Harry slammed his copy of the Daily Prophet down on the Burrow table. "Look at this headline!"
VOLDEMORT'S BACK? MORE LIKE, SIRIUS BLACK! INFAMOUS MURDERER SEEMS TO HAVE A KNACK FOR IMPERSONATING YOU-KNOW-WHO COMING BACK! AURORS, PICK UP THE SLACK!
Ron shook his head. "That's a lot of rhyming."
"I can't believe how bad the Prophet's been getting..." said Hermione.
"Yeah, well, now it's basically Voldemort's personal shout outs." said Harry. "I mean, look at this section..."
'Lucius, your wand sucks. It's probably because you turned it into a stupid cane. Why'd you do that? It doesn't even look cool.'
'Draco! Go make me a sandwhich! Crucio! Haha!'
'Bellatrix? Yeah, you need to give me some space.'
"That's terrible! Don't people realize what's happening!" Hermione asked incredulously.
"Actually, no. It's all written in Parseltongue." said Harry.
"You can write in Parseltongue?" asked Ron.
"Yeah." Harry pulled out a pen and paper. "It looks like this."
He showed them the paper.
Ssssssshaaaassssashhhaaaa.
"That's so cool!" said Ron.
Harry laughed. "I'm just messing with you. You can't do that."
Ron's face dropped.
Hermione looked at Harry, puzzled. "You know Harry, I've always been surprised at how little you take advantage of your ability to speak Parseltongue."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, just think Harry. You could swear in Parseltongue in class, insult people, sick snakes on Death Eaters..."
Harry's face turned red. "Well thanks for telling me this now, Hermione! Now that we're not going to school!"
Mrs. Weasley walked in to the room. "You're not going back to school? Why are you not choosing to continue your education?"
"What do you think would happen to us if we went back to Hogwarts, Mum?" said Ron. "I mean, seriously, a Death Eater is the headmaster. A bloody Death Eater! We wouldn't last five seconds, and Harry wouldn't last one! I mean, Voldemort practically owns the place now!"
Mrs. Weasley beat Ron upon the head. "How dare you speak to your mother that way!"
George leaned in through the window. "Yes Ronald. It's quite ear-responsible."
Harry laughed.