A/N thanks to the people who left reviews, faved and followed. Thanks to Arress for beta'ing this chapter and Frakkin toasters for feedback.
Abandon Ship: Misguided Loyalty
Part 2
Well, I'd envisioned a lot of scenarios when he invited me to come over to his place for dinner tonight, but I have to say, the idea that Gibbs might put the moves on me never entered into the equation. What the hell was going on? This had to be some huge prank. Right?
This had to be Probie getting me back for some of the pranks I'd played on him over the last decade, although how he got Gibbs to go along with this Tibbs prank, I can't imagine. Kudos, Elf Lord, you've surpassed yourself this time.
Relieved that I wasn't losing my mind or hallucinating, I was ready to erupt into laughter when my bubble of relief got burst, quite violently, as Gibbs continued.
"Think it's time we were honest about our feelings for each other, which is why I invited ya over tonight. Twelve years of dancing round each other's long enough. Heard of foreplay, but that's taking it way too far, don't'cha think?" he quizzed playfully and leaned into my very personal I'm about to suck your face space, freaking me out even more as I saw his pupils dilate with… oh good lord… arousal.
Hang about, Jethro, I didn't think you even liked me, much less *liked* me.
I guess my eyes must have popped open in shock that my boss, my Marine hard ass, four times married, macho boss was apparently horny and coming on to me. No, Anthony, let's avoid the C word in any sentence that includes 'horny Gibbs' and me in the same breath.
Anyhoo, it seems Gibbs thought my reaction was something else entirely and leaned in as I opened my mouth to respond to his be still my beating heart, oh-so-romantic conversational gambit. And I found myself with Gibbs' tongue expertly exploring a part of me that I'd always thought irritated the crap out of him, based on the amount of times he'd told me explicitly and implicitly to shut my trap over the years. Holy shit, he was a great kisser, but since I hadn't issued an invitation and I was reeling from the totally unexpected turn that the night had taken, I finally got it together and fended him off since he was determined to perform a tonsillectomy, without the benefit of informed consent.
"Ah, Gibbs, we need to talk," I gasped, putting both my hands on his chest and pushing him back as I scooted into the corner of the couch in an effort to put some much needed distance between us. This couldn't be happening!
Gibbs quirked an eyebrow – for him an expression of astonishment. "Hafta say, I didn't envision you needing any encouragement to get hot and heavy with me," he quipped.
Oh, great! So, what you mean is – I'm a slut with no self-control who at the first opportunity will leap into the sack with you. Good to know that's how you see me, and I've got to say – it's not the best basis for beginning a relationship. Why would you want to be with me?
"You know me, Gibbs, just a dumb jock. There was no way that I saw this coming when you invited me over to dinner tonight. You have to admit that over the last half a dozen years we haven't exactly been close. Sometimes, I get the distinct impression that you don't even like me, so what is this?" I asked feeling a rush of emotions. "Since when have you been into guys? Is it a mid-life identity crisis? You bi-curious all of a sudden? You decided that screwing a guy might work out better for you - simpler than another red-headed girlfriend who'd want you to actually have an emotional connection with her, expect you to talk?"
"Thought we'd gotten beyond talking, Tony. We've been dancing round each other for twelve years. That's longer than my marriage to Shannon, and don't play dumb – I'm not the only one who's noticed your infatuation for me. What's with the reluctance suddenly – you involved with someone else?" he demanded.
I must have looked at him oddly because he sighed, exasperatedly.
"Ah, DiNozzo, you'll be the death of me. You really want me to bare my soul? Okay, so I've been keeping my distance recently, pushing you away, hoping you'd take the hint and move on since I don't date teammates, and watching you date other people was killing me. But while you were in Israel, I realised that if you left, it would destroy me. But ya didn't.
"You came back to me, not Ziva. So, since I haven't got that many years left before they force me out anyway, I figured it was time we stopped pretending. If the worst happened and someone found out about us, I'd just have to retire. Reckon we've paid enough of a price for not acting on our feelings all this time."
Oh my God. I don't believe this!
"What makes you so sure I'm attracted to you, Gibbs?" I asked, curiously. Careful, Anthony, curiosity killed the cat!
"Why else would someone with your skills and qualifications be content to hang around as the 2IC on the team for twelve years? Trust me, Tony, ya couldn't have made it any more obvious unless you screamed it out in the bullpen in front of everyone. Even Abby and Ducky have been nagging at me for years to stop messing you round, get it over and done with and take ya to bed because you're smitten.
"Surely, you realised after so long everyone's noticed you're infatuation for me. Cate was only on the team for less than a year before she put two and two together – constantly nagging at me to acknowledge my feelings for you, especially after the Jeffrey White case.. And Ziva picked up on it pretty quickly when you kept on turning her down."
"Hang on… you're saying that I should have moved on years ago… that I should have been leading my own team all these years?"
"Says the man that turned down Rota and a raft of offers from other alphabet agencies. Don't play dumb. What else would be behind ya refusing to leave me for your own team?"
Gee, I don't know… you fucking prick! It's called loyalty… misguided as it turns out, and you can throw in misplaced faith in a mentor for good measure. I believed in you, even if you flouted most of your own precious rules, I believed you would have the integrity to still observe rules 1 and 5.
All these years I've thought that I wasn't good enough to lead a team and the legendary Leroy Jethro Gibb let me think it… he betrayed me.
C'mon, Anthony, get a grip. Don't get mad, get even. You can do this.
Taking a deep breath, I took the plunge. "So, I guess the question is, why didn't you ever recommend me for promotion, taking into consideration your Rule 5?" I asked, keeping my mask firmly in place.
"Yeah, so it was a tad hypocritical, but if I couldn't have you in my bed, then I wanted you by my side while we worked. Like I told your father, you're the best young agent I've ever worked with, so why would I shoot myself in the foot and deprive myself of your skills?"
'Well, that's real kind of you to tell him that, Gibbs, after meeting him a couple of times, but don't cha think it would have made a hell of a lot more difference…meant so much more to me if just once in the last twelve years, you actually told me?'
"C'mon, stop playing coy, Tony. You know how damned good you are. I wouldn't have lured you away from Baltimore PD or kept you on the team otherwise."
'Yeah, I know I come across as brash and cocky, but I really thought you'd seen beyond the façade and understood it was all just a sham, Gibbs. Twelve years working together, and yet, obviously not. Boy, did I read the situation badly. Maybe I'm not as good as you think after all. It's bad enough that the whole team sees me as some lovelorn, pathetic loser, hanging around hoping that the legendary macho Gibbs might finally deign to notice me and take me into his bed.'
I can't believe that's how they see me – the people I thought of as my friends, my family. How could I ever face any of them again, knowing how little they actually think of me? Maybe if they all have read me so wrong, it was time to get some new friends, look for new challenges even if I'd miss them.
"So, all the girlfriends… the constant dates didn't bother you?" I asked, thinking of Paula and E.J., and how Gibbs had resented them and tried his damnedest to break us up. Now I realised why - he'd been cock blocking. God, you're such an idiot, DiNozzo!
Gibbs shrugged. "I figured most of them never existed. Just your BS, and the ones that did were a smoke screen to distract and deflect yourself and everyone else from your real desire."
"Oh, yeah, what makes you think that?" I demanded, pissed off at his arrogant disregard of my feelings for Paula, Jeanne, and E.J. All three women had meant a lot to me. Jeanne was probably 'the one' if I hadn't ruined it all by lying to her about everything and I hadn't been undercover trying to bring down her arms dealer father. She certainly wasn't a substitute for an unrequited love of my boss, for pity's sake.
Why was this sounding more and more like a really cheesy plot for one of Gemcity's Deep Six novels by the minute? Totally unbelievable and more than just a little bit sad.
"Set ya a test to see if Duck and Abs were right. So, I set you up with Wendy Miller because you were lonely and wanting to settle down and she was available. Actually, she was more than available, she was desperate to get back into your pants, and you barely looked at her twice. If anyone was gonna catch you, it was your ex-fiancée," Gibbs stated smugly. "You passed the test with flying colours - ya couldn't get rid of that two-faced bitch fast enough. Plus, you were real pissed when I hooked you up with her. That's when I really knew for sure that you wanted me."
Fuming at the absolute arrogance of the man, I tried to keep my temper. "And yet you didn't act; in fact, you pushed me away. Hell, I found out a few months ago that you've had a cabin that you've never bothered to mention in all the years we've worked together." Or the little fact that you're apparently batting for both teams.
Suddenly, I wanted to hurt Gibbs for the years of loyalty I'd given him and the abuse of that trust that had apparently made me a professional joke amongst my peers. As my team leader, Gibbs had a duty of care not to do me harm professionally, and yet because of his personal feelings for me and the assumption that I reciprocated them, it seemed he'd done exactly that. I had to get away from him. Leaping up from the couch to start pacing as my emotions threatened to overwhelm me, I was fearful that this would end up being a crime scene when I throttled him.
'Move, Anthony, breathe. Keep moving and breathing.'
"So, if we got together, Gibbs – how would that work?"
"Surely, I don't have to explain how these things work, DiNozzo. You're hardly an ingénue when it comes to sex," Gibbs responded dryly.
Oh, yeah, obviously I'm a man whore, and yet you want to screw me silly? Ain't that a great basis for a long and loving relationship?
"Actually, I was speaking professionally. Would I go to another team, would you recommend me for promotion, and how would that look to everyone if we've started a relationship?"
"Nothing would need to change because I have no intention of broadcasting my personal business at work. It's no one else's business but ours. And it wouldn't be real professional to recommend you for promotion if we're sleeping together. You know I'd never let our personal relationship affect how I treat you at work."
'No, you'd still treat me like a piece of dog crap. Probably be even more of a bastard to me so no one could accuse you of favouritism. What an incentive.'
"And what if I wanted to share the news about us with my friends or wanted to move to another team?"
Gibbs looked obdurate. "Then that'd be a problem. I've never been comfortable with other people I work with knowing my personal business – you know that. I'm due to retire in a few. Surely, you could manage to keep it to yourself til then."
I shrugged since it was pretty much what I figured from Gibbs, having observed him carrying on a relationship with Colonel Hollis Mann, and she didn't even work at NCIS, wasn't his subordinate - hell, she wasn't a man. Well, okay… I meant that biologically she wasn't a man, even if she was technically a Mann. Hmm… okay, so I didn't know categorically that Hollis wasn't a guy! After Amanda Reed, I wasn't about to make unequivocal statement of facts about people's gender without concrete evidence.
"Well then, since you brought it up, Gibbs." No way could I call him Boss anymore after losing all respect for him. "Since we're both guys, how do you see us handling sex? Equal partners -turn and turn about?" I asked curiously, although after working for the guy for so many years, I had a pretty fair idea of how any relationship with him would work and not just the mechanics.
Snorting in amusement, he gave me that half smile of his, drilling me with those piercing blue eyes that had most of the females at work going weak at the knees, and he probably intended to be seductive. "That a joke, DiNozzo? I'd have thought you knew me better than that – I top. End of discussion. Judging by the way you follow me around, I didn't figure you'd have a problem with it."
I heard enough. If this was Gibbs' idea of seduction and making his partner feel special, no wonder he had three ex-wives. Time to rock his view of the universe-according-to-Gibbs. He might be a great kisser, but I was better, and I intended on proving it. I strode over and straddled him on the couch, trying not to think about what I was going to do to my boss and mentor.
Former boss and mentor, I reminded myself. C'mon, you can do this. Not the first time you've kissed a guy, DiNozzo.
Ignoring the fact that I didn't actually know that it was a guy at the time or that he killed a good friend of mine, I focused on the end game – revenge. At first I could feel Gibbs' extreme resistance to me taking charge of the encounter, but my raw power catching him off guard, coupled with a damned good technique, had him melting into the couch, just like most of my partners. I've never received any complaints from my lovers when it comes to my kissing technique; in fact, had a lot of compliments, and Gibbs also seemed to be in the fanboy category as he became increasing boneless.
Well, apart from one particular appendage that instead of melting was expressing interest in an emphatic fashion as it tried to take over the situation. Stealing a glance at his pupils, which were dilated with desire, I figured that yes, it was petty and beneath me; it was also nowhere near enough to make up for years of him taking advantage of my loyalty and trust. BUT damn, it felt good! Something that I could take away with me; a little crumb of self-respect to take home from this FUBAR situation.
Pinning him to the couch so he couldn't turn the tables and be the dominant one he'd obviously insist on being in any encounter with a guy, I played dirty. I rubbed up against him, making him moan with desire before I stood up abruptly, job done! I took my phone out of my pocket and I pulled up a photo that one of my frat brothers had sent me of his gorgeous new boyfriend, a selfie of a really ripped guy, a hot underwear model, and shoved it in Gibbs' face.
"You asked me earlier if I was involved with anyone. This is Dante – he's an up and coming underwear model. Pretty, isn't he, and he's nearly as good a kisser as me. We have a relationship based on sharing, mutual respect, and honesty. Oh, and you asked me why would I be prepared to hang around in your shadow for twelve years? Because I trusted you – you arrogant bastard! You told me when you hired me that you didn't waste good. Since you never told me it was time to move on or I was good enough to lead my own team, I figured I wasn't good enough, wasn't up to being an SSA. Dumb ass that I am, I assumed that you'd tell me when I was. Let's face it, I had no idea that you thought I was the best young agent you've ever worked with. You never told me, and I'm not fucking psychic."
I tried not to spit in his face, tried to keep it civilised. I also refused to feel guilty about lying to him about Dante - okay, so his name was really Kevin – but no matter what I said, he was never going to believe that I'm not gay or bi, since that would be the ONLY reason why I'd still be hanging around in his shadow in his 'reality'. He'd just convince himself I was still in the closet or in denial about my feelings for him, because to do otherwise would mean he was wrong, and that was never going to happen. Did my lie about my 'boyfriend' make up for twelve years of him lying to me? Was it even right – hell, no! But it felt sooo good.
"Think you might be fooling yourself, Tony," he snarked, supremely confident. "Why else would you kiss me like that?"
"Payback's a bitch. Not my most shining hour, I'll admit, Gibbs, but I wanted to hurt you for lying to me all these years. Plus, I wanted to prove a point. Professionally I might be insecure as hell, thanks in part to Senior, and also to you and your overwhelming support. Thanks so much for that, by the way." I bowed ironically.
"But if you and everyone else think that I'd follow you round like a lovesick puppy for twelve damned years and not act on how I felt about you, you're deluding yourselves quite majorly." I sneered at him.
"I might be an idiot for believing in you professionally, but I have a modicum of self-respect when it comes to relationships. No matter how much I was in love with someone, I wouldn't waste twelve years of my life waiting and hoping but not doing anything about it. I'm a realist not a romantic, a hedonist not a masochist.
"My parents made damn sure I knew that my most important attribute was my looks. Then there was my high school piano teacher who was my first, and she spent a lot of time teaching me how to please my partner, so I've never been particularly shy about pursuing people I'm attracted to. If I'd really wanted to sleep with you, I'd have made a move on you a long time ago, as I just proved by kissing you senseless, even if it felt like I was kissing my father. And for the record that isn't one of my kinks." I informed him scornfully.
"And just an FYI, Leroy Jethro Gibbs - if you think I'd ever be okay being in a relationship with someone who has no intention of ever letting me top, then you obviously don't know me very well. As you pointed out, not exactly an inexperienced ingénue, and being together is about sharing and equality. But even more importantly, I won't ever be in a relationship with someone who's hit me on a regular basis for years (had enough of that as a kid, thank you very much) or insults me at every opportunity and who has no respect for me.
He looked like he was about to explode so it was time to wind things up and leave!
"Apart from which, after admitting to lusting after me for over a decade, I figured I'd leave you with something to remember me by, since it's all you're ever gonna get." Okay, so that was vindictive, but I don't care! Gibbs is the king of barbed comments – time he knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end for once.
"Oh, and just so you know - I'll be putting in for a couple of days' leave while I figure out what to do about my career. One thing I do know is that you'll need to find yourself another senior field agent and a bed partner. But for now, I'll give you some privacy so you can take care of that problem upstairs," I pointed snidely to where his normally loose jeans looked like they were now fitting him pretty snuggly, feeling not one wit sorry for being a cock tease. He so deserved it and more!
"Thanks for dinner, Gibbs. I'll be in touch when I figure out my plans!"