This is not an original story. In fact it is one of my first. I really liked the storyline, but I was a new author. That meant that technically, I stunk. Thanks to people like Poa, Lucky47, and yes BrickRoad, hopefully I've improved. So I thought I would digitally re-master and re-release this… much like an aging rock group would their one hit.

So if you ever read the original, most of this will be really familiar. There will be some new content and a lot more details but the story is basically going to be the same. Since this was written before season 2, we didn't know about Sarah's dad. And since his story is central to this and differs dramatically from the show, I'm not going to try and fix that. So this story will remain very much AU. If this is well received well, I'll probably do the same to Fake Relationship.

Oh, one other thing that I should have mentioned is that my growth as a writer included getting a tad more explicit describing the intimate scenes. I promise, nothing that will keep this from a T rating. BTW, I blame Poa for that, lol.

I don't own Chuck, Sarah, or any of the characters portrayed here

The Decision

x-x-x-x-x

Frank smiled at Sarah sipping her coffee. "Good morning, Sarah," he said cheerily as she sat on the couch across from him. "I hope that you had a good night's sleep."

Sarah wasn't at all shy about being frank with… well, Frank. "Not really," she said with a frown. "Please don't take offense, Frank, but I am really tired of being here. When can I get back to Burbank?"

"I don't take any offense at that at all." Frank said with a soft laugh. "In fact I'd be disappointed if you were less than honest. Please don't get discouraged. We made some good progress yesterday. But we clearly still have some major work to do."

Sarah couldn't keep in her frustration. "I don't understand," she said with a big sigh. "Okay, I have some issues. I'll admit that. But you've already helped me understand them a lot better. I always thought that people were only institutionalized when they were a risk to themselves or others. Certainly you can't believe that I'm a risk to anybody?"

"You're not being institutionalized," said Frank quickly. "This is not even close to that. I hope that you don't feel that way at all. If you were a civilian you'd be home now. Unfortunately, Sarah, you're not a normal person. You're a highly trained killing machine. The agency is going to be incredibly careful before they allow you back in the field. I can think that you would understand that."

That didn't help much. "But can't we schedule some sessions in Burbank?" Sarah pleaded. "I'll commit to attend whatever you think is required. I just feel trapped here in this room. I really feel like I need to get back to Chuck."

"I know that you're going to disagree." Frank said softly. "But right now I really think that it's in your best interest to be here. I don't want you to feel trapped. That's unfortunate. But let's face it, Sarah. Your going back to Burbank right now is not the answer. What would you say to him? Let's figure that out first."

"Please, Frank," Sarah said as she tried to blink back the tears beginning to form in her eyes. "I miss him."

"I know," Frank said softly. "Trust me. I understand what you're feeling. You're sort of in a panic right now, torn between two powerful emotions. You're terrified of making an emotional commitment to Chuck and at the same time you're equally terrified of losing him. Wouldn't you agree?"

Sarah nodded as she lost her battle and the tears began to flow down her cheeks.

Frank gave Sarah a long moment to gather her composure. "I can help you," he said softly. "We can work on those issues. Can I make a deal with you? If you will take a deep breath, calm down a little, and truly work with me, I'll bring Chuck here. Would that work for you?"

Well, that got Sarah's attention. "When?" she immediately asked as her eyes noticeably brightened.

"It could be as early as tomorrow," Frank said with a smile. "But I need you to understand, we have some work to do first. You're in no condition to see Chuck right now. First you have some life decisions to make. Do we have a deal?"

"I guess I don't have much of a choice." Sarah said looking up into Frank's eyes. "Yes, we have a deal."

"Good," said Frank as he clapped his hands. "Understand something. You always have a choice, always. You just made a very important one. Let's get to work. Tell me about the instant when you first realized that you were in love with Chuck."

Sarah looked down at the floor appearing to be deep in thought. After a moment she looked back up at Frank. "I guess that would be in my hotel room," she said softly. "Bryce had just come back after we thought he was dead. We had a big shootout to save Chuck from Fulcrum. After it was over, Bryce asked me to return to being his partner …"

x-x-x-x-x

Sarah felt like cement blocks were tied to her feet while she was packing. She knew that leaving tonight with Bryce was the smart play. She just didn't want to do it.

She knew all of the reasons now by heart. After all she had gone over them time and time and time again. Bryce just made much more sense. Today's fight at the Buy More was just another example. They simply clicked professionally. Not only that, he was just like her. He knew the life she had chosen. There was no question that he was a superior agent in his own right. There was no one she would rather have at her back on a mission.

She didn't have to worry about any emotional demands from Bryce, that was for sure. He would understand completely whenever she had to flirt, or even more, with a mark. Truth be told, he would more than likely be the one to suggest that tactic. Bryce was like a wind up toy. Give him sex a couple of times a week and he was good to go. Okay, so she didn't love him. At one point she thought that maybe she did. But she now knew she could no longer pretend that was true. She didn't love him, wasn't 'in love' with him anyway. And she never would be. But wasn't love overrated anyway? Wasn't her commitment to the greater good more important than love?

Chuck, on the other hand, was almost the exact opposite. He would never be satisfied with what Agent Walker could give him and still call herself a professional. He would always want more. He would never be able to understand the things that she had to do for the job. Sure, she longed for a normal life. Who wouldn't? And, yes, Chuck was the nicest, sweetest man she could ever hope to meet. More importantly, no matter what the situation they found themselves in he could always make her laugh. There was just something about him. He was the first man she had ever met that could make her laugh. Okay, so she sometimes caught herself daydreaming about their children and what they would look like. But that was just silly schoolgirl stuff.

Because Sarah also knew that she had made a vow to serve the greater good. It was a shame but those two worlds just didn't mix very well. In order to do her duty, she would constantly have to hurt him. She absolutely knew that she wouldn't be able to look at those sad brown eyes and continue to crush him. It was clearly only a matter of time before he would whittle away at her resolve. If she was going to have a future with Chuck what it would look like was simply fait accompli. First he would insist that she become his girlfriend, then his lover, then his fiancé, and finally his wife and mother of his children. Insist was probably a bad choice of words. It implied that she wouldn't be willing somehow. That was the real problem. He would make her want to be his wife more than he did. That much was already plainly obvious.

Sarah couldn't help but smile as she imagined Chuck proposing. He would go out of his way to make it a romantic experience that she would never forget. That was his style. He was always looking to make her feel good.

"Come on Walker," she told herself. "Snap out of it. You don't love him."

As Sarah continued her packing she eventually came across Chuck's favorite blouse. It was totally predictable. He never failed to compliment her every time she would wear it. It was getting to the point where she saved wearing it for special days to make sure that it made him happy. As she began to fold the blouse, she thought about how Chuck's eyes would sparkle every time he saw her wearing it.

Bryce never commented on her appearance. Well only to encourage her to seduce someone. Oh, and to get her into bed, but only then when she was already semi naked. As a matter of fact, Bryce's favorite blouse was which ever one he was taking off her at the time and throwing on the floor.

Sure, as a woman, she really appreciated how Chuck would always take the time to compliment her. The first few times he did it she was frankly surprised by the tingle that hit her. Now she had come to expect it, truth be told looked forward to it. But it was more than that. Sarah was certainly used to being complimented by men. Chuck was different. She could see in his eyes that he meant it. He wasn't trying to be smooth, to butter her up to get something like most men, like Bryce would. She could really get used to hearing him compliment her and getting that incredible tingle for the rest of her life.

This kind of thinking sure wasn't helping. "You don't love him." she said to herself firmly. Dad had always told her that love is for suckers. But the tears in her eyes were making it hard to concentrate on her packing.

Then it happened. When Sarah went to put the blouse in the suitcase, she realized that she had already hung it back in the closet. For the life of her, she couldn't remember doing that. She knew that she was at a crossroads in her life. She absolutely knew in her heart that if she didn't leave tonight, she never would be able to again. All she could see was Chuck's face when he got the news that she was gone. The hurt look was more than she could bear. He didn't deserve to be hurt like that. In fact she would tear anyone who would hurt him like that apart with her bare hands. He was the most genuinely nicest person she had ever met.

"You don't love him," she finally sobbed to herself as she threw herself onto the bed. The decision was made. Her neatly packed clothes went flying everywhere as she kicked the suitcase off the bed.

x-x-x-x-x

Again, Frank gave her a moment to gather her composure. "So that's the point where you couldn't deny it any longer," he eventually said. "What did you do about it?"

In spite of the situation a sad smile came to Sarah's lips. "I was such a total bitch," she said. "I treated Chuck really, really badly for a few days. I snapped at him and made his life pretty miserable. Then I got an assignment to get close to a mark. We were on his yacht. I knew that Chuck and Casey were watching. I put on the skimpiest bikini I had and made sure that Chuck could see us necking. I even turned a little so that Chuck would be sure to see the mark's hand go inside my top."

"Why?"

"I don't know," Sarah said with a sigh. "I was angry at him. I guess I blamed him for making me fall in love with him. That doesn't seem very fair, does it? He would have been well within his rights to never want to see me again. But he didn't. That's just… that's just Chuck."

"I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly," Frank said. "You were overcompensating. People do all sorts of irrational things when they find themselves in love for the first time. You've never told Chuck that you love him. Is that right?"

Sarah nodded sadly. "I'm such a bitch," she sighed.

"But I assume he's told you that he loves you?"

Sarah nodded again, but this time with a grin on her face.

"Tell me about the first time."

Sarah took a moment to fondly relive the moment internally. "Well," she finally said thoughtfully. "We had gone on an outing with Chuck's sister and her finance. Our cover was that we had been dating for about six months. I knew that I couldn't tell Chuck how I felt. So I guess I sort of used that as an excuse to try and show him. It didn't work out so well…"

x-x-x-x-x

Chuck and Sarah were sitting in the back seat of Devon's car. From the front seat, Ellie couldn't contain her excitement, not that she was really trying. "I'm so excited that you and Chuck could finally come with us to the beach," she said with a huge smile. "I've been looking forward to this all week."

Sarah honestly liked Ellie. So the smile wasn't at all fake. "I'm really glad that it worked out," she said as she snuggled into Chuck. "This is really going to be fun."

Chuck was always awkward in situations where they had to pretend to be intimate. And this time was no exception. Sarah could feel that he was acting stiff so she smiled at him.

"It's okay, Chuck," she whispered in his ear as she nuzzled his neck. "Put your arm around me and relax. Don't worry about anything. This isn't a mission. Let's just have fun today."

The almost imperceptible nod that he gave her as he slipped his arm around her shoulder told her that he understood.

The day at the beach was one of the best days Sarah could ever remember in her life. Chuck kept her laughing all day, no surprise there. What was a surprise was when they played volleyball how athletic he was. Although he was not in Devon's or her league as an athlete, he certainly didn't embarrass himself. And seeing him without a shirt for the first time, well that was also a surprise. He was in much better shape than she assumed. In fact she found herself staring at him more than once.

But the thing that impressed Sarah the most was his lack of possessiveness. Naturally Sarah attracted a lot of attention at that beach in her bikini. Unless there was a mark to seduce, Bryce would have gotten all macho in that situation and made sure that everybody knew they were together. If the stares bothered Chuck, he was great at not showing it. Sarah made a conscious effort to let all the stray men know the situation. Whenever any guys would overtly stare she would go over and give Chuck a quick kiss, just to let them know who she was with.

It was even Chuck who suggested that Devon and Sarah take on the local volleyball champs. "It only makes sense." he explained. They were clearly the two strongest players. Instead of pouting like Bryce would have, Chuck actually cheered. He was even able to point out some strategy that helped Sarah and Devon win. It was a side of Chuck that Sarah had not seen much of. And it was very attractive.

On the ride home, Sarah made sure that she snuggled tightly against Chuck. Since she was still wearing only her bikini, the impression she was making was obvious. Sarah was trained to know when a man was aroused. That training was completely unnecessary today. It was that obvious. Once, Sarah leaned in to give Chuck a kiss. Her eyes sparkled with amusement as she saw his eyes widen when he felt her tongue brush between his lips. She knew that he would be embarrassed doing this in the car with his sister but she just couldn't help it. The blush in his face was so cute.

Once they got back to Ellie's place, the two couples quickly decided to head to their respective rooms. Even though Ellie was beaming at what she had witnessed all day, she was obviously more interested at this point in being alone with Devon.

As soon as Sarah led Chuck into his room, Chuck smiled. "Thanks for today," he said softly. "You've really convinced Ellie that we're a couple."

Sarah stepped up to Chuck and put her arms around his neck. Just before she kissed him she whispered, "Have I convinced you?"

The force of the kiss pushed Chuck onto his bed with Sarah on top of him. They were still engaged in the long kiss. As soon as the kiss broke, Chuck looked at Sarah with a longing in his eyes that she had never seen.

"I don't know if I'm totally convinced that we're really a couple," he whispered. "But I am convinced that I'm totally in love with you."

The words hit Sarah with a bolt of lightening. With that Chuck kissed her again. This time it was his tongue that made it past Sarah's lips. Sarah didn't really know what to do. So she did nothing. She didn't respond to the kiss but she didn't resist it either. Then she felt Chuck's hands untying the top of her bikini. It was a testament to his hand eye coordination that he had her top off before she could even react. Suddenly Chuck rolled over, putting him on top of her. One of his hands was softly massaging her now bare breast while the other hand was attempting to slide her bikini bottom off.

Sarah quickly reacted. Well, that's not exactly true. It was Agent Walker on pure instinct. It was a classic out-of-body experience. She rolled over and jumped off the bed. "I'm so sorry Chuck," she said softly as she covered her breasts with her arms. "I can't do this."

Sarah grabbed her top and went in the bathroom to put it back on. When she came out Chuck was sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands.

"I'm really sorry, Sarah," he said without looking up, his voice no more than a whisper. "I guess I misinterpreted what you were saying. I'm so sorry."

Sarah was fighting to keep her composure. Here was the nicest man in the world apologizing for being in love with her. She knew that she only had a few seconds before she totally broke down. "Please don't be sorry," she said. "Chuck, you didn't do anything to be sorry for. This is my issue. I can't do my job and … well, I can't do this right now. Please don't hate me."

When Chuck wouldn't look up, Sarah knew she had to get out of that room or break completely down in front of him. "It's best if I go," she said. "I'll go out the window so Ellie doesn't know."

Chuck simply nodded still without looking up.

"Chuck, please don't feel bad," Sarah pleaded as she opened the window. "I want this as much as you do, maybe more. I just can't right now."

As Sarah closed the window she saw Chuck throw himself face down onto his pillow. His body was heaving with emotion. Sarah had to sit in her car for over an hour before she could compose herself enough to drive home.

x-x-x-x-x

Frank and Sarah had developed somewhat of an unspoken agreement. He would pretend that he couldn't see her tears and she wouldn't try and hide them.

Frank waited a moment for Sarah to compose herself purposefully averting his gaze while she wiped the tears from her eyes. Then he turned to her softly. "You really wanted him?" he asked. "Didn't you?"

"I've never wanted anything more in my whole life, Frank. Ever. I can't believe how much I wanted it. It was a little scary."

"You told Chuck that the reason was the job," Frank said. "Do you think that he bought it?"

"I'm not sure what you mean."

"Do you think that he accepted that reason?" Frank asked insistently. "You were telling him that you couldn't be in love with him and also do your job. You still are, right? You're also telling him that your job is more important to you than he is."

"But that is the reason." Sarah protested. "Chuck knows how important my job is to me. He knows how dedicated I am and how much I'm driven by my sense of duty. He understands. He has always accepted that I could only give him what the job would allow. He's far too sweet to ever put any pressure on me about that."

Frank paused a moment, more for dramatic effect than anything. "Well," he said. "Then I'm afraid that you're really not going to like what I'm about to tell you. I just got a call from Director Graham. They have decided that if you insist on seeing Chuck, you'll have to resign your position in the CIA. If you stay in the CIA, they are going to reassign you as soon as you're cleared for duty. You'll never see him again."

"What?" Sarah cried.

"I have your resignation letter right here." Frank said as he held up a clipboard for her to see. There was clearly a document secured on the clipboard. "If you sign it, Chuck will be here in the morning. If you don't, I'm afraid that you'll never see him again."

"How can they expect me to make that decision?" Sarah asked frantically.

"I guess they've come to the conclusion that you're right," Frank said firmly. "How can you do your job effectively and be in love with your asset? It wouldn't work. And, Sarah, you know the CIA. They don't give a fig about your personal happiness. They just want you to be effective in the field."

Sarah simply sat staring numbly straight ahead unable to say a word with tears filling her eyes.

After a moment, Frank sighed. "It's okay, Sarah," he said in a soothing tone. "Don't worry. I'll let Chuck know. I'm sure he'll understand. After all, you're probably right. He knows the life you've chosen, the sacrifices you've made. He may be a little torn up for a while but I'll make sure he gets some counseling. He'll be fine eventually, I promise."

"Give me the letter," Sarah said through her tears.

Frank handed the clipboard to Sarah. She signed the bottom of the document without looking and tossed the clipboard and pen ungracefully back on the desk.

Frank smiled the smile of victory. "When it comes right down to it," he said gently. "That was a pretty easy decision, wasn't it?"

Sarah just nodded.

Now Frank's smile had turned into a broad grin. "You didn't even look at it before you signed it, did you?"

Sarah didn't know what he wanted her to say so she just looked at him with a confused look.

Frank picked up the clipboard from the desk. He slid the document that Sarah had just signed out of the clipboard and made a big show out of ripping it into small pieces.

Franks grin at her puzzled look grew a bit. "That was actually an application for a credit card," he said. "I think it was a MasterCard. They send me these damn things all of the time. I never thought one would come in handy. You should really read things before you sign them."

Sarah just looked at Frank with a surprised look.

"Sarah, I'm sorry to have played you like that," he continued with a smile. "But you've been telling yourself, Chuck, and anybody else who would listen that your job is the reason that you can't be with Chuck. Now we both know that is a total rationalization. It's a lie you've convinced yourself is true. You've just proven it. You just had to choose between your job and Chuck. Your decision was pretty easy. I have an idea. After lunch maybe we can stop all this avoidance nonsense and perhaps get you to admit to yourself the real reason."

x-x-x-x-x