Whisper of Angels
Pull The Trigger
-2-
--
Five years alone seems longer.
Five years in hell though, that feels like an eternity.
It's endless griefmiserysadness with no way out.
(No trigger to pull to end it all.)
It's watching mommy burn on the ceiling, watching her scream as the flames eat away at her flesh but not hearing any sound.
It's all silence filled in with his whispers of what you will become.
strongerbetterevil
You're a child and pinned to the floor of a cage made of sorrow, and bone, and pain, and most importantly nightmares you thought went away a long time ago.
You're just a child and its an endless loop of watching mommy die and screaming a constant mantra of, "no mommy no!"
All the meanwhile her blood dripdripdrips onto your face, Lucifer's own version of Chinese water torture.
Soon, he thinks, soon the boy will break.
--
He's seeing Dean's not-future unravel before his eyes.
Sam wakes up with a start every time seeing Dean's not future in hell--how can he call it a future, future signifies that which will come and it can't. Dean's not future can't possibly happen.
He can't leave Dean to that but he doesn't know how to stop it.
Yes, you do Sammy, taunts the voice in his head.
The fallen angel on his shoulder.
--
"You'll protect me, right Dean?" Sammy asks of his big brother. "Watch out for me?"
"I'm your big brother, I'll always watch out for you Sammy." Dean's words feel empty, like he knows its all a carefully orchestrated nightmare but he doesn't even care, he doesn't even know except those are Sammy's big brown doe eyes looking down at him begging, and pleading and…innocent. "I'll always take care of you."
He wants to cry.
"But you can't." Sam shakes his head to emphasize his statement. "You can't, Dean. Not anymore."
Sam's eyes flash black again, black as his soul, as all of this place.
Dean doesn't know how he can see anything in the darkness that surrounds him, but he can see the eyes that he remembers as looking so curious, so full of life…empty.
"If you change you can protect me Dean. Make sure nothing happens to me. Make sure they don't hurt me." Sam's innocent doe eyes look back at him, and he thinks he's on fire because all he feels is pain and pleasepleaseplease.
(Pull the trigger.)
But there isn't one, he can't run, he can't fight, there's nothing left.
"If you don't they'll kill me."
Sam's scared, so scared.
Look after Sammy.
Right Dad
Bring him back.
You get one year.
Fine.
Protect Sammy.
He protected Sammy. He failed, and he fixed it.
Watch out for Sammy.
He did.
Protect Sammy.
What else is he supposed to do?
"Okay Sammy." Dean tells him.
He gives in. What else could he possibly do?
"Okay."
--
When he woke up, he ran to the bathroom and was sick. He vomited into the toilet and hoped, and prayed, and begged that Dean would not wake up and hear him.
Even in hell, he was the end to his brother.
Dean turns to save him.
Well, fuck them all. He has leverage.
He has something that Lucifer wants a hell of a lot more than his brother.
--
He doesn't need to summon Ruby this time. She knows the time has come, and she appears; Colt in hand.
"Figured it out?" She asks.
"Fuck you." Sam knows that she knew it all, all of it before he ever even realized she was lying to him.
He feels used. He wants to kill her, but he won't. He needs her and they both know it.
"Smart boy." She hands him the Colt.
Sam takes it and looks at it for a moment before tucking it away.
"Why?" he asks her.
"Because," she says, "You're the crown prince Sam."
The future of the world depends on you.
"I don't care."
"You should." Ruby said. She glances in the direction of Dean, sleeping and oblivious to his future being transposed. "He will."
--
Crossroads.
Where he'd been born again.
Where pacts are made.
She was waiting for him when he showed up.
"I knew you'd be coming." She tells him, giving a slight wave with a document in hand.
Dean's contract.
"You want to make a deal?" She prompts him.
"It's a hell of a lot more valuable than Dean's soul." Sam reminds her.
"Possibly." She replies.
"My soul. My humanity. Dean gets a future." Sam says.
She smiles, and for a second she looks beautiful before her eyes flash blood red. "Deal."
It won't kill him, at the very least not all of him. Just the human part.
--
"Hey Sunshine." Ruby says, growing impatient of waiting for Dean to wake up naturally.
"What the fuck?" Dean jumps out of bed with a start. "Sam! Sam-"
But then he realizes Sam isn't here, just himself and Ruby. It scares him.
"Not here." She states simply, sitting on Sam's bed cross-legged and watching Dean carefully. "Sweet dreams?"
"Fuck you." Dean said, "Get out of here or I'll-"
"What? Kill me?" She smiles coyly. "But you can't Dean. Sam could though…I gave him the Colt after I snapped the girl's neck. He left with it."
"Where the hell did he go?"
"Sam? Not a big talker so…never can be sure." Ruby shrugged, "He was pretty troubled by those visions though. They really aren't pretty…and having them screaming in his head for nearly a year…"
Dean felt a chill run through him, and wanted to wake up from this nightmare. "The visions are gone."
"Yeah," Ruby sighed, "I forgot…he lied to you about that. You lied to him about hell. But well, since I've caught everyone up on everything…"
"You bitch." How could Sam lie to him? Why would Sam lie to him?
Same reason you lied to him.
"Possibly." Ruby nodded her head slowly. "I am working with my own agenda…but you need me."
"Sam and I don't need you."
"Maybe not. Sam needs you though."
"What are you talking about?"
"What Sam's doing right now…saving your life. You know, trading his humanity, the part that makes him y'know Sammy, for your life."
"What the hell did you do?" Dean feels like he did when he realized Sammy wasn't asleep, that his baby brother had gone to sleep forever.
"Nothing. I told him what would happen to you, but he had visions of it long before…who knows what he saw. I'm guessing it was something pretty bad."
"I don't care what it takes, what I have to do. I'm going to kill you."
He'd rather turn evil than watch it consume his brother and turn Sam into what Sammy could never be.
And now he had no choice.
"I will kill you."
--
Her kiss is hungry but empty.
The kiss of shame.
She releases him and he feels…no different.
In time Sammy, whispers a voice in his head. What scares him is he doesn't know if its his voice anymore.
The contract is handed to him.
"Deal." She tells him with a smile, fading away into nothingness.
--