Title: vanilla
Summary: A series of one-shots taking place in a single alternate universe. [Current chapter: Kakashi buys ice cream for Obito, and it is beyond awkward.]
Genres: Humor/Friendship
Pairings: pre-slash [Kakashi, Obito]
Notes: Whelp went over this thing and fixed a few things… I didn't proofread after posting rip.
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Kakashi doesn't have very many friends. What few friends he does have… are strange, to put it lightly. And bossy. Especially a certain brunette.
He really isn't certain why he's friends with her anyways, and why he's out here, wasting his Saturday afternoon hanging out with said brunette.
"You and Obito-kun really need to meet," says Rin as she drinks out of her glass with one of those really bendy straws.
"Busy, Rin, I'm busy," Kakashi retorts, stirring his cup of coffee with a metal spoon absentmindedly. "Socializing is one of the last things I have the freedom of doing. And I don't even want to, either."
Rin frowns. "You recluse. Itachi-kun is wrong about you being more dog than human. You're more a hermit crab."
Kakashi allows himself to roll his eye, not at all bothered. "I think it'd be better if I was," he comments dryly. "Then I'd be unnoticed." Freaking fangirls.
Clearly hearing his unspoken comment, Rin smiles at him, quite amused. "With all the attention you get from people of the opposite gender and the way you seem to ignore them, I'm beginning to think you're into guys."
"I may as well be," responds Kakashi mildly, taking a sip of his coffee, relishing in its bitter flavor. "But that'd give… certain parts… of my quote/unquote 'fan-base' more ammunition." He grimaces, and not from his coffee.
Rin hums thoughtfully. "Maybe I should consider setting you up with guys instead of girls, then."
"Oh hell no," hisses Kakashi, setting down his cup with a clink. "I'm sick of being set up. Last date you set me up with Kurenai even though it's so goddamn obvious she has the hots for Asuma."
"Oh, that?" Rin waves it aside dismissively. "She wanted to make Asuma jealous is all."
"Yes, I came to that conclusion, but honestly, you couldn't have told me that?"
"You're smart, Kakashi-kun," sighs Rin. "You came to the conclusion yourself, didn't you? So suck it up and quit whining."
"I will not 'suck it up and quit whining' until you quit setting me up. Bachelor for life."
Rin smirks, propping her cheek on her hand as she stirs her smoothie with the bendy straw. "Well, we can see about that, hmm, Kakashi-kun?"
Kakashi knows that look, and frankly, it terrifies him. Last time she'd had that glint in her eyes, she'd gotten Naruto "I'm the loudest idiot in the city" Uzumaki and Sasuke "I hate idiots" Uchiha to shut up and get along nicely.
"Rin, no."
She snickers, waving her free hand. "You mean, Rin, yes. You need a social life. Correction. You need a life."
"That makes me feel so good about myself," he deadpans.
Rin pats him on the arm in a purposefully patronizing manner; the appendage twitches. "Always here when you need it, Kashi-kun. My services are free."
"Please don't call me that."
"Whatever you say, Kashi-kun."
"Two can play at that game, Rin-Rin."
Suddenly, like a godsend, Rin's phone rings, and she picks it up. "Hello? Rin Nohara speaking… Oh, is that so? I'll be right there." Beep.
"The daycare called," Rin explains, standing up and slipping her phone back into her bag, which she slings over her shoulder. "Sasuke-chan and Naruto-chan are arguing again, but it seems they're a little more destructive this time."
"Are you their last line of defense or something?" Kakashi asks, raising his eyebrow as he, too, stands up and sets the money on the table.
"I suppose. See you, Kashi-chan!" Before Kakashi can retort, she's already out the door.
Women…
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As per usual, the park is crowded with children and their parents alike.
Looking around with a hum, Kakashi spots a messy haired teenager, a year or two older than him. The hair color is the same as Itachi's, but it's the sour look on his face that gives him away—only an Uchiha could make a face as sour as that.
But he looks more than mildly familiar—he's seen his face on multiple occasions, and when he thinks back to Rin, it hits him.
…Obito Uchiha?
It's kind of hard to relate this sour faced teenager to the happy-go-lucky and childish person that Rin, her pictures, and oh god, Itachi, describe Obito as.
Kakashi spots the ice cream stand not too far away, looks back at Obito, and steels his nerves while sighing deeply. I can't believe I am actually doing this. Socializing, I mean.
He gets in line and orders a vanilla ice cream in a cup and a chocolate in a cone before heading over to Obito.
"…Here. It looks like you need it," says Kakashi in a tone that conveys the opposite of what he's currently feeling as he hands the cone to the Uchiha.
Obito raises an eyebrow at him. "Are you in the habit of buying food for strangers because 'it looks like they need it'?" Nonetheless, he accepts the ice cream as Kakashi takes a seat beside him.
"At least I didn't poison it," dumbass, he adds silently as he covertly watches Obito giving him a once over.
"I can't be sure of that," Obito replies, but he doesn't seem to care.
Kakashi spoons ice cream out of his own, eating it absentmindedly as Obito gives him an incredulous look. (What is up with these people and their cones?) He hums a little, amused.
"I'm Kakashi Hatake." He winces a little internally at exactly how awkward it sounds; he really isn't good at this socializing thing.
But Obito seems to understand that, at least a little, and simply responds with, "I'm Obito Uchiha."
"Uchiha? Explains why you look kind of familiar," Kakashi offers.
"I know right?" Obito snorts, clearly irritated. "Due to the ridiculous amount of inbreeding in my clan, we all look the same."
"Ah. Is that your problem? Being married off?"
"How did you know?" Obito asks, sounding mildly surprised.
"I put two and two together. I got four. It's not all that hard. Oh, and Itachi Uchiha's my kohai. He mentioned something the other day about something happening in the clan; about somebody who refused to marry or something and stormed out the next moment."
Immediately, Obito perks up. "Itachi's my cousin! Has he mentioned me at all?"
Kakashi coughs and begins speaking in his best imitation of Itachi's prepubescent voice. "'Oh, this? I got it from Obito.' 'Obito's going away for a week…' 'Sasuke was keeping me up all night saying he missed Obito.' 'Are you a genius? You're even smarter than Obito.' He brings you into every single one of our conversations."
"He's still a cute kid, though."
"That, he is," Kakashi agrees, because it's true. "It's pretty damn tough, being in junior year about four years too early. I'm also acquainted with his little brother Sasuke; instead of you, he talks about Itachi. Every. Single. Damn. Minute." Briefly, Kakashi buries his face in his hands with a deep sigh.
"Oh, and I'm just curious, why does Itachi call you senpai, anyways? You're in his grade or lower, aren't you?" Obito inquires.
Kakashi makes a mildly embarrassed noise; it is true, though. "Maa, you see, I'm actually already out of college. Sometimes I swing by some school to help, and I met Itachi at his school." And the elementary students. Especially the second graders. Oh, the second graders…
Obito chokes audibly and leans forward a little, ending up with ice cream on his face. Sheepishly, Kakashi wonders if he's allowed to laugh as he pats Obito's back and hands him a napkin. "Sorry…"
He accepts the napkin and scrubs at his cheek furiously. "Nah, it's fine. You didn't mean it. That's cool. Say, do you live around here or something? I haven't seen you around, even though you say you go to the Konoha High School often."
"Yeah, I do." Kakashi points in the general direction of his house with his plastic spoon. "Live in that direction over there with my dogs. And maybe it's just because I usually work with the people my age or younger."
"Dogs?" Obito inquires eagerly, eyes brightening. "How many?"
"Eight."
"Eight—man, you are so damn lucky. I love animals, but my parents are completely against having animals in the house."
"That must suck." I couldn't live without my dogs, even if Pakkun is a brat. "But I've grown up with dogs, and because of that, Itachi says I'm more dog than human. Besides, they're good company, especially if you live alone." Although Rin says I'm more hermit crab.
Obito bites his cone thoughtfully. "I wish I could move out, but it's like it's against the law for an Uchiha to move out of the compound unless for a job or something. Sheesh."
"How so?" Kakashi raises his eyebrow, a little confused. "I mean, it can't be that hard to find a cheap apartment and move in, right?"
"That's what they'd like for you to think," Obito mutters darkly. "The entire clan, sans Itachi, Sasuke, and a few others, will flip their shit. Trust me, I'd rather live with my parents for the rest of my life than deal with the entire Uchiha clan's melodrama. Especially Fugaku-dono."
"Ouch." Kakashi is torn between laughing and wincing, and settles on the latter.
"I know, right," Obito sighs, propping his head on his fist. "Imagine Sasuke throwing a titty-fitty. Then multiply that by about a thousand times, and you've got Fugaku-dono throwing a mini fit."
"…how, exactly, do you know this?" Ohh that must've sucked.
Obito closes his eyes as though he really doesn't want to remember and runs a hand through messy black hair. "…I may or may not have said I wanted to move out that one time."
Stupid move, there. Kakashi tries his best not to imagine that. "…ah. That must have… sucked."
"Doesn't help at all that the entire freaking Uchiha clan hates me because I don't act like one of them," Obito adds mutinously.
"If it's any consolation, I've been there too," Kakashi offers, not entirely certain how he should go about doing this. He's almost as bad off as that boy in Naruto's second grade class—Sai. Almost. At least he doesn't refer to a book for his social encounters.
"You know, I'm reaaaally tempted to make a Big Bang Theory reference and ask you exactly how that's consolation, but I think I'll refrain."
"Big Bang Theory?" Kakashi inquires, completely befuddled. What? "You mean the theory about how the universe was created?"
"No, I mean the TV sitcom."
"There's a sitcom called Big Bang Theory?"
"How did you not know that?" Obito demands, looking scandalized. "You living under a rock your entire life? A dog shaped rock?"
Kakashi flushes, though his scarf hides most of it, thankfully. "I don't own a television. I'm not into movies or the such, either. I really only use my computer for some work and stuff. Most of the money I have is spent on paying rent, food, and on my dogs."
Thankfully, his cell phone rings, playing the familiar tune of Canon in D. Saved by the phone, again…
Spotting the caller ID, Kakashi purses his lips and picks up. "Hello?"
"Kakashi! I have a lovely new mission for you," purrs the woman on the opposite line and that causes a chill to run down his spine. "You know where to go, right?"
Tsunade really is terrifying. Especially with that tone of voice. I bet she's going to have me chase that demon cat Tora around again…
He sighs. "Oh. Okay. I'll be there in ten minutes." Fucking slave driver. Then he hangs up with a beep and slides his phone away.
Kakashi turns back to his companion. "Sorry, Obito-san. I have to go. I have a… job to do."
"Just 'Obito'," the other says hastily. "And, uh, do you want to meet up again some time? I know a nice coffee shop."
Kakashi balks. Wait, what?
"Are you asking me out, Obito-sa—Obito?" Kakashi inquires, outwardly amused, but mainly to cover up his embarrassment and internal panic. Upon seeing the look on Obito's face, Kakashi's fears are alieved and he smiles. "I'm kidding, Obito. That'd be nice."
He pulls out a stack of post-its and a pen, scratching out his phone-number and handing it to Obito, who in turn writes his own after pulling the top sheet off.
"Well," Kakashi coughs awkwardly, shifting from one foot to the other. "See you?"
"Yeah," Obito replies, sounding as awkward as Kakashi is feeling. "Well, have fun. See you, Kakashi."
Fat chance of that…
But Kakashi nods anyway, heading off and tossing his now empty cup of ice cream into a trash can.
Huh. That was strangely… entertaining.
But he'll never say that, because Rin will never ever let it go.
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a/n: Whoop I'm done.
Since I can, I'm turning this into a series of one-shots because one, I can, and two, I like this universe I've created.
Deal with it.
I really appreciate all the feedback/reviews I received last chapter; I'm a little surprised so many people are interested. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, and please leave a review?
They are the food of gods and goddesses. Screw nectar and ambrosia.
[P.S. I really need a better name for this fic. RIP.]