Scooter and Countdown were really missing Wondergirl and Wendy, even weeks after their adventure with the Teen Titans. They finally decided to head for earth and ask the Teen Titan girls for more cuddles. After all, they'd been flying around space alone ever since their parents had been brainwashed by Elrath's Intergalactic Enslaver Machine and commanded to go out and search the Crimson Zone Planet for anything to improve Elrath's dress sense. When Meteor Man and Vapor Man had rescued Gravity Girl from Elrath and had him destroy the Enslaver with his Leveller, they had freed all his other Space Slaves, but had not been aware of the parents of the space kidettes, who were still to this day out looking for clothes for Elrath.
The Space Kidettes babysitter had worked around the clock as a live in Nanny for weeks, before tiring of waiting for the parents to return and pay her fees. She'd finally left the kids to their own devices and was never seen again. The Space Kidettes had been exploring space and living together in their clubhouse and outwitting Captain Skyhook and Static ever since, until the Teen Titans had come along and Young Samson had persuaded Captain Skyhook to leave their planet and enjoy his new skylight. So now the Space Kidettes headed for earth, in the hopes of asking Wendy or Wondergirl to leave the Teen Titans and become their new Nanny.
Meanwhile on earth, Debbie, Mark and Tinker were on a high speed journey from one city to another in Speed Buggy, the world's fastest talking car, when a boy in a red costume with yellow lightning marks on it actually came running alongside them.
"Far out!" said Debbie.
"It must be the Flash!" said Mark.
"No. He's much younger than the Flash," said Tinker.
"I'm Kid Flash, his sidekick," said the boy, "I'm on my way home to Blue Valley after a mission with Flash in Central City."
"We're making the same trip," said Mark, "We were in Central City, where the Flash and Batman were trying to recover the Batmobile, after one of the Outsider's unusual attacks had given the Batmobile a mind of its own. The Batmobile had dared Speed Buggy to a drag race, and Speedy couldn't help himself. Finally the Flash had raced after both vehicles, and cured the Batmobile with a side effect of his super speed aura. We were still worried about Speedy's uncontrollable urge to drag race the Batmobile in the first place."
"Hold on a minute," said Kid Flash, "I think you kids have got us all mixed up. Like another early fan of the Teen Titans, you might have thought Speedy had the same super speed powers as me. He's actually an archer, and I've left the Teen Titans for the moment anyway."
"An archer called Speedy?" said Tinker, "That's quite a coincidence. Our car's called Speed Buggy. We call him Speedy for short. That's who we were talking about."
"Oh. Small world," said Kid Flash.
"Well to go on about Central City," said Mark, "We asked Batman to apply his great powers of deduction to Speedy's apparent naughty streak. Batman examined Speed Buggy and discovered that some residue of the Outsider's influence had affected Speed Buggy, when Speedy had come in contact with the thinking Batmobile. Batman sprayed it with his Bat-vehicle-cleaner-upper gas and our car was good as new. Now our next stop is Blue Valley. We've got a race there soon."
"I'd like to see that," said Kid Flash, "Mind if I pace myself to the speed of your car, so that we can chat on the way?"
"Not at all," said Debbie, with stars forming in her eyes, as they tended to do with all teenage girls who had adventure after adventure in unusual contexts with the same regular male friends and never formed a serialized relationship with any of them.
"Pour on a bit more gas, Speedy ol' buddy," said Tinker, "We're behind time after your little drag race with the Batmobile."
"Room-a-zoom-zoom!" said Speed Buggy, and accelerated a little.
Kid Flash began to run faster too, and talked mainly with Debbie.
Elsewhere Birdman had just defeated Reducto, who had fallen into the path of his own reducing ray. Reducto kept shrinking until he was too small to see. Birdman turned off the ray, and was about to fly off, when a beautiful woman came into the room.
"Who are you?" asked Birdman.
"I'm Mrs Beatrice Reducto. Where's my husband now?" she asked, "It's bad enough that he built this device to try to help me lose weight, but when he tested it on the dog and found that it only reduces things in a way that retains their original relative proportions, he never used it on me. He was so disgruntled, that he turned to crime. I told him I'd leave him if he didn't stop reducing national institutions and take me to a movie. I called the government department known as I-1, explained the problem, and asked if they could help. They said that they'd send Dr Benton Quest to work out a way to deal with his reduction gun, but Dr Quest was busy trying to work out whether his wife was killed before the Mystery of the Lizard Men or during Jonny's Golden Quest. It seems you found a way of stopping him first. I'm sure he's just misunderstood. He won't give you any more trouble if I take him to the same marriage counsellor that Race Bannon and his ex-wife tried, when they were having stressful trouble trying to remember whether her name was Jade or Stella."
"I'm afraid it's too late for that, Mrs Reducto," said Birdman.
"Can't you Super Heroes ever learn to forgive?" asked Beatrice.
"It's not that," said Birdman, "During our battle, he sort of … err … fell into the path of his own reducing ray gun and shrank to tiny size. Come to think of it, I'd better turn the thing off."
"Can you try to recover him somehow?" asked Mrs Reducto.
"Not on my own," said Birdman, "I could have you shrink me, but there's no way to reverse the effects of his reducing device. Let me call Falcon 7 for help."
Birdman looked at the tiny video screen on his wrist communicator and contacted Falcon 7 and explained the problem.
"There is one group who might be able to help you," said Falcon 7, "They're a single father family of free agents who occasionally lend their services to the government. They're casually known as the Micro Venturers. They're not used to combat situations, but now that you've defeated Reducto, we could ask them to come over to Mrs Reducto's place and help you."
"Thank you, Falcon 7," said Birdman.
Soon Birdman and Beatrice Reducto were joined by Professor Carter, and his son Mike and daughter Jill. They took the Micro Reducer out of their dune buggy and set it up in front of the place where Birdman had seen Reducto disappear.
"Birdman, Mike and I will make the trip," said Professor Carter, "You stay with Mrs Reducto and activate the Micro Reducer, Jill. In two hours, set it in reverse. If we've found Reducto, he'll be returned to normal size with us."
"Wait! You can't do that!" said a woman's voice.
They turned to see a beautiful young red haired woman in the room.
"How did you get in here?" asked Professor Carter, "We were the only ones invited."
"I'm Jesse Quest from the future. Jonny Quest will meet me in his teenage years, and after a lot of adventures together, we'll finally grow up and get married. I came to warn you not to try to retrieve Reducto. If you do succeed, then history as I know it documents the way Birdman, Reducto and a number of Birdman's enemies will end up litigating ridiculous lawsuits in legal careers in my time."
"How could that happen?" asked Jill.
"As I know the history I've come back to change," said Jesse Quest, "When Birdman risked his own future career as a super hero to try to rescue Reducto from the largely self-inflicted diminished circumstances in which he found himself, most people (even most super criminals) stopped taking super heroes seriously. The super heroes found themselves out of work and forced to seek new careers. Birdman was looking for a sign of what kind of career direction to go in, when his eagle Avenger flew past his window one night. Then Birdman thought to himself, 'White Collar Criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. I need a career that will strike fear into their hearts. I have it. I'll become a legal eagle.' With that his career as an outrageous lawyer was born. Birdman never flew for Inter Nation Security again, and I just can't tell you in polite company what happened to Falc-"
"That's a wild story, young lady. Give me one reason why I should believe you're even from the future at all," said Birdman.
"I'd better whisper it to you in private," said Jesse Quest.
"We'll be back from the corner of the room in a minute," said Birdman … , "Alright, you can talk now."
"Jeff Lenberg's book, 'Encyclopedia of Super Hero Trivia Too Sensitive to be Released While the Heroes Still Had Active Careers' documents the fact that your secret identity is Ray Randall."
"It is," said Birdman, seeing that there was no point in denying it to a woman who had learned it in the future.
"Yet only a woman from the future could also know your darkest secret of all: the fact that your middle name is Harvey."
"How could you have possibly learned that?" asked Birdman in an aggravated hissing whisper, "I would never have divulged that to anyone, not even in the future."
"You did worse than that. In my time you're practicing law under the name Harvey Birdman, Attorney At Law," said Jesse Quest, and took a bunch of folded papers out of her pocket, "Here are some of your case files to convince you."
After looking at the briefs for the 'Birdboy and Gravity Girl Sucking Face Case', Birdman was convinced. Such a future event could never be allowed to come about.
"We can't go after your husband. I'm sorry," said Birdman.
"Just as well," said Mike Carter, "It would have made us late for the big race in Blue Valley. We're entering our dune buggy… at full size of course."
The Micro Venturers headed away from Central City as well.
"Both Birdman and the Flash have operated in Central City since 1967," said Mike, "Why have they never worked on the same adventures?"
"It's probably something to do with the fact that Inter Nation Security have secured the rights to Birdman, but couldn't get the Flash as well," said Professor Carter, "Jill, you'd better radio ahead and tell the Blue Valley race officials that we were delayed on a mission for Inter Nation Security, which has fallen through anyway. Tell them to delay the race until we get there, if it's at all possible."
Back in Reducto's lab, in his Central City home, Mrs Reducto was losing her patience.
"Thanks to you I won't get my husband back, Mrs Quest," said Beatrice, "How did you get into my house anyway?"
"You're asking me!" said Jesse, "You had a whole dune buggy in the lab."
"Well you saw them go. They used their Micro Reducer to briefly make the car small enough to get through the doorway on the way in and on the way out. But I distinctly recall locking the door after we let them in. How did you get in?"
"I used Questworld's time travel program," said Jesse, "Participants absorb energy from Tachyon particles and manifest physically in the past, not just Questworld. All I had to do was time travel directly into your home."
"Well take your tacky particles and get out!" said Mrs Reducto.
Jesse Quest vanished back into the future.
"I'm sorry. He was one of my most challenging enemies, but he was still a ladies man," said Birdman.
"That's the last straw!" said Mrs Reducto, "All this happened because my husband thinks I'm overweight. Now he's shrunken out of existence, I'll bet. It's over. As far as I'm concerned I'm either a widow or a divorcee now."
"There's a lesson here about the vain shallow tastes that television conditioning imputes into the minds of some men," said Birdman, "I think you've got a great figure, and I'm pleased that his device didn't work the way he'd planned."
"I don't suppose you'd care to stay for tea," said Beatrice.
"I can't," said Birdman, "I'm on an important mission next, to matchmake Birdboy and Birdgirl, so that Birdboy can go on a double date with me and one of Medusa's reformed Amazonian-like women. They're well built too, and somewhat taller than me. I'd better shout my name out and fly off now. Birrrrrrrrrrrrrrdmannnnnnnn!"
As Birdman flew into the air, Mrs Reducto suddenly began to wonder why the sky always seemed to look yellow when he was around.
"That's the reality of animated starter wives!" she thought, "All the good ones are either too busy fighting crime or off on dates with reformed Amazonian-like women. I hope I never see this ridiculous contraption again."
With that she tossed the reduction gun out the window. It hit a tree, which knocked its switch back into the fire position, and fell down into another branch and ended up firing out between the leaves in a diagonally upward direction, with nothing in its path to shrink.
Meanwhile Reducto was not dead, but continued to shrink and shrink and shrink … until he fell into the Micro World of Dr Doom.
Tinker, Mark, Debbie, Kid Flash and Speed Buggy arrived at the Blue Valley Racing Circuit, and were informed that there would be a delay, as the Carter family entry was delayed by an important mission.
"After all we did to get here on time," said Mark.
"Let's go to the cocktail lounge and meet some of the other racing contestants," said Tinker, "You're welcome to join us, Kid Flash."
"Don't mind if I do," said Kid Flash.
Inside, they recognised a familiar group.
"It's Scooby Doo's gang," said Debbie, "Hi Velma. Remember us?"
"Sure we do," said Velma, "You helped us solve the mystery of the Weird Winds of Winona. We should have guessed you'd be entering Speedy in the race."
"Are you here to watch?" asked Mark, "You could hang out with Kid Flash. He's com to see it as well."
"No. We're entering the Mystery Machine," said Fred.
"But most of the entries are dune buggies, and they're all fast cars. How will you compete with that?" asked Tinker.
"We met an old friend of Young Samson's named Professor Cardwell, who was trying to work out a way to make use of his old robot Rogor, after Dr Zuran gained control of it and set it against Samson and Goliath," said Daphne, "Shaggy and the Professor managed to incorporate Rogor's parts into the Mystery Machine's engine, so that it now runs at least as fast as any racing vehicle, but not on conventional fuel. It now runs on Scooby Snacks."
"Amazing!" said Debbie, "And who are your new friends?"
"This is April Holland," said Shaggy, "And Augie and Skip."
"So how did you all meet up?" asked Tinker.
"Well it's like this," said Skip, "We had spent a year hanging around with two spirits that we thought were the ghosts of Jonathan Muddlemore and his cat Boo. Then we met the greatest ghost debunkers in the world, namely Scooby's friends here."
"Scooby and Elmo soon became great bone digging buddies," said Augie.
"Anyway," added April, "The Scooby Gang carry a Bible in the Mystery Machine. They showed us the verses from Ecclesiastes, that prove that the dead are in the ground and know nothing, and will remain in a sleep state until Jesus comes again to raise those who chose to follow him to eternal life and to raise those who rejected him to eternal death. They told us that, in the midst of all this cartoonesque comedy and satire, they'd gone to a Seventh Day Adventist church and learned the truth about the state of the dead. We found it hard to be convinced of this, since Mudsy seemed to be a friendly Funky Phantom and had helped us solve lots of mysteries."
"But the Scooby Gang told us how they'd solved many more, without the aid of a 200 year old ghost. They went onto explain that it wasn't the real ghost of Jonathan Muddlemore, but a demon masquerading as the dead spirit of someone, so that it could lead us into the hard core world of the occult," said Skip, "We weren't really convinced until we saw passages from Revelation and the verse in Leviticus which said that the Lord our God is disgusted with anyone who attempts to communicate with the spirits of the dead instead of turning to him. We're all Christians now. We put Mudsy to the Biblical test and asked him to acknowledge the name of Jesus and his death and resurrection for the forgiveness of sinners who accepted Him. For the first time, Mudsy went silent and tuned out, and we have never seen him since, nor Boo either."
"Wow!" said Debbie, "I think we'd better start reading our Bibles and going to church too."
The race eventually began, with Skip, Augie and April and Elmo racing in their dune buggy, the Micro Venturers racing in their dune buggy, the Scooby Gang racing in their Mystery Machine, and Mark, Debbie and Tinker racing in Speed Buggy. There was one other contestant. Enraged by the Christian conversions of the Scooby Gang and the former associates of the Funky Phantom, Satan manifested physically on earth and made a deal with the Devilish Dragster (an old enemy of the Impossibles, who was ready and willing to listen to the Devil's voice). The Devilish Dragster let himself be taken over by demons, who then used him in a plan to try to run the Mystery Machine and Skip's team's dune buggy into fatal crashes in the pits.
In his manic demon possessed driving state, the Devilish Dragster caused the Micro Venturers' dune buggy to crash, taking the lives of Professor Carter and his daughter Jill. Kid Flash raced in from the spectator stands, and circled their buggy at high speed, creating an air vacuum that put out the fire. Mike was not burned but needed to reach hospital immediately. Kid Flash raced him off to Blue Valley hospital, rushing to complete the journey before his arms had time to tire of holding Mike Carter.
Back at the race, keeping a direct prayer line open to God, the Scooby Gang prayed for Jesus' protection, having recalled how God saved Daniel's friends from the Lion's Den and the Fiery Furnace when they refused to worship a pagan image and stayed loyal to God. Augie's team also prayed, remembering how God parted the waters of the Red Sea to save his once enslaved people from the pursuit of the Egyptian army.
Kid Flash raced back in time, to take on the Devilish Dragster himself. Running alongside the Dragster's vehicle, Kid Flash was able to jump onto it and snatch the key, bringing the car to a complete halt. The Dragster was held by the race officials until the police arrived.
The other racers made it safely through the race, which was won by Speed Buggy.
Tinker asked April Holland out on a date after the race, and they were both soon kissing, to the consternation of Augie, who eventually turned his attentions to Velma, who liked him too. Skip was feeling a little despondent at loosing April to Tinker, but he thought Tinker was a nice guy, and wondered if Debbie was seeing Mark. Eventually Debbie made the moves on Skip herself, and they paired up happily too. Mark asked Daphne out, and she responded.
With so many cross-team romances going on, they were approached by two television producers named Bill Hanna and Jo Barbera and asked if they would like to have their courtship and weddings worked into the first reality TV show for teenagers.
All of the couples accepted, and the two producers formed Hanna-Barbera and launched their reality show: The Saturday Superstar Weddings.
The first episodes were:
Tinker and April
Augie and Velma
Mark and Daphne
Debbie and Skip
The show's phenomenal ratings soon brought other single adventurers on as guest stars to find dates and court and marry them in future episodes, featuring the following couples:
Shaggy and Teen Angel Taffy (on her condition that Shaggy Rogers shaved. No wonder she never showed any interest in Captain Caveman after they discovered him later.)
Buzz Conroy and Teen Angel Brenda (whose engagement was set to last several years, as Buzz was only 12 at the time they met).
Hadji Quest and Teen Angel Dee Dee
Fred and Gaga Galore (whom he'd met when Scooby Doo's cousin Dynomutt invited them to a thank you dinner hosted by Gaga Galore, Fifi Foray, and Sarah Shower Fawcett, after these three women had all been rescued from Blue Falcon's enemy Madam Ape Face).
The show continued to score high ratings for a while, and the marriages would go on to last (including Buzz Conroy's when he was old enough to start it).
Mike Carter had inherited his father's house and the Micro Reducer, but the Dune Buggy was beyond repair. So he bought a new car and wondered where to go from there.
In the meantime, the Space Kidettes flew their small craft down to earth, and decided to land in the first garden that they saw … and they flew right into the path of Reducto's old raygun, which Beatrice was still unaware was jammed in a tree firing into thin air up until then. The Space Kidettes and their craft were reduced to tiny size. As they lost control of their ship in the shock of what had happened to them, it spiralled out of control, crashed into the raygun, knocking the switch back into the off position. The gun remained where it was, while Scooter got control of the ship and managed to fly it through the window and land it on Mrs Beatrice Reducto's carpet. She had long since left the room and cuddled up with a good book in front of the fire.
Reducto descended into the Microverse, now out of the range of his own weapon and reduced to the size of a tiny man even compared to the exponentially tiny citizens, and landed on the shoulder of Princess Pearla, daughter of the King of a Micro World.
"Where did you come from?" asked Pearla, as she sat in her chamber.
"I'm an earthling!" said Reducto.
"An earthling. I understand you must be from the same world as that tyrant Doctor Victor Von Doom," said Pearla.
"Sure. We both went to Secret Sinister Shrinking School together," said Reducto, "Although I didn't know he'd had success in getting this far."
"He's gone now," said Pearla, "The Fantastic Four defeated him after he imprisoned me and brought them here. They're all back on your world now."
"Do you mean he had the means to get back?" asked Reducto.
"Once he did, but my father the king had the machine destroyed. How did you find your way here?"
Reducto was such a mad scientist that he shamelessly related his blackmail of the American government, his battle with Birdman and his subsequent accident, even though he was confessing it all to a giant princess who had him on her shoulder.
"Well I'm stuck here then," said Reducto
"And at that size," said Pearla, "I don't think you'll prove much of a danger to my people now. What do you think you'll do with yourself?"
"I did have another career in mind before I decided to become a mad scientist," said Reducto, "Do you people have any opening for lawyers."
Soon, with the King's permission, Reducto had set up Micro World Solicitor and Attorney, with his business card containing the slogan 'No Job too Small.'
Back on earth, the Space Kidettes used their rocket packs to fly around separately and explore Beatrice Reducto's house. They each went into separate rooms, wondering if the owner had a way of restoring their size.
Jenny had taken Pupstar with her. Scooter and Countdown had gone off in another direction. Snoopy flew into the kitchen, where he smelt something very spicy coming from the stove. He flew closer and saw that a warm home made curry had just finished cooling down on the stove. There was nobody in the room, as Mrs Reducto was reading by the fire, while she waited for the curry she'd cooked to cool down enough to enable her to eat it.
Snoopy flew over the pot and enjoyed the smell of the food, as he looked down at mincemeat, rice, pineapple pieces, capsicum and some spices. Then the unexpected happened. The incredibly powerful vapours from Mrs Reducto's curry wafted upwards and interfered with Snoopy's rocket pack. As it conked out, Snoopy fell and landed softly in the curry. Now the walls of the pot were all around him, and he could not see out. The rocket pack began overheating, because of its direct contact with the curry powder. Snoopy quickly took it off, as well as his helmet and let them sink to the bottom, while he moved towards the centre of the pot. The curry was a little looser there, and he found himself sinking a little more. Caught with his mouth open, he got a sticky piece of rice stuck in his mouth and could not move it.
Soon afterwards, Snoopy saw a woman's hand and a wooden spoon approaching the pot. The spoon began to stir the curry, as Snoopy looked up and saw Beatrice looking down into the curry. Snoopy was unable to speak, with the rice still stuck. He watched as he was stirred in with the mixture, in all directions, now so covered in curry himself that he was unrecognizable.
Snoopy saw the woman scoop up some of the curry onto the wooden spoon and eat it, to see if it was the right temperature. It felt comfortably warm to Snoopy. The woman was satisfied that it was the right temperature to serve and licked the spoon a few times until it was clean. Then the pot was lifted up high into the air and placed down somewhere else in another room. Soon he saw a huge ladle come down and scoop up a large serving of the curry, including Snoopy himself, and ladle it into a bowl.
Now he could see that he was on a dining table. She put the pot down on a place mat, and sat down at the table. He was stuck too tight to move quickly and noticeably, as he looked up at her spooning curry into her mouth. Her third spoonful included him, and brought him up towards her mouth. Peeking out from a mess of rice, meat, sauce and spices, he saw the woman's mouth open.
He struggled to try to shake the rice piece out of his tiny mouth, but had limited success in moving it at all, until he finally swallowed it. He manoeuvred his hands into a position to try to push the food away from his face, so that he could call out to her, but he was now too close to her mouth for her eyes to see his struggles.
As Snoopy watched and struggled, he saw her tongue come out of her mouth, and then felt the spoon move closer.
"Oh no!" he thought, "I've run out of time."
Snoopy was spooned onto her tongue, which then drew him into her mouth. He quickly rolled around and used her tongue to clean some of the thicker bits of curry off himself. He was still coated in sauce, but now had more freedom of movement. Then he felt her tongue moving him! She was using her tongue to try to manoeuvre him into a position suitable for her teeth to start biting! She didn't know that she had a shrunken boy inside her mouth. By now the curry he'd dislodged from himself had made it to her throat. Yet she was concerned by the difficulty that she was having in sliding the bit (that she didn't know was Snoopy) into a suitable position to finish the mouthful. He slid to the back of her mouth and grabbed onto her teeth, holding them by placing his hands in the spaces between her back teeth.
Snoopy waited for her mouth to open, so that he could now call out to her, as his body continued to drip sauce onto her tongue and down her throat. Then he saw her mouth open, letting in the light again. There was something else though. Before he could say anything, her head tilted back a little, and a huge flood of water came rushing into her mouth.
"It must be stuck in my teeth," thought Mrs Reducto, "Maybe a drink of water will help wash it down."
She emptied the whole glass of water into her mouth, which thoroughly cleaned her tongue and Snoopy as well, but failed to dislodge him as he held tight to her teeth and felt the water rushing past him. It was impossible to speak without risking drowning himself in her mouth. He waited for it to stop, and then her mouth closed. When it opened again, a second wave of water hit him, and disappeared down her throat.
"She thinks I'm a morsel of mincemeat caught in her teeth," thought Snoopy.
Then to his surprise, Mrs Reducto solved her problem by suddenly opening her mouth and reaching in with her finger and pushing him into her throat before he could do or say anything. He slid quickly down her throat, as he was only a young child even before being reduced. He was too small to require her to do any gulping in order to swallow him. Snoopy was on his way to her stomach.
Elsewhere, at Big City Rocket Base, Sarah Shower Fawcett was being trained by the Twelve Million Dollar Man to be America's first woman in space.
"It's bad enough you put back our training schedule to host that dinner for Blue Falcon and his friends," said the 12 Million Dollar Man, "But if you don't shape up you'll never be ready for space travel!"
"I'd have thought you'd have been glad I was able to show my appreciation to Blue Falcon and Dynomutt," said Sarah Shower Fawcett, "You did once make friends with Dynomutt at Eric Von Flick's studio."
"Sure, but we don't have time for that now. Your response timing is off, and it would be easier to train an Ape."
"You'd be doing that very thing, if it weren't for Dog Wonder," said Sarah.
"Alright, let's go and get dinner," said the 12 Million Dollar Man."
Soon they were seated at the Big City Diner.
"Major Shower Fawcett, I want you to understand, that when I'm rough on you in that space flight simulator, it's only for the sake of our marriage. Our family makes $55000 a year, and I make $50000 of it on the Twelve Million Dollar Man TV series. It's hard enough with the fact that it changed networks and producers after Blue Falcon put Von Flick in jail, which didn't exactly make me feel like going that dinner you put on for Blue Falcon and Dynomutt. I want you home cooking my dinner, not preparing to fly into space," said the 12 Million Dollar Man.
"We've been through this so many times already," said Sarah, "I thought we'd have gotten it out of our systems, when we played fictional counterparts of ourselves tackling this very issue in a crossover story filmed as episodes of two of Von Flick's TV serieses, before he decided to get into movies and built Tin Kong."
"I remember," said the 12 Million Dollar Man, "The first part of the two-parter was an episode of my show called 'The Golden Farrah'. Von Flick did pick a good name for your double entendre. Farrah sounds close enough to Sarah."
"The second part was an episode of that series that Shaggy once pitched to the network executives called Scooby's Angels. They rejected it, but Von Flick picked it up anyway. The Scooby's Angels episode was called 'Angel in the 12 Million Dollar Man's Kitchen'."
It had been the first time a two part story had been aired over two different TV serieses. In the story, Farrah had been working for a detective agency, until the 12 Million Dollar Man had approached the agency's owner and said that Farrah would be retiring in order to cook the 12 Million Dollar Man's meals. Things has seemed peaceful between the couple for a while, until a cooking accident in Farrah's kitchen had left Farrah with serious injuries. The 12 Million Dollar Man, called Sleeves Austin in the show, had desperately approached the series's counterpart of the government man who had financed his telescoping neck, namely Logan 'Logie" Oldman.
"Sleeves, you'd say anything. You're in love with her!" Oldman had said.
"Look Logie, there's a woman lying in a hospital bed after an oven went troppo and blasted off its shelf and pinned her to the ground. She's got two legs and an arm crushed beyond repair, as well as severe damage to her hairstyle. You're the only one who can help me. Will you help me?"
Logie Oldman had not only paid for new telescoping limbs for Farrah, but had also given her a special wig with a bionic bob to replace her damaged hair.
That had all been TV fictionalization of their experiences, but now the realities were taking a strain on their marriage. Nonetheless, Sarah Shower Fawcett did complete her training and flew the first unmanned (by sufficiently womaned) flight into space. Deciding to make the most of it, before her husband used his influence to get her grounded and domesticated, Sarah Shower Fawcett went exploring space, until she came to a planet not charted by earth so far, and landed for a while. She found the laboratory of a renegade scientist named Growliath, who had fought the Galaxy Trio, been defeated by Meteor Man and shrunken with the antidote to his own growth gas and then caged by Gravity Girl and handed over to his own ruler. Vapor Man had been able to use his power to synthesize the antidote to the growth gas and fly around and reduce all the creatures that Growliath had enlarged.
Now Sarah Shower Fawcett discovered the gasses and read Growliath's notes. They detailed how Growliath had visited Planet X just before a calamity had forced its people to evacuate at the direction of its ruler Kurgo and the Fantastic Four. Reed Richards had created a reducing gas, which was used to shrink the population of Planet X and load them into two space ships. While Kurgo had lost his own escape opportunity after needlessly chasing an empty tank, which Reed had led him to think was an antidote gas; Growliath had managed to procure a sample of unused reducing gas in the tank and took it back to his own planet and reverse engineered an antidote, which became his growth gas. Now astronaut Sarah Shower Fawcett was able to return to earth with the secret formulae for both gasses, and samples of each from Growliath's storage unit. She would not be domesticated by the 12 Million Dollar Man any time soon.
The remaining shrunken Space Kidettes (Scooter, Countdown, Pupstar and Jenny), finding nobody in the other rooms, converged on Mrs Beatrice Reducto's dining room from two different doorways and landed on the dining table in front of her, made her acquaintance and explained their predicament.
"Oh you poor little dears," she said, "I should have been more careful when I tossed that raygun away. It must have got stuck in a tree in the on position."
"That's about how it was when we crashed into it," said Scooter.
"Snoopy'll find us soon," said Countdown.
"I don't know how to get you back to normal at the moment, but I recently made friends with some people who might be able to help. They had to go to a race, but I can contact them in due course. Would you like some curry in the mean time? It's my best recipe."
"Yes, thank you very much," said Jenny, "I think even Pupstar likes it."
The dog was wagging his tail and hinting for some of the meat he could smell. Beatrice fetched some empty bottles from a cardboard box she had planned to put out with the trash, and removed and washed the lids from the bottles. She served helpings of curry into each lid one by one, and they made suitable tiny bowls for the Space Kidettes.
Pupstar began barking at Jenny's bowl.
Jenny felt about with her fingers and found Snoopy's rocket pack.
"What's that doing in there?" asked Countdown.
"I don't know," said Beatrice, "It certainly wasn't in the ingredients."
"If that's his rocket pack, maybe he fell into the curry while it was cooking," said Scooter, "He might be drowning in it."
"I'll have a look," said Mrs Reducto, and gently ran a spoon through the pot, unable to find the boy. A thorough search turned up only a tiny helmet.
"That's his helmet!" said Jenny.
"Oh dear!" said Mrs Reducto, "I didn't know it was him."
"What was him?" asked Scooter.
"I thought I had a lump of mincemeat caught in my mouth. I tried to wash it down with two whole glasses of water. When that didn't work, I put my finger in my mouth and pushed it into my throat, only I think it must have been your little friend. I feel terrible. It was my carelessness with my former husband's gun that shrank you all in the first place, and now I've eaten one of you!" said Mrs Reducto.
"We can wash the curry out of Snoopy's rocket pack and get it working again later," said Scooter, "But lend me yours for now, Countdown."
Scooter took Countdown's rocket pack and flew up towards Beatrice's mouth.
"Open wide, Mrs Reducto," said Scooter, "Don't worry. With these packs, we'll both come back."
Mrs Reducto's mouth opened wide in front of him. Scooter flew in, sat on the front of her tongue, took a stronger hold of the straps of Countdown's rocket pack and then slid to the back of her mouth and into her throat. He soon reached her tummy and used his helmet light to find Snoopy.
"That big woman ate me," said Snoopy in tears.
"It's alright. She didn't mean to. She's our friend," said Scooter, "Put this on and then follow me up out of her tummy."
Using the rocket packs, Scooter and Snoopy flew back up Mrs Reducto's throat. When she felt their presence at the back of her mouth, she opened it, and they could see the way out. They slid to the front of her tongue, climbed onto her lower lip and then flew out of her mouth and down to the table.
"Little darlings I'm sorry about all of this," said Mrs Reducto, "Your parents must be worried sick."
"We don't have parents anymore," said Jenny.
"Well I always wanted children, but my husband said that being a mad scientist took up all the time he would have needed for parenting. Professor Carter's Micro Reducer could restore your size when set in reverse. Would you like me to adopt you all?"
The Space Kidettes all accepted her offer, and she made the call to the Micro Ventureres, to learn of the tragic loss of Professor Carter and Jill. Mike had attended the funeral with Professor Carter's brother, another Professor Carter who had also gone into the miniaturizing business, marketing the Carter brothers discoveries to CMDF, which had made him a valuable member of Combined Miniature Defence Force.
"I can still operate the machine myself," said Mike, "But I'm still in the process of organizing a new car. Could you bring the Kidettes to me and I'll restore their sizes here?"
"Sure," said Beatrice, and arranged to be at Mike Carter's place the next morning.
That night over dinner, Mrs Reducto looked at them all on the table.
"Children, I've been thinking," she said, "I've always wanted a daughter, and I'd like her to be normal sized, but you boys and Pupstar look so tiny and adorable as you are. How would you feel if I just took Jenny to Mike Carter's machine tomorrow, and adopted the rest of you at that size? It would make feeding four children and a dog much more economical too. You boys and Pupstar would never have any shortage of food."
"She's much nicer than the Space Giant," said Scooter.
"And prettier too," said Countdown.
"It's fun being tiny," said Snoopy.
The boys agreed to keep their new sizes along with Pupstar and their space craft. Mrs Reducto took Jenny to Mike Carter and had her enlarged. Then she took her new daughter out shopping. They bought three dolls houses and a toy kennel for Pupstar, and then went home and presented the gifts to the other Space Kidettes. Jenny thought that Snoopy made a fun doll for herself and would often enjoy playing dolls with him. Pupstar enjoyed exploring the garden at his new size, and used his rocket pack to fly around when none of the neighbours were around to see.
Elsewhere Sarah Shower Fawcett refused to leave the space program, and enlarged herself to giant size, rampaging against the 12 Million Dollar Man. The Teen Titans were away searching for the missing Robin. So the Team of Tryout Titans was contacted.
"The Teen Angels have left the team to get married," said Wendy, "I've got homework to do, Jayna's gone back to Exxor, feeling homesick since Brenda and Taffy accidentally drank Zan. I could send Coil Man and Multiman. They've stopped using the name Impossibles, ever since Fluid Man was also part of the drink that Brenda and Taffy mixed their cordial in that day. They're regulars in our new team now."
Multiman and Coilman got into the Impossijet and flew it to Big City Rocket Base, where Sarah Shower Fawcett was running amok. Elongating around her legs like a rope, and tripping her over, Coilman did the impossible.
Sarah struggled into a suitable sitting position, sitting on her tied legs, and reached for Multiman. Replicating himself with lots of duplicate Multimen, Multiman did the impossible.
"Don't worry, Coily. I'll surround her," said Multiman.
"I'm afraid you don't get off that easily," said Sarah Shower Fawcett, and grabbed a duplicate Multiman in each hand. As the original looked on, Sarah stuffed the duplicate into her mouth and swallowed. He saw the gulps of her neck as his counterpart was drawn down into her tummy. Sarah continued seizing duplicate Multimen and eating them. Multiman kept replicating himself.
"It won't do you any good," she said, after several minutes of feasting, "Just think how many of you I've already eaten!"
"Have you thought about it?" asked Multiman, "Even a giant stomach only has so much room."
"Now that you mention it, I do feel a little full," said Sarah, "Oh! It's giving me stomach cramps. It's not fair. I just want to be free from my husband's kitchen."
"And I need her at home to put dinner on the table," said the 12 Million Dollar Man.
"You're heading for a serious separation there!" said Sarah Shower Fawcett.
"Wait a minute!" said Coilman, "Why don't you two just hire a cook?"
"I'm surprised we never thought of it," said the 12 Million Dollar Man.
"We did think of it once," said Sarah, "And I told you then as I do now, that I won't trust a stranger in my house while we're both out, with all my expensive modelling award trophies there for the taking."
"You've got the right idea though," said Multiman, "Ever since we caught the Crafty Clutcher, I've held onto his mechanical hands and reprogrammed them. It should be easy enough to program them to cook good meals for both of you."
"Sounds great," said the 12 Million Dollar Man.
"It sure does," said Sarah Shower Fawcett, untie me Springy Boy and I'll have a look at these hands as soon as I'm back to normal size.
Sarah Shower Fawcett was released and used the antidote gas to return to normal size.
"Hang on," said Focus One, the Big City Crime Commission representative who filled Blue Falcon in on his missions, "I was assigned to contact the Team of Tryout Titans, when this rampage started while my regular employees Blue Falcon and Dynomutt were off at the factory making yet another attempt to fix the cause of Dog Wonder's malfunctions. It's one thing to enlarge yourself to giant size and have a domestic with your husband in a rocket base. Under the circumstances, my superiors could be persuaded to overlook that, but it's quite another to eat countless men. We cannot condone murder by cannibalism in Big City."
"But my Multis weren't real me," said Multiman, "I've lost lots of them to the various super villains Big D used to send us after, and I've never charged them with murder, since I'm still alive, and can always make more Multis."
"I suppose you're free to go then," said Focus One.
"Thank you very much, Multiman," said Sarah Shower Fawcett, "I was rather hungry when I started eating those Multis."
One day Mrs Reducto was talking to her adopted children, the Space Kidettes, except for Jenny, whom she'd enrolled in a girls school. She would home tutor the shrunken boys herself.
"Are you all happy here?" asked Beatrice.
"Yes," said Countdown, "We did get used to having exciting adventures with Captain Skyhook and Static after our treasure map all the time."
"We sure did," said Snoopy.
"The most exciting adventure we've had since then was when you ate us for a little while," said Scooter.
"But was that really fun for you? Surely not for you, Snoopy," said Beatrice.
"It was, when I had my rocket pack back," said Snoopy.
"I never had a turn," said Countdown, "Can you please eat me too, Mrs Reducto."
The woman laughed down at them.
"Are you sure you want me to?" she asked.
"Yes, please eat me Mrs Reducto."
"Alright," she said.
Countdown jetted up to her opening mouth with his rocket pack, climbed in and called out, "Swallow me!"
Mrs Reducto drew him into her throat and he slid easily down to her tummy. He flew around inside for a short while, and then flew back up her throat and tapped on her tongue with his hands, to signal her to open her mouth. He flew out.
"Did you have a good adventure?" asked Beatrice.
"Being eaten is fun, if you're the eating lady," said Countdown.
Mrs Reducto gave him a big kiss.
"You're such cute sweet little children. If you only knew how terrible I felt about eating Snoopy that day. You've made me feel so nice about it now."
"Can you eat us again sometimes?" asked Snoopy.
"If you like," said Beatrice.
The next day, after home tutoring was finished for the morning, Scooter asked if she would eat them again.
"Who am I going to eat first?" she asked.
"Me!" called all three of the Space Kidette boys at once.
"Why don't we make it more of an adventure?" she asked.
Mrs Reducto put Scooter into the Space Kidette craft, removed Snoopy's rocket pack and put him on the floor, and put Countdown on top of a bench.
"Now you can fly off, Countdown. You can run and hide, Snoopy, and Scooter can try to escape in the craft. I'll chase all of you until I catch you and eat you. Just don't stay in my tummy too long," said Beatrice, "As soon as I've eaten all of you, I think you should head back up."
"Oh Mrs Reducto, this is going to be so much fun!" said Scooter, and launched the craft into the air.
Scooter jetted away in the opposite direction, while Snoopy ran away on the floor. Beatrice ran after the craft, and grabbed it by the undersides. She pulled it down, and Scooter cut the engine.
She held the craft in front of her face, and smiled as she lifted Scooter out of the craft.
"Down you go, little Scooter, while I hunt down some company for you," said Beatrice, and put him gently into her mouth and gulped him into her throat, while she turned her attention to Snoopy.
She ran after him, until he disappeared under the couch. She got down and looked in.
"You can't get away, Snoopy," she called, and reached in and grabbed him, sat up and put him into her mouth and swallowed eagerly.
"I have to admit that you are tasty little dears," she said, and then stood up and ran after Countdown.
He turned to face her, and kept dodging her many lunges, using his rocket pack to jet from side to side, up and down and around. Eventually, she made a dummy lunge with one hand, to herd him in one direction, and then cut off his flight path and caught him with the other hand.
"Which brings the Count Down from 3 to 2 to 1," she said, "Be sure to bring the others up with you soon," she said, "You look very nice and delicious, little Countdown."
Mrs Reducto swallowed Countdown too, and then the three Space Kidettes flew back up out of her throat and out of her mouth.
"Thank you for eating us, Mrs Reducto," said Scooter.
They would enjoy several variations of this adventure as time went on.
Not only had the Teen Titans not found Robin, but Mike Carter was still wondering what he could do with the Micro Reducer to make life more interesting.
Chapter End Notes:
The description of Kid Flash's costume is based on the way Filmation drew the character for "The Superman / Aquaman Hour of Adventure", when Kid Flash appeared in two Flash stories and three Teen Titans stories.