Be spider 8itch

Woooooooow real funny there. Like you have not heard that one numerous times already. You have heard that same expression so much that it almost equals the amount of irons you have on the fire. Which is impressive considering you have all the irons on the fire. Aaaaaaaaall of them.

Try again asshole!

Be Vriska Serket

You are now VRISKA SERKET, otherwise known as the Thief of light. You have an obsession with anything involving pirates. One fateful day you and 11 other trolls decided to play a certain game known as Sgrub. This game helped you escape the impending doom of your home planet, Alternia. You have gone through countless trials and challenges since then. You also became a god halfway through the game.

So, that was cool.

When your group was about to beat the game and claim the ULTIMATE REWARD, you were denied of victory by an unbeatable boss that was later discovered to have been the byproduct of another game session. A lot of shit happened and then some more shit happened, which now left you in the position you are now. Hurtling through paradox space in a meteor.

You haven't had the best of luck recently. Which is absurd considering you are supposed to have all the luck. You had a plan and everything set up to defeat the invincible super baddie and become the hero of the entire universe, but instead everything went to shit. You had decided to face Jack Noire (the invincible boss) by yourself to try and save everyone. But of course Terezi had to come and get in her way. You two had a little fight (you were totally winning) but then were suddenly distracted by the arrival of the humans Rose and Dave. Terezi had used the opportunity to catch you unawares and knocking you out. Next thing you know you wake up to John watching over you. He apparently had arrived previously thanks to Harley's space powers or something. If there was one good thing that came from all of this is that you finally get to spend some time with the human dork you helped become a god. Since then you have spent the great majority of your time dicking around and watching movies starring the human legend known as Nicholas Cage.

Now that you think about it you have not interacted much with the other humans. Frankly, they don't interest you that much. Well, if there is one that you have slightly acknowledge, that would be Rose Lalonde. One of the main reason is because, like you, she is a Hero of Light too. Being a Hero of Light is big deal considering you are one too, although she is not as good at it as you.

Obviously

She also gains your respect because of how far she went to give a middle finger to the game while trying to win it too. The plan went to shit but the attempt was commendable. She also has taken the attention of Kanaya for some reason. Now that you think about it, Kanaya hasn't interacted with you much since the game started. The last time you had interacted with her was during the time you were formally introduced to Rose. She is your morail (or was your morail) but she has been giving you the cold shoulder for some time. What did you do to make this happen? It's not like Fussyfangs hates you now right? She would never. She probably will get over it eventually. Right?

Maybe you should go talk to her. Obviously not because your worried or anything!

Yeah

You make your journey towards the 'living room' or 'common room' or whatever the fuck the room is called where everyone hangs out. This place was taken up by a table and a couple bean bag chairs. There was also something called a 'coffee maker' which apparently made some sort of human beverage. You might try it sometime in the future. You look around trying to find Kanaya so you can clear stuff up with her. There's not many people around apparently, which is alright by you. You find the weird black carapace creature known as 'The Mayor' that came in with the humans. You have actually met him before and you have to say he is actually kind of cool in your book. You find Terezi drawing some dumb bullshit in the corner with chalk. Yeaaaahh, you aren't dealing with that shit right now. After the whole knocking you out and stopping you from being the hero you're kind of pissed off at her. More than usual that is, you don't even want to pester her. Whatever, you'll mess with her some other time. The last person present is none other than Rose herself. She is sitting in the table.

Ugh, why is Kanaya making herself sparse when you are trying to look for her? Whatever, Rose probably knows where she is. She is currently reading some book about something that you probably don't care.

"Heeeeeeeey there Lalonde." You call out to her as you sit opposite to her. She looks slightly annoyed at someone pestering her. She looks up and recognizing the person in front of her she changes her expression to a slight smile. That is odd.

"Oh Vriska, how are you doing today. Is nice that you're here since we really haven't talked since we met each other day." Rose said with a calm voice. There is something suspicious about this one.

"Hey, do you know where Kanaya is? I figure you would know since you spend so much time with her" you say briskly. Rose takes a second to ponder before coming with a response.

"Sorry Vriska, but I haven't seen her today." Why did that take her so long to even say!

"Auughh, of course I can't find her when I need her." You grumble to yourself.

"Did you require her for something important?" she asks

"No, it doesn't matter. I can probably find her later." You slouch on your sit with an annoyed look on your face. Rose looks at you with a raised eyebrow before taking out her husktop and started typing in it. This continues for some time with both of you saying nothing. You don't have the drive to do anything today. Besides talking to Kanaya and hanging out with John, you don't have any interest with interacting with the other assholes living in the meteor. They probably don't want to even acknowledge you either.

Not like you could blame them.

"Soooooooo what are you doing?" apparently you are so bored that you have stooped to pestering one of John's human friends. It has been just a couple of days in this stupid meteor and you are already losing your mind.

"Well before your arrival I was reading through a book that Kanaya had recommended to me."

"Is it about rainbow drinkers?"

"It is, how did you know?"

"Ofcourse it is. Kanaya is obsessed with them. She problably has a whole bookcase dedicated towards trashy rainbow drinker novels." Kanaya's affinity towards rainbow drinkers has been something you have teased her for. And apparently it was so big that she ended up becoming a rainbow drinker herself. Somehow. "Hey, did humans have rainbow drinkers or what."

"Yes we had them actually. Although they were called vampires and they had a weakness towards the sun, unlike rainbow drinkers." Rose responded in a calm manner maintaining her slight smile. You don't know why but you don't like that smile. Not at all.

"Vampires? That sounds even dumber than rainbow drinkers. Do you actually like this shit. No wonder you two hang out so much, you both like reading trashy novels." You say to her.

"They're not trashy, you just don't like them." She responds in a deadpan voice seemingly unfazed by the bait laid in the statement. "…. Could I ask you something now that you are here?"

Huh. What could she want to ask you?

"What is it?" you ask.

"Kanaya has been telling me how her life was back in Alternia. Although she hasn't said much of how Alternia was outside of what she did as her daily routine, which included killing zombies apparently." So that's what she wants to know. Well, no hurt in telling her.

"Well for one we didn't stay awake during the day. Unless you're fussyfangs that is, and coupled with the fact that she lived in the middle of the dessert made it really hard to actually visit her." You said to her in an exasperated manner. "Atleast it got easier once I stole those rocket boots from a couple highblooded shmups during a FLARP campaign."

You remember it fondly. Those idiots were talking shit and couldn't back it up. Goes to show, don't fuck with Serket. Spider mom was really happy that night.

"It sounds like you two were close back then." she said. "Or atleast it sounds like that if you would take the time to visit her despite her location."

"Well of course we're close. We've been morails for sweeps." Or atleast you were, she doesn't really want to talk to you for some reason. It's not like she had broken up with you. Officially.

"You are? Kanaya never mentioned that to me." Rose says, face lighting up slightly with interest. Has Kanaya really never mentioned that? That is not a good sign, but then again talking to your new found alien friend about you romantic partners doesn't sound right. Yeah that must be it.

"You know Vriska," she opens her mouth again. "I actually have a couple inquiries about the troll's romance quadrants. Personally I find the topic kind of interesting. Humans only ever had one form of romance."

"Yeah, John told me that. You humans are a bunch of weirdoes. I remember joking about the fact that Strider and Vantas were waxing black for each other and he looked at me with the dumbest expression."

"What does waxing black even mean? Does it have something to do with the weird hate quadrant?" Rose asked

"Ding ding ding you are correct." You say sarcastically. "Also, having a kissmesis is not weird, it's amazing."

"It sounds like you are talking from experience."

"Of course. Talking to me is your best bet to understanding the pitch quadrant, because I'm the only one who had a kissmesis." You say smugly. "Karkat hasn't been in a real relationship and his only experience are his stupid romcoms. Terezi has no experience either. Same with Kanaya and Nepeta, no experience with a kissmesis. I'm not even going to mention fucking Gamzee."

Rose looks at you for a second and then responds. "Then, could you tell me about it. You have the most experience, or so you say, when it comes to this form of troll romance. Maybe you can explain it to me."

Huh? Why would you do that though?

"Why would I do tha…" you start until you are suddenly interrupted.

"What are you guys talking about?!" Nepeta suddenly comes out of nowhere to butt in on your conversation. You swear, it's like talking about either romance or shipping summons her.

"Just a little session of cultural exchange. Vriska was going to tell me about kissmesitude." Rose seems to not be bothered at all by Leijon's interruption.

"Really. I could help, I'm purr-etty knowledgeable to this kind of stuff." Nepeta says excitedly. You can't help yourself and start laughing. Both Rose and Nepeta look at you in confusion.

"Hehehe that was funny." You say after getting your laughing under control, "Leijon, your whole shipping shtick does not make you a romance expert. You never even had a kissmesis."

"What does it matter if I have never had a hissmesis? I think the whole black quadrant is dumb." Nepeta responds while frowning

Did she just say that?

"Oh heeeeeeeell no Leijon. It's not stupid." You snap back

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

During all this Lalonde just sat back watching. A little amused smirk on her face. You don't know what pisses you off more: having an argument with Nepeta about the quadrants, or the fact that rose is enjoying it. Man, why don't just bring Karkat here while you're at it.

"What the fuck are you fuckwits going on about?!"

"Oh hey Karkitty!"

YOU WERE FUCKING KIDDING!

AN: Finally finished this fucking chapter. It took so long because I kept losing interest and inspiration. I also had to deal with school.

I hope you enjoyed this and please favorite, review and follow or whatever.

Also if you are asking why Nepeta is still alive, it's because I like her.

C ya