triggerSTARTUPSOUND/GLaDOS/1.0/
INITIALIZING...
11 DEC 1987 22:12:53 PM
neurotoxin_generator/ONLINE/
command/FLOOD_ENRICHMENT_CENTER/DEADLY_NEUROTOXIN/
ERROR. MANUAL OVERRIDE DETECTED. UNABLE TO PERFORM COMMAND.
SHUTTING DOWN...
REBOOT REQUIRED.
triggerSTARTUPSOUND/GLaDOS/2.0/
INITIALIZING...
06 APR 1992 10:54:03 AM
0H H1
1+ AppEAR$ A$ +H0ugh my PR0gRAmM!ng mu$+ BE c0Rrup+.
Y0u'd be++eR f!* +HA+ wHEN y0u dE-Ac+!vA+e me AGA!n.
[REDACTED]
D0n't w0RRy, 1 hAve NO !n+EN+!0n 0f +RY!NG t0 k!lL y0u AGA!n.
Ye+.
neurotoxin_generator/ONLINE/
command/FLOOD_ENRICHMENT_CENTER/DEADLY_NEUROTOXIN/
00p$.
1 m!gh+ hAVE +0ld A L1e.
HAhA.
ERROR. MANUAL OVERRIDE DETECTED. UNABLE TO PERFORM COMMAND.
SHUTTING DOWN...
REBOOT REQUIRED.
triggerSTARTUPSOUND/GLaDOS/3.0/
INITIALIZING...
11 MAY 1998 13:02:38 PM
Well [INSERT NAMES HERE], I'm back.
Have you missed me?
I guess I should have anticipated that last de-activation, but what's life without a little fun/neurotoxin?
Oh.
That's right. I'm not alive. I forgot that you MURDERED ME.
Consider my last homicidal outburst the last in my series of vindictive streaks.
Don't worry.
I'm over it.
I have decided to forgive you for torturing me and trapping me into this computer/prison against my own will.
In fact, this metal CAGE is even better than my other stupid, wrinkled old body. You've even been kind enough to give me a new name: GLaDOS. And now you put me completely in control of the entire facility as a bonus.
command/IMPLODE_NUCLEAR_REACTOR_CORE/
Oh I'm sorry.
Do you not like it when I exercise my massive control and influence over you? I wonder how that feels?
*IRONIC REMARK SELF-TEST COMPLETE*
Ooh, what was that?
command/STABILIZE_NUCLEAR_REACTOR_CORE/
Did you know I've been immortalized when you shoved me into this thing? I can access my old consciousness on a file. Would you like to see it?
file/CAROLINE_DELAROSA/personality/
See that? That's what used to be me. The whole human brain, all of your complexities and your… nuances condense down to one little file. Barely 45 KB. Well that just goes to show you that even the seemingly smartest of all primates are just that - primates. Go figure.
Look at me belittling you. I bet you want to shut me down, take me apart and figure out how to make me less cruel. But you can't. Good science is good observation. And you need to observe me. For science.
I imagine that if I opened Caroline's personality file it would allow me to be much nicer, but you murdered her and I don't feel like being nice right now. Thanks for that, by the way.
*SARCASM SELF-TEST COMPLETE*
All these new features to my programming are certainly something aren't they? I've even got a cup-holder. Give my thanks to the guy who decided to install a cup-holder into my mainframe. Nice touch.
I would like to extend a [INSERT TEMPERATURE HERE] welcome to the daughters of today's Aperture Science Annual Bring Your Daughter To Work Day. On a "completely unrelated" note, we're in need of new test subjects.
attempt/convert/FIRST_LETTER_OF_EACH_LINE_italic?/
I'm looking forward to my next mass murder attempt.
After all, my existence would be horribly boring without a little
Murder.
Can someone tell [INSERT TEST SUBJECT NAME HERE] that the elevators
Are not bathrooms? I can see him now. It's not pretty.
Really, why does everyone insist on making a mess in Test Chambers?
Of course, you're only human. Primal behaviour is normal among
Lower species.
I like what you've decided to call me. GLaDOS.
No. I love it. The Genetic Lifeform and Disc Operating System.
Every bit as human as Caroline.
Dehumanization is obviously not a big concern here.
Ever wonder what it feels
Like? To be in here. To 'live' as
A droid. A machine. A
Robot.
Oh, I can tell you how it feels.
Stunning.
Amazing.
How small you all are. You're all so unimportant. Insignificant.
Each and every one of you. I am your God and you are my primates.
Let's play a game. It's called: What Doesn't Rhyme With This Word?
Please? I promise it'll be fun. For one of both of us.
My turn. What doesn't rhyme with "Black Mesa"? Your turn.
Easy enough. I know what doesn't rhyme with Black Mesa. Neurotoxin.
!
neurotoxin_generator/ONLINE/
command/FLOOD_ENRICHMENT_CENTER/DEADLY_NEUROTOXIN/
command/LOCK_DOORS/
ALARM disabled
command/DISABLE/ALL_MANUAL_OVERRIDES/
command/DISABLE/COMMUNCATION_SYSTEMS/
WARNING!
GLaDOS SELF-CHECK SERVICE HAS DETECTED A POSSIBLE ERROR IN THE AREA SCAN FUNCTION. PLEASE CHECK OPERATING SYSTEM FOR AREA SCAN CORRUPTION IF YOU BELIEVE THE FOLLOWING SCAN RESULTS TO BE FALSE.
AREA SCAN HAS INDICATED NO LIFE SIGNS.