"Just pull the trigger, Annie. It's alright." I heard his voice but I couldn't see his face. I knew it was Josh, my dear brother. He was begging me to kill him and I couldn't.
"Please, I don't want to be one of them." he said and his voice was getting closer. I held my sidearm, aiming it forward to the darkness. Suddenly, Josh's face appeared before my eyes. But he didn't have his usual gentle smile, his eyes weren't lively as always, he didn't have any expression except hunger. This wasn't my brother, not anymore. With that thought in my mind, I pulled the trigger. The bullet pierced through his head and his dead body fell on the ground.
I looked down, tears leaking from my eyes. His eyes were open, watching my every move. He looked normal, his skin was pale, but there were no traces of infection, only the bullet hole reminded.
"Why did you kill me, Annie?"
I suddenly woke up, squeezing the sidearm so hard that my hand started to hurt. I couldn't get enough air into my lungs, I started coughing and trying not to throw up. When I calmed down, I wiped a tear from my cheek and looked around. Nobody except Daryl was around.
"Fuck." I cursed, trying not look at Daryl. I got up and walked away as quickly as I could, making my way through the forest. I stopped once I was near the river, kneeled down and washed my face five times until I was fully awake. I watched my reflection in the water mirror.
"How pathetic are you now, Anne." I said to my reflection. "Scared of a dream."
I stayed by the river until I heard voices coming from the camp, it sounded like an argument.
Once I got back, I saw a group of people surrounding one man, whose name I didn't know.
"What happened?" I asked Daryl, hoping he forgot about my behavior before.
"He's been bitten." He answered and pointed at the man with his crossbow.
"So? Just kill him." I said and all eyes were suddenly looking at me.
"See? Told you so." said Daryl and the man backed away.
"We can't kill him, he's a sick man, he's not a walker yet." Said Rick and I let out a small laugh.
"You think you can cure him or something? Even if you could, you won't find the cure before he'll turn to one of those monsters, trust me." I remembered my brother and the time when he was bitten. "Do you know what will happen to you now? All the suffering and pain, is that what you want?" I turned to the man, slowly approaching him with a gun in my hand.
He was shaking his head, sobbing quietly.
"Don't do it, Anne. He's not a monster." Rick stood between us, pushing me away from the man.
"My brother wasn't a monster and he had to die. Why not him?" I raised my voice. Rick kept standing I my way, looking into my eyes. Nobody said a word for a while and I was getting annoyed by the silence. I turned and walked away, cursing the whole time.
I only got back when they had everything settled between them. That man, whose name I learnt is Jim was still alive. Rick was the new appointed leader of some sort and the plan was to go to the CDC. It was a bullshit plan, but I reminded silent. I didn't give a damn anymore, as long as I was alive, I was happy.
We packed all our stuff and got into the cars. Without asking for permission I got into Daryl's car. He didn't seem to mind it though and I came to like his company.
Along the way, I tried to get some sleep. Daryl looked like he was deep in thoughts, probably thinking about his lost brother. I heard stories about his brother being left in Atlanta. Though from what I heard, everyone thinks he's dead, or they'd preferred his being dead.
"You'll find your brother." I said when I finally gave up trying to fall asleep. "I'm sure of it."
I felt his gaze on me, but I didn't turn my face away from the window.
"Sorry about your brother, what happened to him?" Daryl was the first person who asked about him and probably if it was anyone else, I wouldn't answer. And truth be told, I didn't even think he'd care. Maybe he doesn't, but it was a conversation starter of some sort.
"We were cleaning the hospital when he was bitten. The order was to kill anyone who was bitten, scratched or even spited on by walkers." I tried to sound like I didn't care, that it was behind me. But just remembering the moment I had to kill him was bringing my nightmares back. I bit my lower lip, trying to think of something else.
"And honestly, I agree completely. We let the infection spread, we may as well kill ourselves and save the walkers some troubles." I added after a while.
"Yeah, no shit." replied Daryl with a laugh.
We stayed quiet for the rest of the way. And I was surprised how normal it seemed. The silence wasn't awkward, it was nice, just like I remembered it. When I was in Task Force, I was in a team with four other guys, including Josh. We could spend hours in silence and we wouldn't mind it.
But all this time I tried to remember the one thing I couldn't do anymore, care.