So, I figured that since I had the first two chapters, I'd upload both of them at once without waiting for feedback. So I'm sorry if I'm torturing my readers with something they don't like, but you guys know how to navigate away, right? Besides, this is really for me, anyway.

Standard disclaimers apply.

Also, suicide references in this chapter. Don't want to accidentally trigger anyone.

"This is your apartment?" asked Joshua, glancing around the living/dining room.

"My parents' apartment," corrected Neku. "But yeah, this is where I live." Joshua had his hand tucked under his chin, and his eyes were surveying the room in a way that wasn't entirely appealing to Neku. "What?"

"It's nothing," said Joshua, waving a hand. "Just, from the way that you act, I didn't expect your apartment to look so…" His gaze landed on beige, square end table with a furniture catalogue sitting on it. "Plain."

"It's not my apartment," Neku reasserted. "My parents don't spend a lot of time here, and they're the ones who decorated. And you haven't even seen my room yet."

"I thought that it would be too forward to ask," said Joshua, adding a giggle. Rather than just shake it off as an annoyance, Neku considered what Shiki had told him before. Was Joshua trying to… was that… flirting? Neku narrowed his eyes and tried to find something in Joshua's eyes, but Joshua's face gave away no secrets. He could have just as easily been trying to make Neku uncomfortable. Unable to discern anything, Neku looked away and walked towards his bedroom. He looked back to make sure that Joshua had followed him and then opened the door.

"That's more like it," said Joshua. Like Neku's apartment was some form of entertainment that had, up until this point, failed to capture Joshua's attention.

Neku's room looked a mess. It was cluttered enough that his mother had deemed not to set foot in the room until it was clean… nearly two months ago. There were clothes and CDs lying in piles on the floor, the comforter was hanging off the corner of a bed that hadn't been made for weeks, and the small wooden desk in the corner was littered with papers: homework and Neku's sketches, the latter of which Neku wished he had hidden as soon as he saw Joshua's eyes land on them. Joshua strode over to the desk and picked up the top sketch, a heavily inked drawing of a bird on loose leaf. It was heavily reminiscent of CAT.

"Well, well, well, Neku," said Joshua. "I knew that you liked CAT, but I never pegged you as an artist yourself."

"Hardly," grumbled Neku, his face heating up as he snatched the drawing away. "They're just doodles, okay?" Ever since the Game ended, Neku was trying to be more open, he really was, but some things were just personal. He didn't want to share the part of himself that lived in those sketches. Not yet.

"You're so modest, too," said Joshua, his fingers skimming over the black lines of a spider. There was a glint in his eye when he next looked up at the redhead. "Do you ever draw people, Neku?" To tell the truth, he did draw people from time to time: his parents, interesting people who sat near him on the bus, other students in his classes. Occasionally he even looked down to see that his hand was drawing a slim figure with silver hair and a smug smile, only to vigorously erase it seconds later while grumbling random words of anger, like "asshole", or "liar", and once "backstabbing back-shooting Jesus jackass", under his breath, causing bystanders to wonder why this boy was so angry and what he had against the Christian Messiah.

"No," he said, but Joshua's smirk was of the all-knowing variety. Neku wondered again if his former partner was reading his thoughts. Or maybe he actually was obvious enough that Joshua didn't even need to bother. Subtlety had never been Neku's strongest suit, and until recently, most people hadn't paid much attention to his feelings, so he hadn't needed to know how to hide them.

"What a shame," said Joshua. He looked around. "So, your chaos is limited to this one room, then?"

"I already told you," said Neku. "It's my parents' place. I can't leave my stuff all over the house." It looked like Joshua didn't quite believe that. How long had it been since he had lived with his parents? "Fine. What's your place look like, then?"

"Oh, you know what my place looks like," said Joshua. "You were there, right before the end."

"You live in the sewers?" asked Neku, wrinkling his nose at the thought. Somehow the notion didn't seem compatible with Joshua's personality. Joshua rolled his eyes.

"Not there," he said. "Before that." Before that? The only place Neku could remember before that was…

"You live there?" asked Neku, picturing the rows of bottles on the walls and the glass floors with live fish swimming beneath them. Joshua nodded, his arms folded, as though it should have been obvious all along. "I thought that that was Shades' place."

"Well, Kitaniji is gone now," said Joshua, waving a hand carelessly. "Besides, it was more of a rental, anyway. The foosball table is more suitable for a bachelor pad than the residence of the Conductor, but I am relieved that he left my liquor intact."

"You drink?" asked Neku incredulously.

"I'm a little older than I look, Neku," reminded Joshua.

"Oh," said Neku, who had been thinking of Joshua as a snotty, fifteen-year-old kid again. He paused. "But if Kitaniji was living there, where did you stay while he was Conductor?"

"You make it sound as if I have no friends," said Joshua. "Let's just say that I found a place to make myself perfectly comfortable." A thought dawned on Neku.

"Where are you staying right now?" he asked. Joshua smiled, and Neku began to shake his head back and forth. "No, no, no. You can't possibly be thinking… I thought you said that you had friends!"

"And you're one of them," said Joshua. Neku crossed his arms.

"I don't think you can ask to stay at the home of someone you shot," he said. He thought for a second, and then added: "Twice."

"That does sound a bit unreasonable," agreed Joshua, placing a hand beneath his chin in contemplation. The corners of his lips turned up. "But I'm doing it, anyway. You're not trying to tell me that you won't let me stay here, are you?" In fact, that was exactly what Neku was trying to say. Yes, some insane part of him had missed Joshua, but there was a big difference between wanting to see someone every now and then and wanting to live with that person. Still, Neku was having some trouble turning Joshua down outright.

"I don't take up much room," offered Joshua.

"How… how would I even convince my parents to let you stay here?" asked Neku, grasping for some reason to keep Joshua out.

"I can be rather persuasive," said Joshua.

"You can't imprint my parents," said Neku flatly.

"Is that impolite?" asked Joshua. He shrugged. "Very well, then. I'll just have to dial up my natural charms." Joshua didn't notice that his jaw had gone slack until he saw Joshua shoot him a look of mock-offense. "I am a charming person, Neku."

"You are an asshole, Joshua," grumbled Neku.

"Now, now," said Joshua. "You might want to be more polite to your new roommate."

"Who says that my parents will even let you stay here?" countered Neku, full of confidence that he would come out the winner in this one.

He was sadly mistaken. Neku's parents, when they got back home, were actually quite taken with Joshua. More taken, Neku resentfully noted, than they seemed with their own son. Joshua must have picked up on some of that resentment, because as he was shaking Mr. Sakuraba's hand, he glanced back at Neku and smiled. Neku's brow came so low that it almost covered his eyes.

"Neku, why have we never met Joshua before?" asked Mrs. Sakuraba. Neku wanted to tell her that neither she nor his father had expressed interest in meeting any of his friends since he had finished primary school. Not only would it be true, but it also might knock her out of whatever pink haze Joshua had cast over her and force her to realize that Joshua was not, in fact, a nice, polite boy, but rather an incredibly manipulative deity. Well, maybe not the deity part, but she probably would have noticed that Joshua was a stranger and that his so-called friend didn't even want him in the house. But Neku said nothing of the sort. Knowing Joshua, he probably had some backup plan that was even more detestable than the current one.

"He's been out of town for a while," answered Neku. Or out of dimension…

"My family travels," explained Joshua, smiling. "It's fascinating, but this time, I begged them to stay in Shibuya. I missed my friends too much." For just a second, Neku caught himself wondering if there was some iota of truth in there. Did Joshua really come back because he missed Neku? It seemed far too human a sentiment.

"Where did they go this time?" asked Mr. Sakuraba. "I've always been interested in travel." This piece of information stunned Neku. To his knowledge, his father had never taken time off of work to go anywhere, or to do anything.

"Belize," said Joshua easily, and all of Neku's ideas of him telling some partial truth were dispelled. Joshua was capable of lying quickly and without remorse. Neku should have known it earlier.

"Belize…" said Mr. Sakuraba, and there was even a hint of dreaminess to his voice. He smiled and laughed. This was strange. Neku wasn't used to his parents being anything but severe and short with words. "And you chose to stay here?"

"There comes a point when you just want to get away from the excitement," explained Joshua. He looked at Neku. "Be with people you care about."

"He's so mature, Neku," said Mrs. Sakuraba approvingly, even though she herself spent hardly any time with her son and husband. "Of course he can stay here." Neku just nodded silently. He'd felt a little tug in his chest at Joshua's words, but he was resisting it. Words didn't mean much coming from the mouth Yoshiya Kiryu.

"Where will he sleep?" protested Neku before he could stop himself. Joshua dismissed the question with a wave of his hand.

"I'm sure that we can arrange something, Neku," he said.

"Exactly," said Mr. Sakuraba. "It's no trouble at all."

Neku crossed his arms and scowled at Joshua, who cheerily waved in return. Mr. and Mrs. Sakuraba were so obviously and uncharacteristically enamored with him, it seemed that Joshua must have used some sort of imprinting on them. Still, he said nothing more on the matter. He didn't speak during dinner, when Joshua and his parents made pleasant conversation. He didn't speak after dinner, either, and although it seemed that the other Sakurabas did not notice his lack of participation, Joshua certainly did. He glanced over at Neku periodically throughout the night, his expression growing less irritatingly smug and more contemplative as the minutes ticked by. The change did nothing to relieve Neku's vexation. In fact, Joshua's pondering was even more annoying than his smirk. It was more condescending, like Neku was some lower being he was studying. Which, when it came down to it, Neku guessed he was, but no one likes to be thought of that way.

As the Sakuraba parents readied themselves for bed, Joshua followed Neku into his room. The instant the door closed behind him, he started in on the questions.

"Are you angry at me, Neku?" he asked. But it wasn't like he was actually concerned. He was intrigued by his specimen's behavior.

"Yes, Joshua," said Neku.

"Why would that be?" asked Joshua. "I played by your rules: I didn't imprint your parents. I asked for permission and received it through legitimate means. What reason could you possibly have for being upset with me?"

"Please," scoffed Neku. "You didn't play by my rules. You don't play by anyone's rules but your own."

"Well," said Joshua. "I am the Composer. A god-complex isn't a complex when you're actually a god."

"Not here, you're not," asserted Neku, his confidence fueled by anger. How could he ever have wanted to see this… this brat again? "This is myworld, not yours. You come in here, and you act like you're entitled to a spot in my life. Like you can just, just go through what's mine and pick up what you want and change it so that it works for you. People don't like that, Joshua." Joshua offered one of his so-sue-me shrugs.

"Fine," he said. "What do you want from me, Neku?" Neku hesitated. Licked his drying lips.

"I want to go through what's yours, the same way you did to me," he said. Joshua laughed.

"In case you haven't noticed, we're not in my apartment," he said. "All I have with me is the shirt on my back. I don't suppose you want that, do you?" Neku shook his head.

"That's not what I'm talking about," he said. For a fraction of a second, Joshua's pupils widened by just a few hairs. Neku couldn't be sure that he had actually seen anything once it was over.

"Oh," he said. "So you want to scan me, then? You should have just said so, Neku. Very well. Do you have your player pin?" Of course Neku had his player pin. It had been in his pocket when he woke up in the Real Ground, strangely cold and distinctly un-magical amongst the coins and gum. As much as it reminded him of the hell he'd been through, Neku couldn't bring himself to get rid of it. He walked over to his sock drawer and pulled out the disk of metal and plastic.

"I'm not a Player anymore," said Neku. "Will it still work?"

"If you focus hard enough," said Joshua. "I'll help you out, though. Do you feel that?" The pin grew warmer in Neku's hand. The world became slightly clearer and Neku's palm tingled. It was a rush that Neku hadn't noticed when he was playing the Game, the jolt that accompanied accessing things that were usually sealed off. Neku gulped and nodded. "All right, then. Close your eyes and open wide." His eyes already closed, Neku jolted at the connotations of the phrase. Joshua giggled. "Your mind, Neku."

Neku nodded and tried to remember what it was like to scan people in the UG. Now that he wasn't scanning people anymore, it was a difficult skill to pick back up again. He realized that he couldn't even recall what, exactly, it was like to be able to read another person's mind. It was like a word that was just on the tip of his tongue waiting for something to push it into the open, and he hadn't noticed just how much it had been bothering him until now. He heard Joshua sigh and then felt a surge of energy funnel through the pin in his hand. Suddenly it all came back to him, and before he had the chance to appreciate the sensation he was bombarded with images.

Neku didn't know if it was because he hadn't scanned anyone in a while or because he was trying to scan the Composer, but he didn't have the same control now that he had when he was a Player. The thoughts just poured right through to his mind unfiltered until, suddenly, he could feel Joshua shifting the stream in a certain direction.

He was only five, and he knew that he was special. He could see these people no one else could see, even talk to them if he wanted to. But he knew that he shouldn't – his parents didn't like it when he talked to these people. They said that they weren't real even though he knew that they were. They wouldn't even let him talk about them. So Joshua fell silent…

He was older now, and though he hadn't spoken of it in years, they were still there. Joshua knew now that they had died, and that they were trying to regain their lives. He could barely understand why they would ever want to come back to life. Their world seemed so much more exciting. It was so wildly different from his own, in vivid shades of blue and red and yellow and everything in between. The world which Joshua inhabited was an examination of the greyscale…

He was out of high school when a splash of color burst over the pages of his life, brightening the darkest corners and creating new levels of texture and tone. Over and over, the name played in his head like it was on loop…

But Neku felt Joshua steering him away from that.

It was the December of his twenty-first year when Joshua hunched over the empty, off-white basin of his bathtub. He didn't know why he was bothering to stay off the milky tiles of the floor, but it didn't seem fitting to let himself make a mess of this. It had been a month, and his insides had gone as cold as the frost-covered signposts that lined the streets. How quickly the color had drained from his world once its source was gone.

He told himself that it would be quick, and that once it was over he would be on the other side, the side that had so enraptured him as a child, the side made of neon and rapid heartbeats. He told himself this, but even so, he bit his lip as the blade slid along the river of his vein. He was shaking as the red welled up and warmed his cool skin. It was the first color he had seen in weeks…

The image made Neku sick to his stomach, and he couldn't focus well enough to grab hold of the next stream of images. He recovered and reached out for another memory.

Everything about this process was painful in a way that Joshua had never imagined he would experience. The light was so bright that it burned his eyes and flooded his brain even when his lids were shut. His innards, his very essence was twisting into some new shape. Over the last few weeks, he had proven himself to be the most powerful Player in the Game, but this force was enough to bring him to his knees and make it a struggle just to breathe. In. Out. In. Out. In… Scream. Change was always difficult.

When he opened his eyes again, he could see everything…

Even though he had moved past breathing, some part of Joshua saw fit to gasp for air in this situation. Either his mind was racing too quickly to examine this behavior or it had vacated the premises all together, because for once, Joshua wasn't thinking at all. Just feeling. Fistfuls of shirt in his hands, heat in his chest, lips on his lips, moaning, pulsing, wanting. He wished that he hadn't worn a shirt with buttons – it was slowing down the whole process far too much – but the hands undoing them were skilled, and soon enough his chest was laid bare.

His unnecessary breath hitched as rough hands wrapped around his wrists, covering the scars that even divine transformation had left untouched. He wasn't in control anymore, and he didn't care. Was that because he trusted him so much, or just because he wanted him so badly? The question flitted across his stream of consciousness for just an instant before lips engulfed his own again. The stubble would make his face burn later, and the idea was somehow appealing. There were still too many clothes involved in this situation, too much in the way. Joshua opened his eyes and reached up to pull Sanae Hanekoma's sunglasses from his face…

There was a sudden sound like feedback in Neku's brain – loud and startling and completely unwelcome. The images that had been streaming through his mind dispersed like smoke when a gust comes through. There was a pain that seemed intent on splitting his head in half. Neku squeezed his eyes further shut and clutched at his skull, letting the Player Pin drop from his hand and fall onto the floor. Immediately the sound disappeared and the pain began to let up. His eyes opened and he looked at Joshua, breathing heavily. Joshua looked almost as disconcerted as Neku felt, his right hand clutching at his collarbone as his left curled around his wrist. Had Joshua just forced him out?

After a few seconds, Neku's breathing resumed a normal pace and all that remained of the mental feedback was the slight nausea Neku tended to get whenever he was hurting. He wasn't on the live feed anymore, but the last images, the ones that had been playing when Joshua had pushed him way, were repeating in his head. Now that he wasn't in pain anymore, Neku's mind began to analyze. His eyes went wide.

"You were…" Neku began, but he had to shake his head and start over again. "You and… and Mr. Hanekoma?"

"I didn't mean to let you go there," said Joshua, unusually shaken. Like that was an explanation at all, let alone a reasonable one.

"You and Mr. Hanekoma?" repeated Neku, still not comprehending.

"Our relationship is of a…" started Joshua. He was stumbling for words, but Neku couldn't manage to enjoy this inability to articulate. He wanted answers. "…slightly different nature than I may have let on."

"But," said Neku, now taking his own turn at trying to find words. "But, but – he's a grownup."

"Maybe you've forgotten, Neku, but I'm a little older than I look," said Joshua, managing a more confident tone than he had before. "I am not a child. I can handle myself." But the way he said it sounded wrong. Almost too sure, like he was trying to prove something. Ironically, Joshua's voice carried traces of the tone young children use when declaring themselves "big kids". Neku struggled for the proper phrasing of his thoughts for a few seconds and gave up. A few of the other mental images floated across the path of his inner eye: the greyness of the world, the brightness of the UG, the red splashing across Joshua's white skin.

"Joshua…" he started.

"It's getting late," said Joshua, cutting him off. "If you don't mind, I'm going to bed."

"Bed?" asked Neku. "You don't have a…" This time it was utter bewilderment that stopped Neku midsentence, as Joshua had crawled under the covers of his bed, jeans and button down shirt and everything, and closed his eyes. Neku thought for a few seconds about speaking his mind: saying that no, no, this was absolutely not okay, that Joshua had crossed more than his fair share of boundaries and that Neku had to draw the line somewhere. But it was getting late, and he didn't think that he had the energy to try to reason with someone who invaded people's beds without the slightest hesitation. So he changed into his pajamas, made up a bed on the floor with extra blankets, and fell asleep.

His slumber was light and fluttery, his dreams rife with people whose flesh turned intangible upon attempted contact, with razor blades the glinted not quite brightly enough to make the real world feel alive, with gunshots that made his ears ring and his heart pound. Neku's eyes flew open, and he thought that he heard a whisper of "I'm sorry," but he could have just as easily dreamt it.