Title: How I Feel
Entry: Chapter One
Author: Moon Girl Lex
Rating: PG
Genre: romance/drama
Notes: Italics means that its part of a poem/song (which I made up! So no one sue me for copyright infringements). Bold means Usagi's thoughts. Bold Italics means someone is talking to her that is not physically there.
Disclaimers: Sailor Moon= not mine. Poem/Song= mine. Simple legistics folks. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, Bandai, DiC and whoever else I forgot (Tokyo-Pop?) Poem/Song (to be named eventually after I get the actual music notes down for it to BE a song…) belongs to me, Moon Girl Lex only. Should I sell it, you all will be the third or fourth to know.
+++++
IDo you see me in the mists of time? Calling out to you. To you…my beloved lost so long ago…/I
BI sometimes see his face…in my dreams I mean. His beautiful face of sorrow and sadness. He calls to me, sometimes. Not so often, more often I call to him, by his special name that only I know. Endymion./B
"U-SAGI! WAKEY UP! TIME FOR SCHOOL DEAR!" my mother called up, early one Monday morning.
I have grown up on that call, every morning five times a week. I can't wait until my own kids are old enough to appreciate the fact I do NOT use that wake up call. I sighed, throwing back my covers and stretched. I hate mornings. I hate most of the day that isn't occupied with eating, gaming or hanging out. And sleeping, sleeping is very important to me.
By the time I get my long blond hair into its customary buns (easier then it looks really) I have enough time for one piece of toast…before I am late for school by only ten minutes. I had screeched like a banshee and ran out of the house so fast I was a blur.
I run kind of funny, but it gets me where I need to go in a hurry. Huffing and puffing I made it inside the building, red in the face and sweaty. Miss Haruna didn't even have to tell me, I had another detention. Sometimes it's depressing how many I manage to get in one week.
The rest of the day goes by per normal, hanging with Naru and Umino at lunch, talking to Ami and Makoto during class, avoiding the teacher's glare when I fall asleep in class. Nothing new.
After school, since my detention was for tomorrow, I head over to Rei's temple with Ami and Makoto. We mostly hang out there, at the Temple or Crown Center, where Motoki works. For the longest time I had a crush on Motoki, even fancied myself in love with him. Now though, with these dreams…
1 I I call to you, do you hear? Calling your name, the name you told to me so long ago…the name that stands for my love…/I
"Usagi, wake up! Stop day-dreaming!" Rei yelled at me, whapping me on the head with her broom. That broom hurts a lot. Its all bristly and sharp; it hits you on the head like a ton of thorny bricks.
"REI!" I wail, covering my head as I feel tears well up. I'm very sensitive.
"Look what you did now Rei…" Makoto gently admonished, patting my back soothingly. Makoto comes to my rescue a lot.
I sit up and smile at her, wiping the tears away. Makoto could always make me feel better. "So Rei, why did you call us here?" Minako asked. She's ultra-cool, like a model really. Some say we look very similar, but I disagree, she has grace and balance. A perfect leader figure.
"I called you all here because I think its time." She said simply, watching each of our faces closely.
"Time for what?" I asked, confused.
The other four looked at each in concern. Standing as one, they formed a circle around me. "Our Queen, our sovereign, the time is now." Rei said, her hands up, joining with the others.
"We have tried our best, your daughter is happy. At least we believe so." Ami followed after.
"Its time, the time we feared and prayed would never come again." Makoto said, I looked around at them all. Eyes closed, hands raised above their heads. They looked like they were in a trance.
"Release the power to her, to the Queen that will be, the Princess she has always been and the daughter you once knew, so that she may protect us in the coming battle!" Minako finished, the last word resounding around.
I could feel the power, I mean literally, surging around me. All at once I was lifted into the air. "GU-UYS!" I screamed, scrambling to get back down. They stared at me unseeingly. I thought I saw Rei's lips quirk though.
I wanted to scream more, but I was feeling a bit faint and the world was dimming a bit. I clutched my head as images invaded me, clamouring with my memories for room in my head. A lovely young lady in a silk white dress…same young lady dancing with a masked man…laughing with a small black cat…crying as she plunges a sword through her chest amidst a battle…
BI You are my daughter…the true heir…these are memories of what was… /I/B I knew that voice, such a soft soothing voice.
Slowly the world came back and I realized I was lying in Makoto's arms. She--they all--looked worried. B Who am I? Usagi…no…Princess Serenity? Yes! I am Princess Serenity…but I am also Usagi… /B I couldn't stop the thoughts, I couldn't help but wonder who I was.
"Princess…are you with us now?" Ami asked, I never noticed how formal her voice sounded when she talked to me before.
"Mercury…" I said faintly, fondly. I look at each girl in turn. "Mars, Jupiter…Venus, how hard has it been dear cousin? For all of you…hiding who you truly are, what I truly am." I sounded so grown-up then.
"We pledged our lives to you Serenity, it was the least we can offer," Minako told me, holding my hand to her cheek as she cried.
I struggled to sit up, so Makoto helps me. I smile at her fondly before standing. I look around, disoriented. I knew I was on Earth, in Japan…but still I was confused. "Where is Luna? Artemis? Where is my guard?" I asked. "I do not have a guard." I answer flatly.
They shift uncomfortably until Rei finally speaks up. "Princess…Luna and Artemis have not been found yet. We have tried, since our memories emerged some six years ago, but to no avail."
"My meetings with each of you was engineered then? Nothing was left to chance was it?" I asked, amused. I chuckle softly. "Mother was always a far-thinker."
The others didn't find it so funny. "We must get you to your home, Princess. Your mother will be worried." Ami tells me, leading me gently towards the steps.
"But--"
"You will grow very tired soon, majesty. Plus until you start acting more like…Usagi, we can't have your family asking questions. Rest is what you need." Rei explained matter-of-factly.
I nodded weakly. What would the Tsukinos say if their daughter started acting royal? What would they think if they knew she didn't want to sleep?
**
Despite what movies say about life being normal after a major event--my life was catastrophic. For the next week I had to try to be Usagi Tsukino; that's who I am now. The Silver Millenium was over, the Moon Kingdom destroyed (I have yet to remember that…but the girls say it was not something I should want to remember) and as far as I can tell, my awakening was a bit late--by about three years.
The hardest thing was trying to think of Usagi Tsukino as me and not as a third person. In class--pointless classes just like then--the teacher calls on Usagi, me, and I don't respond until Naru motions.
Naru. My best friend? I'm not so sure…its been harder to remember my earlier years as Usagi. My two memories are not meshing well. I call my mom--Mrs. Tsukino. I refer to Queen Serenity as mother. Forget about my father, Mr. Tsukino. I don't think I had a father back on the moon. And Shingo? Can he even be called my brother?
"Princess, please answer." Ami said, her heart-shaped face pinched with anxiety.
"What was the question, Mercury?" I ask. There's another problem. I refer to Ami and them by their Senshi names.
A flicker of pain sparks in her eyes before she turns her head back to the book. "Are there any problems? With your memories?"
I fold my hands in my lap and curl my legs under me. "Yes. A few." I answer, averting my gaze.
"What type?" Jupiter asked, my four 'guards' instantly alert. That gets wearisome sometimes.
"My memories are not…meshing well together. My memories as Usagi and my memories as Princess Serenity collide and fight for space." I explain, trying hard to explain myself. "One or the other…did that memory happen to Usagi or Serenity? Its all too confusing…and Endymion…" I whisper, covering my face.
"You remember the Prince, Usagi?" Mars…no REI asks me, touching my shoulder gently.
I nod. "What do you remember?" Mina asks now, both sound overly cautious. What am I NOT remembering?
"His face…his voice a little…his eyes…the color of Earth--this planet. So very beautiful." I tell them, drifting off in my first memory of him. Less then two months ago we met--or rather I met him. He didn't know me yet.
I went to Earth, his kingdom, to watch him. Mina told me I wasn't allowed, that mother would be angry with me, but I had to see the handsome Prince so sought after. I hid behind a tree, watching him talk to some of his Generals.
No. Wait. Not two months ago. More then a millenia ago! Endymion has it been so long? I sob uncontrolably, barely aware that my friends are whispering their concern about me.
"…too soon…"
"…wrong choice?…"
"…careful enough!…"
IThe life we shared…the memories of you and me…they were what kept me going…they are what draws me to you…/I
+++++
tbc
Ending Notes: Ugh why bother putting this at the end? Not like many people read…ah…well how was it? I tried to stay truer to the Manga then the TV Show, since I know more about the Manga (seeing only the censored DUBBED version of Sailor Moon is okay, but not to be taken seriously in most cases). I spelled their names as in the manga version, 'cept I kept off the -chan's -ko's and such (too confusing…) and took off Mina's -ko ending too (from Minako to Mina in other words). Now here's a question: should I keep Darien, Darien or make him Mamoru? If I use Mamoru then I have to use Mamo-chan which means I have to use Usako…but then again if I put Darien with Usagi…sound odd. Agh not sure!
Entry: Chapter One
Author: Moon Girl Lex
Rating: PG
Genre: romance/drama
Notes: Italics means that its part of a poem/song (which I made up! So no one sue me for copyright infringements). Bold means Usagi's thoughts. Bold Italics means someone is talking to her that is not physically there.
Disclaimers: Sailor Moon= not mine. Poem/Song= mine. Simple legistics folks. Sailor Moon belongs to Naoko Takeuchi, Kodansha, Bandai, DiC and whoever else I forgot (Tokyo-Pop?) Poem/Song (to be named eventually after I get the actual music notes down for it to BE a song…) belongs to me, Moon Girl Lex only. Should I sell it, you all will be the third or fourth to know.
+++++
IDo you see me in the mists of time? Calling out to you. To you…my beloved lost so long ago…/I
BI sometimes see his face…in my dreams I mean. His beautiful face of sorrow and sadness. He calls to me, sometimes. Not so often, more often I call to him, by his special name that only I know. Endymion./B
"U-SAGI! WAKEY UP! TIME FOR SCHOOL DEAR!" my mother called up, early one Monday morning.
I have grown up on that call, every morning five times a week. I can't wait until my own kids are old enough to appreciate the fact I do NOT use that wake up call. I sighed, throwing back my covers and stretched. I hate mornings. I hate most of the day that isn't occupied with eating, gaming or hanging out. And sleeping, sleeping is very important to me.
By the time I get my long blond hair into its customary buns (easier then it looks really) I have enough time for one piece of toast…before I am late for school by only ten minutes. I had screeched like a banshee and ran out of the house so fast I was a blur.
I run kind of funny, but it gets me where I need to go in a hurry. Huffing and puffing I made it inside the building, red in the face and sweaty. Miss Haruna didn't even have to tell me, I had another detention. Sometimes it's depressing how many I manage to get in one week.
The rest of the day goes by per normal, hanging with Naru and Umino at lunch, talking to Ami and Makoto during class, avoiding the teacher's glare when I fall asleep in class. Nothing new.
After school, since my detention was for tomorrow, I head over to Rei's temple with Ami and Makoto. We mostly hang out there, at the Temple or Crown Center, where Motoki works. For the longest time I had a crush on Motoki, even fancied myself in love with him. Now though, with these dreams…
1 I I call to you, do you hear? Calling your name, the name you told to me so long ago…the name that stands for my love…/I
"Usagi, wake up! Stop day-dreaming!" Rei yelled at me, whapping me on the head with her broom. That broom hurts a lot. Its all bristly and sharp; it hits you on the head like a ton of thorny bricks.
"REI!" I wail, covering my head as I feel tears well up. I'm very sensitive.
"Look what you did now Rei…" Makoto gently admonished, patting my back soothingly. Makoto comes to my rescue a lot.
I sit up and smile at her, wiping the tears away. Makoto could always make me feel better. "So Rei, why did you call us here?" Minako asked. She's ultra-cool, like a model really. Some say we look very similar, but I disagree, she has grace and balance. A perfect leader figure.
"I called you all here because I think its time." She said simply, watching each of our faces closely.
"Time for what?" I asked, confused.
The other four looked at each in concern. Standing as one, they formed a circle around me. "Our Queen, our sovereign, the time is now." Rei said, her hands up, joining with the others.
"We have tried our best, your daughter is happy. At least we believe so." Ami followed after.
"Its time, the time we feared and prayed would never come again." Makoto said, I looked around at them all. Eyes closed, hands raised above their heads. They looked like they were in a trance.
"Release the power to her, to the Queen that will be, the Princess she has always been and the daughter you once knew, so that she may protect us in the coming battle!" Minako finished, the last word resounding around.
I could feel the power, I mean literally, surging around me. All at once I was lifted into the air. "GU-UYS!" I screamed, scrambling to get back down. They stared at me unseeingly. I thought I saw Rei's lips quirk though.
I wanted to scream more, but I was feeling a bit faint and the world was dimming a bit. I clutched my head as images invaded me, clamouring with my memories for room in my head. A lovely young lady in a silk white dress…same young lady dancing with a masked man…laughing with a small black cat…crying as she plunges a sword through her chest amidst a battle…
BI You are my daughter…the true heir…these are memories of what was… /I/B I knew that voice, such a soft soothing voice.
Slowly the world came back and I realized I was lying in Makoto's arms. She--they all--looked worried. B Who am I? Usagi…no…Princess Serenity? Yes! I am Princess Serenity…but I am also Usagi… /B I couldn't stop the thoughts, I couldn't help but wonder who I was.
"Princess…are you with us now?" Ami asked, I never noticed how formal her voice sounded when she talked to me before.
"Mercury…" I said faintly, fondly. I look at each girl in turn. "Mars, Jupiter…Venus, how hard has it been dear cousin? For all of you…hiding who you truly are, what I truly am." I sounded so grown-up then.
"We pledged our lives to you Serenity, it was the least we can offer," Minako told me, holding my hand to her cheek as she cried.
I struggled to sit up, so Makoto helps me. I smile at her fondly before standing. I look around, disoriented. I knew I was on Earth, in Japan…but still I was confused. "Where is Luna? Artemis? Where is my guard?" I asked. "I do not have a guard." I answer flatly.
They shift uncomfortably until Rei finally speaks up. "Princess…Luna and Artemis have not been found yet. We have tried, since our memories emerged some six years ago, but to no avail."
"My meetings with each of you was engineered then? Nothing was left to chance was it?" I asked, amused. I chuckle softly. "Mother was always a far-thinker."
The others didn't find it so funny. "We must get you to your home, Princess. Your mother will be worried." Ami tells me, leading me gently towards the steps.
"But--"
"You will grow very tired soon, majesty. Plus until you start acting more like…Usagi, we can't have your family asking questions. Rest is what you need." Rei explained matter-of-factly.
I nodded weakly. What would the Tsukinos say if their daughter started acting royal? What would they think if they knew she didn't want to sleep?
**
Despite what movies say about life being normal after a major event--my life was catastrophic. For the next week I had to try to be Usagi Tsukino; that's who I am now. The Silver Millenium was over, the Moon Kingdom destroyed (I have yet to remember that…but the girls say it was not something I should want to remember) and as far as I can tell, my awakening was a bit late--by about three years.
The hardest thing was trying to think of Usagi Tsukino as me and not as a third person. In class--pointless classes just like then--the teacher calls on Usagi, me, and I don't respond until Naru motions.
Naru. My best friend? I'm not so sure…its been harder to remember my earlier years as Usagi. My two memories are not meshing well. I call my mom--Mrs. Tsukino. I refer to Queen Serenity as mother. Forget about my father, Mr. Tsukino. I don't think I had a father back on the moon. And Shingo? Can he even be called my brother?
"Princess, please answer." Ami said, her heart-shaped face pinched with anxiety.
"What was the question, Mercury?" I ask. There's another problem. I refer to Ami and them by their Senshi names.
A flicker of pain sparks in her eyes before she turns her head back to the book. "Are there any problems? With your memories?"
I fold my hands in my lap and curl my legs under me. "Yes. A few." I answer, averting my gaze.
"What type?" Jupiter asked, my four 'guards' instantly alert. That gets wearisome sometimes.
"My memories are not…meshing well together. My memories as Usagi and my memories as Princess Serenity collide and fight for space." I explain, trying hard to explain myself. "One or the other…did that memory happen to Usagi or Serenity? Its all too confusing…and Endymion…" I whisper, covering my face.
"You remember the Prince, Usagi?" Mars…no REI asks me, touching my shoulder gently.
I nod. "What do you remember?" Mina asks now, both sound overly cautious. What am I NOT remembering?
"His face…his voice a little…his eyes…the color of Earth--this planet. So very beautiful." I tell them, drifting off in my first memory of him. Less then two months ago we met--or rather I met him. He didn't know me yet.
I went to Earth, his kingdom, to watch him. Mina told me I wasn't allowed, that mother would be angry with me, but I had to see the handsome Prince so sought after. I hid behind a tree, watching him talk to some of his Generals.
No. Wait. Not two months ago. More then a millenia ago! Endymion has it been so long? I sob uncontrolably, barely aware that my friends are whispering their concern about me.
"…too soon…"
"…wrong choice?…"
"…careful enough!…"
IThe life we shared…the memories of you and me…they were what kept me going…they are what draws me to you…/I
+++++
tbc
Ending Notes: Ugh why bother putting this at the end? Not like many people read…ah…well how was it? I tried to stay truer to the Manga then the TV Show, since I know more about the Manga (seeing only the censored DUBBED version of Sailor Moon is okay, but not to be taken seriously in most cases). I spelled their names as in the manga version, 'cept I kept off the -chan's -ko's and such (too confusing…) and took off Mina's -ko ending too (from Minako to Mina in other words). Now here's a question: should I keep Darien, Darien or make him Mamoru? If I use Mamoru then I have to use Mamo-chan which means I have to use Usako…but then again if I put Darien with Usagi…sound odd. Agh not sure!