Spam Cabinet of Spamfics Chapter 2: The most interesting pervert, a ranma fanfic

Noy's Spam Cabinet of Spamfics

~Noy Telinú~

Warning: Noy owns none of this. Reading this is illegal. Everything in this is illegal. Stop trying repeat it in real life. It's Illegal. All of it.

Spam: this if full of spam. Spam. Spam!

Caution: this is a spam one chapter mini story full of spam. Each chapter is another spam fic. Got it?

You have been warned…

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Spam 2.0: The Most Interesting Pervert In the World.

Nabiki was watching TV as usual when her program was interrupted by a commercial.

"Argg! I hate commercials, all they do is try to sell you stuff. Why bother, no one buys it anyway."

She hated commercials, especially the new ones…

Old like film plays… Happosai comes in bouncing with a sack of underwear; following him is a hundred girls.

A male voiceover is heard. ~ "He gets pummeled by girls… every day." ~

Happosai is on the ground, being kicked and pummeled by the schoolgirls.

~ "He has stolen panties from every country in the world." ~

Show a montage of stealing the panties from queens, first ladies, empresses, princesses, and supermodels.

~ "He once lived without food or water in a cave for over 10 years on strength of perversion and a stash of women's underwear alone." ~

Cut to Happosai relishing in a cave with a women's bra.

~ "He has been doing this for almost 300 years." ~

Random Happosai stealing stuff from different time periods.

~ "He is… the most interesting pervert in the world." ~

It shows Happosai laughing hysterically, jumping buildings, being chased by girls.

~ "I don't always steal panties… but when I do… I prefer Akane's." ~

Happosai is in his room going over his collection. Akane comes in, Angry.

~ "What a haul what a haul!" ~

Happosai runs away with Akane chasing him.

The screen cuts to black, Akane's blue panties are shown with Japanese kanji. 100,000 yen is seen.

Nabiki takes a potato chip… and eats it.

Nothing dramatic happens though. And then she reaches for more.

"He hee, that was definitely worth it." Nabiki giggles. "Still, Akane should be glad; we have enough money for a 3-D TV now."

Oh, she liked this one though; it brought in a lot of yen. Akane's used panties get 100,000 yen a piece. That is, the ones that she can get away from Happosai.

To top it off, despite what logic would think, the commercials with Happosai being a pervert increased the price 10 fold.

Akane still hates her though.

Nabiki shrugged as she continued to watch Death Note.

Some time later, the next round for commercials start. The last one makes Nabiki laugh.

The screen shows Happosai being chased by all of Nerima, everyone is chasing him. All the oddities are there too. Crazy stuff. Specifically, the same exact scene from the first movie.

The male announcer speaks over the whole thing. ~ "He is the most hated and wanted man in Japan." ~

Cue Happosai being shot at with guns as he is training Soun and Genma.

~ "He steals from everyone." ~

Cut to Happosai messing with Ranma-chan in the bathhouse.

~ "He doesn't care with the when, who, what, or why." ~

Happosai is rummaging through the girls' locker room, evading being hit.

~ "He raids everywhere." ~

Happosai is flying through the air.

~ "He gets more air mileage in a year than the average businessman in his lifetime." ~

Cue Happosai diving for Ranma-chan's breasts only to be pummeled.

~ "His only weakness; is his biggest strength." ~

Happosai is latching onto a ghost woman's breasts.

~ "He is… the most interesting pervert in the world." ~

Happosai is in his room, ironing panties.

~ "I don't always steal panties… just… most of the time, Oh my sweet Akane-chan's panties… hey! Give those back!" ~

Happosai chases Nabiki with Akane's panties.

The screen cuts to black and its Akane's blue panties with 1,000,000 yen price and the words 'steal responsibly' under it.

Nabiki is laughing when Akane comes in.

"NABIKI!"

"What? Can't a girl make a little cash?"

"At least give me some money for MY UNDERWEAR!"

"Oh, fine, I just wish that new TV would get here. Akane's Underwear… in 3D! HA!" Nabiki falls down laughing.

Akane growls at Nabiki. "Nabiki, give me my cut then… NOW!"

"You sooo need anger management classes. Here. Buy more panties. Keep this up and you'll get your own line."

Akane just fumes as she takes her money and storms away.

Ranma comes in the other way and steps back when he sees Akane.

"What's she mad about now?" He asked.

"She's just mad about her panties being sold. You know, you could get them for free if you just marry Akane, Ranma."

"Hey! You know I can't do that until stuff is taken care of. Besides, she is really getting mad these last 23 days."

"Guilty as charged. Not that I care. Hmmm…. Hey Ranma, what's better, a pool or a Jacuzzi?"

"You are evil, you know that Nabiki?"

"Well aren't you Captain obvious?"

Ranma walks away, still mad about Nabiki's 'new idea to make money' scheme she started when she screwed up his and Akane's wedding. It just made Akane mad all the time, even worse when she found out her panties were being sold when she saw the ad on TV 19 days ago. The only good thing was that Happosai had a job now, and out of everyone's way since he spent his time molesting the filming crew for the new commercials.

~ "I take a chip… and eat it!" ~

"Hey, I do that too!" Nabiki tells the TV. "I just don't feel important enough to hire an orchestra to play when I eat. Although…"

"Oh my! Nabiki, please don't, we don't have the room." Kasumi called from the kitchen.

"Oh, fine."

Another commercial shows during the next cycle.

Happosai is a giant facing a giant panda in the middle of Tokyo.

~ "He was a monster once. Minus the 'was'." ~

Happosai bathing Pantyhose Taro in the spring at Jusenkyo.

~ "He created a monster, for the sake of good." ~

Shows Taro destroying Tokyo chasing after Haposai.

~ "Or maybe not." ~

A mini Hinako is with Happosasi in the Hospital draining nurses.

~ "He saved a girl from a terrible disease, just so he can use her to get away from hordes of nurses." ~

Showing Ranma using Happosai's lust to cause a twister.

~ "His lust; caused a tornado once." ~

Show Happosai's head in the ground in the bathhouse under Ranma-chan's fist.

~ "He is… the most interesting pervert in the world." ~

Happosai throwing lingerie in the air laughing happily.

~ "I don't always steal panties… but when I do, I prefer Akane's. Hey! No! this is mine! I stole it fair and Square!"

Akane fighting for her panties with Happosai.

~ "Hey! These are mine! Give them back!" ~

~ "Let me snuggle between your breasts and we'll talk…" ~

Kanji appears on the screen, the fight a bit out of focus.

~ "Akane's Panties. Only 10,000,000 yen while supplies lasts." ~

Nabiki was on the couch, counting yen when Happosai stares at the TV.

"I'm on TV… in 3-d! This *sniff* is one of the happiest days of my life."

Outside you can see a Jacuzzi, a swimming pool, and a bathhouse.

"Yep. When do you go back?" Nabiki asks.

"Tomorrow…" Happosai drools.

In the pool is a bunch of people, in the Jacuzzi is Ranma, Genma, Mousse, and Ryoga all relaxing.

Akane, Ukyo Shampoo, and Kodachi are in the Tendo bathhouse, all getting along.

Akari is sunbathing with Kasumi and Nodoka.

Cologne has a little cart selling noodles next to the pool.

Konatsu is eating happily with Tsubasa and Sasuke.

Kuno and his father are enjoying themselves in the scenery.

Taro is in the pool, playing pranks on the female participants.

Herb arrives with Lime and Mint, carrying gifts.

All around the world happiness is up 177%.

An alternative fuel that comes from female human juices is 7 times more efficient than gasoline.

All and all the world is a better place, just because Akane's panties were sold in the first place.

The End!

Author's notes: this is Noy's favorite spam story… ever. And I like it too. It's so funny. Spam never tasted so filling before…and I'm text! As you can see, by selling Akane's panties, you can make the world a better place for us all. # not intended to be a factual statement.