Hi! I'm so pleased to get so many reviews in just a few days; thanks all of you who reviewed!
Matt and Sarah fans will be happy to know that yes, there will be lots of Matt and Sarah in here. They won't be much in this coming chapter, but they will be more in the coming chapters, esp. the next one. There'll be lots of Matt/Simon/Sarah bonding in later chappies; I always loved those two also. And I always liked Sarah also; I'm glad she and Matt married. And Simon will get a chance to head to New York in later chapters also.
I do hope I get a chance to update as often as possible, but I have a busy schedule, so I can't make promises. I'm already enjoying writing this story as much as you all are reading it, so I hope I get a chance to write; I wish I had more free time to do it.
The usual disclaimers that none of the 7th Heaven characters are mine, much as I wish Simon were…here goes…enjoy!
Lies We Tell Ourselves and Each Other
By: CNJ
PG-13
2
Meredith Davis, Nigel and Lynn Hamilton and I laugh as we go over some old memories a week later that weekend in a restaurant in San Francisco. Nigel, my old friend from grammar and middle school and his younger sister, who is Ruthie's age, now live in San Francisco. So does Meredith, who I met in college along with her three sisters and one brother. Once in a while, the four of us meet, usually in San Francisco.
Nigel is a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle while Lynn is in her final year of college and is majoring in psychology. Meredith is Lynn's age and is majoring in art.
Meredith I actually met through her sister, Christina. She and her siblings had grown up in foster care. When the oldest Davis, Christina, started college, the foster system turned out of the home she was in with no place to live, so I took her in my dorm.
Unfortunately, the dorm had rules against overnight guests, so I wound up in trouble with the dorm heads and we both had to move out of the dorm. I'd asked Lucy's then-husband, Kevin for help in finding off-campus housing.
Dad got himself involved, of course once he got wind of it. Dad was already upset with me because I'd begun to have an active sex life, but once I told him about the Davis situation, he did soften some, especially once he saw how sweet Christina was and that no, she and I were not having sex as he assumed we were. I was just trying to find a home for all the Davis kids since they'd been separated.
It was the parents of my high school girlfriend, Cecilia, who'd stepped forward and offered to adopt the Davis children so they could be all together and have a permanent home.
I used to be so afraid of Cecilia's dad; he seemed so intimidating and was always suspicious of me. Just getting that piercing gaze of his would make my throat go dry. But now I realize that he has a kind heart, both he and her mom.
As our food arrives, I can see the fog rolling in. It's chilly tonight, as usual here in San Francisco, definitely colder I remember Glenoak being.
"I used to wonder what seasons we had in Glenoak," Nigel says as he sips his tea.
"Early fall, spring, mild summer," Lynn puts in. "The few times we had a cloudy week was when our old church was burned down…remember, Simon, when we stayed over at your parents' place?"
I nod. "Some…we were kids just then…"
"Hey, doesn't Ruthie have a kid now…or did she get married last year or something?" Lynn asks.
"She has a daughter," I confirm. "She still lives back in Glenoak."
"I wonder if she ever really did get completely over Martin," Meredith adds. "What a shock it was for all of us when Martin got Sandy pregnant…Ruthie had a fit over that one." Nigel and Lynn know about Martin and Sandy and their saga.
"Why did those two get married anyway?" Nigel wonders. "I know they had Aaron, but that's still not a reason to marry…why didn't they put Aaron up for adoption so he could grow up in a home where he's actually wanted?"
"I wonder that so many times myself," I say. "It was a taboo thing in my family to put up a baby for adoption, let alone consider abortion…I get the feeling Martin's dad had the same attitude. My parents and Martin's dad consider unmarried births some "dirty" little secret also…Martin's dad's always criticizing my mom and dad for "letting" Ruthie have Kaylee before marriage. But hey, what could she do? Mac ran off and didn't want to get married…or be a dad…and I don't even think Ruthie wanted to marry either…" I shrug.
We eat for a bit and think about all the little edicts some families have, including mine. It's kind of embarrassing that my parents have such rigid ideas about what makes a "good" family.
"My dad's a bit traditional in some family matters, but he and Mom always respected us kids, even if we made different decisions…they sure welcomed our cousins without any judgment on my aunt even when she wasn't married and had them," Meredith says.
"Same thing when Keisha came out that she was bisexual," Nigel puts in. "She was a bit scared at first, but Mom and Dad just hugged her and reassured her that it didn't change a thing."
I remember something Matt told me earlier in the week when we finally touched base over the phone…Matt found out that Robbie Palmer, an old boyfriend of Mary's, is also bisexual.
Thinking of bisexuality and families reminds me of Charlotte Kerjez, a holocaust survivor I'd befriended back when I was eleven. I'd wept oceans of tears over her sad, sad story and her courage. Her entire family died in a concentration camp. Her story still brings tears to my eyes sometimes even today.
She's now in a retirement community way in the northern part of this state, in the higher mountains. Once in a great while I visit her and we write from time to time.
"It sure didn't make a difference who was married or what their sexual orientation was for Ms. Kerjez and her family," I say softly. They all know who she is.
"How is she?" Lynn asks.
"Getting up there in years, but still getting around," I tell her. Charlotte's now ninety-three years old. "Her daughters visit her often."
"Most of the world's wars, including the holocaust, are started over religion," Nigel says.
"I wonder why that is?" Meredith asks.
"Narrow-mindedness," Lynn says. "Too many people with too many rigid narrow ideas about how others should live…no offense on your folks, Simon."
"None taken." I nod and we all laugh a little. After dinner, we take a stroll around Fisherman's Wharf and strain to see the Bay Bridge and Alcatraz Prison, but the fog makes it hard.
It's early in the evening when I return on Saturday. Once I'm home, I check my cell messages. "Hi, Simon, it's Mom…next weekend is Labor Day and we're having a cookout…I hope you can come…you really should; it's been so long since you've been home…do try to make time to come…the family would really like to see you…I hope your cough from last time is better too…is Sarah recommending the right medication for that asthma of yours? I'm trying to get Matt and Sarah to come also, but you know how it's like pulling teeth to get those two to come to any family gatherings anymore…if you talk to them, try to talk them into coming…" Mom sighs. "Well, I love you and hope to see you next weekend…Bye."
Lucy's voice shrills through the next message. "Simon…still not picking up, huh. You never pick up, why is that? Well, are you going to send those supplies or not? You never called me back and I still just keep getting your voice mail." Lucy heaves a gusty, plaintive sigh. Oops, I forgot about that.
"Well, Mom's having a cookout Labor Day weekend, so if you can dignify us with your presence, maybe you can bring over the stuff for Savannah…I have to keep bribing her to concentrate on the alphabet as it is…and Sam and David get loud and silly also…they started school also and Dad is trying to teach them fractions...honestly, between those two and Ruthie and her baby…and Mary's even going to be there…I just hope she doesn't get into another of her silly arguments with Dad again like she did last time she was home…Mom's happy about that, but I'm not…honestly, Mom pampers Mary whenever she's home and it just makes me so sick…well, come over next weekend, this family needs more time together…just find the time to come this weekend, okay? Mom and Dad are really not that horrible that you have to avoid them, then act so skittish when you are around them." Lucy clicks off.
"Hey, Simon…" I startle at Ruthie's voice. She never calls me these days. "Hope you can come home for Labor Day weekend. What is up with you that you avoid the family like the plague or something? I know Mom and Dad kicked you around when you were in high school and college and you have that asthma, but grow up already…they get on my case these days for having an out-of-wedlock kid and also complain about Matt never coming home either…oh, hey, I hope Martin's coming to the cookout…and don't stay away because of him either; he's tied to that tramp Sandy since he got her knocked up…" Ruthie sighs and I grit my teeth and frown at her badmouthing Sandy. "I still can't believe he chose her over me…what does Sandy have that I don't have?"
"Lots…" I mutter. I feel disloyal thinking that way about my own sister, but since she was a teen, Ruthie's gotten to be a real pain at times and is rather self-centered and superficial. And I hate how Ruthie trashes Sandy simply because she used to, or still does like Martin.
"Well, despite the mess Martin got himself into with her, he's not a bad guy, so you don't have to act all nervous around him…and for Sam and David's sakes, don't mope, Simon…they think you're a depressed basket case as it is…I'm still hoping Martin wises up and ditches Sandy…Sandy's a horrible wife and mother…I could do a lot better…"
"Like shit you could…" I say under my breath.
"I'm sick of being at home and Mom and Lucy can be such a pain…they're always criticizing me and how I raise Kaylee…like Lucy's doing any better with her own kids…Mom and I end up taking care of Savannah and Rick most of the time and I'm so tired of it…not to mention that crap job in Dad's church…I do hope you find the time to get home Labor Day weekend…" Ruthie clicks off. I delete the messages.
I debate a long minute on whether to come back to Glenoak, then decide it's worth it even if it's to also see my little brothers and my nieces and nephews again. I hope I can also see Sandy and Aaron again also. I really don't know how the Sandy/Martin situation will evolve, but I hope little Aaron and his baby brother, Micheal don't suffer horribly. They're the ones I feel the worst for. They never asked to be born into the Brewer "family."
"So, Simon, you made it," Mom pounces on me with a hug and I hug back. This is one of the warm parts of Mom, her embrace. It makes me feel a tad mixed inside because sometimes she's cold, other times warm.
"Matt and Sarah, of course, aren't coming, but what else is new?" Mom complains. "It's like they don't realize they have us as family any more."
Looking around the yard and trying to ignore Mom's complaints about Matt and Sarah, I see Lucy and Savannah. I wave in their direction as I approach. "Simon, you finally made it!" Lucy calls.
"I did…hi, Luce…hey, Savannah…" I hold my arms out and Savannah comes over for a hug.
"Hiii, Uncle Simon…" she greets.
"Almost everyone's here," Lucy tells me. "They're around back…"
"Moooom!" I hear Ruthie's voice ring out from the back. Lucy rolls her eyes and I have to grin. We head to the back, Mom with us.
Ruthie comes up to Mom. "Mom, Sam and David grabbed some of the burgers and are eating them!" she complains. "If they keep eating like that, we won't have any left over!"
At the grill, Dad is tending. "Eric, keep the boys from grabbing too much food before we sit…" Mom tells him.
"They just had three…I can get some more…" Dad and I greet each other.
"Any luck with work?" Dad asks. "Never heard back from you about it."
"Not yet," I say. I lean on a table and look around. Little Rick is tearing about the grass flying a toy airplane and Sam is trying to pull off David's shirt. David meanwhile is taking bits of grass and dumping it down Sam's pants. I think Dad sees, but pretends not to notice.
"Siiimon!" It's Mary and she bounds up to me. "Good to see you!"
"Hi, Mary," I say. I reach out to hug her, but she mostly just slaps my shoulder, making me wince. "How's the post office?"
"Boring, but it's a job...no duller than Dad's or Lucy's."
"Mary…" Dad heaves a sigh. They stare at each other a moment and I take that opportunity to escape, just walk around. The day is breezy and cool.
"I hope Martin comes," Ruthie sidles up beside me, her dark curls bouncing. I hope not, I think fearfully, but figure that if Martin comes, Sandy will also and it'll be good seeing Sandy and Aaron again. "He still comes to see me sometimes." She smiles up at me as we walk.
"That's nice…" I say.
"I think Martin still hasn't forgotten the times we spent together," Ruthie goes on. I see a spark of dreaminess in her hazel eyes and have an odd feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"Does Sandy ever come over here?" I ask quietly.
"No." Ruthie says and looks at me as if I've gone insane. "Sandy has her hands full with the boys and besides, Mom and Lucy can't stand her."
"Why?" I'm a bit stunned. I also think Ruthie also "can't stand" Sandy, but will not admit it. "What did she ever do to them?"
Ruthie rolls her eyes at me as if I'm being dense. "You know about Sandy's past…and how she got pregnant with Martin…I had a chance of something going until Sandy got in the way and wrecked it and ruined Martin's life."
"Come on, as if that's any of their business and besides Martin and Sandy were equally responsible," I say. "If Lucy and Mom have a grudge against Sandy over her sex life, that's lame. And if they begrudge Sandy for having sex with Martin and having his baby, they should blame Martin also."
"Martin was trapped," Ruthie says indignantly. "He didn't know she'd get pregnant."
"But having sex without protection puts you at risk for having a baby, whether you're the mother or father…" I insist. "And it's time the guys started taking their half of the responsibility instead of just blaming the woman. Why is it always the woman's "fault"?"
"Takes one to know one, doesn't it?" Ruthie says with a cold smile my way.
"Sure, whatever," I don't want to get into an argument with her. Mom calls us to eat and we walk back to the table. I think over what different directions Ruthie and I have taken. We were once so close as kids, being the two youngest.
I really don't know when we began drifting apart. I could say that it was when I started high school, I guess, but I also remember a time around when I'd first met Charlotte Kerjez and cried over her sad story. I remember bits and pieces clearly, but Ruthie was five and had drawn all over the walls and Mom scolded her and ordered her to take soap and clean the mess up. Ruthie had gotten mad and told Mom I hate you. It had hurt Mom really badly and Mom had cried.
I guess what had shocked me was not Ruthie telling Mom that she "hated" her, but after seeing Mom upset, her not feeling at all bad about it. I'd tried to get her to apologize to Mom, but she snapped back at me and refused and said more mean things to Mom. I remember waking up several times and watching my sister sleep peacefully, unmindful of how she'd upset Mom. It sounds like a small thing, but I'll never really understand why it bothered me so much that Ruthie didn't feel bad about making Mom cry.
Maybe Ruthie felt bad and apologized later; I don't remember how that was resolved. I also remember that Matt was very upset because he'd had a girlfriend, Joanna and Mary and Lucy were rude to her and upset Joanna and Joanne broke up with Matt. I remember Matt crying quietly in his room and I'd stood outside and couldn't decide whether to go in and try to comfort him, but having the feeling that he wanted to be left alone.
At the table, we sit. Mom is carrying little Kaylee while Lucy is herding Savannah and Rick to their places at the kids' table. Dad starts to say a grace, but the gate opens and in walk Martin and Sandy with their boys in tow.
"Hiii, Martin!" Ruthie bellows. She gets up and gives Martin a hug. Martin grins and hugs back. Sandy hangs back, looking slightly uncomfortable. I feel sorry for her, so I get up and give her and her boys a hug.
"Hello, Sandy…" I say.
"Hi, Simon…hi, everybody," she greets. Mom and Dad greet her and Martin, but I notice neither Lucy or Ruthie do. Ruthie starts to walk with Martin and tries to direct him next to her, but Mom gives her disapproving stare at Ruthie and sharply points at her to sit down and let Martin seat himself.
Sandy seats the Aaron at the kids' table, but holds baby Micheal. He's so cute…very tiny with reddish hair and Sandy's dark eyes. Aaron has Martin's pale blue eyes.
Martin winds up two seats from me. "So…finally we see you again, Simon," he says with a false politeness that doesn't fool me. I'm the only one who sees the slight curl of his lip.
"Hello, Martin," I greet with a controlled politeness. I take a fork and try not to stab into my burger and salad too hard and try not to imagine it being Martin's face. I imagine Martin is having the same lovely thoughts about me as he eats.
Dad smiles at Martin and Sandy and continues his grace. "And may God continue to bless this wonderful family and this great meal…Amen," he finishes.
"Amen…" we all echo and continue eating. All through the dinner, Ruthie and Martin chatter nonstop. I talk some with Sandy while Ruthie and Lucy roll their eyes at each other and furtively give Sandy dirty looks.
"Ruthie…I think Kaylee wet herself…could you change her?" Mom says, handing over Ruthie's own daughter.
"Moom, I'm eating and talking!" Ruthie complains. Kaylee begins to whimper a bit.
"So am I, Ruthie…" Mom's voice has an impatient edge.
"Yeah, hurry up, she's beginning to smell," Sam puts in and holds his nose. David mock-gags and makes a twisted face and Savannah and Rick giggle.
"And she just farted!" David announces.
"Boys!" Mom snaps and glares at them. "Ruthie, go change Kaylee this instant."
Ruthie heaves a huge sigh, jerks up from her table, knocking her chair over backwards and takes Kaylee into the house. Martin and Mary laugh.
"It's not funny! She's so immature," Lucy rolls her eyes. "Mom, Dad, how come you let her get away with all her nonsense?"
"What nonsense?" Mom asks. "I told her to go in and change her daughter, end of story."
"Well, this time you did, but most days, you just take over and do everything for her and never help me with Savannah and Rick when I need it," Lucy rants on. "And Mary here is no help when she's home; all she does is lie around the house, complain and eat up all the food in the house and you pamper her like the prodigal princess!"
"Hey, sis, you're the one who's spoiled around here!" Mary snipes. "Look at you, back at home, Mommy and Daddy waiting on you and Daddy giving you that ministry job and Mom still cooking for you every day and buying you all that junk so you can homeschool and spoil Savannah!"
"I do my own cooking!" Lucy snipes back, her face going red. "And if you remember, I went to college for my minister position and earned my way unlike you, who lazed out of college and today bump from one lousy job after another, not to mention abandoning your husband and kids…"
"That's none of your business what happened between Carlos and me!" Mary yells back. Both are standing at opposite ends. Dad waves, trying to get them to sit and stop yelling at each other, but to little avail.
"You just spoil Savannah just like you were spoiled, keeping her at home like she's too good for the world…" Mary barrels on, unmindful of everyone staring. Everyone except me; I am looking down and wishing I could disappear.
"Well, I homeschool her because I don't want her in any stinking public school with all the drugs, guns, and sex in there these days…" Lucy yells.
"QUIET and SIT BACK DOWN, both of you!" Dad booms, glaring at both of them. Mary and Lucy sit, still glowering at each other, their blue eyes burning angrily. "I was hoping this cookout would proceed without the two of you getting into one of your silly, childish arguments. Not another word out of either of you…it's a shame I have to treat you two like kids again, but if you act like it, then…" Dad lets out a blustery sigh and waves his hands in the air.
The rest of the dinner is a bit stilted. Some of us talk…Mom and Dad do, the kids do. Ruthie sulkily comes back without Kaylee. "I put her in for a nap," she tells us and sits. "I could hear Mary and Lucy yelling like babies at each other." She glares at her sisters. "And you tell me I'm immature, Lucy?" Lucy gives her a filthy look.
The sun is getting low as we finish eating. Sandy and I help Mom clear off the plates. As we enter the kitchen and put things away bit by bit. Lucy tells me, "This is how it usually is with Ruthie and Mary around." We're alone for a moment.
"Do you always fight like this?" I ask. "What's dinner like nowadays?" I dread the answer.
"Not as dramatic when Mary's not around," Lucy says. "But usually whenever Mary's around, Mom ignores me and dotes on Mary and takes care of Ruthie's kid. Dad and I try to spend as much time at the church when Mary's here."
I can hear Kaylee crying upstairs. "And Kaylee cries almost all the time…if Mom didn't pick up after Ruthie, that baby would cry nonstop. Savannah and Rick never cried like that." Lucy looks around, then pulls me into the dining room doorway. "Simon…can I tell you something and promise you won't repeat this?"
"What is it?"
Lucy sighs, then says in a low voice, "I wonder if Ruthie is going to have an affair with Martin…he comes over quite a lot and they whisper when they think no one's looking…I came close once and they gave me this dirty look like I'd pried into their private papers or something."
"Have you mentioned this to Sandy?" I ask.
"No…I don't have proof…" Lucy rolls her eyes. "And Sandy's a fool over Martin anyway; the one time I hinted that she needs to rekindle her marriage, she basically told me to back off." She abruptly changes the topic. "So…are you staying for the weekend?"
"No, I have to head back," I say. "Things to do at home."
"Home…?" Lucy seems confused and I realize that she still thinks that because it's home to her, that it's home to everyone in the Camden family.
"My apartment," I clarify. "Oh, and I brought over some posterboard for Savannah..." I go out to my car and bring it in and lay it on the couch. Lucy studies it critically a minute, then nods. I'm relieve that she doesn't seem to find anything wrong with it.
Mom groans when I say goodbye to her.
"Simon…I've contacted several people who'd love to interview you for a position here," Dad adds as a carrot to try to get me to stay the weekend. "The interview would just be a formality…I basically got you in…"
"Thanks, Dad, but I want to keep trying on my own," I say, trying to be gracious. Dad huffs a bit, but doesn't put up an argument.
I go over and hug Savannah and Rick goodbye.
As I say goodbye to Sam and David, I smile at them but I still suspect they think of me as gloomy and depressed. "Bye, Simon…do make sure you pull in those huge lips of yours…they make you look more morbid than you do," David grins.
"And is your nose ever going to straighten out?" Sam adds, referring to my pug nose. "You sure don't look like the rest of us." I try not to flush, but end up with red cheeks as I stiffly bid them goodbye.
I also bid goodbye to Sandy, but am afraid to hug her since Martin is hovering nearby. I wish her luck, kiss Aaron goodbye, then nod coolly at Martin, who sneers at me. I know Martin still thinks of me as promiscuous trash.
I get home later that night and am happy to see a message from Matt. I call him back and we talk about the barbecue. I also talk with Sarah. "Be glad you weren't there, although Mom complained, as usual," I say.
"So…Simon…are you free next weekend?" Matt asks. I tell him yes.
"Do you want to fly over here?" Matt asks.
"I'd love to," I say, my spirits lifting. I haven't seen Matt and Sarah in ages and they're more mature than the rest of the family. So is Sarah's family; her parents now live in New Jersey and she has cousins in New York City also. We make plans for that following weekend and I arrange to take that Monday off for a long weekend.
It'll be a breather after this weekend.