White vs. Black
A Red vs. Blue parody
Chapter 2
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White Base
"Alright men, we need a plan to get the blacks flag. Any suggestions?" Para asked. Crazy raised his hand, his eyes turning yellow. "Yes, Private Crazy?" Para said. "I have an idea! How about…We ask them nicely if we can have the flag?" Crazy said. Para and Dox stared. "Okay, any REAL suggestions?" Para asked. Dox shrugged. "Well great. We're screwed." Para said.
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Black Base
Shadic was spying on white base through his sniper rifle. "Those diabolical whites! They're plotting against us, and they have a darn good idea too. I can feel it in my stank bone…S-MEL! DEVLIN!" He turned around to face the two privates, who were chattering on about something. "So do you like OLDER women, women your own age, or YOUNGER women?" S-mel asked. "Older, dude." Devlin said. "Why's that?" S-mel said. "Hello? The older they are, the bigger the b-" "ATTENTION!" Shadic shouted. "AH!" The two privates jumped up in the air. "If you two are done gossiping like housewives, I would like you to spy on White base." Shadic said. "You'd like us to? Does that mean this is a choice?" S-mel asked. "No! In fact, I order you both to spy on White Base! Meanwhile, I have to go somewhere. I'll be back when the writer writes me back into the story!" With his careless damage to the fourth wall done, Shadic took off. "Story? What the heck is he talking about?" Devlin said. Suddenly they heard knocking. They looked down to see a white hedgehog. "Private Zero reporting for duty!" He called up. "Private Zero? Oh yeah, he's the new guy." S-mel said. He opened the door, and Zero came in. While he was coming up the stairs to the roof, S-mel said, "So, how'd the whites kidnap you?" "I'm not sure. I think they drugged me." Devlin said in confusion. Zero gasped. "You guys do DRUGS? Don't you know that's bad for you?" "I can already tell that this war just got stupider." S-mel commented.
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"Aw crap. Look guys, they got a new recruit! We're evenly matched again!" Dox said, spying on black base. "Evenly matched? Who are we fighting? Is it Ostriches? I like ostriches." Crazy asked. "I think its time we called in…Somebody!" Para said. He spoke into a radio. "Come in, white command!" "Hey dude, this is Shaydis, at White command. How can I help you, dudes?" "We need back up!" Para said. "Back up, huh? Well dude, you have two options. You can wait 5 hours for us to send more soldiers…" "I like that idea." Said Crazy. "Or you can wait 15 minutes for us to send a nearby freelancer." "We'll go with the freelancer." Para said. "Excellent choice dude, and thanks for playing 'If the price is right!'" Shaydis said. Then the transmission ended. Para stared at the radio for a minute, then turned away. "Those Black idiots don't stand a chance! Our freelancer will kick their butts!" Dox said. "Yes. Yes I will." Said a deep voice. They turned to see someone clad in black armor all over, so you couldn't tell what species it was. Dox's eyes widened. "No! We have to send her back!" "…Excuse me?" Said the freelancer. "She's my ex-girlfriend, Patty!" Dox cried. The freelancer stared, then removed his helmet, to reveal that he was a male chameleon. "What the hell, man?!" He said. "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else." Dox said. "Oh, so I look like a girl?!" The chameleon said. He punched Dox, and knocked him out. "I'm freelancer Techo. I'll go get those blacks for you." Techo said. He turned invisible. There was silence. "So…Is Dox gay?" Asked Crazy.
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Techo hid behind a rock at Black Base, invisible. He aimed his shotgun up at Zero, who was playing with a rubber duck or something. "Why did you give him a rubber duck?" Devlin asked. "I just told him it was his mission to guard the duck from harm, because its vital to our plans to eliminate the whites. What can I say, he was annoying me." S-mel said. Techo aimed his gun at Zero and fired. At the last second, Zero moved the duck in front of his face. It got shot, and deflated. Techo turned visible. "WHAT THE HECK! How did I miss?!" He shouted. Zero stared at the duck, then looked enraged. "WHY YOU…" He threw a grenade at Techo. "Oh, CRAP." Techo said. The grenade blew up, and he went flying into space. "Looks like team rockets blasting off again…" He cried as he flew.
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"Well, that didn't work." Para commented. "We'll just have to try again tomorrow night." "Gee Para, what are we going to do tomorrow night?" Dox asked. "The same thing we do every night, Dox…TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Para said.