I woke up to my phone alarm going off. I should start getting ready to head out to the airport. Honestly, I probably wouldn't make it by "tomorrow" but that's only because of the length of the flight and then the 14 hour time change.

I got my suitcase which had 10% clothes, 90% recording/computer stuff. My carry on had some other stuff I would need (shampoo, deodorant, etc.). Then I had a personal bag (the one that I keep at my feet) that had books and anything that couldn't fit. Honestly, I didn't have much. It does sound like a lot, but I was staying in Canada for a month. So was everyone else. God, this trip would be awkward.

I was half an hour away from the airport, so I was left alone with my thoughts, probably the worst company anyone could ever have. Well, there was also the taxi driver, but it's not like he wanted to talk. Within that time, I realized what I was agreeing to. I was spending a month with people who might hate me. And the fact that I didn't know if they hated me or not made it worse.

"Hey, kid. We're at the airport," the driver said, pulling me from my trance.

"Oh, sorry," I apologized, paying him and getting out of the car.

Those 30 minutes were just bad thoughts, how was I going to spend the endless hours on the plane?

I sat near the entrance of the airport. I was finally in Canada. Yay, I guess. I texted Mitch saying that the plane landed and I was waiting for him. Twenty minutes passed and I didn't get a response. It said that he read the message, but he probably just forgot that I needed to be picked up. I've been in Canada once before, and it only took 5 minutes to get to the airport. Why was it always me who was forgotten?

As if fate heard me and thought, "Don't be so ungrateful you have these people," someone tapped my shoulder. I quickly wiped the depressed look from my face and turned around. I was expecting to see Mitch there, but instead stood Rob.

"Sorry dood, Mitch is in the middle of a recording and he couldn't pick you up," Rob said.

I pulled on a fake smile and said, "It's okay – better late than never, right?"

Once we got into the car, the air became tense. Neither of us really wanted to talk to the other. It was awkward and I was honestly scared at what the subject would come up as if either of us started talking.

"Look, Lachlan. I'm really sorry about what happened. Vikk and I didn't mean any of that and we want you to know that we'll take all the blame. Preston kept trying to get us to stop talking and so did Mitch, but Mitch also knew that you joined the call. I'm so sorry," Rob said, breaking the silence.

I thought for a moment before answering, "I forgive you."

Rob looked slightly taken aback. "What? That easily? I'm not saying that I'm not glad you forgave us, but we did say a lot of crap about you," he said.

"Yeah, I guess. I…" I hesitated before continuing, "It's all true. You guys had every right to say that and I know that you guys meant it. I know that you both lied about not meaning it, but I don't mind. You just don't want to hurt my feelings."

I saw a small flash of annoyance on Rob's face, but it was soon replaced with his normal happy expression. I didn't understand why he looked so mad, but then I realized my mistake. I just made myself sound even more self-pitying than I usually do. Great job, Lachlan. Just what you needed to help your case, I thought to myself.

Luckily, we arrived at his, Mat, and Mitch's house soon after the short conversation. I knew that Vikk and Preston were already there and Mat was probably out (because Mat's really the only one who kinda had a life).

Rob and I got out of his car and he silently unlocked the door to the house. It was just as messy as it was when I was there the first time. I could see the living room from the front door and everyone was sitting in or around the couch. Even Mat.

When they heard the door open, all their heads turned towards me. Yup. Super awkward. "Um… Hi guys," I said.

"Hey, Lachlan," Mat answered. He was the only one who wasn't in the call, so he most likely didn't understand why everything was so tense.

"Hi," Vikk nearly whispered, looking away.

"Um… Why don't I show you to your room?" Mitch cut in. He stood up, picked up my carry on, and dragged me upstairs.

"Do you believe them? Do you think they're right – that everything you know about me is a lie?" I asked once we were in what was technically my room.

The same guilty face that Rob and Vikk had was on Mitch's face. "Um… I don't know… They know you a lot better than I do… I don't really have a right to have a say in what personality traits you do and do not have," Mitch answered.

"Oh. Okay, then," I said.

With that, he walked out of the room. I just dumped all my bags into a corner and sat on my bed.

So it wasn't just Vikk and Rob. Mitch was obviously lying; he had his mind made about what he thought about me. Preston was too nice to say anything and Mat had no clue. Or Mat just silently thought it to himself.

But how can they know more about me than I know about myself? The person who's supposed to know you best is yourself, so why don't I know myself at all? I honestly can't even tell the majority of personality – I really only know what my therapist has told me.

And that's another thing. I know that I've said this before, but I feel like I haven't told my only friends anything. They don't know I'm depressed, never mind that I had to see a therapist because of it. The only traits that I could pull from myself were untrustworthy and self-pitying.

"Hey, Lachlan?" someone asked as they knocked on the bedroom door.

"Yeah?" I answered.

"Can I come in?" the same voice said. I could tell that it was Preston, the guy who said I was his Australian other half. Maybe we'll find out what he truly thinks about me on this trip. Fun.

"Sure," I said.

Preston slowly opened the door and walked in. "Are you okay?" he cautiously asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I lied.

"Come on, Lachlan. Don't lie to me. You are literally oozing out depression. Tell me what's wrong?" he said.

"I don't really want to…" I said, trying to avoid it.

"Please, Little Lachy? Talking through it is the best way," Preston continued.

I took a deep breath and said, "Fine." Preston sat down next to me and waited for me to start talking. "Well, I always catch myself thinking about what Rob and Vikk said. I can't tell if they're right or not. I don't know myself well enough, and it seems like everyone agrees with them. I just don't know," I confessed.

"That's not true! Not everyone thinks that! I'm sure your fans disagree!" Preston said.

"What about you, though? What do you think of me?" I asked.

"Um… Well… I- Uh- I don't know…" Preston lied. I sighed and looked down.

"Can you at least tell the truth?" I said in an almost annoyed voice.

"I don't really want to…" Preston said.

At that point I didn't really need him to answer. The fact that he didn't want to tell this stuff straight to my face proved that he agreed with everyone else. Out of everyone, I expected Preston to be least judgmental, but he's just like everyone else. Or I'm just that horrible.

"Whatever… I think I just need some alone time," I said.

"You sure? You live alone and you spent a long time alone on the plane," Preston asked.

"Yeah. I think I just need to think some things through," I answered. To be honest, being alone was probably the worst way to think through my problems though.

"Okay then…" Preston left, closing the door behind him.

I have to record with these guys while I'm here too. Man, this trip would be rough.