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SHADOWS ON THE WALLS
Chapter 2
Prussia was certain his chest would burst. The feeling of pure joy was so overwhelming that he was half afraid it would crush him and prevent him from ever reaching the Wall. The other half of him wouldn't have minded that. He felt all of his people's hopes, excitement and relief; their happy tears were the blood flowing in his veins. Surely that was the best way for a nation to die.
But he wasn't going to die, he reminded himself. He still hadn't made it to the other side. He still had to see Germany and have a beer and do so many things with him. Because now he could, and there was nothing anyone could do to stop him.
He was approaching the Wall with his people, mingled in the crowd. Some had already made it to the other side. People were driving their cars through the checkpoints. Others climbed on top of the Wall and let their joy be heard. Prussia grinned, basking in that feeling.
He caught sight of the armed guards and saluted them. If they had followed their orders and opened fire on the people who wanted to cross, everything would have been different. He would be clutching at his chest and weeping for more of his people who lost their lives to the Wall.
But they hadn't shot anyone, and everything was fine. Prussia could sense the guards' confusion slowly change into wonder as they watched the world change before their eyes. They were just as much his people as everyone in the crowd, and he was glad that they were happy.
Prussia had done many things as East Germany that he wasn't proud of. The Stasi and massive spying operations on his own people, the mockery of elections, helping Russia deal with the Prague Spring... and of course, the Wall. He had done all that because his government had wanted so. Representations of nations didn't have much choice in such matters, but his sympathies had always been with his people who wanted to be free.
He finally reached the Wall. He didn't want to just walk through a checkpoint; he felt the need to climb over the monstrosity and yell in victory once he was on top. Many had had the same idea, and there was barely any room for more people, but they still grabbed his arms and shoulders and helped him climb up. They all laughed together and hugged each other.
His emotions were running so high that he instantly recognised everyone and knew all there was to know about them. There was Lukas who had been kicked out of university because his sister was politically suspicious. Susanne who exchanged letters with a cousin she had never met. Laura who dreamt of a father on the other side. Paul who was a firm communist but didn't agree with the way their country was being run.
Prussia turned to look over to West Berlin. In the sea of people, it should have been impossible for him to find his brother, but somehow he knew exactly where to look. There he was, standing on his toes and trying to see ahead of him in the crowd, stumbling as he was being pushed around from all sides.
"Hi there, West!" Prussia hollered and lifted his hand in greeting.
The people who were standing on the Wall with him didn't realise he was addressing a person and instantly mimicked his gesture.
"Hi there, West!"
Prussia laughed as he started climbing down. "Sorry guys, but I'm off to have a beer with my brother. See you around!"
It was a wonderful feeling to have his feet touch the ground on the western side. He couldn't quite describe it, but it held the same satisfaction as pushing a sword back into the scabbard once it had been cleaned after battle.
"I'm here, West!" Prussia called out and waved with both hands, hoping that Germany would spot him. It totally sucked that his little brother was taller than him, but maybe he'd be able to see him better in the crowd.
And then he caught a glimpse of Germany's long, brown coat. He pushed his way through the crowd until there was no longer anyone between them. Prussia had imagined that moment so many times, but it felt much better than he had ever thought. He was afraid of doing much more than just breathing and looking at his brother.
It seemed to be the same for Germany because he didn't move to get closer and didn't say a word. Prussia supposed it was up to him, then, to get his shit together and make the first move.
"Well, what is it? Are you just going to stand there and stare at me? Which would be pretty understandable because I'm – oomph!"
He was cut off when Germany pulled him into a hug that forced the air out of his lungs and made him let out a breathless laugh.
"Missed me?" he asked.
"You have no idea," Germany croaked.
"Hey, what have I told you about real men and crying?" Then Prussia noticed the wet splotches on Germany's jacket where he had been resting his cheek. "Aww, shit. I guess I can be wrong, too."
"I didn't think this day would ever come," Germany said.
"Yeah, it did feel like an impossible dream sometimes."
At these words, Germany pulled him tighter against him. As happy as Prussia was to see his brother, he rather liked breathing, too, so he tried to pull away.
"Easy there or you'll break me," he said.
Germany let go so fast that at first Prussia was sure something had happened. He instantly turned to look over his shoulder, half expecting to see the East German border guards arriving with tanks to take everyone back home. But everything was the same; all he could see were celebrating Germans from both sides of the Wall.
"What?" he asked.
Germany shook his head and smiled. "Nothing. Do you want to stay here, or should we go some place quieter?"
"I've felt like my heart has been trying to burst out of my chest for the past few hours. As much as I love this, a break would be nice. And some beer," Prussia said.
"Then come on. My apartment isn't far from here."
Germany led Prussia to a small flat only a few blocks away. Prussia chuckled as he looked around in the living room that was separated from the kitchen only by a dining table. This certainly wasn't a good example of the luxury everyone had been thinking awaited them on the other side.
"I wanted to live as close to the Wall as possible. That was all that mattered," Germany explained, as if guessing what Prussia had to be thinking.
"Well, I hope you've got another place somewhere because this one doesn't match our image of your country."
"Yes, I normally live in Bonn. For the past few weeks, I've been here. I could sense that something was going to happen," Germany said.
Prussia had sensed it, too. There had been a growing feeling of restlessness inside him that had made it difficult to sleep at night. It had started with the peaceful demonstrations, and now they had come this far.
"What kind of beer would you like?" Germany asked and walked to the fridge.
"Anything will do," Prussia said, but then he noticed something much more interesting on the kitchen counter. "You've got bananas, West! Can I have one?"
"Take as many as you want," Germany replied, and Prussia didn't need to be told twice.
"From now on, I'm eating nothing but bananas. Yum, so good!" he said between mouthfuls of the fruit.
"Slow down. They aren't going anywhere even if you take the time to chew," Germany said.
"Haha, I guess part of me is worried this is all a dream and I'll wake up back on my side. With no bananas," Prussia said. And without his brother, he mentally added, but the time for total sissiness had passed.
"It's not a dream," Germany said. He took two beers from the fridge and came to sit with Prussia at the dining table.
"Sure it is, and we're living it."
Prussia finished the last banana, feeling a little sick. It could be that Germany had been right after all. Too much of a good thing wasn't necessarily as awesome as he had thought.
He noticed that Germany was staring at him with a thoughtful look on his face. His brother had always been too serious for his own good, but surely even he should smile a little more at a time like this.
"What is it?" he asked.
"Was it difficult to get to this side?"
"Well, I had to climb over the Wall, but that's just because I didn't want to walk through the checkpoints. That would have been too easy and not nearly as cool!"
"That's not what I meant," Germany said and put his beer down. He hadn't taken a single gulp yet, Prussia noted. "I mean... What about Russia? Did he try to stop you?"
Prussia frowned at the name. Not too many good memories there. "I think he's too busy with the situation in his own country to care about anyone else right now," he said. In fact, he was pretty sure Russia's politicians would give their blessing to what had just happened. The world was changing, and there was nothing anyone could do about it.
"Good."
"What's with you, West? Are you afraid Russia will march here to patch up the Wall or something? Because that's not gonna happen."
"No, no. It's not that. I just have such a hard time believing this actually happened. For so long... I..."
Prussia laughed. "Yeah, yeah, I missed you, too." He lifted his beer. "Prost! To freedom! And bananas!"
He took a large gulp of his beer – man, they made some kick-ass beer on this side – and regarded his brother with a curious look. "So, what do you think is gonna happen now? Will we stay as two different countries, or do you think they'll make us one?"
"I don't know," Germany said, but Prussia could tell he was lying. He sure sucked at that.
"Hey, it's totally fine if they're bringing the axe to me. I've kind of suspected that for a long time, and my people really want to be one with yours. They want your cars, your newspapers, your food, your vacations abroad..."
"It's not going to be easy."
"Yeah, I know. But we'll figure out a way to do it, right? Because we're brothers and all that crap."
And that finally made Germany reach for his beer again and smile in the way that Prussia had wanted to see.
Of course, things were far more complicated than that. Even in the middle of the euphoria of his new freedom, Prussia knew that the next year or few would be a hard and decisive time for him and his people. It was likely they would join the western side and finally reunite Germany into one country, just like so many of them had wanted for so long.
The problem was that it was much more difficult in reality than in dreams. The two sides of the country were very different, and the people were used to entirely different lives. Prussia knew his people had the disadvantage; they would be required to change and adapt, and it wasn't all a good thing.
But they would worry about these things when the time came. For now, he was content living in Germany's small apartment in Berlin and doing absolutely nothing.
It was amazing how much Germany had changed and yet remained the same. He was still boring, had no sense of fun or adventure and was all too serious for his own good. The morning after the Wall had fallen, Prussia had woken up to find Germany cleaning up the evidence of their drunken celebration, as if that was really the most important matter on his hands.
On the other hand, he had grown strong and confident. He could stand as an equal among all other nations in Europe even though he had to carry one of the greatest burdens in history. And he had done it all on his own without any help from his older brother. Prussia couldn't have been prouder.
He was currently sitting at the kitchen table, rubbing his temples and trying to keep himself awake with a mug of strong coffee. Germany was seated opposite him and couldn't have looked more different. Already dressed in a suit, browsing through the morning paper with his hair combed neatly back, he was the personification of efficiency and order.
"Do you have a headache?" Germany asked.
"What does it look like?"
"You shouldn't drink so much."
"Old habits die hard." In reality, it wasn't just the beer that made him cranky. He was already anticipating the absolute mess that would follow once they started looking into the Stasi files and roasting out spies and corruption in... well, pretty much everywhere. There would be some nasty surprises in store for everyone when certain names popped up.
Germany put his cup down and turned his eyes from his paper to look at Prussia. There was the slightest frown on his face that Prussia knew all too well. His brother was worried about something but didn't have the guts to just say what it was, so he kept mulling it over in his head.
"West, stop staring at me and say what's on your mind."
"It's nothing. I'm just a little worried about you."
Prussia snorted. "Because of some beer? That's nothing. You should have seen how much we drank on the other side."
"I know about that," Germany said. He paused to adjust his cup on the table so that the handle was to his right. "I hear you also have very high suicide rates."
"Yeah, well, life was shit sometimes. How did you find out anyway? We were kind of trying to keep that a secret."
When Germany didn't answer, Prussia couldn't help but chuckle. "Don't tell me you're ashamed of spying on me. Because I and my boys spied on you, too, and I bet we did it more and better."
All that gathering of information about other countries hadn't perhaps been the right or honourable thing to do, but Prussia would have been lying if he had said it hadn't been fun as hell. He had learnt some truly amazing things about almost every nation in Europe.
"There's no need for any of that anymore. We can forget about it," Germany said. He still looked uncomfortable, but Prussia thought nothing of it. His brother would loosen up about this topic in a decade or two.
Once the couple of days after the fall of the Berlin Wall had passed, they were both busy arranging things on their sides. They didn't have many chances to talk about anything but work, but Prussia didn't mind that. They had all the time in the world to catch up later, and they had so many things to deal with that doing it all right after they had been reunited would have been overbearing. It was better for them both to have some time to digest everything and get used to the changes that would soon take place.
Germany avoided talking about it as much as he could, but Prussia knew that the German Democratic Republic had a death sentence hanging over its head. The government wanted it. The people wanted it. The rest of the world was ready to accept it. America in particular was willing to renounce the Allies' remaining rights in Germany
Prussia wanted it as well. He had never felt truly at home in his role as East Germany. He was and would always be Prussia, at least in spirit.
And so came October 1990, and the two sides of the country joined into one. Prussia stood by Germany's side the moment everything became official. He could tell how nervous his brother was; he stood stiff, gritting his teeth and looked like he was going to be sick.
"You're almost as pale as me. Cheer up, West. This is the big moment," Prussia whispered to him, and for once Germany didn't tell him to keep quiet and not disrupt the proceedings.
Losing his status as the German Democratic Republic didn't feel so bad. The tug inside him made Prussia think of pulling out a rotten tooth. Sure, it hurt, but it was only so that it could get better. It was nothing compared to the agony of the dissolution of Prussia.
He felt Germany's worried eyes on him and flashed him a grin to show that he was alright.
"What, did you think that would kill me?" he asked.
"I was afraid that it might. It's difficult to predict what makes a nation... disappear," Germany replied.
"If the years with Russia didn't do me in, I'm not going to keel over and die just because some stuffy politicians are signing papers," Prussia said.
He expected to get a chuckle or at least the hint of a smile out of Germany, but his brother immediately turned his eyes away, looking even more forlorn than before.
"You shouldn't make jokes about that," Germany said.
"But I like gallows humour. And I of all people am allowed to joke as much as I want about it. If someone else does it, okay, then I might punch them. Especially if it's not funny."
"Well, if it's your way of dealing with it..." Germany said and cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm sure the capital is going to be moved to Berlin sooner or later. I'm going to find a bigger apartment."
"Sure, okay." That felt a little odd, Prussia had to admit. His little brother was taking care of him. He was out of a job. Nobody would be making any demands to him anymore. He no longer had to worry about his foreign policy, tax rates, environmental programs or... holy hell, there went his military budget.
"You know, if you need help with work –"
"No."
Alright, that was a very definite no. Prussia shrugged and tried to act like he didn't mind at all.
"Okay. I was just asking anyway, but if you're sure you want all the workload for yourself, fine with me."
He grinned and reached out to make a mess of Germany's hair that he had spent nearly an hour making perfect for this grand day. "Just don't change your mind later when you're having a burn-out and get jealous of me having an awesome time twenty-four hours a day."
Germany caught Prussia's hand and shoved it away. "I said no because you have more important things to do than worry about the country."
"Oh? Like what?"
"Yourself."
"Huh, why is that?" Prussia was the last person in the world to admit that he had any faults, but maybe he was a little selfish sometimes. He wasn't sure what Germany could possibly hope to achieve by making him concentrate even more on himself.
For some reason, Germany wouldn't meet his eyes. "Everything that happened... It can't have been easy. Have some rest. I'd be happy to have your help when you're feeling better."
"How could I say no to that?" Prussia asked. If his brother wanted him to take a vacation, why not? He put his hands on his hips and turned to look at the politicians who were all shaking hands and congratulating each other. "You know, I'm actually really happy about this. Now that I'm not a nation anymore, I've got all the free time in the world. I can finally do all the things I missed out on in the past decades."
He could travel and read all the books and watch all the movies that had been forbidden to him. He'd visit his old friends and see what they had been up to. He'd start to enjoy his new, luxurious and capitalist life to the fullest. Then, once he'd had enough, he'd do some work and enjoy the best of both worlds.
Yeah, life as an ex-nation was going to be awesome, he thought. It would have to be because the alternative was a little too frightening to think about.
Even though Prussia was no longer a nation, Germany insisted that he should get an allowance from the state so that he could do things on his own and not depend on him for everything. Prussia wasn't sure what the difference was since he wasn't lifting a finger to earn the money in either case, but he wasn't about to complain.
He was now two days into his new life, staring at the forty DM on his palm. It was all that was left of his first allowance.
"How did you even manage this?" Germany asked and pointed at the pile of junk on Prussia's bed.
They had given up on the small apartment. Its location near where the Wall had stood made it highly valuable, and the government had had some other plans for it. They had hastily moved into a small house. For the time being, Prussia had agreed to bunk in the basement because Germany needed a study, so they didn't have an extra bedroom.
"I couldn't help it, West! I saw all these things at the stores, and I just had to buy them."
Germany sighed. "We're taking these back tomorrow. You don't need all this. For example, why did you buy a TV? You already have one," he said.
"That piece of junk? Why would I keep it when I can have a much better one? Isn't that what life on your side was all about? Buying everything you want whenever you want?"
"No," Germany said. "You're going to have to be responsible with your money. We don't have an indefinite amount of it."
"What, so our fantasies were all wrong?"
"I believe that's part of the definition."
Prussia shrugged. "Oh, well. I guess we can take some of these back. At least this vacuum cleaner and –"
"Why did you buy that? You don't even like cleaning."
"Twenty percent discount."
"You should keep one pair of these shoes, but the four others can go."
In hindsight, Prussia supposed it had been stupid to overdo it. He had just... lost himself somehow. He was used to the mentality that when there was something nice at the stores, you bought as many as you could afford and later traded them for something else with your friends and neighbours.
"Sorry. It was instinct. I forgot everything worth buying won't be sold out in half an hour," he said with a pout.
"Luckily, you have plenty of time to get used to the idea now that you've run out of money for this month. We probably won't be able to return all of these, but we can try."
"I'm keeping the NES."
"The what?"
Prussia dug out one box from the bottom of the pile and showed it to his brother. "It's a video game system from Japan's house! I've wanted one for years. And that's why I'm keeping the new TV, too."
Germany looked like he was about to argue, but then he changed his mind. "Fine. It's your money. Just pick whatever you want to keep and bring the rest upstairs."
He was about to go back up, but then he stopped to take another look around. "This is just temporary," he said.
"What, the basement? I don't mind too much. With some redecoration, it could be pretty cool, and it's got character." Prussia's grin widened as he gave his brother a pat to the shoulder. "And I've got to admit that it kind of reminds me of my old place. If I ever get stupid and start to feel nostalgic, I'm going to feel right at home here."
Germany didn't find the joke very funny. "You aren't going to live in the basement," he said, more firmly this time. "You aren't an animal or a prisoner. If this is like your home in the East, it's all the more reason for us to get a better house soon."
Prussia regarded his brother with a curious look. At first he had thought he was imagining it, but there were times when he was sure that Germany looked at him funnily. Like he was waiting for something to happen and didn't want to miss it.
It wasn't unusual for Germany to keep an eye on him. Prussia had always been the one to get into trouble, and even as a child Germany had tended to be the one who had to tell him that the consequences of some of his ideas might not be that awesome. It was just that this time Prussia had no idea what he had done to deserve that look.
He had asked, of course. Every time, Germany told him that nothing was wrong. If he was feeling generous, he even managed to look straight at Prussia as he said this and maybe give some kind of vague explanation about how he was just spacing out because he was tired from work.
Prussia's first instinct had been to throttle Germany and just make him say what was on his mind, just like he had always done before their separation. Then he had decided against it. He didn't understand Germany's behaviour, so whatever was causing it had to be something that had happened during their years apart.
As much as admitting it sucked, neither of them was the same person as before. They had lived separated for too long to know each other the way they once had. In fact, Prussia was downright surprised by some of the interests that Germany had picked up over the past years.
Since Germany had a lot more stuff than he did, he had been helping him with the boxes when they had moved into this house. He had opened one that was full of books meant for Germany's study and had started to organize them on the shelf. To his great surprise, the box had been full of books on psychology, trauma and all kinds of mental disorders.
He had been about to ask if Austria had made him read them, but Germany had snatched the box from him and told him not to touch his books again. It was another reaction that left Prussia baffled. He might have understood it if it were a secret porn stash he had found, but there was nothing dubious about reading books like that.
Unless Germany had hidden porn between the pages, of course. He was going to check that out some time later when he was alone at the house.
Another strange incident occurred about a week later when Prussia was taking a shower one morning. There was a knock on the door that made him turn off the water.
"What is it? Am I singing too loud?" he asked.
"I just want to know how much longer it's going to take. I need to get something, and I'm in a hurry to get to a meeting," Germany said.
"Then come and get it. The door's not locked," Prussia said. He turned the water back on, but then he realised that Germany wasn't coming in. He turned it off again and walked to the door.
Germany jumped back when Prussia pulled the door open.
"I told you to get in," Prussia said.
"Uh, I'm not in such a hurry after all. I can wait," Germany said. For once, Prussia noted, he was actually looking at his face instead of the floor or some other part of his body.
That thought finally made something click, and he threw his head back and laughed. "West, don't tell me you didn't want to come in because I'm here! Have you turned into a complete prude or something?"
"No, I –"
"You've seen everything there is to see about me years ago!" Prussia spread his arms and legs into an X for emphasis. "Or maybe you were intimidated. You may be taller and the actual nation in this house, but I'm much, much luckier where it matters the most!"
"I just thought it might make you feel uncomfortable," Germany said.
"Why would it make me uncomfortable to show myself to my brother? Come on, don't be stupid!"
"Never mind. I'll just take the comb I came for," Germany said. He pushed past Prussia and went to look for his things by the sink.
Prussia decided that he had had enough of showering and grabbed a towel for drying his hair. He expected Germany to be out and on his way in no time – he was supposed to be in a hurry, after all – so he was a little surprised to see him still in the bathroom when he turned around. And not just that, but he was staring at him.
"Checking out my ass?" Prussia asked.
"You have new scars."
"Oh. Well, we all have scars." Prussia returned to drying his hair, hoping that the conversation would end there. He liked most of his scars, even those that he had got in battles that he had lost. They were a reminder of his pride and fighting spirit and how he could stand back up to kick his enemies' ass on the next round.
"How did you get this one?" Germany asked in a tight voice, and though Prussia couldn't see what he was pointing at, he knew which one Germany meant.
"1953," he said.
A pause.
"It was Russia," Germany said.
Though Germany hadn't touched the scar, Prussia still shivered, as if he had run his finger down its length. This was one of the scars he didn't like. It hadn't been a fair battle, just soldiers and police officers shooting down civilians who were protesting for their rights. No hope of a glorious revenge.
He tried to laugh. "It looks good on me, doesn't it?" he asked and hung the towel over his shoulders so that the scar was hidden from view.
He saw that Germany was clutching his little comb in his hand so hard that it would either snap in two or draw blood soon.
"Hey, relax. Didn't you just buy that the other day? And since you insist on being boring and thrifty, you only bought one, so you'll be in trouble if you break it," he said.
Germany moved the comb from one hand to the other, but he didn't look much more relaxed. It was no surprise; Germany probably wouldn't have looked relaxed even if he had been tanning on the beach and drinking cold beer. And yet getting this worked up over little things like unfortunate scars was over the top even for him.
"If you... if you ever need to talk about that..." he started, but then he seemed to forget what he wanted to say and let his voice fade away.
"Nah, I'm okay," Prussia said. He didn't really want to reminisce such old things with his brother. He had a new life ahead of him, so when he felt like putting aside some time to talk about the past, it had better be only about the awesome things that he had done.
Germany didn't look convinced. "Are you sure? We haven't really had the time to talk about everything that happened. I know you've experienced some very difficult things, and as your brother –"
Prussia laughed. "Is this really the best time to start bonding, West? I thought you had to go to a meeting."
"Oh, right." Germany glanced at his watch. "I'm late!"
"Tell them you were distracted by your naked brother. I'm sure they'll understand."
"That's not funny."
"Okay, so take me to the next meeting. When they see me, then they'll understand!"
As weeks passed, Prussia reluctantly had to admit that life as an ex-nation wasn't as awesome as he had thought and hoped it would be. At first, he had loved sleeping in and spending his days watching TV, playing his NES and drinking beer, but that quickly became monotonous. Germany's presence at the house – or the lack of it since he was so much away in meetings – was a constant reminder of the life he had once led and could never have back.
He had been in contact with his old friends, but it would take a while before they'd feel comfortable with each other again. In France's case, Prussia would have to consider especially hard if he still felt like staying in the same room with him. The bastard had been just a little too eager to demand for his dissolution all those years ago, and Prussia didn't forget such things easily.
Most mornings, the house was empty and breakfast made when he got up. He spent the day trying to have fun, and by the time Germany came back, he had usually managed to convince himself that he had had the most awesome day ever and it was therefore no problem that his brother retreated into his study to do paperwork.
He couldn't bring himself to tell Germany that he might be feeling just a little bit lonely. Germany was working so hard to make everything work in their new, unified country. It was far from an easy job, and Prussia didn't want to add to Germany's troubles.
Even though Prussia no longer had a country to his name, the people from the former East Germany were still his. In addition to their happiness and excitement, he could feel their anger, fear and disappointment because their new life wasn't what they had expected. It would take years before the standard of living in the east was the same as in the west.
He was also a little ashamed of himself. Prussia had been such a strong and proud nation. Though his strength had left him, the pride was still very much lodged in his heart. He couldn't let anyone see that he wasn't happy as a former nation, especially those who had seen his days of glory. They'd pity him, and that would be even more difficult to bear than loneliness.
"I've decided that I want to help you with work now," he said one morning when he had got up early to catch Germany before he left.
Germany glanced at him over his paper. "You don't have to. I'm fine by myself."
"Come on, don't lie to me! You're hardly ever at the house, and even when you're here you spend most of your time working. You could use a hand."
"It's not that bad, really," Germany said.
Prussia shot him an accusing look. "You were working last Saturday instead of watching football with me. I had to drink all that beer by myself."
"I had to prepare some important reports for Monday," Germany said, but then he sighed in defeat. "Maybe you're right. The workload is a little more than I'm used to, but it's very important that I do it. The world needs to see that this can work."
"But that's just it, West! We need to show them that this unified Germany has a future! And what a better way to do it than let me help?"
"Wouldn't you rather keep playing your videos?"
"Video games," Prussia corrected. And no, he wouldn't rather be playing them, but he didn't say that.
"I'll hand some of the work over to my aides. You should have some more rest and work everything out," Germany said.
Work out what, Prussia wanted to ask, but Germany folded his paper into two and got up from the table. Prussia had no choice but to swallow his disappointment and wish his brother a fun day at work.
After breakfast, Prussia spent two hours lying on the couch and watching TV. Then he called Spain, but he was busy and couldn't talk for long. Prussia lay another hour on the couch and stared at the ceiling, feeling like he should have got up and done something but having no interest to do anything.
His time as East Germany had been pretty shitty, but now he almost missed it. At least he had had something productive to do then. Now he just felt useless, like nobody needed him.
Damn, he had to get his shit together. Moping around like this was pathetic. There were plenty of things he could do. Like go out for a walk for one thing.
It was a chilly November, but Prussia was lucky enough to have a thick coat. He wasn't planning to go far, but his legs seemed to have a mind of their own. Before he even realised where he was going, he found himself standing in the middle of Alexanderplatz, near the fountain. He sat down to watch the people go about their business.
He soon got company. An old man came to sit by his side. Prussia glanced at him from the corner of his eye but didn't say anything, so they sat in silence for a long time as everyone else was busy with something.
"So, why isn't a young, healthy man like you at work at this time of the day?" the old man finally asked.
"I have no work," Prussia said.
"Then why aren't you looking for some?"
"They don't want me."
Prussia didn't mind talking to the old man. He was one of his people, and it almost felt like coming home to just sit with him. Which was stupid because his home was with his brother.
The old man let out a sympathetic hum. "Have you thought about moving to west?"
It hadn't even crossed Prussia's mind to leave Berlin. He had felt the longing for west as soon as he had started to oversee the work to build the Wall, but now that the border was gone, he didn't want to go. If he had to leave, he'd much rather move to a place like Dresden.
He shook his head. "No. I want to stay here."
"I wish more people were like you," the old man said. "I've got two sons. Both took their families and left, one to Düsseldorf and the other to Köln. The work is better, they get paid more, and they want the kids to go to school there."
"Everything's better there," Prussia agreed. "And why didn't you go with them?"
"What for? All my friends live here, and my wife is buried here."
"I see."
"And you? Your family still here?"
"I live with my brother. I don't think he's going anywhere. He's got a government job." Prussia thought of Old Fritz who was currently at the Hohenzollern Castle. He'd have to ask Germany if he could be brought to rest in Potsdam or something.
The man by his side snorted. "Then he's one of them."
"One of them?"
"These bastards who want to forget that the East ever even existed. To them, reunification means that we have to change and become like them. And the idiots on our side are falling for it and leaving their homes and forgetting where they're from."
Prussia gave the man a long, thoughtful look, which he immediately misunderstood.
"It's not the ideology I miss. But East Germany was my home country for most of my life. Now it's gone, and nobody seems to care," the man said.
Prussia didn't answer. His chest felt hollow in a way that he hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge ever since he had lost his country. He should have been happy, he knew. This was better for everyone. Germany was meant to be one country.
He looked at the old man's wrinkled face and wondered if it was because of people like him that he was still alive. Would he die together with the last generation that remembered life in the East? Was it possible to prevent that? If he started working together with Germany and made himself important?
The old man let out a sigh and got up on his feet. "You'll be fine," he said. "Young people like you adapt so well. In a year or two, you'll have forgotten there ever was a border."
Prussia watched the man leave, the words that were meant as hopeful gnawing at his heart.
On a whim, he stopped at a liquor store on his way home and bought a bottle of vodka. He felt like he needed something stronger that day, and he suddenly wanted to feel the familiar burn of the alcohol on his tongue.