Chapter Two

Kidnapping, Even in the Name of Science, is Still Illegal

Jose woke up in a white robe inside the bathroom in a deep bathtub.

"What the hell?" Jose said to no one in particular, "Where am I?"

Jose looked around and noticed that this was not his bathroom.

"What the hell happened last night?" he continued as he stood up and stepped out of the bathtub, Jose then looked himself over, "And where are my clothes?"

Jose moved around in a circle, before seeing the door leading to the rest of the apartment.

Peering out, Jose stared out into a brown room. To his right was the living room, a TV and a pea green couch could be seen. To his left was the kitchen, like the bathroom it was completely white. Jose looked up and noticed that the bathroom was on the back wall of the apartment, everything else was open concept. The bedroom was in the corner of the room, a bed and dresser could be seen. Sleeping in the bed was Fernando, the naturalist.

"Who the hell is that guy?" Jose said at a soft whisper, as he gave the apartment a once over, "and who decorated this place? The color scheme is awful!"

Fernando stirred in his bed, slowly waking up from sleep.

Jose crept out of the bathroom, intimating Scooby-Doo and praying to Saint Christopher that he wouldn't step on a creaky floorboard or do something stupid and trip over carpet and wake up Fernando. Both of these things inevitably happened of course. Just as Jose was about to enter the living room and head for the door, his right foot stepped on a creaky board, causing Fernando to stir further. In an effort to prevent another incident, Jose hovered above the ground and moved towards the door, only upon landing to trip over the welcome mat, slamming his beak hard into the front door, causing Fernando to shoot up, fully awake.

Fernando smiled as he saw Jose at the door.

"No you don't" Fernando exclaimed, "You're not getting away that easily Jose. Not until I've examined you properly."

Jose was too busy fixing his beak, which was crooked, to worry about Fernando who slowly walked towards him.

"As my American friend Donald would say" Jose said as he readjusted his beak, "That's going to hurt like a motherfucker."

Fernando reached Jose and slapped him in the face.

"Watch your language Mister" he said childishly, "Or I'll be forced to feed you the seed again."

Jose stared at Fernando with a confused look on his face, "What did you feed me?" Jose asked, suspicion setting in.

Fernando shrugged, "Just some bird seed...full of steroids."

Jose did a dry spit take and hovered up to match Fernando's eye level.

"I'm sorry Senor" Jose began, "But did you say that you laced the bird seed with steroids?"

Fernando nodded, "Yup. I want to make sure that you're ready when the mating season comes around. I'm currently examining your species sexual efficiency under certain drugs to hopefully better understand their effects on humans during several situations."

Jose sighed in disbelief, "You are one messed up dude Senor. I don't need help with my 'sexual efficiency' as you so put it. I'm perfectly fine on my own. In fact, I prefer that I don't have drugs coursing through my veins when I'm doing my business, thank you very much."

Jose moved towards the door once again.

"The very idea that you want to watch me is in itself, very creepy" Jose continued, "I'm very confused as to what you are. Are you a naturalist like you claim to be, a freaking furry or just a pervert? Either way, I'm calling the cops, for illegal substance possession and kidnapping. Have a nice life in prison being someone's bitch."

Before Jose could open the door, Fernando pulled out a Taser and fired it at Jose.

"Oh no!" Fernando screamed, "You ain't leaving that easily. We're going to be friends, best friends!"

Jose, who had collapsed to the ground in pain, remembered the bracelet he wore on his wrist in case of emergencies. The bracelet was a gift from Donald, as a way of communication between The Three Caballeros to come to each other's aid when the need arose. This was definitely one of those times. Jose pressed the small button on the bracelet and bravely accepted his fate as he waited for rescue to arrive.

Fernando tied Jose to a chair in front of a table, upon which, the naturalist sat various types of foods, all of them disgusting. Eating just one of the dishes would make you sick for a week. Fernando brought a fork of the first dish, which was a grayish color, towards Jose's beak.

"Eat it" he demanded. Jose shook his head; Fernando pressed harder, "Eat it and I'll let you go."

Jose still shook his head, anything was better than the food at this point. Fernando rolled his eyes and violently pulled Jose's beak open, stuffing the food inside. Jose immediately spat it back out before he could shallow.

"I'm not eating that shit!" Jose screamed

"Language" Fernando said sternly.

Jose rolled his eyes in annoyance, "Go to hell Fernando. You and your creepy naturalist research. I'm not doing this anymore. Now let me go before things get rough."

Fernando laughed, "Right...what's going to happen. Do you have an armada coming to save you? No one knows you're here. It's just you and me, forever. Cause we're best friends."

Jose bit down on Fernando's hand, "If this is your idea of friendship then we're going to have a very estranged relationship!"

Fernando turned Jose's chair towards the TV.

"Look" Fernando said, "I may be being a bit harsh I know. But it's all in the name of science. Please try and understand all the good I'm doing. I'm actually surprised that you're making all this fuss. I'm offering you sex and you just flat out deny it, what's wrong are you gay or something?"

Jose huffed angrily, "I am not gay Senor. I happen to have a girlfriend. And the reason why I'm putting up so much of a fuss, as you say is because you drugged me, kidnapped me, took away my clothes, put me in this disgusting white urine stained sheet, tied me a chair and fed me food that gives me the runs!"

Fernando laughed hardheartedly at this, "That's all research Jose. Research. Now that research is done."

Fernando turned on the TV and flipped to the Brazilian Soap Opera channel, Jose's least favorite channel in the entire world.

Six days and seven hours later, Jose was still tied to the chair in front of the TV, watching the same soap opera that Fernando put on a loop. Jose was only allowed one bathroom break per day under Fernando's supervision, this was followed by Fernando doing research for two hours and the rest of the day was spent in front of the TV.

"No, don't do it Stephanie!" Jose cried, having completely gone mad cap crazy, "He's just going to cheat on you with Tony because he's gay, but you don't know that cause you're stupid Stephanie."

Jose then began laughing.

"Stephanie!" he said uncontrollably through his laughter, "Why Stephanie..."

Jose's laughter turned into that of a person who smoked as much weed as Bob Dylan and Willie Nelson did in a year. His mannerisms were also taking on that effect, his eyes became glazed over, his head rolled slowly favoring the right side and his laughing was slower.

"Stephanie!" Jose cried once again, his voice exactly like Johnny 5 from Short Circuit, "I told you...I told you he was goanna do it. But you didn't listen did you? That's because you're nothing but a whore Stephanie. A big, fat, ugly whore!"

Fernando came in with a plate of the disgusting food, which Jose now ate without question, having completely submitted to Fernando's demands.

"See Jose" Fernando said leaning in, "I always get what I want. Now I have you and soon you'll be happier than a dying hyena on laughing gas."

Jose nodded slowly, still in his hazy dream like state.

"You're a nice man Fer..nan..do" Jose said slurring, "A very nice man" Jose continued, "I think...I think I like you Senor. No wait! I don't like you...I love you!"

Fernando smiled knowingly, "I know Jose" he said, "I know."

At that moment a loud crash came from the window. Fernando turned around and saw nothing. Then it happened again.

"What was that?" Fernando asked as he walked over to the window and looked around, still seeing nothing.

When he turned around, Fernando saw Donald Duck and Panchito Pistoles, untying Jose from the chair. Donald casually looked up the knot he was working on and spoke.

"Oh hello" he said in a friendly and casual manner as if he were meeting Fernando on the street, "Are you the one that we've been sent to beat the shit out of?"

Fernando rolled his eyes and pulled out his Taser, causing Panchito to pull out his guns.

"One move Senor Miguel" Panchito exclaimed, "And you're going to get a bullet in your head. Understand me?"

Fernando nodded and lowered the Taser, lifting his hands up in the air.

Donald looked up and whistled, in an instance a large hole was created in the ceiling, the sound of helicopter blades roared above the apartment.

"We're good!" Donald screamed as he untied Jose from the chair, who was still mad cap laughing throughout all of this.

A harness was thrown down; Donald strapped Jose, himself and Panchito to it, and gave the signal to be hoisted up to the helicopter. Once they were safely inside, the helicopter flew off out of sight.