Snape had become a bit ambivalent about afternoon potions with the Slytherins and Gryffindors. Certainly unnerving the students was one of his staple activities, but lately the children had seemed bolder.. more cunningly resistant. He had long since assumed that Lupin was somehow responsible for it. Perhaps now was the time to re-instil some of the trademarked Severus Snape Fear into the wretched creatures, grains of sand, what have you. He strode into the room, a fashionable five minutes behind schedule (best to make them wait on him). At the front of the classroom he stopped and faced them.

"Does the term 'Snarky' mean anything to you?"

Confused silence. Finally Hermione Granger tentatively raised her hand. Of course she would.

"Miss Oxford Concise English Dictionar-ghem--I mean Granger..." he sneered.

Granger blinked, but answered evenly. "Snarky: a slang term generally indicating irascibility and/or witty cynicism."

"And I suppose you know the etymology of the word as well?"

Her face fell, eyes darted about in thought. "E..r... I think -...well.."

"Snorken -- Low German!" he snapped, a bit too triumphantly. "Through Scandinavia and Holland," he added. "Honestly, Granger, 10 points from Gryffindor." He let the blow sink in as he took a few measured steps. Absent-mindedly he pulled out his wand, let it slap against his other hand like a riding crop. Too bad he wasn't a transfigurations teacher, or he'd make it a riding crop - much more appropriate for a Sex God anyway.

The class waited in tense silence.

"You are wondering why I asked such a question..." More pacing. "I have heard some students... " Grand Pause - let them sweat, "Some students use this term to refer to me. And while I disapprove in principle, I find it rather appropriate - for this week at least. Some of you will remember that we have an exam on Friday..."

Judging from the uncomfortable shifting in seats, most of them were hearing this news for the first time.

"Yes. An exam that will cover all the material you are supposed to have learned thus far. I know that many of you will use this as an excuse to flock to my office in search of 'extra help.' However...I will not be fooled by such tactics. You will only come to my office hours if you actually need help in potions, or I shall be very snarky indeed."

He scanned their expressions: a wide variety, some more thoughtful than he had intended.

"That is meant to be a threat!" he added emphatically. Bloody hormonal teenagers; he should have been flattered by the attention, but that was to be expected. There were more important affairs that occupied him these days..

"And you'll be happy to know we have one more new potion before the exam.."

After class Snape set off for Dumbledore's office, taking the solitary walk to brood over his troubles. It was 4:30: time after a long day to sit back with a cup of tea and consider the implications of being Severus Snape. or wait - wasn't 4:30 reserved for finding the inner puppy? Yes, he scowled in noble determination at a nearby plant arrangement. He shouldn't be running off to Dumbledore's office; he should be sitting back with his cup of tea and trying to reach his inner Good. After all, deep within every Sex God one should find a cute, cuddly basset hound.. he paused. Maybe not basset hound - maybe --

"Severus, please watch where you're going."

Snape was surprised to find Lupin standing before him. Of course the fool would have the nerve to be wandering around outside Dumbledore's office like a gargoyle on patrol. Perhaps he wanted to be walked into. "Well you're looking sickly again, Lupin," Snape observed dryly. "When will you give up this ridiculous pretense of frailty?" He stepped closer. "Those of us who know you are not taken in..."

"Then you should be more sympathetic," Lupin answered irritably.

"This is not about sympathy - this is about pure animal instinct - unavoidable desire - what --" he lowered his voice dramatically, "What if I were to tell you that I were also a dark creature?"

Lupin only smirked. "I might believe that."

"Of course. It makes perfect sense: I hardly eat, I spend my days brooding in the dark dungeons, I slink about so elegantly in my black robes, I am hardly story-book handsome and yet - I exert a strangely powerful magnetic attraction on all those around me.. There is only one conclusion to be drawn: I must be... a Vampire."

Lupin fell back against the stone wall - but not in wide-eyed horror, in laughter. "Ah ahahah- straight-faced hahah -deliveryahahah-"

"What are you laughing at, fool! Damn these dramatic monologues," he cursed to himself.

"I think -- hah - I think I might believe that one of your potions went sour," said Lupin, finally recovering his breath enough to form a sentence.

Snape stared at him in righteous indignation. "So now you have insulted the honour of my potions. Just be glad I am in the mood to be the suffering, misunderstood creature of ridicule right now..."

"And I appreciate that more than you can imagine," said Lupin. "In fact, I'm just going to let you alone to suffer, misunderstood, as long as you want." He started to walk away, but Snape darted forward and caught him by the upper arm.

"And you meanwhile will develop a terrible guilt complex over the whole affair. By the end of the day you'll have no choice but to show up at my private chambers to apologize--"

"What--"

"No later than 9." He released Lupin's arm, which (he noted in satisfaction) had tensed considerably at the touch. "Do excuse me, I have a meeting with Albus." Another trademarked exit by flourish - let Lupin be impressed -- after all, this was Snape's last bit of amusement before he'd have Dumbledore offering him lemon drops laced with whatever narcotics the old man was into these days...

He stood corrected. Dumbledore was only smoking a pipe: no lemon drops or narcotics to be seen, although Snape had to grimace at the suspiciously unindentifiable smell emanating from said pipe.

"Do sit down, Severus. Now I'll get straight to the point, as I know I am interrupting your busy schedule -- something involving small dogs, wasn't it?" asked Dumbledore conversationally.

Snape blinked. That wasn't the sort of thing one said to a Sex God; it had unpleasant implications. "Go on, Albus..."

"Well, you know that with the impending threat of an attack on Hogwarts I have increased security on the premises. I'm only asking every teacher also to contribute to --"

"Oh," Snape knew what this was about. "You want me to keep an eye on Lupin. Of course-"

"Actually, Severus--"

Snape continued with as much enthusiasm as was proper for a dark, mysterious Master of the Evening, "You've come to the right person. You know I've always suspected him of some conspiracy," he stood abruptly, pushed in his chair. "Have my word, I will not let him out of my sight - nor will I hesitate to impose any kind of disciplinary measures-"

Dumbledore stared at him curiously over the top of his spectacles, pipe hanging dangerously low at the corner of his mouth.

"--that are within appropriate bounds, of course," Snape added hastily. He cleared his throat. "Now then, I'll not detain you any longer. I do appreciate your trust, Albus. Off to my task!" And he marched off without another word.

Dumbledore was left to muse over the situation. "Curious... I should really stop smoking these pipes..."