How to Survive Draco Malfoy
Part two: Ignore the Piranha At Your Knees
The next time I saw him, I just about spit my coffee out on to him, he took me by surprise. It was an empty room that echoed as I sat down with my paper and obligatory cup of coffee for my fifteen minute break in the morning. I always had coffee and a scone, read the paper, packed up my things and went back to work. It was my routine and it was lovely. Fifteen minutes a day, shaved off of my hour for lunch that I could relax and there would be no one in the cafeteria. Naturally he had to go and ruin it.
When he sat down, it was with a large book and a cup of coffee. I tried to ignore him. If there is one thing more infuriating about that man more than anything else, it was the fact that he was shiny. He was like a big shiny nickel covered in obscure writing that you almost always leaned forward to figure out. And then he had you, you're attention, the thing that he craved more than anything else. Trying to ignore him was like trying to ignore a piranha as it went for your knees.
After what seemed to be every chapter, he would look up at me, open his mouth, shake his head and go back to reading. It would be three more days before he could get a word out.
"I-" That was it. He bit his tounge and then went back to his book. It was driving me mental.
"Look, I understand that you have some strange urge to torment me, but don't you have a job? Something that earns you money?" His eyes were wide, silver and startled. "Why are you bothering me?"
"I actually don't need to work much, most of my enterprises have earned enough money on their own." He looked thoughtful and I almost wanted to punch him in the face again. My paycheck barely stretched to cover my bills. Merlin, the boy brought out the worst in me, I was usually so even tempered! He gave me a beautific smile as he packed up his things and left, making me realize that he never answered the second question. He didn't come back to bother me again but I did find an unsigned note with a strangely cryptic message, I'm sorry ensconced in my desk.
The next time I saw him surprised me just as much but I had no coffee to almost spit at him, I was in a bookstore. I was making my way down the shelves of dusty tomes when both of our hands alighted on the same treatise written by some old Muggle fogey. Suddenly, he was there with his tired eyes and his perfectly pressed pants that I almost assuredly not looking at because it would be quite indecent. My hand was lower than his as he was a good six inches taller at least, but he had a better grip. It was the only one in stock. I opened my mouth to protest when he shoved it into my hands.
"You take it, I'm assured you have to get back to work and I've got nothing else to do for today. I'll track down another copy." Again, the boy left me speechless. I swallowed to clear my throat as he turned away.
"I could-" He froze, and looked at me, his eyes pinched around the edges. "I only need it through this Thursday, if you would like to pick it up afterward, that would be alright. You know where I work."
"I suppose I could do that." One side of his mouth pulled up in a half smile. He nodded to me and left me wondering what part of my traitorous brain came up with that brilliant plan.
He came to claim the book from me Thursday evening only minutes before I headed home for the night. Penelope let him in as I was settling the rest of my paperwork for the night. I smiled and waved vaguely towards the stack of books, not really looking at him as I continued to write things down. There was the rustling of leather and paper as he slid the book out from the middle of the stack and then something large and heavy landed in the middle of where I was working.
"If you liked that one, this was recommended to me to be a companion treatise." It was easily three inches thick and not something to you would carry around frivolously. I glanced up to the challenge in his eyes. I gave the book a long look. I could finish it tonight if I had the proper motivation. I smiled sweetly up at Malfoy and he looked quite taken aback.
"Have a good evening, Malfoy." The side of his mouth quirked up in a half smile, not unlike the smirk of our school years, but warmer.
"You too Granger."
By morning he had a foot long scroll discussing the strengths and weaknesses of the book, my opinions and the usefulness of the text, especially in reference to the previously used text. I had only had to stay up 10 minutes longer than my normal bedtime to finish it.
By lunch time, I found a rebuttal sneaking its way into my paperwork, referencing some obscure texts that I had never even heard of and realized how Draco Malfoy came in second year. I found those texts in the library at Hogwarts as I called in a favor from Neville over the weekend and Draco Malfoy was delivered a two foot long reactionary scroll, complete with a two inch retraction of a misstated theory that I found collected in another text. Thus explaining how I came in first.
Harry and Ron were beginning to complain about the fact that I was getting quite hysterical about it all and they were almost frightened that the books on my shelves were staring at them.
"Hermione, you're beginning to look like you did in third year, when you went a bit mental with classes." Ron was concerned. It was a pity it never lasted more than a year between us, he did try to take care of me.
"I'm with Ron, you might want to slow down a bit." Harry stuffed in a bit more of dinner, roast duck, mashed potatoes and pumpkin juice, before continuing. "I know it's making you happy, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing..."
He quailed before my gimlet stare.
"Fun? You think I'm having fun?" I felt as though my hair was cackling with energy, about to explode. I probably shouldn't brush it for a while. "I am stressed beyond relief, thank Merlin for this weekend!"
"Yeah, well, with Malfoy going around being all bloody cheerful and whistling all the time, I assumed you were both having-" Ron stopped to put his hands on my shoulders and shake me a bit as I began to turn strange colors in the face. He was enjoying himself! "'Mione? 'Mione, breathe."
Harry fetched the cure-all, my old, tattered copy of Hogwarts, A History for me and sat me down with it. He stroked my hair a bit before I was able to relax and sniffle into its pages. I rejoined the social interaction as I had my hands clenched on the book from my childhood that I had loved so dear, but they were talking about the Quidditch teams, and it slowly devolved into an argument about the Cannon's chances of winning the championship.
Weeks of witty, scholastic repartee later, the lift doors opened and I nearly dropped the stack of books cradled in my arms as I lurched forward. They were tucked under my chin, clamped successfully, if precariously. I leaned against the very back, as the lift shot off, tilting my head back to gently rest on the wall. I closed my eyes and sighed as the doors opened again, far too soon to be my stop. Suddenly, the books were lifted out of my arms and my eyes shot open.
"It's supposed to rain today, did you know?" His voice was smooth and clear as always, his arms not even straining in the least as he held the books easily in his longer arms.
"What?" I asked, still surprised at the absence of weight and more, where it had gone. The doors opened again, letting in several witches and a wizard, making the two of us crowd together in the corner. The fabric of his coat brushed against my arm and I felt my cheeks flush as I was sure that he was going to have some of my hair on it. My hair got everywhere. He flashed me one of his signature grins, and I could almost hear the ping resonate in the small box. Then I realized it was the lift's bell and he sailed out the door, my books still in hand. Being bigger, and having a load, the people to the front of the elevator parted to let him past, but snapped shut behind him. I had to carry on to the next floor and take the stairs back down.
By the time I got to my desk, the books were neatly arranged on the corner, the only bare space, and a dark, emerald green umbrella with silver trim sat mocking me on my chair. I smiled at his thoughtfulness and sat down to work, only to find that he had scrawled across my desk in un-erasable ink. Scourgify merely made it go neon.
"It's supposed to rain today and rain makes your hair even bushier than normal. Save us all the sight and use an umbrella."
Penelope looked startled out of her wits when she threw open the door at my outraged shriek.
"What is the matter?" I pointed furiously at my desk and she read the message before bursting into laughter. "Well, he does have a point, your hair does get curlier when it rains."
I gave her a look of pure affront, and she sailed out of my door laughing. Clearly she was the one that let him in, she did think that he was charming. I sat down immediately to draw up the form for psychiatric evaluation for her.