Swiggity swag, what's in the bag, guys? It's PK2 here, armed with another chapter of the Ness Greil saga! Before we begin, I would like to give thanks to my only favorite (pichufan101) and only reviewer (Twilight Joltik) Hope the two of you stick around! So now let's-a-go!
Oh, you wanna disclaimer? TOO BAD, WALUIGI TIME- I mean, I don't own SSB or Harry Potter.
Ten years. Ten years (almost eleven) since the Bonds had woken up to find their nephew on the doorstep. Microsoft Lane, however, had hardly changed at all. The sun still shone on 1794 as it always did, but instead of the house's living room being covered in pictures what looked like an oversized basketball swaddled in rainbow-colored blankets, there were now photographs of a thick blond boy playing baseball with his father, or baking cookies with his mother. If you looked at the living room walls, you could hardly guess that another boy inhabited the house.
However, Ness Greil still lived there. He was asleep at the moment, but not for long, as his Aunt Joanna was awake and her voice was often the first sound of the day.
"HUP HUP HUP, GET UP, GET UP!"
Ness nearly fell out of bed. His aunt knocked on the door again.
"UP!" she snarled. Ness heard her stomp to the kitchen and then turn on the stove. He stumbled to his feet and tried to remember the dream he'd been having. It had been a wonderful dream, involving a flying tank. He wasn't sure why, but he had a feeling it wasn't the first time he had had this dream.
Ness's aunt appeared outside his door again.
"You up yet?" she demanded. "Almost." Ness groggily muttered. "Get a move on; I need you to look after the pancakes. Don't let them burn: everything has to be perfect on Porky's birthday."
"Oh, gods, no!" Ness grumbled. His aunt glared at him, to whom he responded "I… I said nothing!"
Porky's birthday- how could he have forgotten so easily? Ness stood up and begun looking for clean clothes. He quickly found a pair and put them on, but not before pulling a cockroach off of them. Ness was used to cockroaches, as the pantry was full of them, and Ness slept in the pantry.
After getting dressed, he crawled out of the pantry and headed to the kitchen. The first thing that he noticed was that the room was covered in unwrapped gifts. It seemed as if Porky had gotten the Xbox One that he had been begging for, not to mention the iPad Air 2 and the treadmill. Ness couldn't figure out for the life of him why Porky wanted a treadmill, as Porky was lazy and abhorred exercise- unless, of course, it involved someone being tackled. Porky's favorite "prey" was Ness, but he could never pounce on him, as Ness was surprisingly quick on his feet.
It probably had to do with the fact that he spent most of his life cooped up in a tiny pantry, but Ness was smaller and thinner than most boys his age. This was only enhanced by the fact that all he had to wear was Porky's old clothes. He had a wispy face, shaky knees, bluish-black hair, and blue-gray eyes. His nose was slightly crooked from all the times Porky had stepped on it. There was only one thing that Ness liked about his appearance, which was a curious scar that was shaped like Earth. The scar had been with him since he could walk and talk, and the first ever question he had asked was about how he had gotten the scar, to his Aunt Joanna.
"During the flood that killed your parents." she had snarled. "And never ask questions."
Never ask questions- also known as the First Rule to a Quiet Life with the Bonds.
Uncle James entered the room as Ness was flipping over the pancakes and greeted him with a bark of "COMB YOUR HAIR!" This was better than when he shouted that Ness needed a haircut- Ness had had more haircuts than all of the boys in the school.
Ness had fried the eggs and was now grilling bacon when Porky arrived in the kitchen with Aunt Joanna. He was like a younger, portlier version of Uncle James- close-cropped blond hair, little neck, small brown eyes. Aunt Joanna often called Porky a Baby Jesus; Ness often called Porky a furless sloth.
Ness put the plates of pancakes, eggs, and bacon on the table with great difficulty while Porky counted his gifts. His face fell.
"Ninety-eight" he muttered. "That's three less than last year."
"Didja count these two?" asked Ness, throwing what looked like two 3DS games to Porky.
"One hundred, then… that's still one less…" Porky looked ready to cry. Aunt Joanna quickly consoled him with "And while we're out today, we'll get you five more presents. That will give you one hundred and five presents: four more than last year." Porky nodded and grabbed the nearest parcel.
The telephone then rang and Aunt Joanna went to answer it. While she was talking, Ness and Uncle James watched Porky unwrap the treadmill, a laptop, a remote control helicopter, twenty new Wii games, and a DVD player. Porky was unwrapping a silver ring when Aunt Joanna came back looking downcast.
"Terrible news, James." she squeaked. "Conker's broken his hip- he can't take him" She said this pointing to Ness.
Porky's jaw dropped, but Ness's heart soared. Every year, Porky's family took him out somewhere fun for his birthday, And every year, Ness was left behind with Conker, a nasty, foul-mouthed drunkard who lived seven houses down from them.
"Now what?" Uncle James snarled. "We could leave him with your sister Emma" Joanna suggested. James replied "Don't be silly, she absolutely depises him!"
They continued to argue like this until the doorbell rang and Porky's best friend Picky stepped in.
Forty-five minutes later, Ness, who couldn't believe his luck, was in the back seat of his uncle's new Porsche with Porky and Picky, headed to the zoo for the first time in forever*. His aunt and uncle agreed that this was the only thing they could do with him, but before they left, Uncle James had made Ness swear to do nothing funny, and he agreed he wouldn't.
While they were driving, Uncle James complained, which was something he did often. His favorite topics were his boss, Ness, the government, Ness, the national debt, and Ness. This morning, however, it was tanks.
"Horrendous, exaggerated machines..." he grumbled as one meandered down the street.
"I had a dream about a tank." Ness remembered. "It was flying." This caused Uncle James to nearly crash into the back of the Toyota in front of them. He then turned and screeched "TANKS CANNOT FLY, YOU IDIOT!" which in turn caused Porky and Picky to giggle. Ness kept quiet after that.
They soon arrived at the zoo, which was crammed with people and their children. The Bonds bought five-scoop Oreo ice cream at the ice cream truck at the front, and then, because the grinning man had asked Ness what he wanted in the nick of time; they bought him a measly vanilla/chocolate cone. It was actually good, Ness thought as he watched a kangaroo (who looked a lot like a tan-haired Porky) pick its nose.
The morning was surprisingly great. Porky and Picky were so engrossed with the animals that they didn't hit him once, and during lunch, when Porky complained that his Every-Topping ice cream cone** didn't have enough toppings on it (which made no sense whatsoever) Uncle James bought another one and Ness eagerly finished the first.
After that, they went to the monkey exhibit. Porky and Picky wanted to find the monkey capable of causing the most destruction, and they found it quickly: a gorilla twice Uncle James's size. However, the beast was fast asleep. Porky and Uncle James tried to awake it with little luck.
After they left, Ness took a look at the gorilla. He pitied it: no company except for idiots trying to wake it up. As he was pondering this, the gorilla woke up and looked straight into Ness's eyes.
It winked.
Ness was taken aback. He checked to see if nobody else was watching, then winked back. The gorilla then pointed to Porky and Uncle James with a look that said "I know how you feel 'round them, homie."
"Yup. It's annoying. Where did ya come from anyways?" Ness asked.
The gorilla pointed at the sign: Silverback gorilla, Kenya.
"Was it nice in Kenya?"
The gorilla pointed at the sign, and Ness read on: This specimen was born in the zoo. "Oh, sucks to not know how your birthplace was like."
"PORKY! MR. BOND! COME LOOK AT THE GORILLA! ITS DOING SOMETHING INCREDIBLE!"
Porky waddled up to the glass, pushing Ness aside. "Move, ya freak." he snarled at Ness. He then leapt back in surprise with a howl.
The glass separating the gorilla from the outside world had disappeared, and the gorilla jumped out of the cage, running towards freedom and scaring the entire exhibit. As it left, Ness could have sworn he heard a low voice rumble "Kenya, look out, I'm coming back… Thanks, homie."
They left the zoo fairly quickly after that. All throughout the ride Ness had to listen to Porky and Picky screech about how the gorilla had tried to choke them. The worst part (for Ness, at least) was when Picky was able to get a grip on himself and say "I saw Ness talking to it, didja think he had something to do with it?"
Uncle James waited until Porky and Picky were out of sight before turning on Ness. His face was like a beetroot, and he only managed to choke out "Pantry…go…no food." Before fainting and being dragged off to bed by Aunt Joanna.
Ness squeezed himself into the pantry, cursing the Bonds for sinning him like this. He desperately wanted to know the time so he could sneak out and get some food. To pass the time, he thought about his miserable life.
He had been damned to a life with the Bonds for ten years, ten oh-so horrible years, ever since his parents had drowned in a flood when he was barely one year old. He had no memory of being with them during the flood, and he hated himself for that. Sometimes, when he was in the pantry and he strained his memory, he came up with an image of a lot of gray tiles and flashing blue light. He supposed this was the flood, though where the tiles had come from he had no clue whatsoever. He had no memory of his parents as well- there were no photographs in the house, and he was forbidden to ask questions.
When Ness was little, he'd have fantasies of an unknown relative coming to save him, but he had long accepted that that would never happen. He still held on to a thought (or hope) that strangers knew him- a tiny man in an astronaut suit had bowed to him while shopping, a thin blonde woman waved merrily at him on a bus, and a doglike man had shaken his hand once at a road crossing. But they all disappeared when Ness tried to follow them.
At school, Ness had no one. It was common knowledge that Porky Bond and his gang abhorred that odd Ness Greil, with the windlike face and the weird scar. And it was common knowledge that you should never disagree with Porky Bond and his gang.
*Three guesses as to which Disney movie this is a reference to. The first two don't count though.
**Not to be confused with Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. Also does not literally have every topping.
Anyways, that's all said and done. And… Can't think of anything else to say, so see ya!