Chapter Two: Lonely Years

Maybe we could get together for a coffee one of these days? This question had been haunting him for a week, but during the last day all he could think of was this one sentence. They'd met a week before, when her question had surprised him, and he'd rushed to make it clear that he was actually in kind of a relationship at that moment. He wasn't sure why she'd wanted to meet him later, but he hadn't wanted any misunderstandings between them. He'd thought it'd been for the better.

He'd arrived back to Chicago only a few weeks before. Actually he'd never intended to come back, but life had arranged it in a different way. Chicago had been the past for him, something he'd forgotten about and started a different life. He'd d travelled around the continent, spent time with family and old friends, tried to enjoy his life without work. He'd thought he'd finally deserved this freedom, he'd worked hard for it.

He could have lost almost everything he'd ever owned if it hadn't been for Diane, he was still grateful to her and had long forgiven her for rejecting his proposal. He'd actually taken the time to think about her reasons too. Just because he'd wanted to change his life he couldn't have forced her into doing the same. She loved that life, he used to love that life too and found himself missing it after a while. Doing nothing hadn't exactly been his thing, especially since he couldn't share his life with anyone, except for his friends and family. But he'd become lonely throughout the years and he hadn't liked being lonely. Work had always comforted him for lonely periods, but it had been different without.

After a while he'd found himself looking for someone, someone to share his life with. He'd gone up to women from time to time, tried to get to know them, using the old tricks, but those apparently hadn't worked any more or he'd just simply been unlucky. After some months of trying he'd realised how desperate he'd been and stopped searching, and only a few weeks later he seemed to find someone nevertheless.

He'd met her accidentally at the airport in Denver where he'd gone to visit his friend from high school. He'd been about to get in a cab when he'd seen a woman running towards the vehicle. He'd looked around, but hadn't seen any other taxis around any more, he'd wanted to get into the last one. She'd apologized and explained that she'd been late from an important conference and she'd asked whether they could share the taxi and he hadn't mind. They'd begun to talk inside the car and when they'd dropped her off at her destination she'd given him her number.

That was how it had started and they'd actually dined together the next night. She was a business woman, with her own advertising agency, she'd inherited from her father. She also had two grown-up sons and an ex-husband. She'd shared all these information with him on that first night, and he'd found her talkative nature quite appealing. In addition to that she was also funny, not to mention attractive. He'd found himself falling for her after those two times they met, so when it had actually turned out she was from Chicago, the city he'd managed to forget about, it had already been too late.

She'd had to leave Denver after a few days and since they'd seemed to have started something there, she'd hoped to see him again in Chicago. He'd told her about his life in general, but since she hadn't mentioned her home town, he hadn't mentioned it either. But it had turned out she was living in a city he'd wished not to see again. This fact had made him think about the last few years, when he'd kind of done nothing with his life. He'd realised that he'd needed the normality again, going back to work, living his old life, the life that he used to love.

He'd decided to be honest with her and told her about the trial that had made him leave the city and his profession, but he'd told her that maybe a visit to his past would do him good and he'd wanted to see her again. He'd promised her he'd call her soon and visit and indeed he had. And after he'd arrived back to Chicago he'd also started thinking about going back to work and a few weeks later he'd already been dealing with a new case like before. He and Lilian had continued what they'd started in Denver, going out, having dinner, getting to know each other and it had gone quite well until the day he'd happened to bump into Diane Lockhart.

He'd heard about her leaving her firm and becoming a judge. He'd thought she'd have never left her firm, he'd been wrong. He'd kept himself wondering what changes it could have meant for her life. She was someone special for him, someone he'd wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He cared about her, wanted her to find happiness and he hoped she managed to find it in her new job.

But the previous day – a week after they'd accidentally met at the court house – he'd found a reason to believe Diane wasn't indeed happy with her life. He wasn't sure, he didn't know her that well, but he'd seen her sitting alone in a coffee shop from the window and somehow he had a feeling that she'd been lonely. He knew that feeling too well himself.

Seeing her there he'd started to regret that he'd turned down her offer to meet. They could have met as friends and probably Diane had meant her offer exactly that way, he shouldn't have brushed her off so easily. He'd been thinking about going into the shop at once, but he hadn't been entirely sure in his decision yet, besides he hadn't wanted to surprise her again. He wanted them to be equals when they meet again, so they both could be prepared.

He spent the next day wondering if he was planning to do the right thing. He wasn't sure they could really meet as friends. The physical attraction was something they had never been able to control when they'd been together. But he wasn't free anymore and it gave him sort of a safety. He really liked Lilian and he wasn't the kind of man to hurt a woman's feelings. Their relationship or whatever it had been with Diane belonged to the past and this unexplainable desire he felt to meet her again was also different than before. She was someone he still truly cared for and maybe he was wrong, but he kind of felt that she needed him in a certain way. She'd suggested the meeting and it was actually the least he could do for her, considering what she'd done for him. He didn't feel like he owed her this, it was more of something he wished to do for her and deciding that he would actually do it made him feel better already.