to ask.
/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\
What should have been just another normal school day ended up being the longest of Will's life. Missing his Sociology class in order to compose himself had apparently been a waste of time, since his ever-distracted mind had rendered his Politics class a meaningless blur. His free periods had been spent in an equally productive manner - alone in the library, staring vacantly at books without absorbing a single word. He couldn't bring himself to eat at lunchtime, especially when Simon no-showed, telling Jay in a text that he had 'private stuff to do' in preparation for his date with Carli instead. Jay and Neil both agreed that meant he'd probably 'sloped off somewhere to wank himself senseless'. The conclusion Will arrived to was a less cheerful but decidedly more realistic one; that Simon just didn't want to be around 'him' if he could avoid it. With every hour that ticked by, Will found himself becoming more unsettled. Thankfully, his other two friends both didn't seem to realise or care, and so never questioned his increasingly obvious anxiety.
The day finally drew to a close with English Literature, a class that Will and Simon had together. When Will arrived to the classroom, Simon was already there. He was seated towards the back of the room beside Big John, who was usually left to sit alone. Even though it was blatantly obvious that he had, Simon pretended not to notice that Will had entered the room, quickly dropping his eyes to the book they were currently studying. Will found himself unsurprised by this latest turn of events, but his lack of astonishment didn't make it any less hurtful. Sighing, he took his seat at the front where he and his apparently former best friend would usually sit together. He heard one of Donovan's lackeys behind him make some remark about a 'lover's quarrel', and barely resisted the urge to tell his classmate to go get fucked. As rude and unnecessary as it was, the Neanderthal had made a valid point – did Simon really need to have made it so obvious? Could he not have just sat where he normally did and ignored Will's attempts to talk to him, instead of running away and hiding at the back of the room like a coward?
Once again, Will felt himself torn between anger and sadness, and spent yet another class totally unable to concentrate on anything other than keeping his composure. There were numerous times when he was sure he felt eyes on his back, but he couldn't face turning around. If he happened to meet Simon's eyes again, he definitely would break down. Was this really it for their friendship? Was it really over, just like that? Will didn't want to believe that it could be true. He'd always had faith that his friendship with Simon was special enough to have lasted a lifetime. They might not have had everything in the world in common, but that had never seemed to alter the fact that they'd just sort of clicked, just like Simon had said himself. They were so comfortable with each other, trusted and understood each other so well. Surely, a friendship like that was worth fighting for? Moreover, losing Simon would also mean that Will was very likely to lose Jay and Neil by default. They'd never chosen to be Will's friends on their own steam, and would probably have no desire to remain as such if Simon no longer forced them to be. And Will would be left right back where he always seemed to end up; lonely and miserable. It couldn't end like this. There had to be something he could do.
After what seemed like an eternity, the end of day bell rang. Before the echo of its jarring sound had even faded, Simon had already bolted from the classroom. Flinging his notes into his briefcase, Will rushed after him, knowing he was on his way to meet the others so they could walk home together. Battling through the bustling sea of students, he took the quickest route possible out of the building and spotted Simon striding across the courtyard towards the gates.
"Simon? Simon, wait!"
When his calls were ignored, Will dashed over and grasped at Simon's sleeve to stop him. Simon turned and yanked his arm away aggressively, shooting Will an almost disgusted look. Regardless, Will was determined not to be discouraged.
"Look, please just give me a moment so we can talk-"
"Not now."
With that offhand response, Simon put his head down and started walking again. Will hastily followed.
"Simon, this is silly. It doesn't need to be like this. If you'd just let me apolo-"
"I can't do this right now, Will. I've finally got my chance with Carli, and I need all my focus on not making a total fucking balls-up of it as usual. So just back off, yeah?"
Stopping when he reached the gates, Simon deliberately turned his back to Will as he looked around for the others. Certainly in no mood to 'back off' now they finally had a chance to clear the air, Will set his briefcase down and stood in front of Simon, folding his arms defiantly. When Simon refused to even make eye contact, Will sighed.
"At least answer me one question," he said, fighting to keep the sadness out of his voice. "Why are you so angry with me?"
A long pause followed as Simon continued to stare off into the distance. Just when Will thought his question had been ignored, he finally received an answer.
"I'm not."
"That's not what it seems like, Si. You've ignored me all day, gone out of your way to avoid me in lessons. You can't even look at me as we're talking right now."
Simon started to look irritated. "Well, excuse me if I feel just a bit fucking weird about... you know?"
"Yes, obviously I do!" Will rolled his eyes. "And I knew fine well you'd end up feeling weird about it. Thus the reason I quite categorically told you that I didn't want to do it in the first place. Did I or did I not say that?"
"Well, if that's how you felt, then you shouldn't have kept going on about it."
Will frowned. "I'm sorry?"
"You were the one who created a weird atmosphere, telling me about all that stuff you'd done. It never would have happened if you hadn't have-"
"Hang on just a second!" Will snapped, his emotional state finally starting to get the better of him. "I think perhaps we're remembering things a little differently here because I certainly didn't volunteer that information, Simon! You were the one who started asking questions, same way you were the one who introduced the same-sex twist to that idiotic game we played! Furthermore, you were the one who went on to practically guilt-trip me into letting you kiss me-"
Simon cringed, looking around nervously. "Keep your fucking voice down!"
Though still seething, Will obligingly hushed his tone. "-just because you felt like you had something to prove from doing it, goodness knows what! And now you have the nerve to act like it's entirely my fault things went the way they did?"
"Well, I didn't see you doing anything to stop it."
"Neither did you! In fact, as I remember it, you were the one who kept pushing the envelope further!"
Simon opened his mouth to respond, but simply sighed and shook his head.
"And you can shake your head all you fucking want, mate," Will hissed. "But that's exactly what happened and don't you dare deny it! I don't remember being the one pinning you on your back, or making a play for your cock first!"
Face now aflame, Simon frantically looked back towards the school building. The crowds had dispersed and only a few stragglers now hung about in the courtyard, but Jay and Neil were still nowhere to be seen. He hesitantly turned back to Will, still not looking him in the face.
"I already told you, I don't wanna do this today."
"Well, tough, because this involves both of us! It isn't just about what you want! Do you honestly think you're the only one who's had a hard time dealing with what happened? I've spent the entire weekend distraught, terrified that I'd lost you forever over one stupid mistake. Yet clearly, our friendship means so little to you that you can't even garner the decency to speak to me about it! We both fucked up on Friday, Simon. And yes, I'm embarrassed by what happened too. But at least I still have the guts to look you in the eye while I'm talking to you!"
He couldn't decide whether Will's tirade sounded more upset or angry, but what Simon had decided was that he'd heard enough of it. As he hastily turned to head back towards the school in search of his other friends, Simon's foot caught on Will's briefcase. He tripped forward, stumbling into the smaller boy, who instinctively put his hands out to prevent his friend from falling any further. His fingers clutching sleek blazer material as he regained his footing, Simon found there was no longer any escape from looking directly into the soft dark eyes he worked so hard to avoid. For the first time that day, Simon was given a long hard glimpse at the sheer exhaustion and sadness in his best friend's face. And now that they were up so close, Simon's eyes finally revealed to Will that he wasn't the only one who was frustrated and in pain.
Without really meaning to, Will gave the tense shoulders his hands had captured a comforting squeeze. Simon shuddered, rapidly becoming aware of how ridiculously contented he felt in the other boy's arms. As they steadily relaxed in the comfort of each other's body heat, something started to wash over them. Something that made them both feel strangely better about everything all of a sudden. It was that feeling from Friday again; that unusual warm static sensation they'd experienced when they'd randomly locked eyes with each other from across the couch. Will pursed his lips nervously, unintentionally catching Simon's attention. He gazed at Will's mouth with narrowed eyes and gritted teeth, as if the mere sight of it was tormenting him somehow. Will tried to say something, but couldn't bring himself to. He didn't want to risk ruining this like he'd ruined everything else. Right or wrong, this moment was perfect, and he didn't want it to stop...
Familiar voices in the distance snapped Simon out of his daze, and he saw that the others were finally on their way over. As if he'd only just realised the compromising position they were in, Simon shoved Will away from him. Not expecting this, Will lost his balance and fell to the ground. Although he fell hard, he wasn't hurt. Not physically, anyway. Simon glared down at him as fiercely as possibly, ignoring the wounded expression on the other boy's face.
"I'm warning you, Will. This is the last time I'm saying it. If you don't back off right now, I'm telling Jay and Neil that you kissed me."
He nodded towards the approaching pair pointedly. Will stared up at Simon in disbelief, a cynical smile tweaking his lips.
"While conveniently neglecting to mention the part where you instigated it, you mean?"
"I can say whatever I want to them, can't I? Do you honestly think they'll believe you over me?"
The vindictive smirk on Simon's face shook Will to his core. It was as if this boy standing in front of him was a complete stranger. Had what taken place between them really affected his best friend so profoundly? As if to answer his question, Simon stooped down so there would be no mistaking his sincerity, his voice low and dripping with hostility.
"I'm serious. I can't deal with this right now. I can't deal with you right now, so just stay the fuck away from me."
The callously spoken words along with the aforementioned threat of betrayal had given Will a violent nudge back towards his breaking point. His chest ached like something was trying to tear him open from the inside. The second he felt his eyes prickling with oncoming tears, he shakily scrambled to his feet and bolted, not daring to look back. As he watched his distressed friend dash away, the maliciousness melted from Simon's expression. His stomach lurched, as if his heart had dropped down into it. He hated himself for making Will look like that, but it was for the best. Wasn't it? Or was it? He rubbed his temples, his mind whirring as the same frustration he'd been battling with all weekend started rising inside of him again. For fuck's sake! Just when he thought he'd finally got the situation under control, Will had to go and ruin it by forcing them to talk! He'd said he wasn't ready yet! Why did Will always have to be so pushy about everything? If he'd just waited one more fucking day...
"What was that all about?" Jay asked as he appeared at Simon's side.
"Where the fuck have you two been?!"
The other boys looked at each other, bewildered at how irate their friend both looked and sounded. Neil smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, mate. Donovan took my PE kit in the loos and flushed it. Got 'eld up rescuin' my shorts from the u-bend."
As if to prove his story, he held his carrier bag of soggy clothing aloft for all to see. Simon rolled his eyes.
"Honestly, the first fucking day in school history that you two fuckers are the last ones out and it had to be today! Of all fucking days!"
"I said I was sorry," Neil said, looking quite hurt.
"Yeah, chill your bollocks, Romeo," Jay cut in. "You'll still get home in time to tart yourself up for your big date, don't worry!"
Simon could only sigh tiredly in response to that, turning to gaze off in the direction that Will had gone. The other boy had totally vanished from sight now, and even though that was exactly what he'd needed to happen, Simon couldn't quell the feelings of guilt and regret percolating in his gut.
"What happened with Briefcase?" Jay asked again.
"Nothing. Just him being a dick, as usual."
Inside, he cringed at his friends' sympathetic nods. Just saying those words made him feel even more terrible. Will wasn't a dick. Far from it, in fact. That was the problem though... Smiling as brightly as he could muster in the circumstances, Simon gestured towards the pavement.
"Shall we go then?"
/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\
AN: Thank you for reading! The section in the common room was such a bitch to write. I don't do well when there are more than two characters on the go for some reason, so if it reads like a total bag of shite, that's why. My apologies that Simon was such an absolute fuckhead in this chapter too. Hopefully, he'll redeem himself in chapter three... which I swear won't take nine months to produce! Since seeing Inbetweeners 2, my love for Will/Simon has been totally rejuvenated (Interlocked fingers...that's all I can say without spoiling anything!) so I am keen as fuck to write this thing! Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you think!