Disclaimer: I do not own or am in any way related to Naruto. I am simply a fangirl trying to make her way in the world while at the same time dealing with the stories that the Naruto characters play out in my head. I am making no profit from this, unless you count readers and reviewing love.

Summary: Five years ago Naruto brought Sasuke back but received only anger in return, and so he left. Now it is Kitsune, strong and deadly, who returns to his old village. When war erupts with Konoha at its heart, what will he choose to do?

Chapter One

Reunions


Birds return to old nests.

-- Japanese proverb

"This is the information on the target. We have half your required fee here, as you can verify for yourself, and the remainder will be deposited into your account upon confirmation of the target's death. Will you accept?"

The cloaked man, face entirely shadowed by a heavy black hood, picked up the folder and opened it. Inside were photos and a few sheets of parchment. He glanced through them, and then closed the folder again. "This is but a child," he said quietly, voice deep and resonating. "Isn't sending me to deal with him overkill?"

The other man grimaced, his folds of wrinkles deepening. "Do not be fooled by his looks. He is dangerous. We have sent our own assassins, and they have failed. Three days ago, the two-month limit for reporting back passed and we have had to write off our latest dispatch as dead."

"Therefore your missive to me dated three days ago."

"Yes. Somehow the brat has acquired power and skill enough to defeat our most skilled shinobi. You, however, are likely to find this easy, and we are willing to pay you your normal fee, the same amount you would get if you were dealing with an S-Class nin. Surely you will not turn us down."

The cloaked man considered this. "There are some issues I would like to clarify before I give you my answer."

"As far as I can answer you, I will."

"These assassins of yours – surely they are not the hunter-nins of Konoha? I have met some in my time, and their skill is… considerable."

"No, no hunter-nins."

"The ANBU, then?"

"Some of our assassins have abilities on par with the ANBU, yes."

"Ah. But not the ANBU themselves…?"

A scowl twisted those folds into something menacing. "How is this relevant?"

"Oh, but it is. You see –" the assassin leaned forward, "– it seems to me that this project of yours is no sanctioned by the authorities of Konoha. In fact, judging by the amount of secrecy and complete lack of access to the official departments of Konoha, I would say that this project even goes against the wishes of the village."

The other man stood in a flurry of robes – not flustered, never flustered, only a cold condescending anger. "You overstep your boundaries, little cat – you should know that I am a member of the village council and well-respected in my own right."

The cloaked man also stood, leisurely. He was physically short, but as he drew himself up, the impression he gave was one of untold heights. ""Yes, I know who you are – and it only adds to my suspicions about the legitimacy of this offer. If you are a part of the council, why have you not utilized the resources available to you?"

"This conversation is closed," was the icy reply. "Do you or do you not accept the offer?"

They stood there, facing each other down. Then the assassin said, conversationally, "You called me 'little cat'."

The other man said nothing.

"My namesake may look like a cat, but the difference is vast. People may make the mistake once, but they do not make it twice."

"Are you threatening me?"

He continued as if he had not been interrupted. "Do you know what the main difference is? The main difference is that, much more so than cats, foxes are smart. They are not house pets, but wild creatures that have to fight for survival.

"And they have sharp, sharp teeth."

The man snarled. "I have had enough. Guards!"

The door slammed open, but the guards who stepped in were not dressed in the familiar nondescript colours that the man had expected. No, far from it – they wore very specific colours.

Along with masks.

"And I," said the assassin quietly as they came, "have the sharpest teeth of them all."

The four ANBU moved silently, two to each of the men in the room. And on their heels came a larger-than-life presence, stalking into the room on loud heels and slamming the door behind her with a smug, furious finality.

"Danzo," said the Godaime Hokage, pinning the old man with a glare, "you are hereby stripped of your position on the village council. You'll be lucky if I don't send you into exile."

"You cannot do this!"

"Oh, I think I can." Tsunade's smile was not very nice at all. "Conspiring to assassinate a member of Konoha? That's the final straw on a whole list of straws, including ROOT, and believe me, ROOT is a very big straw indeed."

"That thing is not a member of Konoha," Danzo hissed. "You are blind, Tsunade, blinded by your feminine soft-heartedness! If you had labelled that demon a missing-nin when he first vanished, we wouldn't all be in danger now! He might be plotting to destroy us all at this very moment!"

Tsunade went wintry in a flash. "Naruto is no danger to us," she snapped. "He is a shinobi out on a long-term assignment for this village. Watch your words, old man."

Danzo snorted. "The whole village knows that for a lie."

"I have the papers to prove it –"

"Forged papers!"

But Tsunade had had enough. "Take him away, put him under house arrest for now until I decide what to do with him," she ordered the ANBU on either side of Danzo.

The masked shinobi reached out to take Danzo's arm, but the old man shook them off. "I am a loyal member of this village," he said coldly, "and I would thank you to treat me as such. I can walk on my own."

At Tsunade's small nod, the two ANBU let Danzo walk unhindered, but they stuck closely to his side as he made his way out of the room, not sparing a glance for anyone as he left. The remaining four in the room watched them leave in silence.

Only when the door closed behind them did Tsunade speak. "Kitsune-san," she said, giving the assassin an acknowledging nod. "If you would follow me to my office, we can talk there."

The assassin bowed. "It would be my honour, Hokage-sama."

The ANBU followed the assassin almost as closely as their colleagues had followed Danzo, but they needn't have worried about any treachery on his part. As they made their way through the streets of Konoha towards the Hokage's tower and office, that black hood shifted constantly, as Kitsune turned his head to look around him, as if he had never been there before and was fascinated by every little thing.

When they arrived at the Hokage's office, Tsunade spoke a few low words to the ANBU, who took up guarding positions on either side of the door. She then waved Kitsune into the room, following behind him and closing the door, leaving them alone.

"First of all, I would like to extend my thanks to you for informing us of Danzo's plans," Tsunade began as she went to her desk and sat down. Kitsune, waiting politely beside the chair on the opposite side of her table, only sat after she did. "You had no obligation to do so, and I recognize that."

"Think nothing of it –"

"So I want to know why."

There was a pause. "Why what?"

"Why you did it." Tsunade stared hard into the shadows beneath that hood. "Your fee is no small sum, and you must know that Naruto is not your match. It would have been easy money. So why didn't you just take it? Why did you tip us off?"

Kitsune shrugged lightly. "Maybe I wanted to stay on the good side of one of the most powerful shinobi in the world – you, with so many skilled nins at your disposal."

"With your skill, no one would know you were ever involved."

"Maybe I wanted the Hokage indebted to me."

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "I am grateful, but not so grateful as to consider myself in your debt. The village comes before any individual member, and my duty is to the village. You would have known that."

"Maybe I –"

"I want the truth."

She was practically radiating doom. Kitsune leaned back in his chair. Then he laughed, a sheepish laugh, and his hand rose awkwardly to the back of his head. "Eh… you're scarier than before –"

That familiar laugh, that familiar gesture… Tsunade's anger disappeared in a flash.

"– but you look exactly the same, baa-chan."

"Naruto?"

"Don't say it so loud!" Kitsune – Naruto – looked around nervously. "Your office is rather wide open, you know."

"There are wards that prevent anyone not in the room overhearing," Tsunade snapped. The urge to wrap her hands around his neck and squeeze warred with the urge to throw her arms around him and hug him close. She compromised by reaching out to smack him hard upside the head. "You little brat! Do you know how much trouble you caused me with your little stunt five years ago?"

She could hear the pout in his voice, even if his expression was still hidden. "That hurt, baa-chan. And anyway, it wasn't an easy decision for me either!"

"Oh, you mean you actually thought about it?"

"Of course!"

A vein in Tsunade's forehead bulged. "Then you didn't think enough, you idiot! And take off that damn hood!"

Naruto hesitated. "I don't think that's a good idea – people pop in and out of your windows all the time, you know."

"Only Jiraiya and Kakashi do that, and both of them are out of the village at the moment. Don't question your elders, brat!"

"Okay, okay! Sheesh."

The hood was pushed back.

Tsunade's jaw hung open.

Bright blue eyes and long blond hair, and a mischievous, heart-stopping grin. Naruto's chin was less sharp, and he had those whiskers of his, and there were odd red highlights in the blond of his hair, but other than that – Tsunade could almost believe that Minato sat there across from her, young and striking and alive. She found herself blinking back tears.

Naruto's grin faded to a look of concern. "Baa-chan?"

She shook her head and found her voice again, scrambling uncharacteristically for something to say to change the topic. "What did you do to your voice? You sound like you're thirty."

"Oh! I forgot." Naruto grimaced and formed a few hand seals. When he spoke again, his voice was a deeper, stronger timbre than the child's voice she remembered from years ago, but nowhere as low and growling as it had been. "It's a jutsu I came up with to disguise my voice. I figured Kitsune wouldn't get any respect if he was revealed to be a teenager, you know?"

Tsunade frowned. "If you can come up with something like that, then you can come up with something to disguise your features as well – a modification of that disgusting henge you used on Jiraiya, maybe. Why the cloak? It has to be stifling."

Naruto shrugged, and his smile this time was a little melancholy. "Didn't want to expand the energy, I suppose. Besides, the cloak adds mystery and coolness."

There was clearly some other reason, but Tsunade decided not to push, since Naruto obviously did not want to share. She stared at Naruto for a second or two more, and then gave in to her emotions. Standing, she went around her desk and without a word enfolded Naruto in a hug. She had missed the brat, and since she would never say it, this was the only way she could convey those feelings.

After a split second's hesitation Naruto returned the hug, holding her just as tightly as she was holding him. He closed his eyes, and just held onto her. Tsunade had believed in him. She had covered for him, lied for him to the village. She still loved him like the little brother he knew she'd come to see him as. And that put her high on his list of precious people.

Finally, Tsunade released him, and he took his cue from her. Going back to her seat, she said gruffly, "You've grown taller, but you're still short."

He made a face. "Don't rub it in."

She sighed. "As much as I'd like to continue catching up with you, I think there's a reason why you came back to Konoha. You could have refused Danzo without coming here. Have you finally decided to come out of hiding?"

Naruto grinned. "Well, for one, I wanted to make sure Danzo was caught. He's been a pain in my side the past few years, sending all those creepy blank-faced assassins after me. Is that what ROOT is? You mentioned it earlier."

"Yes, ROOT is Danzo's pet project – the training of a group of emotionless, puppet-like assassins." Tsunade scowled. "They might be good fighters, but everything about ROOT is inhuman – the training process, the philosophy behind it, the end products… I've put an end to it, but I couldn't be sure that it won't be revived again unless I get at Danzo himself. You did good, brat."

"Thanks." Naruto grimaced. "I knew Danzo was a fanatic, but that is downright weird."

"Yes, it is. You still haven't answered my question, you know."

"Your question? Oh, yeah. Actually I really did come back just for Danzo," Naruto said sheepishly. "I figured that if you confronted me I'd reveal myself to you, and maybe drop by Iruka-sensei's house for a while, but I wasn't planning to stay."

Tsunade looked half-troubled, half-annoyed. "This can't go on, Naruto. Five years is a damn long time even for a long-term undercover mission, and it's a ridiculous cover for someone who technically is still a genin. So far all I've gotten is a whole shitload of angry and suspicious letters, but I'm not optimistic enough to think that things will be that easy forever."

"Baa-chan, I…" Naruto looked away, eyes lost. "I love Konoha. I always have, and I still do. But I'm not happy here, baa-chan. I've never really been happy here, and now that I've found my place in the world outside… please don't make me stay."

"Being an assassin means being in constant danger, and having no allegiance, no village or country to call home. That isn't having a place in the world, Naruto. It's not having a place in the world."

Naruto smiled. "But that's not what I'm referring to, baa-chan. I do have somewhere that I feel like I belong… I'm planning to either give up or tone down on the assassin thing, sometime soon. Maybe take the occasional job to hunt down some S-class nin that no one can, sort of thing."

Tsunade eyed him. "You're found someone." It was not a question.

Naruto just grinned at her, bright and happy.

Sighing, the Hokage leaned back in her chair, massaging her temples. "Fine, I won't pry. But Naruto, I meant it when I said that this state of affairs can't go on. I can't just keep you on this so-called mission indefinitely. If I declare you a missing-nin, I'll be obliged to send hunter-nins after you. If I label you as an exile from Konoha, but not a traitor, it still gives everyone who has a grudge free rein to hunt you down, and I can't extend any protection to you."

"I know, I know. And I love Konoha still – I don't want to lose my status as a citizen of Konoha, I just don't want to live here." Naruto sat back as well, biting his lip in thought. "Is there any way that it's possible to do that?"

Tsunade ran through a list in her mind. It was a very short list. "There are a few positions which may allow you to remain a Konoha citizen in name, but keep you outside the village almost permanently," she said at last. "And to be honest, very few people want jobs like that – so if I were to give you one of those positions, I don't think there would be a problem."

Naruto sat up straight in his chair, blue eyes eager. "Really? Cool! Man, that'd be brilliant! If I'd known you wouldn't try to keep me here, I wouldn't have been afraid to come back! You're a genius, Tsunda-baa-chan –"

She held up a hand to stop his babble, scowling fearsomely, but inwardly smiling at that too-young reaction. "That's the reason you stayed away for five years?"

"Yeah, I know it's stupid, I'm sorry." Naruto's grin faded into a wry smile. "But I really didn't want to have to fight you and maybe other shinobi who I know, just to get out of Konoha again."

Tsunade reached over and smacked him. "Idiot," she said with affectionate exasperation.

"Yeah, yeah." Naruto's grin returned. "Guilty as charged. So what's the plan, baa-chan? I can't wait! What am I going to be?" He was practically bouncing in his seat.

"Not so fast, you brat. There's a catch."

"Aw, man."

"Nothing that you can't handle, don't worry. Or rather, nothing that Kitsune can't handle." She grinned. "The thing is, all the positions require someone of at least jounin rank. You'd need a whole other impressive list of feats to recommend you, as well, but I think your past record as Kitsune is more than enough to prove your reputation."

"But I'm way above jounin rank already," Naruto said blankly.

Tsunade resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Not officially. Officially you're still a genin, remember?"

"Oh… yeah." Naruto looked thoughtful, an odd expression that she wasn't used to seeing on that face. "Damn."

Tsunade rifled through her papers, searching. "The jounin exam's in a week," she said absently. "You're lucky that it's being held in Konoha this year, as the hosting Hokage I can speed you through paperwork. One week is short notice for most shinobi, but you'll be fine. Once you gain jounin rank we can reveal who you are, and use your new rank and your old reputation as Kitsune to install you in one of those positions I mentioned. You can have your pick once you pass. Oh, and I think it's best you hide who you are for now, it'll make things go more smoothly. Aha!"

She held up a piece of paper triumphantly, and passed it over to Naruto. "There you go. Fill out the form, hand it to the Exam Registration Office that's been set up for this exam, and you're set."

Naruto grabbed a pen from the table and started scribbling. "I assume I put 'independent' for 'origins', right?"

"Yes, you're going as Kitsune, aren't you? People will start wondering if you say that you're from Konoha." She grimaced when she saw his handwriting. "Is that supposed to be readable?"

He stuck his tongue out at her.

"The famous fox assassin with a chicken scrawl for handwriting. If only your enemies could see this now."

Naruto signed off with a flourish, and made a face as he passed the form back to her. "My enemies can't see anything now, thankfully. They're all dead. Well, at least the ones that crossed my path, anyway."

That sobered Tsunade. She looked at Naruto with a heavy weight in her heart – he was still Naruto, yes, but he was also the feared assassin Kitsune, rumoured to be undefeated as yet… and who had killed. Who had killed many, many people.

The Naruto in front of her may look and act like the Naruto she knew, but in every other way, he might as well be a complete stranger.

He noticed her sudden pensive mood, and seemed to guess the turn her thoughts had taken. His smile was sad. "I'm still me, baa-chan," he said quietly. "I'm just… harder, and stronger, and I've fully come to terms with myself and the world. That's not all bad."

"No," she said, equally subdued. "But it's not all good, either."

He shrugged. "Nothing in this world is ever clear-cut, or easy, and a lot of it has to do with blood."

That sounded too much like her own thoughts on a dark day. She shook her head. "You'll have to tell me what happened, in these five years. How you managed to grow so strong so fast, for one."

Naruto nodded, after some hesitation. "As much as I can," he said, and Tsunade knew that there would be large chunks left out – but then again, she might not want to know. "But after the exams."

"After –?"

"I have things to do, things to tie up before the exam starts," Naruto explained. "As it is, travelling is already going to take me two days per trip, at a decent pace. I'll be back within the week, don't worry."

Tsunade nodded, unhappy, but it wasn't as if she had a choice. Her curiosity would have to wait longer. "Very well, then. Oh, wait," she added, remembering, as Naruto stood and prepared to pull his hood back on. "There's something you should know."

He waited.

"The jounin exam's held every two years. In the time you've been missing, there have been two."

Naruto waited, exaggeratedly patient.

Tsunade sighed. She'd hope that she wouldn't need to say it out loud. "A large group of the Rookie Nine will be taking part in this year's jounin exam, as well, having passed the chuunin exam just before the last jounin one."

The patience changed to something inscrutable. "I guessed as much," he said. "I know Shikamaru passed the last time, but Neji, Lee and – and Sasuke failed. So I figured they'd be taking it again, and some others would probably be joining them."

"Do you want to know who?"

He shook his head vehemently. Then he paused. And then, finally, he nodded with something akin to resignation.

"Everyone in the nine," Tsunade said simply, "and Tenten as well, joining her teammates. All except Ino, who is still recovering from her last mission."

Naruto winced. Thoughts chased themselves over his face, before he settled on one: "Has anything happened with Sasuke?"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed. "No, nothing. Why? Is there any reason to suspect something happening with Sasuke?"

"Um…"

"That's why you left, isn't it? It had something to do with Uchiha." Tsunade pinned Naruto with a hard gaze. "If there's something about Sasuke that concerns the village, I think you should tell me."

"No, it's just… it's personal," Naruto said at last, but it was unconvincing. "You've been keeping tabs on him, right? Ever since – ever since that time? I know you've got him under watch."

Tsunade snorted. "You've been keeping tabs on Konoha yourself, haven't you? You seem to know much about what's going on." Secretly she was pleased – it seemed that Konoha, and Naruto's former friends, still featured largely in his thoughts. "But yes – I've been watching Uchiha. I'd be a fool not to, after what he tried, but he's been on his best behaviour."

Naruto's grin was sudden and very, very wide. He raised an eyebrow.

She scowled. "Alright, fine, his best behaviour includes snapping at everyone and generally being his annoying bratty self, but he hasn't tried to betray the village or kill anyone else."

"I see." Naruto nodded. "I knew as much, but it's good to have it confirmed by you personally."

"Naruto…" Her tone was threatening.

"I have to go. I really do have lots to do, stuff to buy, people to contact…" Naruto gave her a cheeky grin. "See you in a bit, baa-chan!"

"Wait –"

But he was already gone, out of the window and across the rooftops in a flash. Tsunade sighed heavily, but couldn't help her eyes widening a little with amazement. He was fast.

The door opened. "Hokage-sama? Is everything alright?"

She straightened, and nodded at the ANBU guard. "Yes, everything's fine."

The guard bowed, and closed the door again, leaving Tsunade alone with her work. She glared balefully at the pile, and then decided that after Naruto's visit, she was in no mood to deal with it. A nap sounded good.

Smiling, she closed her eyes.

As Tsunade slept, halfway across the village, Iruka had with surprising reflexes whipped out a kunai, aiming it threateningly at the cloaked man who had suddenly appeared in his living room. "Who are you?" he demanded, brown eyes narrowing.

Naruto felt like grinning and throwing himself at Iruka-sensei in a hug, but at the same time he felt like cowering and apologizing profusely and spilling his secrets. It was… an interesting combination of emotions. He pushed back his hood, and the urge to grin won out full-force as Iruka's jaw dropped, much like Tsunade's had earlier.

"Naruto?"

"Yep. It's me, Iruka-sensei – ack!"

Iruka could be really fast, too. Naruto found himself crushed in a bear hug, and he returned it enthusiastically. God, it was great to see Iruka-sensei again. He heard Iruka sniffle, and had to fight back a few tears himself.

Finally Iruka calmed down enough to draw back. His smile was stretched wider than the scar across his nose, and he ruffled Naruto's hair fondly. "You've really grown, Naruto," he said warmly.

"Still not enough, but I'll take what I can get," Naruto replied, smiling back.

"Your unhealthy eating habits probably not helping you, I'll bet." Iruka beamed at him, words notwithstanding. "It's wonderful to see you again, Naruto. Come, sit, I'll get us some tea –"

"No, I can't stay long." Naruto reached out to give Iruka another impulsive hug, at the sight of his crestfallen expression. "I'm sorry, Iruka-sensei, but I'm on a tight schedule. I just wanted to see you in person again after so long, that's all."

"Can't you stay even to talk a little while?" Iruka said, disappointment clear in his voice.

Naruto shook his head. "Not now. But tell you what – I'll come back once the exam's done, and we can talk through the night. Okay?"

He watched as Iruka worked it out, and shock came over his face. "The jounin exam? Naruto, are you out of your mind? You'll get killed!"

Naruto had to laugh, but there was darkness it in. "I know what I'm doing, Iruka-sensei. I've spoken to Tsunade-baa-chan already, and she approves. It's the best way forward. I'll explain it to you in a few weeks, when the exam's done, I swear."

Iruka nodded reluctantly. "I'm not happy with this, but I've waited five years to talk to you, I guess I can wait a little longer." He looked accusingly at Naruto. "Your letter-writing skills are atrocious – almost as bad as your actual writing. Have I taught you nothing?"

"Nothing that stuck, anyway," Naruto said cheekily, and laughingly ducked Iruka's swat. "Sorry, sorry. At least I wrote!"

"That's true," Iruka conceded. He smiled. "And I'm grateful for every letter, and that you look so well, now."

Naruto grinned at him, full of love for this man who had taken him under his wing without reservation. "I'm glad to see you well, too."

They shared a moment of understanding. Then Naruto looked out of the window, and seeing the sun's position, said regretfully, "I really have to go."

Iruka sighed. "Very well. If you must."

"Iruka-sensei… I know you understand this, but – don't tell anyone that I'm back, or taking part in the exams, okay? Only Tsunade-baa-chan knows."

Iruka drew himself up and gave Naruto the formidable Teacher's Glare that always made his students want to pee in their pants. "Who do you take me for, Naruto?" he demanded. "Have I not kept your secret for –"

"Okay, okay!" Naruto cringed and held up his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry!"

"You had better be." Iruka huffed, and relaxed. He held out his arms, and Naruto gladly hugged him again. "I'll see you in a few weeks, then?"

"I promise," Naruto said firmly. He stepped back, and then went to the window, drawing his hood up again. He looked back at Iruka, standing forlornly in the middle of the room. "Thanks, Iruka-sensei. I've missed you, you know."

Iruka smiled. "I know. I've missed you too, Naruto."

He formed the hand seals that activated his voice-disguising jutsu. Then, with a final look at Iruka, Naruto leapt out of the window and was gone.

"You are going to what?"

"Eh heh heh. Um. Well. There's no other way, I swear!"

"Akatsuki is on the move. Orochimaru is up to something. And you want to waste your time in an exam you could probably pass with your eyes closed."

"At least it won't take me long, right?"

"…I will come with you."

"What? No! Look, if it's pointless for me, it's completely, insanely pointless for you! You don't have to come just because of me –"

"I have decided. After all, I have also, technically, not passed any exam higher than genin."

"But you're the –!"

"Naruto."

"…Oh, fine. Be that way. It's not like I ever could change your mind, anyway."

"I see you understand your limits."

"Just don't complain if you're bored out of your mind."

"I would thank you not to put me on your level."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

Three days after Naruto's visit, Tsunade was rudely woken by Shizune, who had a scroll, sent by express courier pigeon. The Hokage unrolled it, yawning. She froze mid-yawn as she read.

Her yell resounded through the entire tower.

"What do you mean the Kazekage is taking the jounin exam?"

End Chapter One.

I really wish we could have seen more of the Yondaime in the series. He's bloody hot.

I don't know about you, but personally I find the thought of Gaara taking the jounin exam when he's already the Kazekage very amusing.

And I would like to say a great big heartfelt thank you to all my reviewers. Especially those who followed me over from other fandoms just because it's me. You guys know who you are! Your faith in my writing is really amazing, and I hope I don't let you down. Thank you again. The speed of my updating is for you guys, who have had to put up with a complete lack of speed in updating in my other fics.

By the way, there is going to be some romance in this. I wasn't planning on it, but... well. It's a bit sparse at first, but it picks up towards the middle, and then it's just one big ridiculously sappy angst/love fest at the end. I'm really sorry!

Ashen Skies
"Tsunade could almost believe that Minato sat there across from her, young and striking and alive."