Disclaimer: Oregairu doesn't belong to me, all rights reserved to Wataru Watari.
I've taken an exceptional amount of imaginative liberty when writing this; so if there's anything that seems factually off, please let me know, so I can embarrassingly and discretely edit the chapter(s).
Instructor Hikigaya's Smartphone
"Hyah! You were already here?! How early can someone get up? Aren't you a college student? You should be sleeping in until an hour in your first class!"
Hiratsuka Shizuka's entrance into the family restaurant was anything but subtle. She practically charged past the waitress who greeted her the moment she saw him.
"I've been a graduate student for two years. And I'm teaching my first class today at nine; didn't I already tell you?"
Truth be told, Hikigaya was amazed. It had been a year of avoiding contact with Hiratsuka-sensei, but she looked and acted the same as she had when she was his teacher. In fact, the longer he looked at her, the more he was convinced this was Hiratsuka Shizuka's secret younger sister. How old is she? She should be at least thirty years old, defin- Wait, thirty?! Women in their twenties wish they looked as good as this thirty plus-year old woman!
"Hey, keep looking at me like that and I'll scrape those eyes of yours clean with this fork."
It was definitely the same Hiratsuka-sensei.
She sat across from him, straightening her suit jacket and putting one of the toothpicks from the side into her mouth. Quitting cigarettes must really suck as much as those gum advertisements say.
"Still, I'm somewhat surprised by you, Hikigaya. Why teach, even if only as a graduate student?"
Wasn't it obvious? "I'm independent now. The bills don't pay themselves, and the last job really sucked."
Hiratsuka gnawed on her toothpick a little rougher. "That isn't what I mean. I'm asking why teaching. You could opt for research or field work for your requirement towards the university."
Certainly, what she was saying is true. However, Hikigaya found research in literature, philosophy, or any other instance of liberal arts higher education to ultimately be pointless. The greatest things were written years ago; the greatest things of the future have yet to be written. Hikigaya was knowledged, but he was certain he wasn't going to be the next Dickens. Field work was even worse, since that meant he would often be forced to visit neighboring universities, which just saturated him in having to interact with other people. He learned early on that there was nothing more annoying or infuriating than the rampant competition in academia.
"I'm not lecturing some introductory class, you know. I know the instructor, the material is interesting to me, and any student who made it this far into the program clearly has at least some ounce of caring or potential. They don't have to like me. I get paid by going over material they should already be preparing for."
Hiratsuka gave him a wry smile mixed with pride that said "You really are young and clueless, aren't you?" It was an all-knowing look that annoyed her former student.
"Mm. If you say so. I guess you're right." With that expression on her face, her words were pretty much lies right to his face. She was just saying it in hopes that they would drop the conversation. Hiratsuka seldom ever chastised him or "guided" him as heavily as she did in the past. He couldn't deduce why, but he angrily assumed it was pity.
A waitress had come by and taken their orders. The two sipped their drinks while one of them pondered on what to say next, and the other was hoping his teacher called him out to this place for an actual reason.
It took the high school teacher a minute before she continued.
"When was the last time you went home, Hikigaya?"
Hikigaya clenched his jaw. He really wasn't up to Twenty Questions with Hiratsuka-sensei. He considered telling her that he just came from out of his apartment, but knew that wasn't the answer was wanted.
"Two years to-" A scoff came out from the other side of the table. He ignored it for now. "I just went over to pick up some stuff, that's all."
"Komachi is worried about you. 'said you didn't pick up the phone or reply to her messages anymore."
He felt her eyes peering directly into him. He knew before arriving that this meeting would be more of an interrogation than breakfast. Hiratsuka-sensei was incapable of the stealth, and he had never known her to be liar. She didn't wear her heart on her sleeve, but it didn't take much for someone to see it.
Moreso than anyone else, he was grateful to Hiratsuka-sensei following his hazardous third year of high school. In the five years since; Hiratsuka-sensei never directly brought up the past. When his grades plummeted down into the concrete, she called him into her office and sat him down. He expected her to scold him, tell him that time heals all wounds, violently shake him and cry in front of him, telling how much she was sorry for everything, that the world wasn't fair for what had happened, and that it was a lesson she hoped he would never have to learn. He wasn't being arrogant, and he certainly didn't expect somebody's empathy: the looks she gave him told him enough.
Instead, Hiratsuka-sensei always calmly asked him if there was anything she could help him with. Probably not the words a teacher should be saying to a student who was becoming truant, but he never considered their relationship as standard teacher-student in the first place. She wasn't like the others, who had avoided him out of pity or tailed him constantly out of concern.
Now, when he thinks of his friends and family, he feels guilty. Yuigahama had stopped sitting with her clique, and spent her free time in school with him, either through lunch or even the minutes of transition between classes. To his surprise, her friends didn't say anything, and didn't ostracize her for it. He supposed that was the most respect he had ever gotten from his peers. Obviously, they had both stopped attending the Service Club. It hurt too much when they went the last time, without their third sitting at the end of the table.
"Hikigaya?" He whipped his head up, having momentarily forgotten where he was, and why he was her
"… You don't understand. When you respond to that member of the Hikigaya family's message… it's like holding a palmful of ground beef to a leopard." He wasn't lying, either. He occasionally replied to Komachi, but it was only when she had bombarded his inbox with dozens of messages in the span of a few minutes. "I still talk with her. My parents, too, sometimes."
Hiratsuka-sensei gave him a relieved and warm smile. "I'm glad the relationship with that sister of yours hasn't changed."
Their food arrived shortly after, cutting off the awkward yet peaceful silence between the two. They ate quietly and quickly. Words weren't necessary between the two during a meal. He hadn't eaten dinner last night, so the meal probably wasn't as good as it tasted to him. Hiratsuka-sensei didn't mind that he wolfed down his food either; neither had patience for table manners.
Before he could even think to ask for the check, their waitress came by and gave Hiratsuka-sensei the receipt. When did this happen?
"How did you…?" He had to admit, Hiratsuka-sensei looked super cool right now. Though, judging by the look on her face from his reaction, maybe he was lending her too much credit.
"It's awesome, huh? I learned it from the internet and all of the younger teachers at Sobu have the same reaction! If you want, I can teach it to you someday!" Her giddiness quickly ran over whatever image of a cool, suave teacher that he had moments earlier.
Actually, that trick should be reserved for dates only, shouldn't it? And isn't it more proper for the guy to show off?
"…So you've only been eating with your kōhai then."
"GEH-?!"
Ah… so that was it. She was still-
"SO WHAT? HUH? It's normal for a veteran teacher to treat her juniors out every so often! Who CARES if men in my generation don't have the decency to dazzle me anymore! I'm better off as a hermit, in fact! Better off living free instead of wanting someone shackle me in marriage past my due date and-"
Madly single and angry about it. She really didn't look like she was in her early thirties, though. Hiratsuka-sensei had the heart of a doting older sister and he knew it would never change. Time and aging and done little to her attractiveness.
"-so whatever, right?! I mean who could blame-"
"Hiratsuka-sensei. Let me take you out to dinner sometime." He had said it partially so that she wouldn't make more of a scene than she already had. The other patrons and waitresses were looking concerned, and the amount of stares their table got was steadily increasing.
"Eh?" Hiratsuka-sensei immediately stopped rambling, a look of surprise on her face.
Hikigaya grimaced at his suddenness. Gratitude should just be left as gratitude. Even so, he couldn't bring himself to go back on it.
"You've been treating me out for a while now, and I'm not your student anymore. Let me return the favor."
He foolishly thought that it would redeem his evasion of everyone claiming they cared about him. It would be a start, at the very least.
"A-Ah, no. That's- if you want to have dinner, I'll pay. I mean, you're still a college student, right? Gotta manage that paycheck-to-paycheck budget and all." Hiratsuka-sensei looked surprised, with her hands up and a small blush forming. "Anyway, if you really don't see us as teacher and student anymore, why don't you drop the 'sensei'? Although, I'd honestly prefer it if you didn't come around and start calling me by Shizuka like Yukinosh-"
Upon hearing it, Hikigaya Hachiman closed his eyes. Well, it was inadvertent. And she had spent years avoiding mentioning even the family, much less her.
"Haruno. I meant Haru-" She frantically tried to correct her mistake, only realizing that saying the name would only make it worse.
"It's fine, Hiratsuka-sensei." He held up his hands and tried to shoo the mentioning of the name away. "The farthest I am from that woman as a person, the better I am. And I'd rather keep 'sensei' anyway. It doesn't feel right to call you anything else."
He was happy that she had the good sense to smile, agree, and not say "I'm sorry." He was tired of everyone tiptoeing around him, like he was an IED ready to go off. He couldn't get her off his mind when he was alone, so he'd especially rather not have to brood over when he was outside.
The two left the family restaurant, and the summer heat blasted onto him. It was easily over 35 degrees today. He hoped his assigned classroom would have a working AC unit, or else he'd easily lose a kilogram of weight in sweat.
"The class is soon, right? Chibadai is on the way home for me, so I'll drop you off." Hiratsuka-sensei twirled her keys around her finger, opening the passenger door of her overly sporty and brand new car.
Normally he'd comment about how a woman of her age, a teacher at that, shouldn't have fancy looking cars as their hobby. But in this heat, all he could do was shuffle into the car and put Hiratsuka Shizuka's "Generous People of the World" ranking at an even higher place.
He watched signs and buildings pass by while he was being driven, idly thinking about the lesson plan he had prepared weeks in advance. He wasn't nervous, but he was ordered by his advising professor to make as good of an impression as he could on his first day of teaching. Not necessarily for the students sake, but so that there would be no complaints to tenured faculty.
"Hikigaya, you'll do fine today. Just don't ram your ridiculous ideals into the brains of the students, and you'll be great at teaching. Yuigahama's post-tutoring grades in Japanese are testament to that."
It was mostly her that taught Yuigahama, really.
"You don't have to worry about me." He saw Hiratsuka-sensei smile from the corner of his eye, as though she had predicted the entire conversation.
"Telling a teacher not to worry about her students, former or current, is an absolute waste of your breath."
He appreciated the sentiment, but hoped that the students he was instructing would never expect the same from him. They weren't even that much younger than him, but would they actually still believe that everybody teaching body in academia cares as much as a primary or secondary school teacher?
He started to think that maybe she was right about research after all.
"The term in Sobu starts soon, so… let's meet up again before it happens, while I still have the time. I… I'll take you up on that offer you made to me earlier."
"Alright. Next week, then."
She nodded in response. "And… Hikigaya? Thank you, for today. For coming today, I mean. I really wanted to-"
She held her breath, carefully choosing her words.
"…it's been such a long time, that it's nice to see you again is all."
Hikigaya hummed back in agreement, saying nothing. She was always mindful. Perhaps that was a perk of her being an adult; she wasn't careless enough to bluntly put out what she always wanted to say.
"And one last thing, Hikigaya. Call home every once in a while. And Yuigahama too. I think you'll be surprised by how much she's grown. She… said you two haven't been acquainted in a long time."
Yuigahama… In truth, Hikigaya, despite his guilt about not having spoken to her since highschool graduation, didn't want to see or talk to her. There would be a flaming, screaming, metal-alien mammoth in the room if they met up. She would definitely be the first thing on either of their minds.
"Maybe when there's time, I guess."
Hiratsuka-sensei sighed, and left it at that. She couldn't ask him for any more.
She drove the rest of the way silent, only speaking again when they said their goodbyes in the university campus.
He had been talking out of some other hole when he told himself he wasn't nervous. For years, Hikigaya Hachiman had no care for what other people thought of him, but the thought of his status as a working graduate student being on the line from some over-zealous student with a father deeply connected to the university made him anxious. He would follow Hiratsuka-sensei's advice to the line: "If you don't think they'll approve of you as a person, then lie to them as their instructor. Lie like you've never lied before, and make them believe you're somebody else."
He was out of his depth. Even if the attention he was getting was for an entirely different reason, the anxiety of screwing up may come back. He had become adept at putting himself into situations where he wouldn't have to encounter it. Now, he was all but backed into a corner of opportunities to make a fool out of himself.
He checked his watch before entering the medium-sized classroom. He was early by ten minutes, but judging from the noise and shuffling of bags, he could tell a good amount of the seats and desks were occupied. Taking a moment to adjust his tie (which he would be so happy to take off after today's classes), he briskly opened the door and walked in.
The first thing that Hikigaya Hachiman looked for and noticed in a university classroom were the groups of people. How many of the people were strangers to each other? How many of them were friends who decided to take the same class together? Which ones were prepared and which ones already had the texts purchased and readily available – those were the ones he would give the benefit to the doubt to.
It looked to be an average group. A fair split between those who were getting a free ride from their parents, and the ones who were slightly more responsible. He's seen the girl sitting in the front before, in several photographs with Komachi from Sobu. She looked to be a couple years younger than his sister. Looking towards the rest of the scattered desks, he could already tell that the group of several girls in the back were in the former category; he hoped they wouldn't give him trouble for the term.
The moment he placed his on the front table and a notebook on the podium, the chatter in the classroom had choked and ceased. It was easier than he thought, once they knew he wasn't just another student. He was starting to become elated to the absolute power that it gave him, and it washed away his worries.
Once again, Hiratsuka-sensei was right. He was starting to wonder if she was an oracle.
"Ah… r-right. We'll start early since it looks like the room is getting full." He surprised himself with the tone of his voice. It wasn't bogged down or mumbled to a group of people. Having every solid reason for him to speak was enough for him to do so. Perhaps the middle-schooler in him who dreamed of leading armies of olde was still alive.
Chalk in hand, he started to write.
"I'm Hikigaya Hachiman. I'm one of the few teaching assistants you'll have for the duration of the class. If you have any questions outside of class, you can contact me through the mailing address on the board."
In essence, he was basically emulating every teaching assistant he had as an undergraduate.
"The focus of this Contemporary Literature course is the Shōwa period. We'll be starting from the 1920s, focusing on how the writing changes in tandem with history."
Inevitably he started to wonder what she would think of him at this moment, lecturing in a classroom. Would she have been indifferent? Concerned for the students? For him? Would she even be a little proud?
He caught his prolonged pause early, and hopefully before any of the students noticed. He didn't need them making assumptions about him from the first day. He had all day after this to sulk to himself, after all.
"Since there hasn't been a lecture held by the professor of the class yet, we'll be going over-…"
This would, at very least, serve as a good enough distraction to take time off his hands. The mini-lectures would each last for ninety minutes. Preparing the lectures, grading, and proctoring any exams would take a good amount of time as well.
He didn't waste time in going over unnecessary details before the first lecture had even started. He did his best to go through the syllabus as quickly as possible so he could reserve the time for the actual material. Hiratsuka-sensei and a few classmates he had been unfortunately paired up with in the past told him that he had an aptitude for explaining even the most complex themes in a simple manner, if he wanted. He was largely relying on reassuring fact today.
He lost track of time, and the shuffling of bags mid-speech told him that class would be over soon. He knew the sound and feeling too well, students often pre-emptively packing their things so they could rush out at moment's notice.
"One last thing, before you all leave. The professor has already assigned readings to be done before the first lecture. You can find the assigned readings on the syllabus for every class period."
There weren't any outward groans, but the looks of disappointment and whispers were to be expected.
…
Well, maybe this once, he would be kind to them. Kind to them where no other teaching assistant had been to himself.
"…From personal experience, the professor loves to have surprise quizzes on his first lecture. So take my advice and start early." He was expecting looks of relief when he said that. He practically told them how to score free points in the class. Why did they look even more pissed off at him?!
He took a short breath, before dismissing the class. It's not his problem anymore, he thought.
"Eugh… how disappointing. He could be hot in that nerdy, teacher way if it weren't for those eyes of his. He just looks kind of like a creep, doesn't he?" It was one of the girls near the back. At least walk further away if you're going to badmouth your instructor on the first day!
"Yeah, and to assign homework on the first day? Before we even met the professor? Are they serious?"
Hikigaya stopped packing his things, chewing on his bottom lip. He couldn't really do anything about his eyes, sure. Whatever flattery he would have gotten for "potentially" being attractive was gone. Their words were no different than any others he heard throughout his education. The only difference is that he wasn't their peer. It was less menacing that way, but still irked him.
People haven't changed. The only things that ever change are his momentary lapses of sound judgment. Why should he expect any different, now that he's in a new position?
"Don't forget the quiz. Did you see his face when he told us? He almost looked like he was happy to give us more work. What a condescending jerk!"
He let out a puff of air. He wasn't happy to give them work. He was smirking because he thought he was doing them a favor. If they weren't happy with it, they could skip it all and drop out of the class.
"Excuse me, but how can any of you complain? He lectured fine, and he only said things that would be useful for us. You can't honestly expect him to be happy that you have homework, can you?"
It was the girl from Sobu. After a few seconds of stunned silence, she walked away leaving the group in a stupor. The group of three girls scurried away, he could hear the whispers of "bitch" faintly.
"Ah. Well, maybe I am a little glad that they have work to do, now." He said it to the walls of the room.
So maybe there were a few exceptions, like him.
A bag was tossed to the floor, and Hikigaya's sweating body landed on his mattress. The temperature hadn't gone the entire day, so the walk, bus ride, and then even longer walk was miserable.
He had gone through three consecutive lectures of the class. Since the class size of the main lecture was so large, they had to split the separate meetings into multiple groups so that the small staff of teaching assistants could work closer to the students. Unfortunately for him, he found out too late that they had scheduled to teach all of his sections in the same day, back to back, rather than have it spread out nicely.
He groaned when he realized that his own classes would start next week. He hadn't even bothered to save the schedule on his phone. Lazily taking it out of his pocket, he began to punch in his schedule for the next half-year.
- How was your first day of teaching? did you break down? scare away any girls? ACQUIRE AN ADMIRER?!
Annoyed, he swatted the notification from his sister away. She probably found out from Hiratsuka-sensei, though he didn't blame his teacher. It was infinitely easier to give Komachi what she wanted than to deny it from her.
"And one last thing, Hikigaya. Call home every once in a while." Hiratsuka-sensei's request came back to him. He spoke to his parents a few months ago. Komachi just two weeks. It's fine for now.
"And Yuigahama too."
He hesitated to scroll down to his list of contacts on his smartphone. When his family sent the newest model phone to him as a birthday gift a couple of years ago, he was tempted to not put her number on his phone. He had no desire to go out of his way to keep on contact with Yuigahama Yui.
"Does she even have the same number?"
His finger hovered over her name. What would he even say? "Hello, it's Hikigaya. Sorry it's been four years, but our teacher told me I should call you so I am."
He scoffed. Even he had enough sense to know that nobody, especially a girl with feelings so volatile and reactive as Yuigahama's, would ever want to hear that. It would either be extremely awkward, or upsetting. He wouldn't blame her if she started to resent him for avoiding her phone calls and text messages for two whole years after they graduated. He would be the same way.
Hikigaya switched the screen off and tossed the phone to the side of his bed.
She was his friend. The only person he could ever call his friend. He never had more than two friends in his entire life from middle school to high school. No one that he considered friends to him, anyway. He didn't fully understand her fondness of him, past saving her dog. He only got it during his third year, when Yuigahama tearfully congratulated the two of them when she told her about the relationship.
The two events happened so quickly, Hikigaya was sure he was on some live show, being pranked. He recalled being tense when it happened. She was the one who was capable of handling it so well. She had the good sense of knowing and caring enough for Yuigahama's sake.
.
.
"E-Eh? You mean…"
Yuigahama's reaction wasn't what he thought it would be. Her hands were clutching her chest, and she looked as though someone was about to break a vase over her head. He looked to the girl by his side, and the expression on her face told him that she had fully expected it.
"Yes. Hikigaya-kun and I are… we are in a relationship, together." The look on Yukinoshita's face was distinctly sorrowful, as though if she were telling a young child that their pet had passed away while they were sleeping. At the same time, she looked resolved. It was something she was certain she had to do, eventually.
What followed was the kingpin of all awkward silences that Hikigaya Hachiman ever had the misfortune to experience. At some point, Yukinoshita gingerly wrapped her hand around her own, but didn't say anything and instead was still looking at Yuigahama, who was trying her best to smile. The peach-haired girl infront of them was looking at the ground, with all of her effort trying not to peep or choke. Hikigaya knew that the immediate tears weren't congratulatory.
"C-con… congratulations! To Yukinon and Hikki! It's so great that you two-"
He felt her hand leave his, and a trail of black hair glided away from him. He heard Yuigahama yelp; Yukinoshita had rushed up to embrace her. Yuigahama's attempts to pull out of the hug was weak, so it didn't take much for Yukinoshita to keep her there.
"This… this doesn't change anything between us three. Do you understand, Yuigahama-san?"
"H-huh?"
"Me, and him. Both of us will still be here. We won't ever leave you behind, because of this."
"O-Oh, that wasn't- of course! I just thought that you both would want some space and… were going to come around less, and…"
"We'll come here every day, like always. Won't we, Hikigaya-kun?" Yukinoshita shot him a venomous glare. 'Say yes or you'll regret it.'
Yukinoshita Yukino had, with one action, almost completely resolved this issue on her own. Yuigahama's feelings towards him, the impending heartbreak and anxiety over losing her two friends she would have to go through, they were all things he had been dreading to tackle. He knew how important it was to Yuigahama, but Yukipedia apparently had a page explaining how to solve this issue as well.
Taking steps over to the two, Hikigaya sighed in resolution. It was all him now.
"Hiratsuka-sensei would probably snap me in two, if I stopped coming here, you know?" He walked up to Yuigahama, looking deep into her widening, tearful eyes.
"Anyway, even if I wanted to leave, it wouldn't really be my decision. She-" Hikigaya thumbed towards Yukinoshita, "would almost certainly kidnap me in chains, and force me to sit here if that's what it took. I'm stuck here."
He held a genuine smile on his face, a result of the combined emotions of relief and what he learned was called "joy". Hikigaya Hachiman didn't want things to change so suddenly, especially not for the worse. This wasn't equivalent exchange, the laws of alchemy[1] don't exist in the real world. He would take absolutely everything and give nothing.
"It'll work fine, and stay the same way as it's always been. Yukipedia here and I are far from regular, dumb people. I am, at the very least, so don't worry. We aren't going to end up like every other couple you see." It was a promise to both Yuigahama and Yukinoshita, he realized. He swore at that moment that he would keep his word on it.
"Ehehe, that's true… Hikki is super weird, isn't he?" His smile was lost on him. He just made that disgustingly warm statement so shamelessly, and she just uses it to mock him?
"Honestly, Yuigahama-san, I'm not sure what I see in him. To think that I'd find any attractive quality in somebody so… obtuse."
You too, Yukinoshita? Shouldn't you be defending your beloved boyfriend at all angles, obtuse or not?!
"Hm! He's absolutely hopeless, isn't he? I'm going to age at twice the rate, having to teach him how the world actually works, won't I, Yuigahama-san?"
Admist the barrage of insults he was being pelted with, he saw Yuigahama giggling inside the arms of Yukinoshita. It would take time for her to accept it, he knew. But to see the smiles and laughter confirmed that he had nothing to worry about.
The three of them took their regular seats and drank their tea. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama were closer than usual and Yuigahama seemed to be delighted that her spot in the middle was still hers.
"Yuigahama-san, what are your plans for the break before our third term?"
"Ah! Sorry Yukinon, but I'm actually leaving for Osaka for most of it."
"I see. Then we'll have to plan something else, then…"
.
.
His finger was poised over Yuigahama Yui's name. If he called her now, she would probably actually be happy, right? After a moment like that, with all that the three of them had shared, there's no way she could actually hate him.
And then maybe, when they would be speaking, Yuigahama would laugh and call him Hikki like she always did. It's been such a long time since he heard it too. He had to admit, he might actually maybe miss like 1% of what it sounded like, so-
"Sh-shit!"
Hikigaya Hachiman tossed his phone against the floor, and saw it bounce away just a couple of meters from his bed. His breathing became labored, and the sweat that dried on his skin seemed to come down in spades again.
He was about to call Yuigahama, barge back into her life after saying nothing for four years, and trample all over whatever reservations and emotions she had, just so he could delude himself into thinking he was back there again, with the three of them. With her.
His head spun. He could feel the small sandwich he ate for lunch coming back the wrong way. His body seemed to lurch out for what he was about to do.
He was going to use the innocence and warmth of Yuigahama to comfort him.
"Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck-"
He wasn't a self-loathing person, he just always saw past the fake "intrinsic value" that people assigned each other. But Hikigaya Hachiman, in that moment, easily hated himself.
"It's not about deserving anything, is it?"
"This doesn't change anything between us three. Do you understand, Yuigahama-san?"
"Hah. Haha, I set myself up, really."
"Ehehe, that's true… Hikki is super weird, isn't he?"
"It… it's not tragic. That's just how it is."
"Yuigahama-san, what are your plans for the break before our third term?"
"So it's my problem, and-"
And what? It's something to get over? How well is that going?
"Goodbye, Hikigaya-kun. I'll call you when I land."
It's not going anywhere.
"I want you to call me Yukino, when I come back."
"Stop it. Stop thinking about it, Hikigaya Hachiman…!"
It wasn't much use, really. He was too afraid to even try to forget and move on. He probably had less than half of the resolve he used to have.
"I want you to start calling me Yukino, and… I'll call you Hachiman."
"Yukino…"
It was the last thing he said before exhaustion put him to sleep.
.
.
.
This update came recently since I had originally plotted out the prologue and first chapter to be placed in together. I'm actually quite glad that I placed them separately, since it seemed like there's a good amount of symmetry between the two anyway. So, starting from this point, the story will actually move forward. I promise.
There are some things I should shed some light on; so this will be a longer append than I would like.
First off, it was my mistake if I made it ambiguous. Yukino has passed away. There won't be a deus ex machina plot twist. I'm convinced that I won't be writing her in at any point other than in a flashback sequence. I'm sorry if that disappoints anyone from the start; I'll have to leave that pairing to another time.
Hikigaya (or the narration, at least) will contradict himself periodically. This is intentional and hopefully not the result of my goldfish attention span. The goal with Hikigaya is to make him at least somewhat of a believable damaged protagonist, often unsure of what he actually wants.
I've taken a ridiculously large leap of faith in the time-skip, in terms of characterization. Hikigaya Hachiman, for better or worse, matured and even mellowed out in his depression for four years. Then again, Hikki was truly always a sensible person on the inside, wasn't he? ヽ(´ー｀)ﾉ
Finally, I've bumped up the rating to M. I was hesitant to put it there from the start, but I already know that the contents of the story won't be anything but.
I spent a little bit more time proofreading this than before, but I'll most likely correct whatever mistakes I catch or come to my attention in the chapters anyway.
lastly im not even going to pretend i know a thing about higher education in japan or Japanese literature, so im hopeless in that regard
1. Fullmetal Alchemist's "Equivalent Exchange"