Monday 22 June 2015
AN: Happy birthday Dudley for tomorrow :) I don't own Harry Potter. Thanks to all my reviewers, AsgardGuardian, SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot2001, Raunchel, madnessdownunder2 and softballaddict11 :) Really appreciate it, thanks!
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite colour?
Oh no... wait, is this seriously the first question? Ha, good laugh this is! I bet the next one will be something like 'what is his favourite animal?'
Rainbow.
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
You're kidding. I just read the questions, and I think they're serious. I think Lockhart is expecting us to answer these! Right... well, he likes rescuing stuff. I bet this is a trick question, and he just wants us to put something heroic but it's something else...
To be able to speak 9 languages.
What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest achievement to date?
Help me. Wait... this a true achievement!
The time when he stopped my Mum's anger at Flourish and Blotts in the Summer, merely by appearing and talking, putting her in a stunned, awed daze.
When is Gilderoy Lockhart planning on retiring?
Retirement age? He doesn't have a job... well, most magically powerful number...
77
How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart won Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award?
Eurgh, he just said that... curse me for not listening.
8
In his book 'Break with a Banshee' how did Gilderoy Lockhart bravely banish the bandon banshee?
Okay, this really isn't funny anymore... and there are 54 stupid questions! What even is a banshee anyway? Wait... what did he just say... something about smiling...
He smiled at it.
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best side for photos?
Kill me now... please, someone, please...
Left
Has Gilderoy Lockhart ever won the Dunstable Duelling Championship for Wizards, or just been pipped at the post?
Aha! I get it, he doesn't win, so it's a trick question! He likes these...
Pipped at the post.
What product does Gilderoy Lockhart use to clean his teeth with, to achieve his famous dazzling white smile?
Come on me, what does Mum use... well, I'm sure she uses the same one as him, so...
Pixie Dust
What is the person name Gilderoy Lockhart has given to his broomstick?
What, he owns a broomstick?! That is an insult to flyers everywhere! And no... that means he's attached to it... oh no... wait. EW. He rides his broomstick...
Gilly
Why is Gilderoy Lockhart always crowded round whenever he goes on his foreign travels?
Because they all know he's an idiot.
Because he is known everywhere.
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's wand wood?
Err... unfortunate wording, there! Right... it looks like...I don't know!
Willow
What position did Gilderoy Lockhart play in the Hogwarts Quidditch Team?
NO. He did NOT play Quidditch. Yippee. Is he intent on ruining Quidditch for me? How am I supposed to play Quidditch when I know this git does too?!
Seeker
How many times has Gilderoy Lockhart been proposed to as of 1991 in his latest book?
How the great Merlin should I know that?! Well, it can't be that big if he remembers specifically... maybe it's 0?
22
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite quote and who is it by?
Oh! I know this! Hermione was quoting this in the Summer, it drove us all mad...
'Everyone's a hero, somehow. A select few are born natural heroes, such as myself, and it is their duty to try and help those with hidden qualities to become a hero. They don't always succeed, which is okay, because then there would be no one to look up to- and imagine a world without the Gilderoy Lockhart fans!' by Gilderoy Lockhart.
How did Gilderoy Lockhart stop the Sirens enchanting him and the sailors in Sydney, 1988?
Nope, don't know this one... well, sirens sing, so...
He stuffed cotton wool in everyone's ears.
What house was Gilderoy Lockhart in at Hogwarts?
Great: not Hufflepuff, he is not loyal... I won't let him be in Gryffindor, plus, he's not very Gryffindorish... he doesn't seem that ambitious... but he's not clever either. Great. Well, he strikes me as a Ravenclaw or Slytherin, definitely not a Gryffindor, don't care if he's ever been brave... huh, probably made it all up... ambitious and sly, or clever and witty? Basically, evil or clever?
Slytherin
In Gilderoy Lockhart's fifth year at Hogwarts, how many Valentine's Day cards did he get sent?
He had a fan club even then?! Merlin's beard... right, knowing him, everyone in his year... and some other people... there are about 20 girls in my year... but we have a small year...
43
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's full name?
I don't know, maybe Gilderoy Lockhart? What's a likely middle name... what does he think he is?
Gilderoy Marvel Lockhart
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite subject?
Well he's a DADA professor...
Defence Against the Dark Arts
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's perfume brand called?
He has a perfume brand?!
Gilderoydonia
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's best subject?
Well, as he's so talented in his books, all of them! *note sarcsm*
All of them
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's worst subject?
I guess, if his best subject's all of them...
None of them
How did Gilderoy Lockhart's parents (particularly mother) know that he was superior to his older sisters?
What, that's just sexist! I feel sorry for them... why is he sounding proud about that, that's sick! We aren't supposed to live in that type of society!
They were sexist and believed that boys were better than girls.
Write 3 problems Gilderoy Lockhart faced at school.
Ha... how about 1) He's an idiot, 2) He was an idiot, 3) He will be an idiot?
1) He kept losing his quill
2) One of his dormmates snored.
3) He kept getting lost on the way to his common room.
How many famous people are famous because of Gilderoy Lockhart?
Not many... but there has to be an answer, right? And according to the next question, it's more than three... well, there's a surprise in itself!
21
Name three of those people.
Right, how many famous people do I know? Or better yet, who have my parents mentioned who are famous at work...? Blank. For goodness sake, apart from Dad's boss, who else can I write down? Do I really have to go for the 'making it all up' tactic? Right, schoolbook list... well, isn't that helpful! All by Lockhart... wait, except...
Celestina Warbeck, Cornelius Fudge, Miranda Goshawk
How many older sisters does Gilderoy Lockhart have?
More than 1? I think we're safe with 2... or 3. I'm gonna go for...
3.
Approximately how many love letters does Gilderoy Lockhart receive per week?
He counts? Right... let's do the maths. He got 43 for Valentine's Day when he wasn't famous. Let's say... eurgh.
143
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite sweet/chocolate?
I bet he likes stuff where he can 'save' people... he could save someone's tongue from being severed...
Acid Pops
What relation is Gilderoy Lockhart to the famous Muggle playwright, William Shakespeare?
What? They're related?! Thank Merlin for Hermione giving me that lecture about A Winter's Tale, or whatever it's called... and about he was alive in the... 1500s?1600s? This is horrible. How many greats should I add?
Great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather's uncle's mother's niece's son.
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite book?
When does this torture end? Bookity bookity books... a famous book? Kay, fine. Well, I'm sure he has a lot in common with Hermione, seeing as she's so fond of him.
Hogwarts, A History
What colour ink does Gilderoy Lockhart normally write with?
Err... probably the same as his favourite colour. Yeah, and that works, as rainbow ink is cool!
Rainbow
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's favourite drink?
What have people talked about when they go to Hogsmeade?
Butterbeer
In your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's work good?
In my opinion... hmmm... well, I am sick of this quiz...
No.
Which element on the periodic table is named after Gilderoy Lockhart?
What the Merlin, I swear that doesn't even exist!
Iron
What was Gilderoy Lockhart's first word?
For Merlin's sake! This is ridiculous, probably like mama or something! Well, he was a mother's boy...
Mama
Name 5 Muggle books Gilderoy Lockhart wrote, but let someone else take credit for?
Crap, what Muggle books do I know? None. Make up time...
The Wedding of Mr Little, Life's too short, Blueberry Shirts, The Bed, The Blackcurrant Tree.
Name the 'authors'
Shoot. How am I supposed to make up names like that?!
Addison Little, Nera Morte, Morrise Bleu, Oona Creepa, Raisin Leaf.
How was Gilderoy Lockhart described by Witch Weekly in the most popular issue of 1990?
At least we're off the book questions... how does he describe himself?
'Charming and brave'
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest regret?
WHAT EVEN IS THIS?! Calm... okay, what does everyone regret?P
Not getting a girlfriend before the good looking ones were taken.
Would you consider Gilderoy Lockhart to be a hero and/or one of your inspirational figures? State which.
Yes, totally, didn't you know? OF COURSE NOT YOU BL**DY IDIOT!
No to both.
Who is the most famous person you've ever met?
What, how is this even related...?
Harry Potter
What does Gilderoy Lockhart do when he can't sleep at night?
FOR MERLIN'S BIG SAGGY UNDERPANTS THAT HIS MOTHER FORGOT TO WASH! WHAT THE HELL!? WHY WOULD I KNOW?
He counts his luck
Why did Gilderoy Lockhart take up the teaching post at Hogwarts, and why was he reluctant to do so?
Is this really bothering anyone else? I wish he hadn't. Eurgh, I give up! Be proud of me for lasting this long...
He took it because he needed a job and was reluctant because he can't teach.
What is Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fear?
What's a really strange thing- no! I have it! Mind you, I am slightly scared of it...
Himself
What upsets Gilderoy Lockhart the most?
Having to mark these tests because no one knows everything about you! Nope, not even Hermione could ace this test...
Seeing people don't know his life story
What happened when someone stole Gilderoy Lockhart's wand and tried to insult him when he was in his third year?
Err... who wrote these questions?! Why do I want to know why someone stole his wand, too much information! And tried to insult him...
They got detention
How does Gilderoy Lockhart keep his nails in such good condition?
Does he? Well, I never checked! I bet he uses nail polish or something...
He uses nail polish.
What did a Professor say to Gilderoy Lockhart before he left in his last year at Hogwarts?
Err... this is torture. Really. I would rather have Snape detention, which is saying something... well, what's traditional?
Good luck.
How does Gilderoy Lockhart tame hair?
He curls his hair every night and makes it sit like a tiger in a zoo!
He brushes it.
How is the fan 'Sisley Andrews' eternally indebted to Gilderoy Lockhart?
No! I have the perfect story! I can do this... I should totally get marks for creativity!
There was once a little girl called Sisley Andrews who was forced into making an unbreakable vow. However, Lockhart found a loophole in it, which released her.
What type of shampoo, conditioner and body wash does Gilderoy Lockhart use?
What does everyone use? Ewwwwww... get that image out my head, I do not need it!
Orange
When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his ideal gift be?
His birthday… no one knows, no one cares… his ideal gift… how about a nice book?
His birthday is 7 February and his ideal gift would be a quill pen.
9/54- not amazing, but particularly well done on the ones you got right: 3, 11, 13, 15, 22, 23, 27, 38 and 39. You should really read more of my books.
"What did you get right?" Ron asked Harry, as they were handed their tests back.
"All the ones where you flatter him enedlessly…" Harry shrugged, as they switched tests. "Still don't get how Hermione managed to get 100%. I thought even she couldn't."
"Well, she's Hermione, isn't she?"
"Still. Why the hell would we know what he thinks at night? I tried that, but really, it was absolutely rubbish most of what I put down."
A grin spread across Ron's face.
"Some people who I won't name kind of gave up pretty early on… so I would've loved to be a fly on the wall when Lockhart read them!"
AN: Like it? Dislike it? Anything wrong with it? Also, just to clear it up, Lockhart accepts anything that flatters him, so even though Ron's books didn't even exist, Lockhart thought Ron might think he wrote them, so...
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