news flash.
indigo clowns in the east have been rwported as rebelling against the government. at the hea d of the mob is one kurloz makara
sorry i typed this on my kindle so its really shitty
and i dont have a account so i cant pm
if you could elaborate on this it would be really cool
FTA: oh, shit. That?
FTA: i mean, at the moment we aren't even supposed to tell the public.
FTA: but who hasn't heard? the internet's all over that shit.
FTA: i guess that outlawing cullings didn't really sit well with the dudes who got off on it.
FTA: and don't try to tell me there's nothing sexual about it
FTA: i've seen the archived footage
FTA: from the war
FTA: sure, they could tear through crowds of people
FTA: through tanks and shit
FTA: but those rare moments, the ones the anti-troll groups always play audio from
FTA: where the got all quiet and up close and personal
FTA: those were scary dude
FTA: i guess taking that away from them wasn't going to sit well
FTA: creepy as it may be
FTA: but i do have a draft written up on the things the rebels have been doing
FTA: lemme pull it up.
REBEL FORCES TAKE HUMAN HOSTAGES
Outcry amongst Alternian highbloods because of the recent outlawing of culling in the Canadian-American territories reached violent levels today as three humans and an unknown amount of Alternians were killed by the mob, with around forty others held hostage in a local J.C. Penny. An unnamed indigo-blooded spokesman for the mob reportedly told journalists that "Them [humans] were up and...blaspheming against the...will of the Mirthful Messiahs! We had to up and...show them that we mean...business!" before the face-painted troll descended into gibberish and attacked a human riot officer. Tensions are still high as a mob consisting mostly of subjugglators overtook the shopping center with staff and customers still inside. Negotiations were held for over four hours with no progress made before famed religious leader Kurloz Makara arrived on scene, seemingly to assist with negotiations. To the stunned surprise of all present, the guru didn't say a word before simply walking into store. All communications went silent for an hour before Makara was spotted near a back window, painting what appeared to be a clown-nosed smiley emoticon on the wall in an unknown substance. No more communications have been established since this incident besides the occasional honk from inside. The safety of the humans and trolls left inside is unknown. Rescue teams consisting of both human and Alternian units have been deployed, and are attempting to recover the hostages with minimal loss of life. More news to follow as the situation develops.
FTA: "as the situation develops"
FTA: you know what that means?
FTA: every time they kill someone we get to tell everyone two days after
FTA: and like we didn't know what the "substance" was
FTA: might of looked like it but it sure as hell wasn't mustard
FTA: and all those ellipses
FTA: lunatic swore so much we had to drop every third word
FTA: ill never understand trolls
FTA: uh
FTA: sorry if i was a bit insensitive there
FTA: my editor says that i can get a little biased sometimes
FTA: hell she may speak from experience
FTA: i may have exaggerated when i said we only have two trolls
FUTURE deaskmansController[DC] from 200 years from now joined chat.
FTA: oh speak of the devil.
FTA: horns and all.
FDC: ?whaT
FDC: .I thought I asked you to stop using human idioms when we talkeD
FDC: .just because you knowledge of local slang is the only thing you can hold over me doesn't mean you have to do it near-constantlY
FTA: well butter my ass and call me a biscuit
FTA: ladies and germs my apparent hatefriend Postee Torkin
FTA: also casually known as my editor
FDC: .hellO
FTA: well isn't this just a humdinger of a gravy train at the crossroads.
FDC: ?didn't I tell you to stoP
FTA: you quit it with the dumbass quirk and i will.
FDC: .nO .this is how I talK
FTA: well ain't that just a bull in a china shop with blood thicker than water.
FDC: .quit or you're fireD
FTA: ok jeez fine.
FTA: I thought you got off on that shit anyways.
FTA: kismesitude or some shit
FDC: .authoR if I were to ever develop black feelings for you I would carve out my own blood pusher and mentally throw it at your housE
FTA: that's hot.
FTA: but orange isn't really my color.
FDC: .freD if you hadn't somehow managed to contact these kids so we could get actual news I would have fired yoU .platonicallY
FDC: .and you are already on the rim of unemployment anywayS
FTA: oh shit.
FTA: does that mean I have to start wearing pants?
FDC: ?!you haven't been wearing pantS
FTA: whoops.
FDC: .really noW .you've somehow managed to undercut my expectations once agaiN.
FDC: .and that draft was abominablE
FTA: was it now?
FDC: .of course it waS .I wouldn't have said so otherwisE
FDC: .your bias is clearer than your human tearS
FTA: ooh shit.
FTA: would you look at that kids?
FTA: i've just been shat on.
FTA: platonically.
FDC: .shut up freD
FDC: .now as I was sayinG
FDC: .this is the newS .we can't show biaS
FDC: .I don't care about your lustus raised you or how bad the situation lookS
FDC: .these people are giving you honest news and you're twisting iT
FTA: what?
FTA: what do you mean twisting it?
FTA: i'm giving my unbiased interpretation of things!
FDC: .well there's your probleM
FDC: .you're humaN
FTA: what?
FTA: i never realised.
FTA: next you're going to tell me you're some sort of alien.
FDC: .and another lovely demonstration of your human sarcasM
FDC: .but that's what we arE .alieN
FDC: .culling has been a part of our culture for millions of sweeps
FDC: .we don't think about it the same way you dO
FTA: yeah well that's lunacy.
FTA: you all seem to have the same sense of superiority.
FTA: like, if you think you're so much better than us, stop killing each other.
FDC: .see there it iS
FDC: .I do think I'm better than yoU
FDC: .but I also think I'm better than the rest of my racE
FTA: didn't you once get your ass kicked by that one actor dude?
FDC: ?whaT
FTA: the oliveblood.
FTA: y'know, the dude who we keep having to report for robbing the drugstore.
FTA: weren't you there once and tried to stop them.
FDC: .I don't recall anything like that happeninG
FTA: you like did your freaky deaky psychic shit and he just ran up and punched you while quoting Wolverine from the X-Men.
FDC: .oH
FDC: .thaT
FTA: so you're better than everyone but him.
FDC: .nonsensE .I would've won if I had harder things than snack cakes and cigarettes to throW
FTA: sure you would've.
FTA: but like you were saying?
FDC: .right welL .it's like thiS
FDC: .we have to cull the weak to keep the slurry purE
FDC: .otherwise we die out as a species
FTA: you also die out if you raid planets full of highly determined humans.
FDC: .see there it is agaiN .the biaS
FDC: .you were raised to believe you are somehow better than uS
FDC: .despite your lack of biological advantageS
FTA: jesus, and you say i'm biased.
FDC: .we're both biaseD .working together makes sure our readers get good, honest newS
FDC: .now get to work fixing this biT .i don't pay you to sit with you opposable digit up your seedflaP
FTA: hey, that was almost an idiom!
FTA: i'm proud of you.
FTA: honestly.
FDC: .shut up and get to worK
FUTURE deskmansController[DC] is an idle Troll!
FTA: sure thing, boss.
FTA: fucking amiable as always…
FTA: but uh, I still wouldn't mind you guys sending me a story or two while i fix this one, okay?
FTA: might get Postee't Note off my ass.
FTA: that way we can actually TALK about the things you send me
FTA: and ill be sure to give you updates on this story as well, all right?
FUTURE theAuthor[TA] is an idle chum!