Chapter 2 – Bells and Masks.
A/N: Yeah, me again – just an idea that flitted into my mind and refused to leave until I exercised it – what would happen if Naruto approached his first serious challenge in life as a prankster rather than a serious ninja? Hope you enjoy my take on what would happen...
Let's get this show rolling...
In the Village Hidden in the Leaves, in the Hokage's Office, many unusual things were happening.
The elite ANBU unit, sworn protectors of the venerable Hokage himself and ninja without compare, were stunned into absolute speechlessness, swords hanging slack by their sides and fingers that could have summoned city-levelling jutsus in an eye-blink completely still, faces as frozen as the masks that covered their faces and identities.
The resident genjutsu mistress was trying frantically to dispel the illusion before her, knowing what she was seeing could not be reality; even as she focused and released her chakra however, a small sliver of her mind was a little disappointed that she'd have to break such a wonderful illusion – it wasn't every day that she could look one of the most notorious perverts in the Leaf in the eye without having to peer over the cover of the book she despised so much.
The father-and-son duo of smokers were currently not partaking in their usual vice; the younger of the two didn't seem to have realised that the cigarette he'd been about to light was now on the floor rather than between his lips and he was in danger of setting his beard on fire with the lighter spluttering in his slack fingers while the elder, having dropped his pipe on the desk and overcome his shock slightly quicker than the younger shinobi around him, tried to subtly waft the ashes towards the resident paperwork mountain while everyone else was gaping at the apparition before them.
Meanwhile, the reason for all this commotion seemed oblivious to the reactions around him and merely stood leant against the wall next to the window he'd come in from, chin in his hand and a far-away look in the eye not covered by his slanting headband, seemingly considering a weighty matter indeed.
It was a tableau that could have been frozen in time forever and indeed looked like it would; it was only the scent of burning parchment that seemed to snap at least one of the assembled zombies back into the real world,
"Hokage-sama!" there was a sudden hiss as a low-level water jutsu drenched the smouldering pile of paper on the desk of the aged village leader; hmm, that went about as well as I could have hoped – I might even get a few hours relaxation today; keeping the glee of outwitting and banishing the bane of all Kages for the moment off his wrinkled face, Sarutobi looked towards the ANBU who'd put out the fire and nodded gravely in thanks before turning his attention back to the root of the issue before him,
"Ne, Kakashi?" The masked ninja blinked as though shocked at the voice before shaking himself and looking at his superior,
"Hai Hokage-sama?" No excuse, nothing; Sarutobi's eyes narrowed – this was unusual and he didn't like unusual, it usually meant there was trouble on the way and he'd dealt with enough of that to last several lifetimes,
"You are on time and you don't seem to have your usual reading material with you; knowing what day it is today, I assume this may be due to the results of your genin test? Not that I would blame you if it was", despite himself the Hokage smiled fondly, knowing one of the members of the cell Kakashi had tested and wondering if the bewhiskered shinobi had once again done the impossible and broken one of his finest ninja of his virtually life-long tardiness habit, "Naruto is the Kage-killer for a reason – I imagine a former ANBU captain would be easy meat for him now".
With those words the tension in the room was broken and fled like a pack of Inuzuka dogs threatened with bathwater and shampoo; everyone in the office relaxed, least of all Kakashi himself; giving his infamous eye-smile, the masked ninja chuckled before speaking again,
"Kage-killer eh? That does surprise me, though I suppose it shouldn't knowing what I know about him now; he's the reason I'm here, distracted me enough that I didn't keep an eye on the time like I should have..."
"For once in your life", Kurenai muttered just loud enough to hear, a little annoyed that Kakashi had turned out to be real rather than a new illusion technique she could learn, "at least there's no lame excuse this time". The older nin simply eye-smiled again before continuing as though the raven-haired kunoichi hadn't spoken,
"...but aside from that, I wanted a little advice before I made a decision on the fate of team seven".
That was enough to get all attention focussed on the man; very few people in the room had ever known Kakashi be stumped by a problem, least of all one that seemed to be posed by a mere genin of all things, even one containing a mythical Bijuu. Even Sarutobi raised an eyebrow at the declaration before his analytical mind, the prized asset that had allowed him to attain his prestigious title of 'God of Shinobi', went to work on the problem,
"I see – you gave them your standard bell test I assume?"
"Hai, hai, it went as well as it usually does", a collective wince ran around the room; the bell test was almost as infamous amongst the ninja of Konoha as Tora the cat, the reason Kakashi had never passed as genin team, "but while it was going on I had some shadow clones watching my team and Naruto's behaviour was a little, unusual".
"Unusual", Asuma repeated, seeking a nicotine buzz to aid his thinking as he stooped down to retrieve his dropped cigarette, taking the opportunity to sneak a glance at Kurenai's shapely derriere as he did so, "unusual how – last I heard he was a kid who couldn't sit still and would tell anyone who got close enough he was going to take Pop's job one day".
"He was", Kakashi said with another of his smiles, "tried to attack me before I said go and, when I did and the other two scattered, he just stood there waiting for a fight – said he wanted to check something. His taijutsu is abysmal by the way, even with those shadow clones he uses he didn't come close, though I doubt he'll sit down tonight to think about it", seeing a few raised eyebrows among the newer jounin, he brought his fingers together in a tiger seal, sending another wince rippling through the assembled crowd. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat as unpleasant memories of his own graduation came back to him, Sarutobi cleared his throat and tried to move the discussion on,
"I see; any idea what he wanted to check?"
"No, at least, I didn't then, but I'll come back to that", the scarecrow replied, all business in his tone now as he recounted the remainder of his test, "after I left him to cool down near the river with a shadow clone to keep an eye on him, I went after the others; the girl needs help – she fell apart in a fairly low-level genjutsu and is a fan-girl of the highest order, she'll need some help to break out of that mentality before it gets her killed", almost without meaning to he saw Kurenai's face harden into a scowl; good, if I can get her on my side that might sugar the pill for what I want to do with these three; "and the Uchiha, well, not as gifted as he likes to think he is, though his fire affinity is quite well-developed. He has no sense of teamwork and an ego bigger than the Hokage monument; the title Rookie of the Year has gone to his head and it needs work to puncture it".
"As is always the way; I think Gai is still struggling with that Hyuuga from last year", one of the other jounins piped up, pushing his glasses up his nose as he did so, "so they didn't work together then?" Kakashi shook his head,
"No, though the clone I left with Naruto reported some interesting things; after I left him he tried to track me down, pretty well as well as my clone almost lost him a few times, but when he came across Sakura he didn't help her immediately, which was odd. He took off her headband and did something to it, couldn't see what, before replacing it and waking her up".
"What happened then?" Asuma asked, curious as in all the time he'd known Naruto, he'd never seen or heard of the boy not coming to the help of one of his precious people immediately; and Sakura is nothing is not precious to him, though Kami alone knows why;
"He got a punch on the head, a short rant that he'd never be as good as 'her Sasuke-kun' and a declaration that she was going to find the Uchiha and prove 'love conquers all'", Kakashi smirked behind his mask as he realised his numerous prods were having the desired effect; Kurenai was looking almost murderous by now, "then she left, the wrong way by the way, before Naruto picked himself up and sent a shadow clone after her; after that he shot off looking for Sasuke".
"Did he find him?"
"Yes, it wasn't hard; the Uchiha wasn't going anywhere fast, in fact buried up to his neck he wasn't going anywhere at all", the image got a few smirks, even an outright chuckle from Aoba, sensei of team two and well-known as the jounin with a sense of fun almost as keen as Narutos; as expected of the only ninja ever to prank Miterashi Anko and live to tell the tale; "of course Naruto found him and promptly fell over laughing; the look on Sasuke's face was worth a thousand words, even more so when Naruto took off his headband 'just to check if this thing was real'", Aoba was outright snorting by now, half-hunched over and probably, Kakashi guessed, cursing that Naruto hadn't been on his squad, "but after that he replaced it and summoned some clones to help dig him up. As he was doing this Sakura finally arrived and started to help, which quite surprised me; Naruto was saying he'd trapped an area of the training ground but the others weren't listening from what I could see and hear. Sasuke was convinced he could go it alone and Sakura was right behind him, but before anything else could happen the buzzer went off".
The anticlimactic ending seemed to depress the whole room; despite himself Kakashi was quite the storyteller when it came to descriptions such as this – Sarutobi remembered that even as a genin he could turn a standard capture-Tora mission report into a heart-pounding chase across most of Fire country while dodging villagers and missing-nin alike; though that was before he lost his team and sensei – it is a shame you've never been able to let that go Kakashi, the future is a brighter place than you can see, even with the Sharingan.
"So, they didn't pass then", one of the assembled jounin, Genma, ventured, rolling his ever-present senbon across his lips as he did so, "the council's going to raise hell over this; the last Uchiha going back to the Academy for another year". The thought was enough to make Sarutobi groan and reach for the headache medicine secreted in a corner of one of his desk drawers before another voice cut across his depressed thoughts,
"Ma, ma, not so fast", Kakashi mentioned lightly, making everyone look up at him again, "I wasn't finished; yes they were out of time but one of them wasn't out of ideas. I appeared with my usual dramatic flair and took them back to the training posts before roping Naruto to one of them..."
"Why him?" Though he'd not had much to do with the boy beyond being dragged into the odd chase as the boy sought to get out of town following some prank or other, Aoba felt compelled to stand up for a fellow prankster-in-need, "From what you've told us he did the best out of all of them, certainly better than the girl in the squad, no offence Kurenai-san", he added hastily, remembering present company and ensuring the kunoichi knew he meant no offence to her gender. Before the genjutsu mistress could reply though, she was cut off by Kakashi himself, a brisker, more business-like tone to his voice now,
"I had to in order have any chance of their second-chance working; if I'd used Sasuke Sakura would have fed him regardless of what I said, if I'd used Sakura Naruto would have done the same – it wasn't fair but it had to be him. Thing was, after I'd tied him, put down the hissy-fit Sasuke threw and explained the rules, Naruto threw a shuriken in the works..."
XXX
"...but if anyone feeds Naruto before the second test starts you all fail regardless". Having said his piece, Kakashi prepared to vanish away before a sudden voice, or more accurately the claim that voice was making, made him pause,
"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, we don't need another chance". Is he for real; looking over at the restrained member of team seven with a hardened eye, the jounin was pleased to see the boy squirm a little before dropping his gaze to the floor,
"Oh? And why do you have any reason to say that; at least your team mates may have a chance to graduate if you pull your weight". It was a little harsh, especially as Kakashi had seen it wasn't true – in his opinion Naruto had a lot of potential untapped and he knew at least some of that was due to neglect at the Academy, but having lived through and grown up in wartime the older ninja belonged firmly in the 'tough-love' camp. If mere words were enough to break a ninja, what good could he be where the kunai were flying and all hell was breaking loose? He was expecting disappointment, possibly even tears for trampling so casually on a dream he knew Naruto cherished; what he did not expect was for the demon-vessel to suddenly look up, face ablaze with a grin that shone more brightly than any ration jutsu and lightness in his voice,
"I don't have to say anything; Sakura-chan, Sasuke-teme", he nodded at each of his team mates in turn, "undo your headbands".
Obviously, Kakashi wasn't the only one who thought the boy had lost his marbles,
"What are you talking about dobe?"
"Naruto-baka stop trying to show off and be cool like Sasuke-kun; we're all in trouble because of you, shut up before you make it worse".
"From where I'm standing it can't get worse", he shot back, trying to shrug as best he could with his shoulders wrapped up by ropes, "just do it". Interested despite himself, Kakashi looked over the top of his book and reluctantly removed his eyes from the inspired scribblings in time to see his other two students shared a look before, with a final huff, Sakura reached up and roughly pulled on the cloth of her headband, tugging the whole thing off and letting her pink hair spill over her face and down the back of her neck,
"There, okay baka, what was the big..." A musical tinkle by her feet made her pause at the same time the grin on Naruto's face threatened to consume half his head and Kakashi came closer than he'd ever thought possible to dropping his beloved Icha Icha Paradise limited colour edition, signed by the author.
Rolled up against the cherry blossom girl's left foot was a small, slightly battered toy bell.
All was still, each of the assembled nins gawking at the tiny toy before, with a strangled cry, Sasuke almost ripped his own headband off without undoing the knot; sliding the cloth through his fingers the so-called prodigy let out a very un-Uchiha gasp as the second bell fell into his palm. Seeing this Kakashi whipped his free hand down to his belt; as he drew his hand up he was equal parts confused and relieved to see the two bells still attached to his belt; he cheated, he must have extra...; that comforting line of reasoning was cruelly ripped away from him as both bells in his hands exploded in clouds of smoke; ...shadow clones, henged shadow clones – they're chakra constructs so are virtually weightless, I never noticed! When, how did he pull the switch? Before he could think too long on the matter, however, there was a strangled scream from the student who appeared to have tricked him,
"Naruto!"
Despite her apparent dislike of the boy it seemed Sakura had her heart in the right place; seeing Naruto's face drain to the pallor of a corpse and his body fold in on itself as a response to some pain she couldn't see, the girl was at his side in a heartbeat trying to inspect the damage. Kakashi started forwards as well, stepping past the still-stunned Sasuke, though even as he did so it appeared Konoha's number-one surprising ninja was recovering; there was a little more colour in his cheeks and his breathing seemed to even out a little as he looked up and managed a grimacing smile,
"I, ah, I just learnt something", he shuddered again before continuing, "about shadow clones".
"Really?" Feigning boredom now the crisis appeared to be over though his mind was racing a million miles a minute behind his mask, Kakashi examined his book again, "What was that?"
"When you dispel a shadow clone", Naruto continued in a laboured tone, shaking like someone who'd either just run a marathon or had a little chat with Ibiki and Anko over a cup of tea and a hot branding iron, "you get all its memories and...experiences".
"So", stepping back as she realised there was nothing wrong with her team mate, Sakura folded her arms with a firm, if accepting expression, "what's that got to do with anything?" Naruto turned to look at her with a pained grin,
"Uh, well, umm, this is awkward...put it this way Sakura-chan; if it had been me dangling like those bell-clones were, I'd probably make the male star of Kakashi-sensei's porn book green with envy right about now".
XXX
Kakashi paused, wiping his fingertips across the back of his jounin pants at this point as the majority of the Hokage's office winced and moaned from the sympathy pains from an important part of their anatomy. Unfortunately Kurenai, not affected beyond a quirking of the eyebrow and a sudden smirk on her lips, spoke up,
"Really; might have to suggest that one to Anko sometime", without meaning to she saw several of the men around her wince again, Aoba almost turning green as he realised if that did happen he was going to be first in the firing line, "but, Naruto, he passed the bell test? Solo?"
"It looked that way", the copy-nin confirmed before seeming to remember something and looking at the Hokage, "ah, Hokage-sama, would it be possible for you to summon Umino Iruka here? I need him to confirm a few things after this story is over". Sarutobi nodded, dispatching an ANBU to the task with a flick of his hand before looking over at Kakashi once more,
"He'll be here shortly, assuming they've let him off of the hospital probationary period yet; anyway, continue Kakashi, I'm sure all of us here want to know how Naruto-kun pulled this one off".
"And that", Kakashi filled in with a deep eye-smile and chuckle as he leant back against the wall, "is a story well-worth me telling..."
XXX
It took a few seconds to sink in but, when it did, it didn't take more than a split-second for Sakura to sink her fist right into the helpless boys' cheek,
"You perverted baka!"
"Hey, ow, it wasn't my, oof, fault", Naruto tried to defend himself as much as he was able to, writhing against the post to try and avoid Sakura's assault, "Kaka-ouch-shi-sensei picked them uuukk!"
"Ma, Sakura-chan", Kakashi decided to cut in at this point, his facade of boredom as rigid as ever as the pink-haired girl looked up at him, letting Naruto fall slack against the ropes as he tried desperately to breathe again, "don't kill your team mate, you might need him later on, especially as he managed to get both bells. How did you do that Naruto, and I want the truth".
Though the tone was light and word spoken almost in jest, Naruto had spent enough time around and running away from ninja to know a command when he heard it. Sucking down a second breath, the boy began his tale,
"Well, I started after you did that smoke-disappearing thingy yesterday; you said about your test and I wanted to find out about it. So I went and asked Iruka-sensei if he knew anything about you, said I owed him some ramen and wanted to say thanks for caring, you know, after what happened with Mizuki-teme", despite himself Naruto smiled at the memory, though it was and probably always be bittersweet knowledge for him, "so we went to see Ayame-chan and old man Teuchi. He told me he couldn't tell me about your test, but he said you were always late and about the book you're always reading; he also said something else that caught my interest"; oh really?; as the whiskered visage leant forwards to look at him directly Kakashi raise his visible eyebrow, wondering what the scarred chunin could have told his adopted little brother,
"He told me, that you've never passed a genin team before".
At those words the temperature dropped several degrees; even the ice-cube of the Academy, the sculptured god Sasuke Uchiha shivered as that particular nugget of information was unearthed, though as usual it was water of a ducks' back for Kakashi,
"And it's true, I never have", he mentioned as though commenting on the weather before dragging the conversation back on track, "though knowing this, what did you do then?"
"Oh that was easy", Naruto explained brightly, "jounin senseis' always keep the same team number, so all I did was go back into the Academy and trawl the records; I looked up the names of the previous team seven members you failed. Just out of luck I knew one of them, or at least I've heard the name; Kuruda Jozo, he's a civilian now, helps out at that clothing and cleaning store I turned neon orange about a month ago".
"Ah, I remember that one; the Hyuuga were most upset you chose that particular day for a prank"; not least because it was their washing day – I've never seen Haishi go as red as his daughter before, and in the middle of a council meeting too. Inuzuka Tsume might still be laughing now; he'd been on duty in the council meeting that day and was sure that the Hyuuga clan head's expression as the Branch-family member whispered the message that most of the clans' traditionally white clothing was now glowing in the dark would never leave his memory; it was probably due to her and some of the other clan heads having a sense of humour that the execution order Haishi tried to put on you failed Naruto. True to form the prankster in question was oblivious to his inner thoughts and instead merely glared at no-one in particular,
"Well that'll teach their gate guards to kick mud at me as I'm walking past", he muttered, though not low enough to evade Kakashi's chakra-enhanced hearing, "but anyway, I knew where he was and I knew he'd know what your test was, so I went and asked him".
The brass neck of the child in front of him almost made the copy-nin gape; it was something so out far out of the bathtub that in an obscure way he was as surprised as he was disappointed that no-one had thought of it before, himself included. Keeping such feelings to himself, he was surprised to hear the next question he had planned asked by a voice that wasn't his,
"But, why would he want to talk to you", despite her personal feelings for the boy in question, Sakura was naturally a curious person, "you just said you'd pranked his business, I know I'd just kick you out on the street".
"And you wouldn't be the first, but much as I never thought I'd say this, being Uchiha smoothes all paths", before too much confusion could reign Naruto seized the reins and explained, "I knew Sasuke would just go home brooding after sensei vanished, Kami knows it's all he did through the Academy, so I henged into him when I went in. Of course everyone just fell over themselves to answer what I wanted to know; Kuruda was singing like a bird and I got what I wanted to know like it was nothing. So this whole test", he shrugged again, sniggering a little at the violated look on Sasuke's face, "I knew it was coming, and I made a plan for it. All I did was find out your address sensei, then I..."
"How do you know that?" As always when confronted by a threat to village security, Kakashi was pure business and killing intent, "Where the jounin of this village live is classified information". Naruto shrugged,
"Henge again; walked into the postal section of the administration building, and before you say they should have seen through it", he shot down Sakura's question before she could ask it, "my henges aren't like yours. I talked about it with Iruka-sensei, we figured out it must be because I've got so much chakra, like why I can't make regular clones; when I henge I actually change shape, it's not a genjutsu. Look, I'll show you; don't hit me Sakura-chan", he said apologetically before, with a puff of smoke, his girl-form appeared, modesty preserved by the ropes around her, "see, in this form I'm actually a girl; pull my hair". He, or she as he was claiming he was at the minute, nodded at the closest person and, dazed as much by the information as by a decently-clad female version of Naruto appearing rather than the nude model that usually sent all men within eyeshot shooting backwards at all sorts of interesting angles, Sakura complied, seizing the golden braid before her and giving a swift yank,
"Yeow! Oww, ow, I meant gently", with another puff of smoke Naruto returned, pouting at his long-time crush, "that hurt Sakura-chan".
"Yeah, uh, sorry Naruto", the girl apologised before starting, "That, that shouldn't happen – henge is meant to be a genjutsu!"
"Not for me it's not", the boy confirmed, grin back in place before he turned back to Kakashi a bit more seriously, "but yes, I henged into a postal ninja I'd seen around town, ducked into the back office and scanned through the address book; I've done it before when I need to know where someone I needed to prank lived or worked. When I knew where to go, I went there and, ah, well, you left a window open...
"You broke in?" Kakashi wasn't sure whether to be impressed, amused or angry, "Why?"
"Well, I knew what you were going to do and I had a plan to deal with it; I went in and, by the way, you need to work on your trap-making skills", he told the jounin solemnly, Kakashi raising an eyebrow as he did, "if you want can give you some pointers; check the forest about half a mile north of here if you don't believe me".
I am slowly but surely losing the will to live – is it too late to go nuke-nin already?; Kakashi just about resisted the temptation to slap his face into his palm at the genin who continued to show up both him and the village at large,
"Naruto, I take it you got in without a problem then?"
"Yep, they don't call me Uzumaki 'broke-into-the-Hokages'-tower-and-stole-the-Forbidden-Scroll' Naruto for nothing", he confirmed before wrapping up his tale, "but you left the bells Kuruda mentioned on the table by your bed, so I swiped them and had two shadow clones henge to replace them. After that, it was just a case of making the plant on Sakura-chan and the teme, though you made that bit easy Kakashi-sensei. What was the jutsu you used on Sasuke, it looked really cool".
XXX
"Cool?" The word echoed around the silent office like a gong of a funeral bell, "he makes a monkey out of one of the elite jounin of the village and he calls it cool; ah, no offence to Enma and the other Pops", Asuma was quick to offer amends as memories of the last time he'd accidently insulted the monkey king rose up in his mind; a chastening experiencing it had been, a pleasant one it was not. Fortunately though the Hokage seemed too pre-occupied with trying hard not to copy what Inuzuka Tsume had done a month ago and fall into hysteria in his chair, though the grin on his face was unmistakable as he looked up at the copy-nin,
"I should be surprised but, knowing Naruto, somehow I'm not", the aged leader spoke mirthfully, looking around the assembled and seeing expressions that ranged from hold in gut-busting laughter to thunderstruck shock and, in the case of a recently arrived academy instructor, deep pride in a student, "so, what happened then; it seems to me that whichever way you slice it Naruto won, he got both the bells off you".
"True, but as I told, he didn't actually have them..."
XXX
This kid will go far; that thought was foremost in the copy-ninja's mind as he beheld the roped-up form of his potential student; however, though Naruto had shown a lot of promise and a mind of such devious cleverness he was already making mental notes to ensure the jump-suited shinobi was never introduced to Anko, it was now the other two members of the team he had to check had the right stuff for his squad,
"Hmm, very impressive for a so-called dead-last", Kakashi commented mildly, smiling with his one visible eye before pointing to the bells on the floor and in Sasuke's hand, "but at the minute you don't have one of the bells you stole so it looks like you're the one going back to the Academy".
"But, but Kakashi-sensei"; she seems to have the team ethic after all, and even Sasuke seems to be coming around; hope was stirring around in the pit of Kakashi's stomach as Sakura stepped forwards, almost in front of her blonde-haired teammate, "he got both the bells; we, uh, I", she hastily corrected herself, retracting the finger she'd been about to point at her living deity and hanging her head as she carried on, "I didn't do anything, nothing like what Naruto-ba-ah, Naruto and Sasuke-kun did – I should go back".
"Wait, wait!" Before anything else could be said, Naruto's shout had brought all the attention back to him and made Sakura jump afoot in the air and three feet backwards, "Sakura-chan, please don't say that; look, Kakashi-sensei", the masked jounin looked up, putting his book in his equipment pouch as a mark of his sincerity to listen, "I put the bells where they were for a reason; Mizuki-teme taught us all a lot at the Academy, especially the taijutsu and survival sections. He taught me aside from the rest of the class a lot, because I", he looked away, face slowly reddening as he revealed how badly he'd been duped by the traitor, "he said I needed help and he'd teach me different forms and different things from the others, but it was wrong, all of it. I was never any good in the Academy spars and bottomed out the survival tests, and you just completely knocked seven bells out of me just now, er no pun intended"; that got it, she's much prettier when she smiles and laughs, though even when she's hitting me she's cute; Naruto loved it when Sakura smiled and he made sure it happened as often as possible when he was around, usually by clowning around or playing the fool that came so naturally to him, "so I know I can't be a genin, not with skills like that; I'd be a liable...liab...li, dangerous to my teammates because I couldn't defend myself properly".
As a ninja Kakashi respected many things; he respected honour, diligence, courage, skill and fighting spirit; out of all things though, out of respect for his deceased team and sensei, he respected a team player and Naruto, in saying those words as he just had, proved beyond all doubt in Kakashi's eyes that he would be the man to sacrifice anything, including his life and afterlife if necessary, to protect other people. For a brief instant the jounin didn't trust his voice; in fact it was an effort to zone in to listen to the rest of what Naruto was saying,
"Iruka-sensei and I talked about it while we were talking about you; he said that if I didn't make it this time he'd give me some one-on-one teaching to try and get me up to speed for next time. So I don't really want to pass now, I know I'm not really ready; besides", in an instant his frown was banished and a smirk was back on his face, "could you image what would happen if I sent the teme back? The council would pitch a fit and once Sakura-chan got through with me there wouldn't be enough left to cremate, let alone bury. And as Kami is my witness I'm not sending Sakura-chan back, unless you want to end up dragging Sasuke-teme back from a D-rank mission in a body-bag; they'd make a better team together than I would with either of them".
Kakashi did nothing for a moment; he knew there was nothing he could do now, there was too much here to cover – much as he wanted to pass this team he knew these diamonds were too rough to cut it at the minute, even the supposed genius Uchiha. But at the same time, there was so much he could do with them after a little more polish had been applied; he needed time to think about this and he couldn't do it in front of these genin. In the circumstances, he made the only decision that made any sense to him at the minute; Naruto yelped as he kunai buried itself in the ropes by his side,
"Cut him free and go home, all of you; report here at nine tomorrow morning and do not be late; I'm not sure what to do with you all and haven't yet decided if you've passed but you'll know tomorrow. Know this though", everyone looked up, even Sakura from where she was trying to saw Naruto loose, "pass or fail, you've come closer than anyone I've ever tested". With that, he gave an eye-smile and vanished in smoke.
XXX
"I didn't leave of course; I was in the trees to see what happened next, it was quite interesting", the copy-nin spoke with his chin in his hand, seemingly ignorant of the thunderstruck expressions of his audience, "Sakura got him loose and hugged him until he turned blue, and Sasuke", the eye-smile was back in place, "he threw him his bell – 'dobe or not, you earned this', I think were his exact words. But, all that aside, what do you think I should do with them?"
There was no answer for a moment and Kakashi wasn't surprised; it was not too great to have a genin surprise a jounin with a particular skill or trick in these tests, but to hear a genin openly admit his deficiencies as Naruto had done was a rare occurrence indeed. It was only when the Hokage himself, after wiping what looked to be wet eyes on the sleeve of his ceremonial robes, spoke that the silence was broken completely,
"The will of fire burns brightly in that boy, the flames of youth too as Gai would say", the mention of the noble green beast of Konoha snapped everyone else out of their stupor and brought several flesh-crawling cringes that brought a smirk to the old man's lips before he continued, "before I make any suggestions though, I take it you have a solution Kakashi?" The copy-nin nodded,
"With you permission Lord Hokage, I would give them a deferred pass, if you will", before anyone could interject he'd outlined his plan, "six months back at the Academy to iron out their flaws and then I'll take them on, no need for any further tests or anything like that. For this to work though, I'll need your help Iruka-san". Finding himself addressed by a superior ninja, the chunin snapped to attention,
"What do you need Kakashi-san?"
"While they're at the Academy, they'll need specific training; Naruto already knows his weaknesses and you know how to address them, if you need any further help post him off to Gai, that'll make or break him", Kakashi gave his customary 'youthful shudder' at this point as memories of his eternal rival broke over him like a cold sweat, "Sakura needs serious physical fitness training and someone to kick her out of being little more than a door mat for the Uchiha; Kurenai, would you and Anko-san care to oblige?" The kunoichi knitted her delicate brows for a minute before a predatory smile broke over her face,
"Oh definitely, send her my way after our team training, and Anko will see her whenever her schedule allows; if that doesn't do it nothing will. What about the Uchiha?"
"Teamwork and shinobi ethics", Kakashi said simply, folding his arms, "I've known Uchiha in the past and it was tragic what happened to them when Itachi went rogue, but Sasuke must learn he is not special, he will not be able to defeat Itachi alone and the Sharingan is nothing more than a tool, a powerful one granted, but a tool nonetheless".
"Well said Kakashi, I see no reason for this approach not to be adopted and I would be grateful to have you active in the ranks for a while longer; the number of missions has increased since the Wind Lord approached us again", the Hokage reasoned before a sudden thought occurred to him, "before that though, the matter of Naruto's traps; you did see them I assume?"
That brought a chuckle from the elite jounin,
"I did, the reason I didn't arrive here early in fact; that boy is a trap-maker extraordinaire, almost tagged me a few times when I wandered into the area he pointed out; took me about three shadow-clones, a few substitutions and almost all my shuriken and kunai just to get out of there alive. Give him a patch of ground and some basic ninja tools and you've got a nasty terrain piece to deal with; just as well he didn't have any explosive notes on him at the time". Iruka smirked at this, as did several of the other jounin who'd seen the number one prankster of Konoha at work through the years,
"True, in that if nothing else the student has surpassed his teacher", the scarred man said with pride suffusing his tone, "by your leave Hokage-sama, I shall go and plan the remedial classes for those who didn't make it this time".
"Very well, in fact I believe that concludes this year's genin selection; congratulations to the new jounin sensei and one jounin sensei-to-be. Good luck to you all, you are dismissed". The assembled jounin (and Iruka) bowed slightly and made to leave before they were all stopped by a sudden bellow of laughter. Looking over to see Aoba on doubled over and heaving with hysteria, the Hokage raised an eyebrow,
"Something wrong Aoba-san?"
Unusually, as despite his joking nature Aoba was an exemplary shinobi, the jounin ignored his superior and stumbled towards Iruka; the chunin had the look of a deer in the headlights as the taller man came to an ungainly halt in front of him and bowed deeply,
"Iruka, he has surpaahahahased, surpassed all of us; Hokage-sama", the man collapsed against his leader's desk, apparently heedless of his forehead protector grinding into the squelchy morass of damp paperwork that had accumulated, looking up at the older man with tear pouring from his eyes, "let me take him, please let me take him on outside of missions when the Academy's out; my team didn't pass and I'd kill for a shinobi like him to train; oh the T&I department wouldn't know what hit them, I'd have Anko on her knees and begging us to stop in a week".
"Er", surprise wasn't something Sarutobi was used to feeling but he got over it with admirable haste and reasserted his authority over this bizarre situation, "Aobi-san, control yourself and explain". Trying to comply the jounin stood up, coughing into a hand that failed to hide how broad his grin was and looked across at where Kakashi, who'd been leaving through the window as he usually did, was once more leaning against the door,
"Hai Hokage-sama, but I think a visual demonstration is in order – Kakashi-san", the named ninja looked up at his name, "you got tagged, in a big way you got tagged; turn around".
Stupidly, as the copy-nin would later berate himself, Kakashi did just that; as the entire room behind him simply dissolved into giggles he realised immediately something was up. Turning back around to see all his peers in various stages of mirth and laughter, the former ANBU captain raised an eyebrow and reached behind his back; his spine froze when it came into contact with paper; no, it can't be – all those traps, all to try and prank me? With a tug he dislodged the slip from his back and brought it up in front of him only to go suddenly pale and silent swear a bloody, furious revenge against the prankster known as Uzumaki Naruto.
It was a piece of paper framing a photograph that had been stuck onto it with tape, a photograph that Kakashi had sworn would never see the light of day as long as he was alive. In it, sitting in a high-chair and staring at the camera with an apparently affronted expression was a baby, a baby with short, sticking-up silver hair and what looked like chocolate smeared liberally all over his lower face and both hands, hiding the features completely. It was the baby photo from hell, and Kakashi knew there was only one way Naruto could have gotten hold of it; looks like he didn't just check out my bedside table during his impromptu smash-and-grab job; though the caption underneath the picture was definitely original.
PUDDING OR NO PUDDING...
...THE MASK STAYS ON!
"Six months Iruka, Aoba", the whisper sliced through the atmosphere of laughter and piled up bodies; even if the way Kurenai had fallen against Hayate and was almost crying into his shoulder from laughing so hard was certainly suggestive, the elite jounin was feeling far too bloody-minded to mention it as he made his dire promise of a lifetime, "six months to train Uzumaki Naruto, then his ass is mine!"
A/N: Sorry again, but it had to be done; remember it's not cheating as a ninja can't cheat! Naruto's not intelligent but he is devious and he is cunning, able to come up with plans on the fly – this is my version of what he could have done during the bell test if he'd thought about it. Hope it was fun to read, and the prank of Kakashi was definite payback for the copy-nin blowing him off during their introductions; revenge is best served cold.