Thanks to everyone for alerting, reviewing, favouriting this story! Thanks to the anon, and gleeothfriends90210cccjsdAMD for reviewing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the song Bright Lights by Matchbox 20, which the chapter titles come from.
He refuses to give up. Maybe it's silly, but he doesn't think so. Something things are worth fighting for. He goes back to her old house the next day. He walks up the pathway, remembering doing it so many times before. His strong calloused hand knocks on the white prestigious door. There is no response. He rings the doorbell. She doesn't answer it. No surprise there. He rings again.
She can hear the knock from upstairs. She knows it's him without looking. It makes her nervous. She runs to the bathroom, flinging open the door. She kneels down in front of the toilette and empties the contents of her stomach. She flushes and watches it disappear. She hopes it will take everything else with it.
The doorbell rings again. She ignores it.
Glancing in the mirror, she stares back at her reflection. Who is the person staring back at her? She has dark circles under her eyes. Her blonde hair is stringy. Her skin looks sickly. She takes the bottle of foundation and squirts it on her hand. With a brush, she smears it over her face. She combs her hair, sweeping it into a ponytail. Much better, she decides.
After waiting a couple minutes, Puck finally decides to yell. "I know you're in their Quinn."
She glares at the front door upon hearing his voice. The voice in her head tells her not to go. She doesn't listen. Before she can think about it, she's opening the door.
"What do you want? Didn't I make it clear last night."
"I want to talk to you."
"There is nothing left to talk about." She crosses her arms. For a second, he sees a glimmer of the old Quinn. It fades quickly.
"What happened to you Q?"
His old nickname for her slips out again before he can stop himself. He braces himself for her reaction.
She chooses to ignore it. Or maybe she just doesn't notice at all. Maybe the familiarity of the past clouds her memory. Maybe its like five years haven't passed by and they are young again. He is Puck, she is Quinn and everything makes sense. Or maybe it doesn't make sense, but it feels right.
"I got out of here, that's what happened to me."
She goes to slam the front door, but he stops it with his foot.
"No…I mean, what happened to YOU. What happened to the Quinn Fabray who left Lima full of hope and determination? What happened to that girl? "
"I'm not that person any more. I've changed Puck, we all do."
"I can still see parts of her in you."
Quinn uncrosses her arms. Something in her shifts slightly. The steeliness in her eyes softens slightly.
"She got lost along the way."
"I can help you find her again."
She strongly shakes her head no. It's not that simple. She wishes it was, but it isn't. He doesn't understand what she's been through. He doesn't know who she is anymore. Neither does she.
"Just accept it and move on Puck. I know I have."
"I can't. You know why?"
She refuses to meet his gaze. Instead, she bites her lip. God, he forgot how she used to do that.
"I can't move on because I'm still stuck in the same place that I was five years ago. Everyone else has moved on to bigger and better things except for me."
"Yeah, well not everything is bigger and better, trust me," she replies bitterly.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Some things aren't as great as they seem."
"I thought you liked Yale, or New York, or wherever you are! I thought you liked not being here! You never came back. Even when your mother was sick."
She swallows hard at the mention of New York. "I did like Yale. That wasn't the problem. And I did come back. You think I would just leave my mother when she was sick? Is that really who you think I am?"
"I don't know who you are anymore…remember?" he says sarcastically. He can't help himself.
"I would never abandon her. Do you think it was easy for me to come back here? Because it wasn't. It's painful and sad to look around and see everything that was once so familiar to me become so foreign. But I didn't have a choice, did I? My mother needed me. She was my only family member. Fran doesn't care about me; neither does my own father. Hell, I don't even think they cared about my mother. So how dare you say that I didn't come back for her. Just because you didn't see me here, doesn't mean that I wasn't," she yelled at him.
He stands in shock at her confession. Remnants of the old Quinn shine through in her words. It makes him feel better knowing that she is still there: just hidden beneath layers. She was right though, how dare he just assume. Just because she doesn't care about him anymore, doesn't mean she doesn't care about anyone.
"I'm sorry Quinn. I didn't know…I-,"
"Just stop. You don't know shit about me or my life. Stop acting like you do."
Her words are intended to hurt him. But they don't. Not really. He is more worried. Worried about the pain that is evident in her voice as she speaks. Once again, he wonders what the hell happened to her?
"Quinn, I just miss you," he says softly
A single tear escapes from her eye. What made her this way? Then she remembers. She remembers it all much to vividly. All she wants is to feel loved. But she is too scared to love in return.
"You wouldn't miss me if you knew."
"Knew what Quinn?"
"If you knew what kind of person I am now, you wouldn't miss me. You would be happy to have me gone."
"That's not true, I will never feel that way about you."
"Well I wouldn't blame you, because that's how I feel about myself some days."
Those words scare the shit out of him. He wants to pull her into his arms, and whisper that everything is going to be okay. He can't though. She would never let him. Plus, he doesn't know if that is enough anymore.
"Let me help you," he chokes out.
She stares at him in disbelief. Isn't this what she has always wanted? To have someone to help her? It doesn't seem real. It doesn't seem possible. She doesn't know what to say, so she stares at him. She opens her mouth to speak but no words come out. Suddenly, the phone starts to ring. She looks back inside, then at Puck.
"I should … get that," she manages to say, motioning with her head.
He nods, but he doesn't want her to go. He was just making progress. He goes to say something, but before he can get the words out, she is gone.
Again.