Hairy Pawter chap. 2
Starfall: Hey, I'm back! Thank you, Lunastar of moonclan and T-Striker for the glorious reviews, and to my mom, for proofreading this for me! Also, a huge shout out to a certain friend of mine from Chorus - Abby! Thanks for looking me up! Now Rose, do the disclaimer!
Rose: Not cool, Bumblekat! I was in the middle of a Quiddich game!
Star: Faster you do this, the sooner you get back to your game.
Rose: *Sighs* Fine. Bumblekat owns nothing except her annoying cat Starfall and her laptop. Can I go now?
Bumblekat: Let her go, Star, or I'll lock you in a room with Frankenkitty. *Breaks the fourth wall* That's what we call a really stupid cat of ours who's gotten stitches twice.
Star: *Shudders* Fine.
Enjoy!
See chapter one for cast listings.
*Curtain opens; 'Hairy' sits on a suitcase center stage. He has 'Voldemort's' old glasses and a lightning bolt has been drawn with a red marker on his forehead*
Lion: *Sings* Underneath these stairs, I see the sneers and feel the glares of my-
Star: Lionblaze, that's the lyrics you printed for 'A Very Potter Musical'! Here, Mousewhisker has the spares.
Mouse: *Hands a spare script wordlessly, gives dirty look*
Lion: Thanks, dude! *Is completely unaware of the two holes the glare burnt into his forehead. Puts a sheet on the suitcase and lays down, feigning sleep*
Fern: *Stalks onto the stage, angry as all heck. Punches 'Hairy' in the face and walks out* WAKE UP!
Lion: * Actually fell asleep and was snoring. Sits up and rubs forehead* Ow. I really hate Muddley's birthday. It stinks, and-ow!- hurts, too!
Fern: SHUT UP AND GET DOWN HERE AND COOK THE MICE AND CRAP LIKE THAT!
Lion: *Mumbles* Got it, Turkey Jerky.*Rereads script*
Dark: GET DOWN HERE, BOY!
Cloud: So I have to act all rude and jerk-fishy? COOL! *Snaps into character when he sees he's on camera* I mean, MUM! THE BOY IS STALLING! I WANT AN OOMPA LOOMPA NOW! *Slams fists into table, snaps it in half* Oh, and mice too…
Star: *Sweat drops* Maybe he does this a little too well...
Fern: BOY, COOK THE MICE, FIX THE TABLE, GENETICALLY ENGINEER AN OOMPA LOOMPA, AND GET THEMAIL, YOU PRUNE!
Lion: *Does said actions, slipping the letter to him into his pocket because he's smarter than Harry was at eleven* anything else, Ye Olde Aunte Petunia?
Fern: NO! I'M NOT OLD! GOT TO THINE STAIR CUPBOARD!
Lion: Got it, Fanny Granny! *Runs away before she yells more. Reads letter* I'm a wizard? Since when?
Barley: Since ever. I'm Hagrid, Keeper o' Keys an' groun's a' Hogwarts.
Lion: *Snickers* Seriously? As in the warts on a pig?
Barley: Yea, wa's wrong wi' tha'?
Lion: *Laughs his furry butt off* Really? Wait, how'd you get in here, anyways?
Purdy: He Apparated.
Lion: Whoa, whoa, whoa, too many people in here! This cupboard is really too small for this.
Purdy: *Looks around, evidently realizing where they are* Hey Tuney, give Hairy a real room or I'll give you a stern look!
Fern: Oh, hey Bumblesnore! Great to see you. And yeah, the boy can have Mudley's second bedroom.
Lion: Wait, you know this weird, old, creepy, crumbling, old, elderly, wise, old cat? Since when?
Fern: Oh, just since I sent him a letter asking to be magical. NOW BOY, GO DO LAUNDRY AND LEAVE FOR AN UNDEFINED PERIOD OF TIME! *Vanishes in a cloud of orange fuzz*
Lion: *Is confused* Uh, okaaaaaaay… I'm officially weirded out… And I want a Redvine.
Tigerh.: Did somebody say Ron Weasely?
Lion: No, I said Redvines. Anyways, who the hedge are you?
Tigerh.: *whispers* Dude, it's me! Tigerheart! I'm not really a Twoleg, I'm just pretending!
Lion: Wow, you're stupid. I meant in the play, dumb#&$.
Star: Ahem. I do believe this has nothing to do with donkeys, Lionblaze.
Lion: *Rereads script* Whatever. Hey, do you want to get some shwarma later?
Tigerh.: Eh, sure. Shadowclan's boring these days… Anyways, Hairy, I conveniently have all your crap that you'll need for school with me, and we somehow got transported to a train station at some point…
Lion: *Looks up from script* Huh, I guess you're right… Weird, but cool.
Dove: *Walks up* Your muzzle is covered in mud and I'm obnoxious. I'm going to follow you around, even though I could find better people to hang out with anyone else and they'd be friends with me. I can talk really fast, a lot. I want a bagel. HAHA zombie!
Tigerh. And Lion: *Zoning out* …Huh?
Dove: *Sighs* whatever. *Gets on the train*
Tigerh. (I'm going to Tiger now, because I'm bored…): Come on dude, let's leave.
Okay, so this isn't nearly as funny as last time, but I tried. Anyways, review if you want to, flames will be used for evil voodoo purposes *coughs* I mean, totally non evil things, and constructive criticism is welcome. Fish are fun, and many references will make more sense if you watch A Very Potter Musical and Sequel…
Peace, love, and Michael Crichton,
Bumblekat & Starfall