C H A P T E R O N E

This is it. You can do this.

That was the little mantra that I kept repeating over and over in my head as I pulled up to the empty Cullen household. Today was the day that I was going to let go, to give up. I had to let my past, and the Cullens go… forever. If I didn't, it would kill me.

The Cullens were gone, vanished, missing. They had abandoned me, again. I thought it was impossible, but apparently it wasn't.

Trick me once, shame on you. Trick me twice, shame on me. That was exactly my story.

I'm not going to lie, I saw this coming. Past was repeating itself, and I had denied it.

It had started three weeks into summer, the summer in which I was planning to get married and become a vampire. I was going to officially become a member of the Cullen family. I thought that I was going to be granted my wish, but I was so wrong.

Anyway, it began with little things, stuff that most people wouldn't even notice, or would probably just ignore. But I had always been more perceptive than most people. A gift or a curse, I will never know.

Rosalie, who had begun to attempt to be nicer to me, began to ignore me again. Carlisle started working at the hospital more and more. Jasper and Emmett went hunting almost constantly. Edward, Alice, and Esme were the only three that continued with their regular behaviors. Well…sort of. I had noticed that their eyes had a strange look in them when they were looking at me. Almost…angry. Angry and sorrow filled.

I didn't understand it at first. I tried to just push it out of my thoughts, but it was always nipping at the edges of my mind. I thought that maybe, it was just pre-wedding nerves. Especially in Edward's case, since he had never been married before either.

But as a few more weeks passed, the behaviors got worse.

Rosalie and Emmet were gone; they had gone to Ireland for a few weeks. They had however, promised to be back for the wedding. At least, that's what Alice told me. Jasper ignored me completely and avoided all contact with me when I was at the Cullen house. I thought that maybe my emotions were driving him crazy, due to all the stress I was under because of the wedding and the Cullen's strange behavior. Esme and Carlisle were visiting the Denali coven. Alice told me that they had missed their friends there dearly, and were just making a quick visit. Alice and Edward were the only two that remained in the house, and were speaking to me.

A few days before their departure, Alice turned on me too. I remembered what happened so clearly, that I was sure I would never forget.



"Bella. " Alice had started, enunciating every word sharply. "I think you should be more independent. You depend on my family too much."

I had been re-reading Wuthering Heights again while she had spoken. I dropped the book when she finished and turned to her. I'm sure my eyes were as wide as plates.

"WHAT?!" I shrieked. The way she had spoken was so biting and mean. I couldn't believe that little Alice, my best friend, had talked to me like that. She had basically rubbed the fact that I wasn't part of her family in my face.

She looked at me like I had an IQ of negative 8. "I said…" she started, very slowly.

"I know what you said Alice. But why would you say that? Pretty soon I will be a Cullen soon. We will be sisters than." I said, smiling at her hopefully.

For a moment, I saw the old Alice come back to life. A hopeful smile appeared on her face, but quickly disappeared and was replaced with a biting scowl.

"You never know Bella." She said, standing up and heading for the door. "Sometimes, plans change. And for the better." As she finished she slammed the door and left me sitting in her room, dumfounded. That was the last time I saw little Alice Cullen.

When I told Edward, he just brushed it off. He said that Alice was probably just stressed, and I believed him.

The next few days were spent at my house, just Edward and I. I was too nervous to face Alice again. During those days, things were perfect. Edward and I just relaxed and had some serious make out sessions. Even more than normal, not that I minded. But the night before the Cullen's disappeared, something very odd happened.

"Bella." He said. "I can't stay tonight, I have to go hunting. But I will be back tomorrow morning." The look on his face was off, too fake.

I turned and snaked my arms around him. "Okay." I said reluctantly. I had the strangest feeling that I shouldn't let him go.

"But Bella, I want you to know something." He spoke stepping away from me so that he could look me in the eye. "I want you to know that everything my family and I do, we do for you."

"Edward what do you…?"I started to ask but stopped as soon as I realized that he was gone.

Dread settled into me. I knew that something was wrong. Something was going to happen, and I knew it wasn't good.

I didn't sleep that whole night. I tried but I tossed and turned. My bad feeling didn't go away, it just got worse.



Finally the morning came and I couldn't be more relieved. I got ready as slowly as possible, so that I wouldn't have to wait long for Edward. As soon as I was done getting ready and eating I went and sat on my front steps to wait for Edward.

And I waited, and waited, and waited.

I sat there on that cold, bitter step until the night came and settled in. I sat there through three hours of rain. I was cold, wet, and pissed off.

At ten I decided to go over to the Cullen house and find out what was going on. The Edward I knew was a gentleman, he would never just ditch me and leave me waiting.

I drove up to the Cullen house and parked. I took a few deep breaths and tried to calm myself down. I mean, this could all just be a misunderstanding right? A mistake?

Wrong.

I walked up the house and knocked on the door.

No answer.

I knocked again.

No answer.

I tried the back door.

No answer.

I looked in the garage.

Empty. Completely empty, of the Cullen cars and the Cullens.

I had to resort to looking in the windows of the house. I felt like a stalker, at best.

What I saw was shocking. All the furniture was covered with white sheets, all the lights were off. No one was there.The Cullens were gone. They had left me. For the second time.

I stood in front of that window for God knows how long. You see, I was waiting. Waiting to collapse into tears, to fall back into a zombie like state. Without the Cullens, who was I?

And then it came to me, I was Bella.

Bella Swan.

And I didn't need Edward. I didn't need Alice. I didn't need ANY of them.

I would survive. I would have a life.



I was going to live.

And it wasn't for them, it was for me.

I strode off that porch and threw my car door open. I jumped in and smiled as I started the deafening engine and sped down the road, and away from the Cullens house.

I was sure that that was the last time I would ever see the Cullen house ever again.

But here I was again. I had decided that I wasn't going to sink to the Cullen's level. I was going to give them a proper goodbye.

So here I was, sitting on the hood of my ancient truck, staring up at the mammoth house. The wind was blowing my hair around, creating an abstract veil.

I didn't hate the Cullens. I don't think I ever could. Even though they had abandoned me, they had done so much for me. And in my own sick way, I would always consider them family. But just because I considered them that, doesn't mean I wasn't mad at them.

I was determined to show the world who I was, and what I could do. I was going to leave the old Bella here in Forks. I was leaving today and I wasn't looking back. It was time for a new Bella to be invented. A stronger, independent, graceful, and beautiful Bella. A Bella who would be respected and loved, by everyone she knew. A Bella who would also love herself and be happy.

I got off the hood of my truck and walked to the house. I went to the mailbox and took the letter that I had written out of my pocket. I had spent hours staring at the dumb little scrap, trying to think of the right words to say. When it finally came to me, I was impressed with myself. I had never been good with words, but I had done pretty well this time.

On the letter it said the following:

Time will pass and I will age, but you will not.

Time will make me forget, while you will always remember.

But I will not fear time, I will embrace it.

It's my time, and I will not wait for you.

Your choice has been made, but mine hasn't.

My life is just beginning.

Yours will never end, so enjoy your outcomes.

I know, I know. The letter is a little…cryptic. Plus, a little bitter. But I am still hurt, and they needed to understand that I can, and will, survive without them.



I had put the letter in an envelope and placed the wedding ring that Edward had given me inside.

I opened the mailbox and placed in my letter, hoping that they would get it eventually. I f they didn't, that was five hours spent for nothing.

I took a deep breath and smiled. I could breathe, I could function. Without the Cullens. This would not be like the first time. Only a weak person would do that, the old Bella would do that.

And she didn't exist to me anymore.

A crack of thunder sounded over my head, and I noticed the darkening sky. This was it.

I walked back to my car and paused for a moment. Part of me would always want to be a Cullen. Part of me would always be hopelessly in love with Edward. Part of me would always crave to be immortal, to be a vampire. But right now, those parts were silenced. I was ready to start again, to be reinvented.

I didn't look back, but that didn't stop the warm tears from falling for the last time. My crying was over.

What doesn't kill you will evidently make you stronger.

Right?