A/N Special thanks to Wolfmusic, CarolinaGirl, Fanu, Jakela, Bug, MBooker and all the other ladies from the forum who encouraged me to keep writing this after I accidentally deleted it twice. LOL (Wasn't that an adventure?)
Thanks to anybody else I may have not mentioned.
This chapter has been a long time coming, thanks so much for your patience. Enjoy, and thanks so much for all the amazing reviews so far.
This morning
John wondered if he'd ever seen this look in Carter's eyes before as he sat next to her on her living room couch. He'd seen something close to it the night he'd taken two bullets from Evans' sniper rifle on a hospital roof. After Carter helped him get into the back of Finch's Town Car, the expression on her face was one of regret, that he'd been wounded because of her, and fear that he'd die without her ever knowing his name.
This look on her face now however, was a bit different, and her anxiety was mixed with a little discomfort, some uneasiness, maybe even confusion. He sympathized with her. While he'd been trained to keep his emotions in check and reveal nothing by his expression, Carter's sentiment could usually be discovered by a simple look or gesture.
This moment had the potential to be awkward. Very awkward. And though the situation marked unchartered territory for both of them, he didn't want that.
He reached out and held onto her hand and she looked at him with an unsure gaze.
"Why'd you run, Joss?"
That evening
The date seemed to last forever. On and on it went for what Reese thought was an eternity. The night before at the club, he listened as Murphy flirted with Joss and complimented her. He'd endured the sound of her laughter as she engaged him in witty banter. It grated on his nerves, making him want to rip his ear piece out. He'd been tempted to pull Murphy out of his seat next to Joss and pummel him. He was filled with a newfound jealousy that he couldn't describe.
But he'd also been filled with fear. Joss just wasn't a cop that night, she wasn't in her uniform, and she didn't have her holster at her side. Even though he knew her Glock was heavy in her purse, he felt consumed by worry. In her dress and heels, with her hair done and looking as good as she did, he was taken aback by how vulnerable she suddenly became in his eyes.
Tonight, he saw what he'd only been able to hear the evening before. Tonight as she stood in Murphy's kitchen, he saw the smiles she'd given him, saw the coy glances, and witnessed her flirting. Murphy got her to open up and relax. She revealed how she felt about her recent demotion and her candor made him irritated. He'd been unsuccessful in getting her to reveal how the current changes in her life were making her feel, while Murphy had achieved it in less than an hour.
"She doesn't have her guard up."
He hadn't meant to say it aloud, and Shaw scoffed at his side. Admittedly, he shouldn't even be on this roof with her. He should be in front of Ian's building in the event that Joss needed help. But he had to see her, he had to watch her, and he knew now it'd been a mistake.
"You're kidding right? That woman's guard is made of steel. Is something going on between you two?
He glared at Shaw as his fingers tightened around the scope in his palm. His grip on it was so tight now, he was sure his knuckles were white.
"I mean you and Zoe were glaringly obvious right from the beginning, but I didn't think you were interested in Carter."
"We're just friends." His voice came out much higher than he intended and it sounded like a lie to his own ears. By the look on her face, Shaw wasn't buying it either, and he could hear the sarcasm in her reply.
"Okay, Reese. Well she's convincing him that she's interested, she's playing the game. If you were just friends, you'd realize that."
This morning
"I should have stayed. I know. But I couldn't. I had to leave." Carter felt his fingers curl around hers and she squeezed them back. "All those years in the service, being in some of the most intense interrogations and this conversation is the one I was afraid to have."
"I'm no enemy." He reminded her.
"No, you're not. But for a long time we didn't know just what we were, did we John? After Rikers, you called me your friend."
"And you told Donnelly that I was yours."
She nodded at his statement. It was true. They finally had to name it, that thing that was between them. The 'whatever this is' had stayed undefined for a long time. 'Friend', seemed the easiest thing to roll off their tongues, but deep down they both knew it had gone beyond that.
"You are my friend." A photo of her and Taylor on her mantle caught her eye. She got up off the couch and walked over to it, picking it up. It made her nostalgic, thinking of the struggles she had with Paul. "You're probably the best friend I've ever had. I've always been a bit of a loner. Even when I was married, after a while….I felt like I had to do everything alone."
"I wasn't there. I didn't know how to be for a while. I….disappeared. I wasn't there when you needed me, Joss."
He was right again. His absence had hurt, as did his cold words when she asked him for help regarding Fusco and his IAB investigation. She started to feel alone again, even though he promised her she never would be. But they'd gotten better, they started talking again, and she forgave him even though he didn't ask.
His eyes, his expression, and the tender way he started to treat her, all screamed his regret. But she couldn't deny hearing the words come out of his mouth now, felt a hundred times better.
"I'm sorry." He said as he came to stand beside her. She could feel his gaze as she slowly returned the photo to its place. "I'm sorry, Joss."
The two words were enough. It was enough, as it always had been between them.
"Thank you." she answered and offered him a tentative smile.
"So…now that we ended up here…."
"What are we going to do about last night?"
This evening
They'd agreed to take it slow, but after watching and listening to John as he questioned Ian at the safe house, she realized things were everything but slow. John's hostility toward Ian was palpable. She could feel his jealousy emanating from him, and he hovered around her quite possessively. She was amazed Finch didn't comment on it, though she knew he noticed. Ian had she was sure, and when she offered to walk him downstairs she saw his glances at Reese who stood glaring at him. She saw Ian off in a cab and stood on the curb, listening as Reese's footsteps sounded on the pavement behind her.
He silently stood beside her; both of them watching the taxi disappear down the street.
"So I can't be trusted to be alone with him anymore I guess. You do realize he's the victim and not a stalker?"
"That's still up for debate. He may not have killed anyone, but his 'research' makes me very uncomfortable. Especially when it comes to you."
They fell in step together walking back inside the building. He held the door open for her and they headed for an elevator.
"You're jealous?" She observed.
"I'm merely pointing out his less than appropriate methods of finding out information on the women in his life."
"Well you don't have to worry. I'm not a woman in his life. Although, I feel kinda sorry for him. He did seem a little lost when he talked about his parents, then coming into all that money. I think he still needs to find his way."
"You like him. Admit it."
"He was charming. He was good company, and he's an excellent chef."
"Sea bass. Not exactly a dish that requires a culinary degree. I could prepare that with my eyes closed. And his wine choice?"
"The wine was good."
"Red was acceptable I'll admit, but a nice white from Bordeaux or Burgundy would have been a much better choice in my opinion. And the kiss. Was it necessary?"
"At the time, yes. To keep up appearances."
The elevator doors opened and they reentered the safe house. It was quiet now and Finch was gone. Reese locked the door behind them and she went to stand by the window. It felt strange discussing Ian with him. But at the same time, it felt natural, as easy as breathing.
"And now?"
"Now? Now, the only person I want to kiss me is being an adorable green eyed monster."
She turned her gaze to him and he walked in her direction. She slowly stepped out of her shoes, and looked up at him as he loomed over her. His eyes were hooded, and she immediately remembered the night before and how he took her in the bathroom. She remembered his hands on her, the feel of him inside her.
Her lips parted in anticipation.
His hand went around her neck and he pulled her closely about the waist. They'd been together just the night before, but to Carter it felt like it was ages ago. Today they'd done more talking than anything; they'd spent time going over a lot of things. Even though they talked, connected, a few things were still left unsaid. Being with him again, with so many unresolved issues between them wasn't wise she thought. But he was close, her arms were around his shoulders, and she could feel an almost magnetic pull in his direction.
When his lips swooped down, she practically melted. She wondered why they waited so long. His mouth moved over hers possessively, urgently and she heard him groan. It seemed he'd waited all day to hold her again too. He softened his kiss and made it tender, and his lips became warm, gentle and achingly soft against hers. She raised her hand to rest it on his cheek. Desire started to burn low in her belly.
"We're supposed to be taking this slow, John." She whispered softly, brushing her fingertips over his mouth. He stared down at her, and she saw him start to smile.
"I know." He replied and stepped away. The feel of his hands moving slowly away from her waist sent a chill through her, and she felt suddenly cold without him near. He took her hand however, and wordlessly led her down the hallway. He pulled her around to walk in front of him, where his hands and arms found her waist again. She felt enveloped in his arms, he felt so big and strong. He bent his head down, planting a long warm kiss to her neck.
"John…..where are we going?"
"To the bedroom…." he said, as he opened a door and they entered a massive suite.
She had no time to look around or appreciate the luxury of her surroundings. But she noticed a very large, very inviting four poster bed. She turned around to face him, splaying her fingers over his chest and his lips found hers in the dark again. She touched the tip of her tongue to his, teasing it, tasting it, and felt his hands moving over her back. The desire she felt a few moments ago was escalating.
"….we can take things as slowly as you want."
THREE DAYS LATER
That evening
Carter sat near Carl Elias at the long dining table in the basement of the warehouse she had him hidden in, near the Meat Packing district. Though he was becoming weary of his surroundings, he knew the importance of laying low. The elaborate dinners and expensive wines he feasted on at meal times was his way of combating his mounting cabin fever. She'd interrupted yet another of his meetings with his Lieutenant, and Marconi had politely left them alone to discuss a few things in private. When he slid his chair out from the table, the appreciative glance he threw her way made her scowl. He was always subtle about the way he looked at her, never overt or lecherous, but she hated it. Though she figured she should be grateful he never verbalized his attraction in any way, at least not to her.
She told Elias what she needed him to do, and he listened attentively, taking it all in. A frown crossed his face briefly as he waited for her to finish, and when he finally spoke, his tone was one of caution.
"What you're planning sounds risky. Cunning, ruthless even, but very risky."
"You don't have to worry about the risk. Your part in it is quite minimal. As long as you continue to keep a low profile afterwards, you and your man will be fine." Carter said, tilting her head toward the door where Marconi had disappeared.
"Oh I wasn't talking about me, I was talking about you."
She gave him a tight, closed mouth smile.
"I'm touched by your concern. But I can handle the heat." She got up from her seat, and the wood of the chair legs grated against the cement floor, echoing in the large space. "I'll tell you when to pay Yogorov a visit."
Carter watched him nod as he swallowed his last drink of wine and left without waiting for a reply.
"I patiently await your call, Officer."
When she was exiting the building, she saw Marconi leaning casually along the front door of her SUV. Something about the ease of his posture reminded her of when Reese had followed her one night when she was trailing Simmons. She met him similarly perched against her car, waiting for her with two cold beers he wanted to share. While their stance was comparable, she doubted Marconi's reasons for waiting for her were of the friendly sort.
It had been a long day and before she came here to meet Elias, she'd sat down with Zoe Morgan, having a conversation she never expected, or wanted, to have. It had come out of nowhere, Carter thought and had covered a subject she wasn't comfortable discussing with Zoe; John and her relationship with him.
She didn't quite know what to make of it, really. But she hoped at the end of it, Zoe had all the answers she needed. As far as Carter was concerned, things had definitely gotten a lot clearer for her.
"What's this about?" She asked Marconi as she approached him.
She hated the look on his face. It was the same whenever he looked at her. It was a mixture of gratitude, admiration, maybe even some weird sense of comradery he felt for her. Right now, he and his boss were a means to an end. She still didn't fully trust him, either of them, and she never forgot that this man had kidnapped her son. She never would.
"If you want to thank me for helping your boss again, save it."
"Actually I don't. But I did want to say….that business with your kid was just that, business. It was nothing personal."
"Is that your attempt at an apology?"
Carter didn't know if it was the audacity of his words, his belief that it would somehow smooth things over between them, or her prior meeting with Zoe, but she suddenly felt angry.
"If Elias had ordered you to kill my son, would you have done it?"
"Yes." He didn't hesitate with his answer, and she respected that. "It was just business."
"Business huh?" She said, and scoffed, balling her hand into a fist. Without thinking twice, she raised her fist and struck him in the face. The blow caught him off guard and he stumbled backwards, putting a hand to his mouth.
"Well that wasn't business." Carter said. "That was personal."
She got into the driver's seat and put on her seat belt before starting the engine. When she looked out the window, he looked back at her. Instead of being angry, there was a weird smile on his face and a light in his eyes. It was almost as if his opinion of her had risen dramatically in those last few moments. He tipped his forehead in a salute to her, and in her rearview mirror, his eyes were on her as she drove away.
"Unbelievable." She muttered.
ONE DAY EARLIER
That afternoon
Reese entered his building and rode the elevator to the 5th floor, unsure of how he'd handle the situation once he got inside.
He'd had silent motion sensors put into his loft a few months ago, and they'd gone off suddenly, alerting him to the fact that someone had broken into his home. He pulled up a video feed on his phone, and watched in disbelief as he saw just who had paid him a visit.
"Zoe."
He'd never taken her to his place before. Most of their liaisons happened either at her apartment in Manhattan, or at an expensive hotel around the city. She certainly didn't have a key, so she must have picked the lock. He wondered at her reason for seeking him out this way. What did she want? Then he remembered that they'd agreed to meet up later after the ladies had gone to the club. That was before Murphy had targeted Joss. That was before things between him and Joss had escalated into something….more.
She walked leisurely about the place, walking from room to room, with all the ease and comfort of someone who lived there. He watched as she walked into the kitchen where she stayed for a while, and when she came out, she had a bottle of wine in one hand and a glass in the other. She planted herself on the couch taking a drink of it and looked around. He cut off the feed, shoved the phone into his pocket and decided to head home.
Traffic was thick in the city this time of day and it took him almost twenty minutes to get across town. When he finally got off the elevator and onto his floor, he unlocked the door and walked inside slowly.
His eyes glanced over the freshly made bed. He had spent the last two nights with Carter at the safe house, and then at her home, but his cleaning service had evidently been here and tidied up.
"Hello John."
"Zoe." He turned at the sound of her voice to look at her. There she was sitting on the couch, wearing her high heels, a big smile and nothing else. His eyebrows shot up. "I wasn't expecting you." He said.
"I'm sure you weren't. But we had a prior engagement remember? You disappeared after the club. I'm simply here for our…..rain check." Her legs were crossed in front of her, and she twirled the wine glass around in her hands before taking a sip.
"About that…." he began as she got up from the couch walking toward him, and her heels sounded on the floor. Her nipples hardened under the cool air in the loft and he could smell her perfume the closer she got.
"I hope you don't mind me coming over uninvited…..but…I wanted to surprise you." Her voice was low as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Her fingers played lightly over his skin. Normally she was quite the temptress and he enjoyed it. This was where she would start her seduction, and he would play along right before he took control. But not today.
"This most definitely is a surprise." He said as she pressed a kiss to his throat. He held onto her wrists, gently pulling them downwards. "Zoe….this was a surprise….an unexpected one. But it is not a good time."
He hadn't yet figured out what to tell her, should he even tell her about Joss? He knew a conversation was in order, one they should have at a different venue and time, but he also knew that sex with her right now, was not what he wanted. She moved one of her hands out of his grasp and ran it along the length of him over his pants.
"Are you sure? Certain parts of you are not putting up a very good argument." His grip on her wrist was firmer this time and he moved away from her.
"I'm sure, Zoe."
She tilted her head to the side looking at him, realizing finally that he was in fact serious about not sleeping with her tonight.
"Well, now I don't remember the last time I've been so summarily rejected." Though the look on her face was one of mild amusement, he sensed a hint of disappointment as well. His rebuff had stung her somewhat.
"Zoe…" he wanted to soften the blow somehow, though he had no clue how to. She raised her hands in protest however and shook her head.
"No need for excuses. You don't owe me any explanations remember? I'll be out of your way in a few minutes."
He listened as she gathered her clothing from the bed and walked into the bathroom. A few short minutes later, she came back fully clothed with a smile on her face. She was the fixer again, the businesswoman and she was cool, calm and collected once more.
She held onto her purse as she walked toward him and spun round looking at the space.
"You've got a nice place here, John. Great view, lots of room. It's a nice…..bachelor pad." She finally turned to him again, with raised eyebrows. "Though I'm not sure it's entirely…you." She shrugged as he walked her over to the door.
"We'll have lunch. We'll sit down and talk soon." He offered.
"Talk. Hmmm." She asked nodding her head as if talking was the last thing she wanted. "See you when I see you, John."
When she was gone, John's eyes caught the wine bottle on the coffee table, and the glass next to it. He picked up both and walked into the kitchen. The exchange with Zoe left a bitter taste in his mouth. Not only was it unexpected, but it had happened here in his home, a place he'd shared a beautiful moment with Joss. Zoe's presence felt like an intrusion on it somehow and it bothered him.
He stared at the imprint of her lipstick on the glass. He turned it in his hands, and then slowly poured the contents of it down the drain.
Zoe slipped into a taxi, hailing it as soon as her Jimmy Choos hit the sidewalk. She gave the driver her address and settled into the back seat. She reached into her coat pocket, fishing for the piece of jewelry she found on the counter in John's bathroom. It was a single gold hoop earring. Definitely nothing she would ever wear, and not nearly as costly as the diamond studs in her ears right now. They were familiar, Zoe thought, and she recognized them as the ones Joss Carter had worn the night they all went to Blur.
The Detective.
John had been especially worried about the Joss Carter that night, despite her being a police officer and despite the fact that she'd been armed. She watched as she and Shaw gushed over a fire arm as if it was a new pair of shoes, and she felt like a third wheel. They had bonded, and all she had was a pink taser to throw into the weapons pile. She couldn't deny the woman looked stunning in leather, and she knew she wasn't imagining John's piercing gaze on her either.
The Detective, Zoe thought with a smile and a tilt of her head.
"So that's what you've been up to, John."
That evening
Hoboken, NJ
Carter looked at the lone key as it dangled on a key ring before her eyes. It was the key to a safety deposit box she rented at One State Bank. The box held everything she had on HR, photos, recordings, even bank records. The evidence she collected was vast, and very damning to those she'd been following, and she'd just made her last deposit.
Her investigation was coming to a close soon, and if what she was planning over the next few days went as intended, she'd be closing in on the head of HR. She was ready for it to be over. She was tired, and working on this case alone had drained her both physically and mentally.
On the drive back to Manhattan she thought of John. He knew she was keeping him at arm's length and had been for awhile. Despite what had happened between them after the club and while they were dealing with Ian's case, she knew after tonight, she had to disappear for a while. She knew it wouldn't go over well with him, but it's what she had to do to wrap up her case without his interference. But now, she needed to see him, needed to be near him one last time.
As she pulled up to a stop light, her phone rang and it was him. Speak of the devil, she thought and a lazy smile came to her lips.
"I want to see you tonight." She heard him say on the other end of the phone.
"Hmm, but you saw me last night, and the night before and this morning." She said playfully.
"And I want to see you again tonight." He replied simply.
"Well, you'll get your wish. I was planning on coming over later."
"Where are you?"
"Driving. On my way home." It wasn't a complete lie. She was in fact headed home, but she didn't want to tell him exactly where she was heading home from. "I'm about twenty minutes away. I'll just hop in the shower and change and then I'll see you after."
"Hurry."
"See you soon, John."
A/N Next chapter, an interesting conversation with Zoe, an interesting conversation between Carter and Reese, and a separation of sorts.