Hey everyone, I'm feeling kinda down today, so I may really be kinda sad today…sorry.
Disclaimer: I own nothing; which includes the song "Fallen Back to Me" Our Lady Peace owns that song.
Chapter Two:
Everything came back for me then, in flooded happiness and at the same time sadness. How would I ever be the same around him? He almost willingly sacrificed himself to save me. Now he's near death and still surviving. No words can express how I feel. My soul trapped and my heart confused; more so then my mind. How did all this happen? What would we do after this? We couldn't go back to our normal lives; that was not even remotely a possibility! But in the back of my mind, I knew there was always a chance that he could die again…but I wonder; would I be able to watch him die once more?
Kagome Higurashi
Kagome's Profile
"Kagome, I've never been happier, I really do love you," Sesshomaru said from my bed. I had just walked into the room.
"Yes Sesshomaru, now I promise, this won't hurt a bit," I said and he smiled and closed his eyes as we shared a promised kiss. His soft mouth opened and his tongue found his way into my mouth. Suddenly, I tasted something I hadn't expected. Not quite sure what the taste was, I swallowed and the taste just kept coming. Though strange, I enjoyed the taste. I moved myself up onto the bed and Sesshomaru flinched. He often did that as a sign that he was excited. I smiled again and swallowed another bit of the tasty liquid.
Midway into a kiss, he coughed. The liquid was spat out of his mouth. It didn't take me too long to figure out what the liquid was…blood. Sesshomaru's mouth was filled with his blood and he was coughing up even more. My mouth was covered in it too. I lifted my finger to his face and at the very touch, his skin broke and a small line of crimson blood trickled down his face. I smiled, launching myself on top of him.
"Sesshomaru, I love you so!" I shouted ignoring his pain and misery.
"Kagome," he said in a wheeze, "I'd do anything for you."
"Would you fight for me?"
"Yes."
"Would you kill for me?"
"Yes."
"Would you die for me?"
"Yes…"
I grabbed the pillow and roughly pushed it over his face. He shook and coughed and fought, but he never managed to get the pillow off. Slowly, his movements came to a slow stop and I could see blood seeping out from the pillow.
I smiled and lay on my dead lover's cold chest.
"I love you…Sesshomaru…"
OOOOO
I shot up from my sitting position and right away wished I hadn't. As soon as I did, the blood rushed from my head and I nearly fell over. Tears were streaked down my face and my breathing came in small gasps. I shot my glance over to Sesshomaru. He was lying still on the hospital bed. My eyes got hot with tears. I rushed over to him and threw my head onto his chest and held his hand in mine.
"Sesshomaru, please, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it! Please, don't die, don't die!" I choked as my tears fell freely onto his shirt. His eyes fluttered open and he ran his fingers through my hair.
"Kagome, what's the matter?" He asked in a sleepy yet concerned tone; that made me cry even harder! He was the one who was having a near death experience and he was worrying about me?
"I'm so sorry Sesshomaru, please, don't go, please don't die!" I cried into his chest. He cooed into my ear and shushed me gently.
"Kagome, I'm not going anywhere, don't cry," he said softly. "I'm right here, and that's where I'm gunna stay, there's no reason for you to be sorry."
"No Sesshomaru, you almost died for me, I almost killed you; you were almost dead because of me!"
"But I'm not, I'm right here and I love you Kagome, nothing will ever change that."
The sincerity in his voice was heart-breaking. He was telling the truth. He would always love me, he would always be there if I need him…but what I didn't like was that no matter what, he would die for me if need be. And that's something I wouldn't stand for.
"Why…why didn't you just go get the police and let them have me Sesshomaru?"
"Because what kind of a gentlemen would do such a thing?" He teased.
"Really Sesshomaru, why?" I cried.
"Kagome, I just lost my mother, my dog, and my home, please don't ask me to watch someone so close to me die again…when I know I could do something about it." He said. He rubbed his thumb on my hand. "I hardly think it's fair…and besides, I would rather die knowing I saved the life of someone I love and care for then die knowing I was a selfish coward; wouldn't you?"
I closed my eyes and felt more tears stream down my face.
"But…it's not fair; you've lost so much and all I can do is watch as you suffer; I can't help you or anything! Sesshomaru, I feel so helpless and worthless that I can't stand it! I feel like I could have saved you from what happened!"
"Maybe so, but the important thing is that we're both alive and that's what matters!"
"But what about next time Sesshomaru! What if you don't come back next time? What if you really die?"
"Then I'd die a happy man."
A sinking feeling emerged violently in the pit of my stomach. This was all my fault; love blinded him. If I stayed with him, only more bad things would happen…but if I left him, he would be even more depressed and lonely. But at least he wouldn't be plagued with all these terrible things. Ever since I moved here, he'd been going through loss and suffering…and yet here he was; smiling at me, telling me he was happy and okay. His smile looked real enough, but his eyes showed pain and sorrow. He was trying to make me feel better, he was trying to comfort me; and I almost killed him. I was the reason his mother was gone, his father a murderer, his house nothing but ashes, his dog dead, and himself nearly at death's door.
My throat ached painfully and my arms shook as I hugged him. This couldn't go on…I couldn't be the cause of his pain anymore. I sniffed and kissed him on the lips.
"I love you Sesshomaru, I'm going to go home, okay?"
"Okay, I'll see you later, and cheer up okay, we'll go see that movie if you want to, maybe tomorrow or whenever the hell I get out of here."
I smiled and tried to keep my tears from falling…which they still did.
I kissed him again on the forehead and walked out of the hospital and home. It was around three in the morning when I got home. I dropped my purse in the middle of the kitchen floor and tears found there way down my face again as I walked up to the counter.
"Last time I talked to you
You were lonely and out of place
You were looking down on me
Lost out in space
Laid underneath the stars
Strung out and feeling brave"
I reached out for a kitchen knife and sat at the table trembling with the knife firmly in my grasp.
"Watch the red and orange glow
Watch them fade away
Down here in the atmosphere
Garbage and city lights
You gotta save your tired soul
You gotta save our lives"
Tears poured from my eyes and I gripped the handle till my knuckles turned white and placed the knife on my wrist, wincing my eyes at the piercing pain. The one cut didn't go very deep, but I made another one, and another one…
"Turn on the radio
To find you on satellite
I'm waiting for the sky to fall,
I'm waiting for a sign"
My eyes snapped open and a picture of Sesshomaru showed clearly in my memory; his smile faded and his eyes looked disappointed.
"All we are is all so far…"
I dropped the knife and opened my mouth for a silent cry and fell to the floor in a miserable crying heap. I made slight gasping noises while on my hands and knees, my arm damp and red with blood.
"You're falling back to me
The star that I can see, yea
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity, yea
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there"
I held myself staining my cloths with my own blood. My arms shuddered and the floor was covered with a mixture of tears and blood. I cried and gasped for breath too difficult to catch. My head was dizzy and nausea overcame me.
"Hope you remember me
When you're homesick and need a change
I'll miss your purple hair
I'll miss the way you taste
I know you'll come back someday
On a bed of nails I wait
I'm praying that you don't burn out
Or fade away"
I'm not sure how much longer it was, but when light showed in through my window, I felt so weak, like I couldn't even breath. Something inside of me clicked in my head and I quickly lifted my head up and looked at the door.
"All we are is all so far
You've fallen back to me
The star that I can see, yea…"
I lifted myself up and staggered towards the door. I ripped the door open and my eyes widened when Sesshomaru was standing in front of me, his hand up to knock on the door, his eyes surprised and shining.
"I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, SOMEWHERE OUT THERE!"
"You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity, yea
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there"
Forgetting my weakness automatically, I swung my arms around his neck and collapsed into his chest. I cried profusely and sobbed loudly not caring what I sounded like, I just wanted him there, holding me, I felt so afraid, so alone…exactly how he felt.
"You're falling back to me
The star that I can't see, yea
I know you're out there, oh
You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity…"
He quickly embraced me and I felt him shaking with his own tears. "Kagome, what happened?"
"I know you're out there, somewhere out there!"
I didn't answer him, just cried with him in the doorway, our weeps not muffled by the sounds of traffic or anything, it was all you could hear.
"You're falling back to me
The star that I can see, yea
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there…"
His grip on me tightened and his shoulders shook. "Please tell me baby, please…" He whispered into my ear. I couldn't talk if I wanted to, my voice drowned out by our cries.
"You're falling out of reach
Defying gravity, yea
I know you're out there
Somewhere out there"
"I'm so sorry, Sesshomaru, I'm so sorry…" I managed to choke.
"But I know
I know…"
"Oh, Kagome…what could be so bad?"
"You're falling out of reach…
I know…"
OOOOOOOOO
Sad, I know, but I had to, it's an Angst after all…
R&R, give me ideas please.