TITLE: Vitiate
AUTHOR: Kichi
PAIRING: Joker/Harleen Quinzell
WARNINGS: Angst, obsession, violence, swearing..
NOTES: Yes, this IS inspired by the Joker blogs. I thought, hey that's a good idea; I haven't read any fan fiction where he's the one who has feelings for her. Admittedly twisted feelings…
ARCHIVE:
SUMMARY: A J/HQ with a twist, meaning the Joker is the obsessive one. Joker POV
"In a mad world, only the mad are sane." Akiro KurosawaWhat I imagined was going to be another day of being drugged into a stupor turned out to be anything but. I had been rotting in solitary for a week before they finally let me out. They were so very angry with me for my little bit of fun with my two former shrinks. Each boasted degrees from prestigious schools and I had them terrified after only one session. It still puts a big smile on my face. So they forced pills and injections upon me and I drifted through la la land for a while. I don't mind much. When you're forced to entertain yourself you can become very creative.
I guess they thought bribery might make me behave, because I was taken to the common room. And there were all my old friends. The bald lady who'd brushed her hair away, the old man who growled at me, skeletor, and little fat guy with boobies. I rubbed my hands together a moment like a greedy old villain from a black and white movie. Who to play with first? A young man was chanting and rocking to and fro and I headed his way.
"The god machine is hungry for individualism and ripe brains. The skull farmers do their rain dance and pray the machine falls to sleep. She holds me close and whispers wet 'There are cannibals among us'…" I shake my head a moment staring at his bright, huge eyes that focus on nothing. "Mad in love with dry dead boys in the backs of abandoned cars, smoking the bones of children, plotting the murder of love…" I smiled a moment, enchanted. Is this what happens to Goth's when they read too much Edgar Allen Poe? I mean what a fucking nut case! So I felt like messing with him for a while was in order. I began to poke him at random until he finally stopped his rant and noticed me. "Can you remember how it felt to be alive?"*
"You're fuckin crazy, dude." I said, patted him on his goofy head, and continued to poke him at random. He swatted at me like I was merely an annoying fly and continued to babble nonsense. After A few minutes I realized he wasn't paying the slightest bit of attention to me. He might as well have been blind. Annoyed, I looked around quickly to see if anyone was watching me. The orderlies were talking to each other, paying me no mind. I turned back to my prey and punched him in the head. He fell back, but did nothing. He didn't even look at me. I waved my hand in front of his eyes. Nothing. Boring, let's move on. I looked around but didn't see my little nasty girl, which wasn't really a surprise, just kind of disappointing. I stole the brush from bald lady again and threw it across the room.
"My brush!" she howled, spraying saliva everywhere.
Then a scrawny, bookish type caught my eye. Had I seen him before? Something about him looked very familiar. But nothing was readily springing to mind other than the annoying feeling that I knew him or had seen him before. I blamed the drugs; I was still a little loopy. He caught me looking at him and immediately looked away. There's my bitch, I thought with a grin.
He sat on the couch in front of the television and pretended not to see me. I snuck up behind him and shrieked: "RAAR!" He jumped about a mile and let out a very effeminate screech. He spun around to face me with wide eyes and pink cheeks. I burst out laughing uncontrollably. I love doing that to people! I tumbled down onto the couch next to him, elbowing him in the face (accidentally, I swear.) on the way down.
"Hi there." I said with a lazy grin.
"You're the Joker!" he gasped and shrank back.
"Yeah! It's pretty sweet, huh?" I chuckled at his dumbfounded expression. "And you are..?" I said, leaning a bit closer, intimidating him with a sinister grin, I admit it. Not like it was hard, the little wuss.
"Uh.. Jonathan Crane?" I remembered him.
"Not a Doctor anymore, huh? I remember you now. You made that fear gas, right?" His frown eased a bit at that. He was proud of himself for what? He failed. I did too if you want to look at it a certain way, but I changed my mind damn it. I'm allowed to do that. Besides, without dreaming of the day I get to play with Batsy again this place would drive me crazy. And what kind of pussy needs chemicals to scare people?
"Yes, I did."
"So when I break out again, you should come with me and let me use it on some people. It sounds very fun. Or better yet, make me a little something that can make people laugh to death!" I gasped, I could see it already! All of Gotham's citizens screaming in terror and laughing until their dying breath. "It would be amazing! Think of it!" I gushed.
"Oh, I am." He said, his eyes dark. "You're telling me that you'll help me get out of here?"
"Sure, if you give me some fun chemicals to kill people with." He smiled, shaking his head.
"You're crazy-"
"No. I am. Not." I snarled, darting close and clutching his shoulder.
"Joker!" an orderly called from the corner of the room. "Want to go back to your cell?" I scowled at the muscle man and released Crane, smiling at the scrawny man who was again shrinking away from me.
"I'm not crazy." I said in my calm voice. "I don't like it when people call me crazy. Do you?" he slowly shook his head. "Alright then. Don't do it." He nodded quickly and sat up straighter.
"I'm sorry." He said quietly. I smothered a laugh. Of course he was.
"So, do we have a deal, or what?" I ask, holding out my hand. He looked at it like it was a scorpion, but eventually extended his hand and weakly gripped mine.
"Yes."
"Good!" I crowed and leapt to my feet. He was boring me and it was time to find a new distraction. And there she was, just outside of the common room, staring at me with keen fascination. She had hair that was too blonde to be natural, a pair of snooty eyeglasses, and a red button-down shirt with a black tie. I snorted a little at that and gave her a wink. She was talking to a pretty doctor with chocolate colored skin. I decided I needed a close up. I made my way over while they spoke to each other. When I tapped on the glass, they both jumped in surprise.
"Hi!" I yelled, hoping they could hear me. "Wanna play 'Doctor'? I can be the patient!" They both smiled indulgently at me. No one takes me seriously in this fucking place. "I have a terrible pain right here!" I said, pointing to my crotch. "You can make it all better, can't you?" I giggled and turned my backs on them. If they didn't want to play I could find someone else. But before I could pounce on anyone and make them give me a piggyback ride two orderlies grabbed me by my elbows and started to drag me out.
"Hey! I didn't even do anything, leave me alone!"
"Your time is up, clown, back to your cell." The shorter one said.
"That's not fair, no one else is leaving! I wanna watch TV!"
"It's time for your meds." The older and taller one stated."
"Oh." I murmured, deflated. Dinner and drugs. I hadn't realized it was so late. But in this place time meant nothing. It was a never-ending ebb and flow of meaninglessness. But I'd been having fun and wasn't quite ready to behave. I began to wrench and twist and pull as they tried to cuff me. But apparently they had been warned about my naughtiness and the taller one put me in a headlock and threw all his weight on me. We fell to the floor and I face planted on the ground and immediately tasted blood. The bastard put his knee right in the center of my spine, pinning me down as they quickly cuffed me and dragged me to my feet. I could feel blood dribbling down my chin. But no teeth were missing or loose, so I wasn't too upset. Then I felt a sharp pain.
"No!" I cried, but it was too late. The room was already starting to spin.
When I woke up I thought I was going to die. The room was spinning so fast it was nothing but a blur. It was like being drunk times ten. I immediately rolled off the bed and began to puke all over. The fucking bastards were going to kill me accidentally. This was probably the third time they had over-dosed me. And honestly, this time had to be the worst. I tried to sit up, but the movement almost made me black out. I closed my eyes, begging to sleep, but the spinning only increased. I remember yelling that I was going to die, but no one gave a shit. I remember gasping for breath, because the air seemed to be leaching from my room, or being stolen from my lungs. But mostly I remember being scared. I couldn't die this way, I couldn't.
After awhile I started hallucinating. The room seemed to breathe around me, the walls swelled and pulsated. They shrank until I swore I was going to be crushed, and grew so big it was like the size of the sky. Ghosts whispered in my ears, proclaiming me a damned murderer, and a savior respectively. Invisible hands raked their jagged nails across my flesh and invisible faces blew fetid, moist breath into my face. I gagged and choked and tried to escape. I pounded the walls and screamed at the top of my lungs.
Then a strange low throb sounded in my ears and grew until I swore I was going to go deaf. It made my head begin to pound in unison and I was pleading with anyone to stop it all and let me sleep. Soon I was curled in a ball on the cement floor, clutching the sides of my head, and moaning in agony. I hated it. I hated it so much and my anger seemed to make it worse.
When the door opened, the light burned my eyes so bad I screamed. I remember trying to crawl under my bed screaming: "Turn the fucking light off, I'm going blind!"
I don't know what happened after that. I woke in the medical ward. The puke-green walls made me shiver. I hated this place. There were too many bad memories already in this place. I was having difficulty keeping my eyes open, and when they were open the room was shifting and becoming a blur and I had to blink my eyes rapidly to straighten it out. But I was still so tired there was no real point in exerting myself. I closed my eyes again.
When I woke next I was starving, but my stomach felt like it was full of writhing snakes. Then, with virtually no warning, I threw up all over myself.
"Ah, fuck!" I shrieked. I hadn't even had time to aim away from myself. I could care less if I spewed all over the bed next to me, but this was intolerable. I continued to scream obscenities until a rather matronly nurse decided to see what the problem was.
I was busy throwing all my blankets to the floor; thankful they had chained my ankles to the bed and not my wrists. I peeled off my vomit-covered shirt and saw this Brunhilde glaring at me.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I just puked all over myself. That's cool, right?" I snarled in fury.
"You will be fine, soon, young man." She snapped, her face expressionless. "In the meantime, you need your rest, so please behave yourself. I will get you new blankets in a moment." And she began to clean up the mess. Anything I'd planned to say was lost as pain tore through me. I groaned, curling up on my side, clutching my stomach. "Are you going to be sick again?"
"Probably." I moaned, feeling myself begin to sweat. She scurried off and returned with a bedpan. I would have laughed but as soon as I saw it, but I began to gag instead as she hurried to my side. I could feel all my muscles locking as I choked and shivered. But I hadn't eaten since the day before so all that came out was a thick glob of bright yellow bile.
The meds they gave me were always the same, the shitty food they fed us was the same, so what the hell was wrong with me? The answer was simple. The fuckers were poisoning me. They were trying to kill me, and why not? Killing Gotham's public enemy number one would probably make a lot of people happy. What else could it be? I couldn't just be sick again. I was sick only a few weeks earlier. If I get sick at all it's a once a year thing, and I hadn't been out drinking. It was either to food, the pills, or the injections. Or maybe all three. And I could only go so long without eating before I was ready to gnaw off someone's chubby fingers. I spit out my pills whenever I could, but the doctors, nurses, and orderlies had a habit of watching you take them, then looking in your mouth with a flashlight to make sure you weren't hiding them under your tongue. I'd been caught a few times already and sometimes they just held me down and gave me injections. It was infuriating, but when five burly men are piled on top of you, you'll do pretty much anything to get away from them. It's hard to breathe, and when you do get a whiff, it smells like rotten ass. No thank you.
I lay in bed, dizzy, my head pounding. I was so tired of puking and spinning walls. I was ready to get the hell out of this shit hole. Or better yet, maybe I'd kill a guard and get thrown into solitary. They can't force me to take meds when the only contact between them and me is when they shove my food through a slot in the door.
I sighed and closed my eyes. Tomorrow I'll kill someone…
"You have a counseling session with your new doctor."
"Really?" I gaped, when would those morons learn? I don't need counseling, I'm fine the way I am. I would have to prove it to them. And I was planning on killing someone on that day anyway, might as well be the latest shrink. "Another lamb to the slaughter, eh? Well, that's fine." They didn't respond. They never did. They took me to a room and cuffed my hands behind my back, which I hated. It seemed that every time this happened my scars would start to itch, or my nose, or my nuts. It was truly annoying. They cuffed my ankles and chained me to the bolt in the floor and left. Then she came in. The pretty blonde with the matronly glasses and the outfit that was a juvenile attempt at sophistication at best. Her pure white lab coat seemed brand spanking new. She looked like a Barbie doll when she smiled. Perfectly straight, gleaming teeth, full, pouty lips, huge blue eyes with a thick fringe of dark lashes. She was actually quite enjoyable to look at. I caught myself staring at her tits when she sat down, enraptured by their bouncing. I licked my lips, caressing the scar across my lower lip; I felt a stirring in my groin as her eyes seemed to follow the movement. I was slightly put-off by my own reaction. She was the enemy after all. I was going to kill her wasn't I? That had been the plan.
Had been. Now I was shocked to discover I was too busy staring at her face and her tits and imagining all sorts of deviant activities to indulge in with her. She was in good shape; she could probably be quite flexible.
"Hello," she began, with her pretty, cheery smile. I was startled by the fact that it was truly genuine. "I'm Dr. Quinzel." I was shocked out of my reverie. I punched myself in the head, what the fuck was wrong with my brain? I knew those bastards poisoned me. "Is everything all right?" she asked, her expression concerned.
"I'm being poisoned, it's messing with my brain."
"Excuse me?" She seemed surprised. I scoffed.
"Look sweetie, I know you're new here, but you have to know by now. My meds are probably rat poison or something. I keep puking and seeing things and all I do is sit here and take whatever they tell me I have to. If I don't they force me anyway. You know that."
"No, that's-" I scowled at her.
"Aren't you my doctor?!" I yelled, suddenly impatient. "Aren't you supposed to listen to me?"
"Of course-"
"Nobody listens to me!" I rant on, trying to throw a little guilt trip her way. "No one gives a shit! Why the hell are you my doctor anyway? You look like a cheer leader!" Her face flushed a delicate pink at that.
"I can assure you, I'm completely qualified." She said, her mouth set in a thin line. I brushed that off, like I cared anyway. I had already decided I was going to get into her pants somehow. I wasn't sure why, other than the fact that she looked like she could bang like an ape. I'm not really the type of guy who gives a shit about chasing girls. If I'm horny I can jerk off. If some slut wants to fuck, great. Just get lost when I'm done. And most of them don't like that.
"Fine." I said, smiling charmingly at her. She returned the smile hesitantly. Such a pretty smile, I was amazed and annoyed at the same time. "What do you want to talk about?"
"Whatever you want to discuss, I'm here to listen. You said you think you're being poisoned?" damn it. Stupid bitch.
"I don't THINK I am. I know it!" I spat. "I just had pneumonia a few weeks ago. I can't be sick again. They're trying to kill me!"
"They..?" she prodded.
"Don't play dumb. Doctors, nurses, the whole lot. Why should I say anything, none of you fucks can be trusted." I almost laughed at her wounded expression.
"We've only just met. Why would I want to hurt you?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"I don't enjoy hurting people."
"Sure you do. Everyone does. You mean to lie to me and say you've never gotten even with some catty bitch and enjoyed every minute of it?" she averted her eyes and I knew I hit pay dirt. "Of course you have, don't lie to me. I hate liars."
"I promise, I'm not going to do anything to hurt you." She said after a moment. I scanned her face briefly and saw honesty. I smiled again.
"Then find out what they are giving me and make them stop. I'm sick of puking my guts out every fucking day." She nodded and wrote something down. I knew she wasn't even going to ask what my meds were.
"Is anything else bothering you?"
"Ha! What isn't?" I snorted.
"Anything in particular?" look at her, look at her… she wants respect, that is plain as day. So she must have received very little growing up, or her 'colleagues' treat her like a little upstart. Perhaps a little sob story to pluck at her heartstrings.
"Well… it's kinda personal…" I trailed off and pretended like I didn't notice the eager expression in her face.
"You'll feel better if you get it off your chest." I was already forming an ideal story in my head.
"I did really good in school growing up. And I used to get my ass kicked for it. Cause I wouldn't help people cheat on tests and stuff. Nobody liked me anyway; especially after-" I indicated my scars. "Nobody respected me." She said up straighter. Bingo. "Everyone treated me like garbage. I didn't do anything to make anyone hate me, they just did. I don't know what made me even think of it. Maybe cause everyone treats me like I'm crazy now, and I'm not." She was writing furiously. It was adorable. I grimaced at the thought. She's not adorable; I thought in annoyance, she's a piece of ass.
"How does that make you feel?" I scowled, typical shrink reply.
"Misunderstood." I said with a faint smile.
"You feel you've been sent here in error?" she asked, looking at me with those big, blue eyes.
"Do I look crazy to you?" I smirked. She offered a fake smile and I sneered. The bitch. I'm not a fan of fake smiles, false sincerity. I'll cut you a permanent smile, whore. She tensed; perhaps my anger was all too visible? I frowned. "Well..?" I snarled, licking a scar.
"No. You don't." she stated firmly, her eyes wary. I sat back, grinning broadly. I liked the look of fear in here eyes.
"You wouldn't lie to me, would you? What did I tell you?" She blinked and sat up straighter, putting her pen down.
"Of course not. I have no reason to lie to you." True enough, but I still didn't trust her. But then again, I don't trust anyone.
"So you say." She looked irritated. I smirked at her and she flushed.
"What do I have to do to prove my intentions are honorable?" Ooh, look whose busting out the big words! She deserved a cookie. Too bad I didn't have any.
"Give me a lap dance." I said, and before she could deliver a scathing reply I burst out laughing. "Just kidding. Joker, remember?" She frowned but seemed to accept it.
"Let's return to what we were discussing earlier. You said you wanted respect, but never seemed to get it. You said you felt misunderstood. Do you think there was anything you could have done to make people view you differently?"
"Why should I try to be something I'm not for a bunch of assholes? After awhile I stopped caring. They hated me, so I hated them. It worked out well. "
"That had to have made you feel like an outsider."
"I don't care if they hate me, so long as they respect me." She was writing again and I wondered what. Then I realized an hour was almost up and I hadn't done anything mean to her, or really tried to scare her. She must have noticed my confusion.
"Is anything else bothering you?"
"I can't figure out why I don't want to kill you. Why the fuck are you so special?" and I meant it. For some reason this seemed to please her immensely and she smiled prettily at me.
"Maybe because I really want to help you, not just study you and take notes like everyone else. I'll talk to Dr. Arkham about you medication, maybe we can get it changed."
"Yeah, right." I muttered sullenly, not really liking her answer.
"I promise, I'll do my best." She said, smiling again. I was about to say something else when the orderlies came in and made they're way over me. I was stunned to find I was disappointed. I had actually somewhat enjoyed talking with her, even if she wasn't as special as she was trying to appear. Well, she would be one day. I was going to make something special out of her. What that was I didn't know yet, but I was sure of it nonetheless.
Back in my detested cell all I could think of was her. And what she would look like with her ankles by her ears. I couldn't believe it. Still can't. I was attracted to my psychiatrist. I wanted to fuck her like an animal. I felt like an idiot. The last thing I needed was to be thinking with my dick. I tried to think about something, anything other than her. I even tried thinking about bad stuff, really bad stuff that I was forever trying to forget. I got angry and tore my bed apart. It didn't help. I kept remembering her smile, and her eyes, and those awesome knockers, and her ass that I'd only caught a glimpse of. It was driving me crazy. I had to get a hold of myself. She was nothing but a skank trying to learn my secrets, I told myself. But it didn't make anything better. I started thinking about licking her pussy and before I knew it I was as hard as a diamond in an ice storm.
"Fuck!" I howled. I tried to will my chubby away, but it was useless. I lay on the tattered remains of my mattress and rubbed one out in like, ten seconds. Well, maybe it took a minute or two but it was pathetic. I was kinda embarrassed. Scratch that, I was mortified at how quick I came. All because of some little hooker playing doctor.
Next time I saw her things were going to go a tad differently. I was going to send her packing… I cringed at the thought. I was probably going to pop a boner as soon as I saw her.
I was fucked.
TBC!
A/N: Ladies, picture that and drool. I know I am! Feedback is love!
* : Acid Bath lyrics – God Machine