Disclaimer: Naruto is drawn and written by a fantastically splendid, wonderfully cute, and very talented manga artist: the Masashi Kishimoto. (And Kishimoto-san, if you are, by the slimmest chance, reading this and somehow understanding the English, please elope with me; I will bring the bags of onigiri.)

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Author's Note: Let's see now… there were a LOT of questions from fans that I wanted to address…

1. Do not tell me "I'm sorry I'm writing you this really long review and taking up space/your time…" Why? Because I ADORE you for the very thing you are apologizing for. I remember all the names of my reviewers, but poignant comments I never forget – which, I suppose, is another thing all together. I mean, I love all my readers; I write for those who review; yet, I respect those who let me know what they thought in detail. In a way it's biased – but it's such a human bias that I can't help indulge it.

2. Please refrain from using the symbols over the comma and period key (the triangular thingies?); everything thereafter will not show up and I'd hate not to hear from you.

3. The possibility of getting a beta, I've thought of and decided against. Not out of conceit more than I'm already pretty darn late in getting my chapters up. I don't really think it's worth delaying updates even more (I can hear some fans groaning, 'WTF, it can get even slower than this?') to correct small mistakes and typos. As long as the errors aren't obstructing you from having fun reading, I think it'll be all right.

4. Kunoichi. Yes, I consciously deleted it. The number of reviews weren't particularly high for this work – which told me that general interest was low. And, because I intend to finish all the fics I have up (though it may take awhile), having Kunoichi there seemed like a false promise. Sorry, guys, but I don't have a lot of spare time and I have to prioritize ffs depending on reader interest. So, really, if you like one of fics, please support it by leaving at least a minimal review.

Now, I will shut up and let you read. I hope you enjoy my latest installment!

My E-mail: rosesareblue at ymail dot com (Write me with any comments or suggestions. Remember, there's nothing like feedback that improves an author's moral/writing.)

/ D E A D / L A S T /

By Rosesareblue

Chapter Two: Uzumaki Naruto

Sasuke twitched with his still burning face buried deep into the folds of his pillow. The Uchiha heir had returned home almost three hours ago and, for the very first time since Itachi had issued the challenge, hadn't changed out of his girl disguise the moment he'd locked his room door behind him. Instead, the raven-haired boy hadn't moved at all from the spot since he initially collapsed there – wanting to drown in his black blankets.

Because, to be absolutely frank, Uchiha Sasuke could not for the life of him remember what Dead Last sounded like – at all. A freaky confession from a person fresh back from a rock concert. Even freakier when said person had also somehow managed to tune out the screams of all those hundreds of banshees around him.

It wasn't as if the raven-haired boy had slacked off; on the contrary, Sasuke doubted he'd ever concentrated so much on just one thing in the entire span of his life. The Uchiha had been reduced to a pair of gleaming reddish-black eyes, hungrily swallowing the Dead Last vocal's every movement. That's why Sasuke, willingly suffocating against his covers that moment, could easily conjure a perfect image of Uzumaki Naruto – down to the shade of black eyeliner that had rimmed the blonde's shocking blue eyes to the redness of his tongue just visible behind his delicious looking lips. Those lips would always open to sing… to sing…

What?

In frustration, Sasuke pounded yet another pillow into a pulp (his fourth victim that night). Why couldn't he remember just one lyric? One lyric to add sound to his glorious fantasy about the blonde? Any wet dream about Uzumaki Naruto should be feature-length and in wide-screen; all-color and all-sound, of course; with state of the art graphics (and rated NC-17 billion plus). After all, the blonde was perfect.

Because Sasuke had loved the way Naruto's hair spilled onto his chest when he leaned forward. Because Sasuke had loved the way Naruto's impossibly blue eyes lit up when he chuckled. Because Sasuke had loved the way dews of sweat clung onto Naruto's nakedness when he climaxed in his song. Above all, Sasuke had loved that Naruto was perfect.

And who could say that Uzumaki Naruto didn't love Uchiha Sasuke back?? Okay, well, maybe not love him back – but the blonde had certainly noticed the raven-haired boy at the concert that night despite the massive crowd surrounding him. Sasuke could have sworn that Naruto had met his gaze thrice after that first stare. Because of that, for an insane moment after the last ambiguous glance, Sasuke had wanted to steal a mike and announce into it, "Uzumaki Naruto. Step closer to me so I can ogle you better."

Luckily, the urge withered away when Sasuke realized that the other fan girls would tie him to a stake and burn him on the very spot. And suddenly, Sasuke's life was worth a helluva lot more to him now that he knew that the blonde was alive too. There! They already had something in common. Uchiha Sasuke was alive and Uzumaki Naruto was also – perfectly, beautifully, deliciously – alive…

The raven-haired boy suddenly jerked up and off his bed. He was done mooning over the blonde as if he were some… some girl. Gracefully leaping to his feet, the Uchiha pocketed his wallet and bolted out of his room (completely forgetting that it was almost two in the morning). Sasuke wasn't sure just how much money he had in his account, but what with his generous allowance and his non-existent spending history, he was confident that he had enough for his purposes.

Unfortunately, not many record stores were open in the dead of the night. The Uchiha was seriously contemplating ramming his fist through the bolted shop window (he wasn't the heir to the dojo for nothing) when he remembered there was a huge Byakugan department complex in the center of Konoha downtown to accommodate nightlife fanatics like himself. Without a second thought to what a 15 kilometer distance meant, the raven-haired boy went sprinting into the darkness.

At six o'clock that same morning, a really sweaty and even more determined Sasuke was securing his last poster over the ceiling of his bed. A life-size Uzumaki Naruto grinned felinely down at him, sprawled out on a metal table wearing nothing but black fur. Over the Uchiha's desk, another large poster featured the blonde impossibly tangled in equipment cords and pouting at the camera. And behind his mirror, the Dead Last's vocal was crouched – flashing the Uchiha a cocky thumbs-up sign.

Besides the seventeen new posters, there were the more expensive purchases: Sasuke, who'd never before really seen a point to music, had lugged home an extravagant new stereo system (without a word of complaint, either). Piled neatly next to the flashy device were Dead Last's first album and their previous four singles, arranged neatly next to Sasuke's new mp3 and cdp. Smugly nodding at his poster of an adorable Naruto in swimming trunks lifting his hands over his head in victory signs, Sasuke popped in a CD and – cranking up the volume – headed for the shower.

As the cool water washed over his body, the Uchiha listened to Uzumaki Naruto huskily croon about not putting one's life on hold and – for the very first time in his life – believed in the truth of another's words.

That first morning was a historic moment because, from that faithful day, Sasuke's barren room begin to fill – unreservedly and irreversibly – with the one and only Uzumaki Naruto.

"It's 179 centimeters, you moron!!"

"BAKA! Maybe you should get your skull checked for cracks because I'm POSITIVE that it's 177 centimeters!"

"Who are you calling baka, baka?!"

The final exams had passed (Sasuke had placed at the head of his class – a full fourteen points ahead of an irate Sakura who hadn't yet gotten used to being number two… but he couldn't really take credit for his accomplishment. He was pretty sure his efficiency had been greatly enhanced since he'd started listening to Naruto sing whenever he studied). To the Uchiha, it seemed like his female classmates were louder than ever (if that was even possible); everyone was more than ready for spring vacation – including the raven-haired boy. Sasuke had started working after school in a record shop (because the job granted him access to certain merchandise featuring a certain blonde before the rest of the world) and, through his work, the raven-haired boy had found out that a local lottery was going to be held for admission to a back-to-school music event with the members of Dead Last. The Uchiha did not believe something as crucial as tickets to a Dead Last concert should be left to chance and was looking forward to using his spare time to hack into the lottery computer system.

"I'm telling you for the last time that he's 179 centimeters!"

"If you don't agree that he's 177 centimeters right this minute, I'm going to rip the corners of your mouth with my sharpie!!"

A harried boy sitting behind the Uchiha interrupted the girls' argument (Sasuke was pretty sure his name started with Kyo – or was that Sho?), scowling, "Who cares how tall that Uzubaki Naruto, or whatever his name is, is? No one else gives a d – "

"178 centimeters." Sasuke hissed, his voice pressed with unassailable authority. "Uzumaki Naruto is 178 centimeters."

"I didn't know you liked Dead Last too, Sasuke-chan." Kyo-or-Sho muttered glumly.

"Hmph." Sasuke smirked, totally ignoring the depressed look on the boy's face and the embarrassed look on the girls'. Of course, the Uchiha couldn't forget the fabulous fact that the blonde was 178 centimeters. The last time he'd checked, the raven-haired boy had measured 181 centimeters himself. Which meant, if Sasuke ever pursued a, say, relationship with Naruto, the three-centimeter-shorter blonde would surely be the u-

"Nara Shikamaru's 175 centimeters." Ino said dreamily, floating over the Sasuke's desk on hearing the crucial words Dead Last. With her eyes cloudy, the blonde girl's thigh collided with the corner of the Uchiha's desk and the pain brought her, swearing fluently, from her la-la land.

"And Akimichi Chouji's 172 centimeters tall." Sakura called out bossily from across the room, not to be outdone.

"Inuzuka Kiba… is 183… 183 centimeters." Hinata added softly, blushing.

"You girls are crazy!" Kyo-or-Sho (still crabby because the raven-haired Venus was obviously interested in another boy) groaned obnoxiously. "It's not like you'll ever meet these people or something. Besides, who knows? This Uzumaki guy could be gay!"

"NANDAYO?!" The two girls hollered on cue (one diving fore her pointed sharpie).

"So-son na…" Hinata paled, her plump lips trembling harshly. "Ryoichi-san… wh-what a horrible thing to say!"

And Sakura was already cracking her fingers, her green eyes twitching, "I'll give you three – no, two seconds to finish writing up your will, Ryoichi-chaaaan."

"You sure?!" Sasuke whipped around to face his classmate (maybe for the first time that year). The raven-haired boy's eyes were snapping with glee. "You really think Uzumaki Naruto is gay?!"

A cold wind seemed to whip through the classroom at the Uchiha's rare cheerful voice. As Sasuke realized what he'd said, a faint pink started to spread across his ivory features. Polite Hinata recovered from utter shock first:

"I… I didn't know you were… a… a yaoi fangirl, Sasuke-san."

"Well, I only have to say Naruto better not be gay with Shikamaru!" Ino growled, folding her arms grumpily.

Sasuke stalked out of the dojo's main gates, his obsidian eyes flashing crimson red in his unadulterated anger. As of today, he was starting his second year at Konoha. The good news was that the Uchiha now only had to suffer through his (humiliating) secret for two more years. The bad news was that despite his superior efforts during spring break, the raven-haired boy had not managed to manipulate the Dead Last concert lottery (as it turned out, the Uchiha hadn't been the first to try the hacking method and the computer system had been meticulously built to ward off even computer tensais). The worse news was that, with the end of vacation, Sasuke could no longer spend all day sulking in his bedroom – staring at the blonde's posters and drinking in the blonde's voice for comfort. And, the worst news of all was that this morning the Uchiha had woken up screaming Naruto's name and had found himself tangled in his black covers that were (embarrassingly) soggy. Sasuke had to stand in the freezing shower for over a fucking hour so that there wouldn't be a foreign bulge in his fuuku skirt (my, that would have been a big give away…).

Yes, Uchiha Sasuke was not in a good mood that day (to say the least).

As the raven-haired boy strutted to school (slugging savagely at the brick wall he was walking alongside and leaving a Morse Code of gaping holes), he caught sight of a spiky black-haired boy hurrying to school in front of him. By the looks of him, he was a first year because he seemed clueless and quite dumb: He was sloppily dressed in Sasuke's school's uniform, which was maybe three sizes too big for him; his pants legs were trailing on the floor and his sleeves covered his hands entirely. Not only that, he was wearing a moth-eaten overcoat (in the middle of spring?) and dragging a putrid orange scarf behind him. Soon the boy tripped into the busy intersection right as a charging taxi rounded the corner at illegal speed, the Uchiha raised a dark eyebrow in an expression of disinterest – foreseeing the imminent crash.

Then, another thought crossed Sasuke's mind. If this moronic first year died, there might be a traffic jam – in which case, Sasuke might be late for school. But Hinata had promised to bring her Neko Naruto poster that was incredibly rare with only five hundred copies in existence. (The Uchiha hadn't been able to purchase this vital poster because it'd been on sale before he'd known the important existence of Dead Last.) Sasuke had it all worked out though: he'd just commit one tiny murder and, soon, Neko Naruto would be hanging in his own room. Thus, the raven-haired boy had to get to school before another girl stole his great idea and killed Hinata first. Which meant, Sasuke couldn't risk a traffic jam.

In a flash, the raven-haired boy darted into the road and, snatching up the black-haired boy in his arms, skidded out of the insane taxi's destruction zone.

Rubbing his bleeding wrist that'd dragged painfully on the sidewalk, Sasuke barked at the spiky-haired first year. "Watch where you are going, you idiot!"

The dim-witted first year scratched his short hair sheepishly, saying, "I couldn't really see."

The Uchiha narrowed his eyes disdainfully, disliking that the idiot's voice was throaty and affected. Scoffing, Sasuke jabbed a finger at the thick, tacky sunglasses perched crookedly on the bridge of the boy's nose.

"Maybe that had something to do with the fact you are wearing those." Sasuke hissed.

The boy laughed nervously, straightening the ugly glasses on his nose. "I – ah – I need these. They're a… a hair room from my mother."

"Don't you mean heirloom, dobe?" Sasuke asked, dumbfounded by the younger boy's stupidity.

"Right. A hair room." With that, the boy cheerfully bounced up off the ground (obviously, he wasn't hurt at all) and used his billowing sleeves to dust himself off before offering Sasuke a hand.

Ignoring the first year's hand, the Uchiha briskly got to his feet and turned to go.

"Neh?! Sempai…?" The boy hollered, tripping on his pant legs as he scurried after Sasuke. "I don't really know the way to school. Can we walk together?"

"Whatever." The Uchiha shrugged, frowning. "Just walk fast."

"You're a lifesaver!" The black-haired boy crowed, grinning his head off. "Y'know, y'know, I definitely owe you something! Name anything!"

At that, Sasuke stared exasperatedly at the puppy-like first year out of the corner of his eyes and snapped, "Dobe, I am not a charity-case like you; I have everything anyone could ever want."

"Heh…? Then how come you have this deep, deep, deepdeepdeep! line between your eyes, huh?" The spiky-haired boy drawled. "Doesn't look like the face of someone who has everything to me!"

By this time, the Uchiha was at the end of his (very short) rope. "Fine, then! I can name anything, dobe?! Then get me tickets to the Dead Last back-to-school concert. Either that or go find another taxi to play road kill with."

"Dead Last?" The (incredibly) annoying first year repeated, wrinkling his nose. "Why do girls like a third class band like Dead Last, anyway?"

Not realizing that a vein had started to throb against the Uchiha's otherwise flawlessly milky forehead, the dobe continued to ramble on as they neared the school gates.

"Alright, so maybe the guitar and the bass are pretty good. And the drummer is talented, sure. But that vocal? Puh-leeze! He's, like, a living boy band nightmare. He can't really sing in that weird voice of his but people let him pretend he can because he has a pretty face. Tell me that's not a tragedy of commercialism – "

The first year didn't finish his sentence, because – in the next instant – Sasuke had him by the collar and was pinning him against the school wall.

"Listen carefully, dobe, because I'm only going to say this once." The Uchiha hissed in a deadly low voice, even forgetting his girlish tremor in his immediate anger. "Yeah, I admit that the Dead Last vocal has an unusual voice; it's scarred in a way that's almost painful to listen to, yet at the same time you can't stop listening because you're sure you'll drown in meaninglessness if his song stops. Yeah, that's right, he has a voice that actually knows unadulterated loneliness and is singing out to the few others that were also cursed with knowing. So, did you even try to hear or were you too busy counting fan girls, presuming you can count, to appreciate another person's hard efforts?"

Releasing the squirming black-haired boy and curtly dusting off his hands in disgust, Sasuke narrowed his eyes and spat, "I suggest you don't insult things you know nothing about."

"Sempai, I'm sorry. I just thought…" The first year started to gag out when he was cut off by a pink-haired whirlwind shoving him out of the way to clutch onto the raven-haired boy's arm.

"SASUKE-CHAN!!" Sakura squealed, not even noticing that the Uchiha's obsidian eyes were still flickering red in fury and that, behind her, a shaggy, black-haired boy was on his knees and frantically searching for his dropped sunglasses. "YOU'LL NEVER GUESS! UZUMAKI NARUTO IS HERE IN OUR SCHOOL!!"

"WHAT?" The raven-haired boy snapped.

"UZUMAKI NARUTO IS IN CLASS 1-A RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!" The pink-haired girl yelled. "I JUST GOT A PHONE CALL FROM INO!"

At the loud declaration, a stampede of girls rushed towards the school gates screaming at the top of their lungs. Uchiha Sasuke was easily maneuvering through the crowd (because he wasn't caring how many other girls he sort of had to punch out, just as long as he was in the lead). Haruno Sakura wasn't having very much trouble either (because she wasn't really minding having to sort of flip some girls over her shoulders, just as long as she was close behind Sasuke).

In all that hassle, no one noticed a spiky, black-haired first year gingerly picking up the shards of broken sunglasses and, with a sigh, flinging the pieces over his shoulders in weary exasperation.

"Mou…" He muttered darkly. "That didn't go too well."

As it turned out, there was no Uzumaki Naruto in 1-A. (Sasuke should have foreseen that the possibility was too good to be true.) The false rumor had spread when a (brain-deprived) first year (cow) had found Naruto's name scribbled in the attendance book. Of course, it had never occurred to the (intelligence-lacking) first year (baboon) that her female homeroom teacher might possible be a Dead Last fan, considering that 99.999999 of the female population were Dead Last fans. (The Uchiha was momentarily grateful of his own sad circumstance because, though his family was pretty fucked up, at least his being a girl wouldn't last.)

Also, as it turned out, Hinata had not only brought her Neko Naruto poster to school but her Neko Naruto poster bodyguard to school as well. The Hyuuga heir had cutely explained that though she was a little bit embarrassed about the over-precaution, she felt that Neko Naruto deserved no less. (The short-haired girl could not have known that during calculus, Sasuke had silently loaded his muffled gun and slickly taken exact aim at the back of her head. He only curved his plan when the bodyguard had frenetically signed to him that Hinata's real precaution was that she only brought her poster copy to school. The real Neko Naruto was hanging in the innermost safe of a maximum security Byakugan Bank. Because this somehow made sense to his (warped) mind, Sasuke didn't kill anyone – even while solving limit proofs.)

So, the day crawled by and a thousand years seemed to pass before the second years and the third years were shepherded off to witness the first years' orientation ceremony. Half-interestedly scanning the room, the Uchiha noticed that the annoying black-haired dobe was no where to be seen. Smirking, Sasuke guessed that the idiot had probably become lost on his way to the auditorium.

Sure enough, just as the ceremony was coming to a close, the auditorium doors were clunked open and the disheveled boy (who Sasuke saw had acquired a another (fashion victim) pair of black goggles, which were so thick that the glasses looked opaque) scampered in yelling, "Sorry! Sorry! I kinda made, like, thirteen wrong right turns so I couldn't find – GAH!! Is the orientation thing almost over?"

As scattered laughter filled the auditorium, the principal – who had been yakking endlessly till that moment – barked into the mike, "And who would you be, son?"

"I would be a first year." The black-haired boy shrugged, looking uncomfortably around for a seat.

"I was requesting your name." The principal pried.

"Oh." The boy winced. "Ah, well, my name is… not that big a deal. It's like everyone else's name, you know, like Shinji or Kyohei or Takuya…" The spiky-haired boy flashed a not-so-innocent grin, finishing, "So it's really not that interesting!"

"I wonder which would be more interesting." The principal hissed icily. "Your name or, say, detention for the rest of your natural life?"

The first year twitched, then gave a long defeated sigh. Reaching up and pulling off his spinning spectacles, the boy slowly raised his face. The principal instantly turned into a slab of rock. The auditorium became as noiseless as death. And Sasuke's heart literally stopped pounding all together.

"Uzumaki Naruto." The boy said, his electric blue eyes glowing and his voice losing its affected tremor and ringing wonderfully huskily like the rock star he was. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto in Class 1-A."

Author's Note: I keep flipping from he/she when I refer to Sasuke – but since he's crossdressing, I figure that's okie… Anyway, please review and let me know what you think about characs/story/what's to come! As always, much SasuNaru love!! Rosesareblue.