Epona's Rants Part 2†: Zelda
(Author's note†: Picture Epona waving pompons)
One two three four
Zelda is a dirty (prostitute, but it rimes with four…)
Five six seven eight
She could really lose some weight.
(AN: /shameless animal abuse
If you thought schlepping that green oaf around was bad, try adding her Royal Airheaddedness to the party. I'm telling ya that corset ain't foolin' no one. I should now! It took three chiropractors in two months to get my back fixed! And the dress? Hello! She looks like she belongs in a six year old girl's room on the shelf, sipping tea out of a little pink plastic cup with Barbie and My Little Pony! But Epona, you might say, pink is the colour of love when red's not around!
Do you want me to go Chuck Norris on you? Do you?!
Oh, wait the corset does seem to HAVE actually fooled someone. Since the green-obsessed dunce is constantly eyeing her like she's the best thing invented since sliced bread.. Or perhaps he's just into that kind of stuff. Ugh, never mind, I don't want to know.
But seriously! Can you imagine what it would be like if those two ever decided to spawn some brand new douche bag damsels and hernia causing Greenkins? That would be a dark day for all the future horses in Lon lon ranch..
If poor fragile Linkypoo survives their wedding night that is. DEATH BY ZELDA'S Kno- err.. assets!(A.N. Let's keep it appropriate for the sensitive souls here shall we :D) A very suitable ending for the backbreaker don't you all agree?
Okay, fashion distaste aside, what's with the whole Triforce of Wisdom thing? If she really deserved the thing she would be wise enough to not get her self captured all the time and I wouldn't have to drag General Greenbag around to save her ass time after time! I could take a vacation! Catch some rays in the Desert Colossus. Go swimming in Lake Hylia. Snowboarding on Snow Peak. But no.
"Oh Link, you must save my retarded blond ass again, for the ten billionth time, oh and while you're at it, go give that poor horse a hernia before you ship her off to the glue factory!"
I feel like committing a coup, anyone wanna join?
Queen Epona, does have a ring to it. Fresh oats for all!
(Link comes running out of the bushes and mounts Epona.)
"C'mon Epona! We have to save Zelda!"
Thank you Captain Obvious…
EDIT : Hello! Jade here. I'm still trying to work this system out a little and my computer seems to hate Java. My laptop to...
Anywhoooo, just wanted to edit a small thing to thank our reviewers! Jane O'Callaghan, Dragonlover149, The-Saiyan-From-Hyrule, hunting-angel and ShippoIsCute18, congrats you've all earned a cookie!
Abd Jane O'Callagahn gets one extra because she's already reviewed the second chapter! Damn you're fast o.O
Be sure to keep reviewing peeps! Our Ego's need it...
Peace out!
Jade