A/N: Fixed the double-length chapter issue. As you can probably tell, first time writing & uploading FF :)

Thank you so much for the reviews! I honestly didn't expect the story to be read, much less reviewed, when I uploaded it. You guys are awesome. Like a sunset in the velvet night sky.

Also, do I have to put up the disclaimer for every chapter? Isn't it highly unlikely that someone who owns nothing while writing the first chapter suddenly wins the lottery, buys up the rights to R&I, and sits down to write the second chapter?
Still, I own nothing and no-one.

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After hugging Frankie and going through the whole excited-congratulations bit, I pushed a smiling Maura forward and said with an exaggerated flourish "Behold your substitute bridesmaid!"

The beaming smile on Maura's face was wiped away when Frankie took one look at her and said emphatically, "Absolutely not!"

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You know, I've never really believed in clichéd phrases like 'stunned silence'. But at that moment, the phrase really seemed to fit. There we were, the three of us, all silent. Differing expressions on our faces, certainly: me angry, Maura hurt, and Frankie adamant. But all silent.

I finally broke the silence, mostly because someone had to, at least to breathe.

"Maura, would you mind giving us a minute please?" I asked, turning to her and hoping that my eyes conveyed my apologies.

Maura, being the lady she is, schooled her features and pretended she wasn't in the least bit upset about having given up her weekend to drive a mad distance to sub as a bridesmaid for a woman who rudely rejected her within a minute of her arrival. Murmuring something about getting a drink, she gracefully exited the room, leaving me glaring at my former-favourite umpteen-times-removed cousin. Who was in danger of being fully removed to Never Never Land.

The look on Frankie's face was apologetic, however, and I decided to give her the chance to explain herself. A thirty-second chance. And the explanation had better be excellent.

"I'm sorry Jane. That came out so horribly rude. I didn't mean for it to. I'm just terribly stressed right now, what with the last-minute bridesmaid changes and all. I'll go apologize" Frankie sounded sincere enough, but I still glared at her because she hadn't explained herself yet.

"Why though? Why did you say no?" My tone was slightly softer, but still harsh enough. After all, she had hurt my Maura. My Maura? Iamgoingmadmadmadmadmadmad. Focus, Jane, focus.

"Why?" Frankie's tone was one of disbelief. "Jane, look at her!"

I stared at Frankie, wondering whether she'd lost her eyesight or her marbles or both. Then I poked my head out of the room, spotted Maura standing by a window, and stared at her extra hard to see if she'd suddenly sprouted horns or something. Satisfied that she hadn't, I stepped back into the room and faced Frankie again.

"What's wrong with her, Frankie? She's stunning!" Do friends describe each other as stunning? Yeah, right? Anyway, Maura once called me gorgeous, so it must be ok. Right? Right?

Frankie rolled her eyes. "That's kind of the point Jane" she said, patiently. "I don't want a stunning bridesmaid. It's my wedding. Therefore, I'm supposed to be the most beautiful woman in the room. But if your friend walks in, all eyes will turn to her. I know that sounds so petty, but still.." she shrugged.

I understood what she was saying. Most of me agreed with her. Frankie couldn't really compare with Maura in the looks department. Or the brains department, come to that. But since it was unlikely that anybody at the wedding was going to start handing out IQ exams, the brains probably wouldn't matter. The looks would though, if you cared about that sort of thing. And Frankie obviously did.

There was a tiny part of me that was sure I should be offended. Frankie had been ok with me being a bridesmaid. Did that mean… God, Jane. So vain.

Almost as if she'd read my thoughts, Frankie grinned and said "And before you can ask, my mom insisted that you be one of my bridesmaids. Otherwise I would never have asked you."

Mollified, I returned to the issue at hand. "Frankie, I get what you're saying. I do." Then realizing how that sounded, I added quickly "I usually feel overshadowed by Maura's glam-ness too. I think most women do. But she's a really sweet person, and she really wanted to do this because she's never been a bridesmaid before, and it's really mean to say yes over the phone and no when you meet her in person."

After pausing for breath, I continued, "and besides, now she's going to be freaking out wondering what she did wrong or something."

As I said it, I realized that that was probably exactly what my socially-inept best friend would be doing right now. Wondering how she'd managed to alienate the bride-to-be without even opening her mouth to spout fun facts about divorce rates and things like that.

Fortunately Frankie seemed to realize that she'd carried the Bride-Diva bit too far, because she nodded and said "Fine, but I am gonna be so annoyed if all the dudes start slobbering over her!"

"You want them to slobber over you instead?" I asked mischievously, feeling enormously relieved at Frankie's acquiescence. Avoiding the punch she aimed at me, I continued, "Not to worry. In all the years that I've known her, Maura's never failed to drive away any man who expressed interest in her."

Catching Frankie's look, I clarified, "Not in that way." Darn. "She goes out with them and all, but she's never had anything that lasted. She begins to diagnose them, and I sometimes wonder if she makes stuff up, because how can every guy she dates have some sort of medical problem? But Maura can't lie, so I guess the world is full of people with Marmite Syndrome."

Frankie looked very amused now (also slightly baffled at the 'Marmite Syndrome'). "Really? I'd love to see her in action. With someone like Cousin Brian maybe."

I made a face. Cousin Brian was the world's creepiest flirt. Good looking maybe, but he was under the delusion that his looks gave him the right to flirt with every member of the opposite sex and be taken seriously. I was both depressed and relieved that he was my cousin. Depressed because I was related to such a specimen. Relieved because, being related, at least he wouldn't be flirting with me.

"Well, I'm not going to suggest that he put the moves on her!" I said, laughing as I walked out the door, "but I am going to tell her the good news that you've come to your senses!"

Frankie stuck her tongue out at me and then followed me out of the room. Glancing towards Maura, she grinned and said "You may not have to suggest anything. There's our family idiot in action!"

I followed her stare and saw that Cousin Brian was indeed making his way towards Maura, an almost-leer on his face. Frankie and I watched as he introduced himself to her, and she responded by smiling politely and saying something.

"Pity we can't hear them," I said. Frankie giggled, "How very Angela of you!" I poked her and then shushed her so that we could concentrate on our spying activities.

Although we couldn't make out a word of their conversation, what was happening was quite apparent. Brain was busy 'charming' Maura, and Maura was remaining perfectly uncharmed.

And then Maura went into Diagnosis Mode.

We, the two spies, watched as Maura suddenly grabbed Brain's hand and examined his fingers. Then his wrist. She then stared into his eyes. All the while she maintained a serious expression on her face and was saying something that was clearly freaking Brian out.

Two minutes afterward, Brian stumbled away, shaken to the core, as most men are when faced with Dr. Maura, diagnostician.

Maura turned and saw me, and gave me a smile. Pretending that I hadn't been playing Super Spy all this time, I smiled back. God, I love how she does that. Does what? Chase men away? Or smile? Both, I love both.

When I turned back to look at my co-spy, I saw that Frankie was smiling too. "I think I know why Maura does that" she said, thoughtfully.

I was intrigued. Despite not being the most brainy of the bunch, Frankie was a very perceptive sort of person. "Do tell."

"She chases away all those guys because she's already spoken for."

I was about to protest that I would definitely know if Maura was seeing someone, but Frankie wasn't finished yet.

"By you."