I do not own Bleach, its characters, or the settings. I do not own "Lonely Day" by System of a Down on their album "Hypnotize".
Okay, I know I said I would leave the lyrics at the bottom of Chapter 1, but I forgot. This time they really will be at the bottom of the page. Also, I wanted to address a few questions and comments I received. 1. This was from hiya-san, their question was why did just bakudo 1 and 4 take Shunsui out when he's so powerful. My answer: I figured that since he was in a distraught state he wouldn't quite be himself and not only that, but Captain Unohana knew that a non-violent man like Shunsui wouldn't really hurt her and also, I'm not so good at remembering kido attacks. 2. A comment from and Anonymous reviewer…you're very sharp in your assumptions and you almost had me figured out, but not quite.
Okay, enough of that! I want to thank everyone else that read Chapter 1. I hope you enjoy Chapter 2 as well.
An hour later, the eighth Captain groggily opens his eyes. He sits up and searches the room with his eyes for his best friend, "Jushiro!"
"Captain, are you alright?"
He turns his head in the direction of the familiar voice and sees his Lieutenant Nanao Ise sitting in the corner of the room, "Nanao, where am I? I have to find Jushiro! He needs me!"
The bespectacled woman lets out a worried sigh, "Sir, Captain Ukitake is with Captain Unohana and she is only doing her job. I know that you are grieving and I can't even imagine how bad you're hurting, but you should be ashamed of yourself for making Captain Unohana do something like that to some one she respects."
He looks away from his Lieutenant's piercing gaze because he knew she was right and he wasn't proud of himself, but he couldn't bring himself to care, "I just wanted to hold him a little longer and pretend that everything was okay for just a few more minutes." More tears spill down his already tear stained face, "Then she started saying words like autopsy and burial and I just…I just snapped and lost it and I didn't even know who I was."
Nanao's stern expression softens when she sees her Captain's tears, "There is something that Captain Unohana needs you to do when you feel up to it, but it needs to be done before tomorrow morning."
He looks at his Lieutenant again and realizes how brave she's being by holding back her own sadness in order to be a professional subordinate to him, "What am I supposed to do?"
"Captain Unohana thought it best that you be the one to pick out Captain Ukitake's clothes since you knew him best." She quickly swipes her index finger under her eye to wipe away the tears that are gathering there at seeing the horrified expression on her Captain's face.
The bearded man's shoulders slump at hearing her words, "What if I can't do it? What if I can't go rifling through his things…things that he kept so neat and organized all the time. What if I can't go into that room…a room where I spent so many nights lying next to him? What if I can't do it alone?"
The second in command of Squad Eight walks determinedly toward her Captain, grabs his lapel, and roughly pulls him up from the cot he's sitting on, "Who said anything about you going alone?" She finally lets the sad tears spill from her eyes and splash down to the floor, "Do you think that I would let my Captain, a Captain that I would follow no matter what his orders and that I would stand by no matter what he chose to do just walk into a situation so terrifying and heart breaking all by himself? I am going with you!" She releases her firm grip on his lapel as she wipes her wet face with her hands, "And, I have never…in all the years I have been on your squad ever heard my Captain say 'I can't'! If you love and respect Captain Ukitake like I know you do then you will march yourself down there and pick out those clothes if for no other reason then because it is for him!"
Shunsui stares proudly at his Lieutenant and finally lets a small smile tug at his lips, "I told Ju that you'd keep me in line, Nanao. I wasn't lying about that was I?"
"No, you weren't, sir." She straightens her glasses and begins walking toward the door, "Now, shall we?"
He nods, "We shall, but do you think we could just walk, Nanao? I don't think I'm up to flash step today."
"Of course, Captain." She opens the door allowing her Captain to exit the room, closing the door behind herself.
Once they make it outside, the first part of the walk is met in silence with Nanao not knowing what to say and allowing her Captain to clear his head in the breeze that traveled with them. After passing several squads in silence, the eighth Captain stops walking making Nanao stop as well, "Is something wrong, Captain?"
"He gone…he's really gone and I'll never get to hear his voice again." The eighth Captain sways where he's standing and Nanao places a hand on his shoulder to support him, "He's really gone…he's…d-dead." The word tastes so horrible on his tongue and as the realization of his lover's departure crashes down on him, he can't stop the rush of nausea that swirls in his stomach. He pushes Nanao's hand away as he bends over and lets the contents of his stomach spill out of his mouth.
"Captain!" The worried Lieutenant approaches her retching Captain and pulls his hair back out of the way.
He vomits violently a few more times and eventually stands up on trembling legs. Nanao pulls a handkerchief from her robes and wipes her Captain's mouth, but he grabs her wrist to stop her from proceeding with such a degrading task, "Why is this happening, Nanao?"
She shakes her head at the question, "I don't know, but it would be an understatement to say that I'm worried about you, Captain."
He straightens his clothes and begins walking again, "Let's go."
"But, Captain, you aren't well! I don't think that…"
"I said, let's go." He turns to face her wondering how he managed to be lucky enough to get such a headstrong woman as his Lieutenant, "Wasn't it you who said you would stand by me no matter what I chose?" She nods and he turns around again, "Then let's go."
"Yes, Captain." She picks up her pace and walks beside her Captain all the way to Ukitake's residence.
When they reach their destination it takes several minutes of stern coaxing from Nanao before Shunsui opens the door and the two of them walk in. The smell of his lover envelopes him the moment he steps inside and he fills his lungs with the scent he loves so much. When he finally gets the courage to walk across the room toward the bedroom, he feels Nanao's small hand grab his with a reassuring squeeze. He looks down at her and nods as he opens the bedroom door, "Well, here we are."
"Yes, we are and I'm very proud of you, sir."
"I couldn't have done it without you." They release each other's hands as Shunsui walks to the closet and opens it. He notices that the thirteenth Captain had everything organized. All of his Captain's uniforms, then his casual clothes, and sleeping attire, but the last item of clothing in the closet is what caught his eyes and made him gasp, "He didn't throw it out."
"What's that, Captain?" She walks closer to the closet with a perplexed expression on her face.
He pulls the blue and pink yukata out of the closet and thrusts it in her confused face, "H-he kept it and he even mended it…look!" He points to a section of cloth that's been stitched up.
"I'm afraid I don't understand, sir." She carefully moves the blue fabric away from her face waiting for an explanation.
The excited Captain brings the blue yukata to his cheek and caresses his skin with the fabric, "Ju was wearing this on the day we…we made love for the first time. That was the first time I'd told someone I loved them and actually meant it."
She smiles at her Captain's explanation of the yukata, "That's lovely, Captain, but why is it stitched up?"
"Well, I…may have ripped it because I was…over eager to get to 'other' things." He turns his face away from her not wanting to see her unsurprised face.
"I shouldn't have had to ask."
The Captain sits down on the futon and frowns, "Why do you think he told me that he'd thrown it out if he didn't? It looked really great on him."
Nanao sits down beside him and he looks at her noticing the unusually soft expression her face held, "I think he never wore it again because it already had a wonderful memory attached to it and he didn't want to ruin that memory by gather new memories from wearing it again. When he looked at that yukata he automatically remembered the day that you expressed your love to him emotionally and physically without any other memories getting in the way. He told you he threw it out because if you knew he still had it you would pester him every day to wear it and ruin his memories of it."
A real smile finally spreads across his bearded face, "That sounds like him." The large man unexpectedly wraps his arms around his slender Lieutenant making her eyes widen behind her glasses, "I'm glad you came with me, Nanao."
She smiles and returns the hug, "I wanted to be by your side, Captain."
He releases his hold on her and he gently places the yukata and the pink obi in her arms, "Take this to Retsu and tell her I want to see him in it, but only me and her."
"What about everyone else, sir?" She holds the yukata as if it were a new born baby at knowing how important it is to her Captain.
He stands up and pulls a Captain's uniform out of the closet, "She can cover it with this. It's his best uniform, he only wore it for Captain's meetings and special ceremonies." He hands over the Captain's uniform as well.
"Captain, what will you be doing while I deliver this to Captain Unohana?" A worried look is expressed at the prospect of leaving her distraught Captain to his own devices.
He sits back down on the thirteenth Captain's futon, "I think I'm gonna stay here and think about some things."
"Will you be alright alone, sir?"
He notices the concern on her face and nods, "At first, the thought of coming here without him terrified me, but now it's as if I can feel him all over this place and it's comforting."
She nods her understanding, "I'll fetch you when Captain Unohana needs you again."
"Sure."
"Captain?" He turns to look at her, "If you need anything just ask."
"I know that I can count on you." He lies down on the futon, "Thank you, Nanao"
Even though the Lieutenant was very concerned for her Captain, she left the house and headed back to Squad Four leaving her Captain to lie on his lover's futon. The dark haired man lies on the futon for a long time just looking around the room. He'd seen everything in this room a million times, but he looked at it all as if it were new. Ukitake's possessions were the only things he had left to comfort him in his time of despair. He never wanted to sleep again for fear of waking and finding that he'd lost something or someone else that he cared for, but eventually he falls asleep on the futon he'd already spent so many nights on with the scent of the thirteenth Captain still lingering on the pillow.
When Shunsui wakes, he realizes it's morning and he'd spent all night in Squad Thirteen. He sits up when he hears the sound of a woman crying outside the house. He finally recognizes the crying as belonging to Kiyone. He listens for a moment to her broken words of sadness at losing such a nice and caring Captain. He then hears the voice of Sentaro trying to comfort her for once instead of arguing with her. The third seats' voices finally drift away and he finds himself all alone once again. He rubs his eyes not really wanting nor knowing how to proceed with his day. He knew this day would be the hardest of them all because he'd have one last chance to see Ukitake wearing the royal blue and light pink yukata before the Captain's uniform covered it and his best friend's funeral would begin.
He lets out a sorrowful sound and finally notices a stack of clothes folded beside the futon with a note resting on top of the stack. He picks up the note and recognizes Nanao's handwriting,
Captain,
I didn't want to wake you, but when you're ready Captain Unohana is ready for you. I assume that Captain Ukitake wouldn't mind if you shower there. Here is a change of clothes and please, eat something. I left your breakfast on the counter. If you need anything at all then know that you can count on me.
Nanao Ise
He once again feels proud at knowing this smart, brave woman was his Lieutenant. He stands up bringing the clothes with him as he heads to the thirteenth Captain's bathroom. He didn't really want to do anything, but he'd been rude enough to the fourth Captain as it was, the least he could do is take a shower before meeting her. He found showering harder than he thought because a flood of memories washed over him the minute he stepped into the shower. He'd shared this shower with Ukitake more times than he could count and he just kept picturing the smile on his lover's face as he would help him wash his pale back and help scrub that long white hair. Hell, he could even see the look of pure pleasure on Ukitake's face as he pounded into him against the shower wall with the hot water falling down on their already sweat dampened bodies. Needless to say, this was the fastest shower Shunsui Kyoraku had ever managed to take and he quickly exited the shower just to make the images and memories go away.
He dries off and dresses in the clothes Nanao left for him. He walks passed the counter and notices the food, but he just can't bring himself to eat any of it. He puts his hat on, takes one more longing look at the house that held so many of his fondest memories, and finally leaves as he makes his way through Squad Thirteen. He notices the forlorn faces of the Squad Thirteen members as he passes, but he can't even feel sorry for them and he doesn't offer them any words of comfort. When he finally makes it to the Squad Four barracks, he begins to feel a blanket of dread wrap around him as his heart beats hard against his ribs. He knocks lightly on Captain Unohana's office door and hears a polite 'come in' from inside the office.
Captain Unohana is sitting at her desk and looks up from a piece of paper she'd been writing on and smiles at him, Oh hello, Shunsui, I've been expecting you."
He lowers his gaze to the floor not wanting to meet her eyes, "I just…I just wanted to apologize for my behavior yesterday. I'm just not myself after…after what happed."
She stands up from her desk and walks over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder, "You don't owe me an apology, Shunsui. Grief makes us do and say things that we wouldn't normally find ourselves doing and saying. Your behavior only showed how much you love him."
"Thanks…I guess." He lifts his gaze to look at her and he sees that same understanding smile. He wondered if her expression ever changed.
"Are you ready to see him now?"
Shunsui clears his throat, "Yeah, I'm as ready as I'll ever be." He blinks back a few tears not wanting to start crying again even though he knows seeing his late lover in that yukata will surely cause the water works to start again.
She leads him out of the office and down a short hallway until they reach a door that Shunsui had never walked through before, "He's right through that door when you're ready. I'll be waiting here if you need me."
He nods and that's when he saw it…that's when he saw her expression change. The smile dropped into a frown of sadness for just a moment, but he caught it and knew she grieved for the thirteenth Captain also. At this point he knew he needed to say something to her, "You know Ju always thought really highly of you. He always talked about how thorough you were, but your hands were never cold and you were always gentle. He said, that you made him feel welcome…kind of like his home away from home. He really cared about you."
"He was always polite to me and my staff and I cared for him as well. He was a wonderful man and friend and will be greatly missed." A few tears finally trickle down her placid face as she gestures for him to go in.
He finally enters the room and walks apprehensively toward the metal table in the center of the room. When he reaches the table his breath catches in his throat at how stunning his best friend looks in the blue yukata. His eyes fill with tears just as he knew they would, but he lets them fall as he stares fixedly at what a wonderful job Unohana had done preparing him for the funeral, "No wonder I fell for you while you were wearing this. You're more beautiful than any girl ever thought about being." He swallows the lump in his throat and softly caresses Ukitake's cheek with his large hand, "I always knew this would hurt, but I never imagined it would hurt this much. I don't know why I'm surprised, after spending over two thousand years with someone there isn't a lot that I've done without you. That makes everything remind me of you."
He sits on the stool beside the table in silence for a long time just staring at his friend. That's all he could do now to keep from losing his mind was to just stare and remember their long friendship. When he decides that he should let Unohana change the late shinigami into his Captain's uniform, Shunsui stands up, but before he leaves he bends down and places a soft kiss on Ukitake's lips. When he stands upright again, he pulls one of the pin-wheel hairpins out of his wavy hair and places it underneath the pink obi, "Now, I have one and you have one, but it's not for keeps. I'm just letting you borrow it. When I see you again you can return it to me." He lets out a sad sigh, "I love you, Jushiro Ukitake."
He leaves the room and with a goodbye to Unohana he returns to his room in the Squad Eight barracks to wait out the time before the funeral began. A few hours before everything is set to begin, Nanao walks in to see her Captain sitting with his face in his hands and not at all ready for the funeral, "Captain, the funeral is only hours away! You need to get dressed in appropriate clothing."
He looks up and into her eyes, "Why?"
She blinks in surprise a few times in shock at his question, "Did you just ask why?"
"Yeah." He buries his face in his hands again, "Why should I get dressed for something I'm not going to?"
"What?" She nearly passes out at his words, "You have to go. It's your best friend's funeral!"
He looks up again with anger in his eyes, "I don't have to do anything!" He falls back onto the floor with his arms outstretched beside him, "I can't go because then it'll prove that it's all real. After this…I-I'll never see him again. I can't go…I just can't go and see everyone upset. He always made people happy and I can't see them sad because of him."
Nanao notices the silent tears fall from his eyes and pool on the floor, "I know that it will be hard, sir, but things will proceed whether you're there or not and he will still be gone."
He wipes his face with his hands as he sits up, "I said I'm not going! No one can make me go through with it!"
The Lieutenant crosses her arms over her chest as her lips form a straight line, "Very well, you're a grown man and you can make your own decisions. If you decide that you want to do the right thing and attend your best friend's funeral then your clothes are hanging in your room." She walks toward the door, but turns to look at him before leaving, "I know you're upset, but I think you're being very stubborn!" She quickly turns and leaves the room.
The time for the funeral to begin finally arrives and Nanao was certain her Captain would change his mind, but as the speeches and crying began she never saw her Captain. Just before Head Captain Yamamoto begins to speak, the Squad Eight Lieutenant feels her Captain's reiatsu coming closer until he's standing right beside her, "Better late than never, Captain."
He nods, but doesn't say anything giving Nanao the chance to whisper again, "You missed Rukia's speech…it was lovely, sir."
"I'm sure it was." He lowers his eyes to the ground not wanting to see any of his lover's funeral.
"Captain Hitsugaya even said a few words."
"That's nice…I'm sure Ju would have liked that."
The two leaders of Squad Eight stop their whispering as the Head Captain begins speaking. Shunsui knew it was probably a wonderful speech filled with love and pride for one of the Head Captain's favorite students, but the bearded man only heard gibberish and before the speech is over the eighth Captain finds himself leaving. He couldn't take one more second of his lover's funeral and flash steps back to the Squad Eight barracks. Nanao casts a glance at the Head Captain who is still speaking, but the silent permission he gives with his eyes tells Nanao she should go after her Captain and she does just that as she also flash steps away.
When Nanao arrives at her Captain's room, she walks in and eventually finds him in his bedroom lying face down on the futon with his face buried in the pillow, "Captain?"
She hears his words muffled by the pillow, "I went, okay. Isn't that what you wanted? Isn't that what I was supposed to do?" He rolls to lie on his back, "Did I have to stay for the whole god damn thing?"
She walks closer to him and helps him take his sandals off, "You did the right thing, sir, but that's not why I'm here. I'm not here to scold you." She manages to get his sandals off and sits at the foot of the futon.
"Then why didn't you stay until the end?"
She lets out a sigh filled with concern, "I've said it before and I'll say it again…I'm extremely worried about you, Captain. I don't expect you to be yourself after the tragedy you've been through, but you could at least keep up things that have to be done like eating."
He closes his eyes and shakes his head, "Just the thought of food makes me sick to my stomach." He opens his eyes again and sets his gaze to hers, "Unless, you want an instant replay of yesterday I think I'll just stay away from eating for now."
She pushes her glasses back into place on her nose as she lets out another sigh, "As much as I hate to see you drink perhaps a little sake would help to calm your nerves a little."
"You know it's weird, most people drink when they're upset, but I've never done that." He rolls onto his side and stares at the empty spot on the futon where Ukitake used to sleep when he spent the night, "I drink when I'm happy or when there's something to celebrate or a party. I'm certainly not happy, there's no reason to celebrate, and no reason to throw a party." He takes a deep breath and lets it back out before continuing, "Sure I could drink to numb the pain, but I won't."
Nanao begins to say something, but he stops her words with his, "What kind of friend would I be if I did that? He suffered and was in pain his whole life even if he wouldn't admit it. In the end, he struggled to take in that last breath and it didn't do him any good." His voice trembles with his next words, "So, what kind of friend would I be if I numbed the pain when he could never numb his? It's better this way because at least with this pain I know I can feel something."
"You shouldn't be alone tonight, Captain. I'll stay with you and if you need anything I'll just be in the next room." She stands up and straightens her clothes.
"No, I want to be alone and you need sleep. You've spent the last two days dealing with me."
"But, Captain…"
He finally sits up with a furious look on his face, "God damnit, Nanao! Is it so wrong for me to want to be alone to scream at the top of my lungs without anyone hearing it or be able to smash something against the wall without anyone watching? Is that so wrong to want to be alone?"
She flinches at her Captain's sudden outburst, "N-no, Captain…it's n-not wrong."
He covers his eyes with his hand when he realizes what he's done, "Oh gods, Nanao…I'm sorry. You don't deserve to be talked to that way."
"It's alright, sir."
He shakes his head in disagreement, "No, it isn't." He removes his hand from his face to look at her again, "I don't say this often enough, but you're a wonderful Lieutenant and an even more amazing woman. I couldn't be Captain without you and one day you'll make an even better Captain."
She smiles at her Captain's words, "Thank you, Captain. Your praise is appreciated."
"You've earned a good night's rest and if I need you I know where to find you." He lies back down on the futon and pulls the cover over his body, "You have the rest of the night off, Nanao."
"Yes, Captain." She walks to the bedroom door, but stops before leaving, "Good night, sir." She leaves the room before he can respond and he is finally alone with his thoughts.
That night, The eighth Captain dreams that his late lover joins him in the bedroom still wearing the blue and pink yukata. He doesn't say a word, he just stands beside the futon with an outstretched arm as if he's reaching for his bearded companion, but in the other hand he's holding the pin-wheel hairpin belonging to Shunsui. The eight Captain smiles as he takes the thirteenth Captain's pale hand in his making the dream end.
The next morning, Nanao goes to check on her Captain, but finds that when she steps into his room she can't sense his reiatsu anywhere. She walks into the bedroom to see him still lying on the futon. She rushes to his side and lets out a loud scream when she notices how pale his skin is and that his chest isn't rising and falling. At hearing her scream, another Squad Eight member barges into the bedroom. She quickly dispatches orders to the other member, "You! Go and send for Captain Unohana right away!" The Squad Eight member doesn't argue as he flash steps away.
Minutes later, the Squad Four Captain arrives and after several minutes of examining the eighth Captain, she turns to face Nanao with a sad expression on her face as she shakes her head, "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. He died in the night."
The Lieutenant brings her hands up to her mouth to cover a gasp as tears spill from her eyes, "But, he was fine last night…upset, but fine!" Her eyes widen at her next thought,
"You don't think the Captain…harmed himself do you?"
Unohana shakes her head, "There are no signs of suicide."
"Then what happened to my Captain?"
"Have you ever heard the saying, 'dying of a broken heart'?" She guides the distraught Lieutenant to a chair and makes her sit down. Nanao nods and Unohana continues, "Most people think it's just a saying and granted it doesn't happen very often, it is a real occurrence. I believe that is what we are witnessing right now…death from a broken heart."
Nanao is quiet for a long time not really knowing what to say and eventually Unohana speaks again, "I often times overheard their conversations and they had this promise they made to each other. That if one of them should die before the other, they would wait and meet the other when their time finally came."
Nanao gives her a confused look, "I don't understand what that has to do with anything, Captain Unohana."
"Do you see the smile on your Captain's face and the way his arm is stretched out as if he's reaching for something?" The Lieutenant nods, "I believe he's reaching for Captain Ukitake's hand. Captain Ukitake never lied and always kept his promises…he must have met his lover's soul just as he said would in their promise to each other." She gives Nanao a sympathetic smile, "I know it's sad that two wonderful and powerful Captains have died, but just look at how happy Captain Kyoraku looks and I don't think Captain Ukitake could have ever rested in peace without his closest friend by his side. They are truly happy and that should make us happy."
Nanao finally smiles at the thought of her Captain being happy again, "Thank you, Captain Unohana."
Captain Unohana nods as she begins to leave the room feeling confident her subordinates know how to handle the rest of the situation by themselves, "Are you going to be alright, Lieutenant Ise?"
"I'll manage, Captain, but where are you going?"
"My subordinates are equipped enough to handle things from here." She makes it all the way to the door before speaking again, "And, someone has to inform and console the Head Captain."
To Be Continued…
Okay, let me know what you thought. This is actually the end of this story, but the third chapter will be kind of like a prequel/epilogue if that makes sense. I'm going to go back and write the scene where Shunsui first sees Ukitake in the yukata. When they are on break and make love for the first time. I'm doing this because I don't want people to read it and be like…"What they both died! You suck!" So, I'm writing this to officially end the story on a happy love making lemon. Be waiting for it. Now, as promised, the lyrics to "Lonely Day".
Lonely Day by: System of a Down
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that I'll never miss
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life
And if you go, I wanna go with you
And if you die, I wanna die with you
Take your hand and walk away
The most loneliest day of my life (3x)
Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived