Authors Note: Hey, cool who's there! I'm glad to see you again around here, reading this, taking this journey with me again! But I'm ashamed of myself, because I took so long for the second Chapter… but with school and 3 jobs I ain't got so much time left. And I am so sorry. But thank you for waiting… I know it's going to be very sad… but I don't think both of them could go on without being affected.

I still hope you like it and remember – your reviews are my muse! Thank you so much!

The song is a well known song "My Bonnie lies over the ocean"… I thought it just fits this chapter perfectly.

Big greetings from someone who really missed you

-Sun

Chapter 2

My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
my Bonnie lies over the sea,

I cough and my breathe hitches. But I can't open my eyes.

And it is dark, too dark and it is silent, too silent.

Her breathe is missing and her whisper during sleep.

I try to spin around, but I also can't move and I don't know where I am and where she is.

I try to scream, but no word is leaving my mouth. Instead the words are like thorns in my throat. All I think about is her face, because I can't feel anything as my hands are searching for her body beside me, but there isn't anything. Just cold and dark emptiness.

And suddenly as I'm able to open my eyes I see where I am because of the streetlights gracing the floor and the opposite wall with a soft, but also a slight dark light, filling my heart and as I spin around I see what I never wanted to see, but what I still knew… my foreshadowing's became the truth and now I screamed out all the pain from the top of my lungs, because she was gone, replaced by still fresh and wine red blood.

I screamed for help, for god to make this undone, for her to come back to me, for him to die right there where he is, leaving us alone. I screamed and cried and moved, struggled with insanity, hate and immeasurable pain – until my whole body hurted, until my heart ached and I felt like I already died inside.

And – ah – oh so suddenly I am back there where I was months ago, but I'm alone, the already dried blood on my hands in this usual white and sterile room. Now it's filled with this colour that stands now for our dying love, for her dying body. The smell of decomposed and death is intermingling with her usual fruity smell and I ran to the glass door which is keeping me in this room. I throw my hands against it right before I use my whole, trembling, body to open it. But nothing is happening. Instead I'm kept here when I should be elsewhere, where she is. And then I see his face, his ugly grotesque face.

He is laughing. Laughing into my direction and that's when I realize what happened.

When I see the blood on his hands, grinning mischievously, I realize that he stole her away from me once again. And right there I'm dying. Scratching my finger nails into the glass creating the sound of my heart.


My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
O bring back my Bonnie to me.

Soft hands are touching my arms, pulling me into a soothingly embrace and before I'm opening my eyes I already smell her familiar scent and I'm scared to open my eyes to see that it wasn't just a dream, that it is reality. A reality that's haunting me for weeks now.

But as I feel a pair of soft lips on my cheeks and on my head. As I hear her voice, her mouth pouring out words to calm me I settle down and stop to cry. As I hear her voice I realize it isn't our reality anymore. It was just a dream… a nightmare… but I still cling onto her like my life depends on it. I wrap my arms around her, tightly, pressing her to my body as I'm hiding my head in her lap. I breathe her in, with a few long breathes. She's my air… my true air, and as I look up into her navy blue, and worried eyes, I feel save again. But the thoughts of her are not gone…

"It's okay Calliope… I'm here… I'm right here…" She whispers, kissing my head another time and I ask myself what happened. I used to have those dreams the night we spend apart with her working and with me, alone in our bed.

But I never had those sorts of dreams when she was around. I was never dreaming about what happened, or his face and what could happen again, with his face appearing so suddenly that I shriek. I tried so hard to convince myself that nothing like that is going to happen again, because he is locked behind safe walls.

But looking into her eyes sometimes, knowing that he's still capturing her in a way is still a real part of our life and my nightmares.

And suddenly with my face and my body still shaking slightly I leave the safe place of her lab to go to another place where satisfaction is already waiting for me.

I look up, right into her with compassionate filled eyes while I'm filled with a frantically desire.

I raise my hand to her chest, without explanting myself and what just happened minutes ago.

I touch her cheek, stroking it firmly, before I kiss her and I'm amazed.

I'm amazed how she's affecting me like she did when we first touched, electrifying butterflies haunting each other, flying around in my stomach which was filled with love and tenderness.

I love her more than anything and I love how her body is reacting to mine; how mine is to hers.

Whenever we touch; if it's filled with hunger, passion, animal and burning lust or is it sweet and tender and soft or endlessly desire rushing through our veins just like now; it's electrifying and magical.

But she looks at me confused, because she wants to know what was going on. She wants to talk, but I don't. Not now. This time I need her help to heal my wounds and fears. I don't want to talk with her lips against mine and her hands quickly finding their way under my shirt in one swift move.

And I pull myself up and onto her, because I can't think of something more beautiful than to feel her squirming and trembling body under me, aching to be touched, reacting to my touches and every sensation I have to offer.

Now, as I freed her from her clothes within seconds it's not about taking. It's rather giving, enjoying the feeling she has to offer me and I'm satisfied by the glances, her eyes, filled with lust and inhumanely desire.

My hands are roaming over her body painfully slowly as our lips are playing their favourite game; moving in a slow motion; in a perfect and steady rhythm. Like our bodies, they are moving, in such a soft breathe – taking and passionate way.

"Calliope…"

And as I leave her lips to kiss her collarbone with my already swollen lips and as I hear her soft but emphasis whispers; her whispering my name in most magnificent way, I realize that I can't loose her ever. It's not just about the amazing sex, about the feeling that is building up inside of me whenever she's touching me. It's the way she is, she makes me feel. The way she changed me. The way she loves me… in every single way.

But I also get hit by another realisation… I have the knowledge that after what happened to her, almost really happened, life is limited and that an ordinary day can turn into a nightmare. I know hat even an angel like her can be pulled away from death.

And even I tried to forget, oh god, even I tried to tell myself that it's over, I can't.

I'm scared to let her go. Every time she is leaving I'm scared. Every time she goes to work I'm scared. I can't keep her save and I'm so afraid to loose her when I let her go now, too.

I'm so scared that she will be gone when I stop touching her, that I'll open my eyes and see that he took her away from me; and so I cling onto her, grind into her with all my power. I press myself into her, listening to her sighs and moans, escaping her sweet and already quivering lips.

I'm addicted to her, painfully addicted, because as much as I love her, my love for her hurts right now, ripping my heart apart.

And as much that I want and need her now, as much as I want to give her release, I can't stop my tears from falling and I can't stop the heavy and painful sighs escaping my lips. It's the first time I break down in front of her. It's the first time I'm not the strong one, holding her through the night. I hate it to be so vulnerable and fragile in front of her, because I know how much she needs me, because I know how much the memories are tearing her apart.

But at the same time I also need her right now, not Mark, who's comforting me whenever I'm not able to hide the fear and the pain.

And even she said yes, even we are together and finally safe, even I love her more than anything, something is still haunting us… And this thing is his face.

She's pulling me into her embrace, stroking my skin firmly as she tries to calm me another time this night. And I crawl into her arms like a baby, weeping; taking in her scent like my life depends on it.

It's remarkable as she knows what's wrong with me without the need to tell her what I'm feeling, what made me break down.

I just say: "I would never forgive myself if I loose you…"

She replies with kissing the top of my head and I feel calming tears on my face, intermingling with mine.

But before I fall back asleep in her arms I hear her say:" You never lose me…"

Bring back, bring back, O bring back my Bonnie to me, to me:
Bring back, bring back, O bring back my Bonnie to me.

It was the first time in a few weeks I woke up without being the first one. This time it was Arizona, who watched me sleeping and when I opened my eyes tiredly she was there smiling slightly. It wasn't one of her giant smiles she has to offer. It was a weak smile, but though it was full of hope that someday, soon, we could life without him.

We both said nothing, instead we looked at each other what felt like hours before our hands were meeting half way, touching, exploring, starting a sweet game. But we still don't say anything.

Then she's the first to say something, with an expression on her face I know so well the last few weeks.

"I have an operation today…" She says clearly, without her voice trembling, but I know her heart already is. She's hiding her head in my shoulder blade, searching for any support, for anything to take her anxious away.

And she's also begging me to come there, without asking.

And I will go there without replying, because I know how hard it is for her. I saw her glances; I saw the fear in her eyes. I saw her standing in this room not knowing how to come trough those feelings.

O blow ye winds over the ocean,
O blow ye winds over the sea.

I remember the night so clearly like it has been yesterday and whenever I see her standing there with all the doctors around her, some of them are even 'strangers' to her, I think about the night I saw her there all alone.

It has been 1 week after she remembered everything when she told me that she wanted to work again, doing some rounds, seeing her patients again. Being a doctor like she was before. I tried to hold her back, convincing her that our apartment was the best place to stay now. I knew she needed to get back where she stopped… but at the same time I wanted and needed to keep her save with me. But I knew I knew it was my time to trust life and destiny and at most her, again. I realized that she wouldn't be her without working again. And to be honest it was the best thing she could have done to get back to her old self again and it felt good to have her old self back, to see her with the kids, to see her heeling around, waving, grinning, sneaking to me whenever she got time. But it was clear that she could always hide herself from one place where everything happened.

It has been 2 weeks after she remembered completely. It was a Thursday. A cold and dark Thursday, revealing my inner mood. And it was n the middle of the night when I woke up, lonely, in our bed. I was scared of what might have been happening when she wasn't replying to my desperate callings, but as I stumbled out of bed into the living room I've found a small note on the kitchen counter, telling me where she was going and that I shouldn't worry. But I did… I always do after what happened. So I took some clothes and sprinted across the street to the hospital. I ran through the corridors searching for the place where I would find her. And after 10 minutes searching I finally got there, looking through the glass panes and I opened the door, revealing me a fragile looking ash-blond girl.

I already heard the whimpers through the door, but I didn't really know what I would meet behind those walls, because she was standing there, her back to me.

She was standing there all alone, her gaze never leaving a special place on the ground and I was frozen in my tracks, not sure what to do. I wanted to say something, take her in my arms to keep her safe. I wanted to take her far away from this place. Far away were we wouldn't remember what happened in here. But instead I waited for her to say something, because I knew that she could feel my presence.

And I waited for minutes, until she finally said something.

"It's a simple operation. Clark has a fracture in his head… Fortunately something to repair and it's a simple procedure for me. I've done that thousand times. A thousand times… His parents, Mr and Mrs. Stonewell, are very supportive and they trust me in what I'm doing. They believe that I'm doing my best… They trust… they trust me but I… I don't trust them… I trust no one of them… And I feel so bad… I'm such a worse person…" It's the time to take a few steps forward, to bridge the divide between us, to take her into my arms and as I'm walking up to her she suddenly spins around, looking into my eyes. Her eyes a blue downfall.

"I do it immediately… I talk to someone and I see him… I never thought of him being like that… He was a father who was worrying for his daughter. He was like everyone else… Who can tell me that something like that never going to happen again? Who tells me that I can't misjudge a person? I… I got here, because I had to confess myself that I could stand here without being afraid, without having those crazy and scary feelings capturing my body… but they are still there… there are everywhere…"

And I take her into my arms, catching her trembling body from falling and I give her the support she needs while her kneels buckle. But I know there's nothing to say to her.

"But I still have to do this… I still have to do this…" I nodded slightly and said "I know… I know…"

O blow ye winds over the ocean,
And bring back my Bonnie to me.

And now I see her standing there again. She stands there, nervous preparing herself, waiting for the little girl to go into a peaceful slumber, waiting for her fear to ease down. And I see her trembling slightly from the gallery. I wish I could go down to her and hold her so she calm down a little bit.

But I know that she knows that I'm there, never leaving her alone, and as she looks up, searching the whole gallery for my face, she smiles as soon as she reaches the place where I sit, watching every step she's doing. And she smiles bravely… I'm the only one who knows that this is a fake smile, hiding her true emotions. Maybe they would see it in her eyes if they look intentionally. Maybe they would by recognizing her nervous and anxious glances to the door.

I see all of that. I see all the glances, and the frighten glimmering in her eyes and I see the small weak smile she's sending me right before she's starting with the operation.

No one sees her last anxious scrutiny, but I do and I keep on carrying it with me. All the time.

My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
my Bonnie lies over the sea,

2 Hours later she finally comes out of the OR with a big smile plastered on her face and before I can say something she kisses me full and willingly on the lips, taking my breathe – away and as I pull away because oxygen gets a real problem here she's pulling forwards to kiss me again. But I rest my forehead on hers, breathing heavily.

"Wow… that was…"

"I know…" She replies before she kisses me once more, but this time it's just a short and sweet kiss to show everyone that I am hers and she is mine. And as our hands are connecting while we are walking to the cafeteria to meet our friends it feels like tonight is going to be a good night again.

"Mark asked us to come with him Lexie and the others to Joes tonight. You wanna?"

"Of course… But afterwards I want some extra Calliope Time…" She replies, smiling seductive my way and god damn… she shouldn't be doing this here, because if we aren't here I'd pull her into a very sexy and lingering kiss before I'd drag her into the next on call room and give her a little bit Calliope time right now. But instead I continue walking; still holding her hand and I look at her.

She has the right to be happy again. She deserves it more than anyone else, not just because of the things she went through, but also because it's Arizona who had to go through this. Loving, Caring and Selfless Arizona. The girl I'm so in love with. The girl who always does everything for anyone else, even giving herself up if it helps someone.

So I'm looking forward to an evening with her and our friends, hoping that she's going to have fun too. Because that's all the matters. Her going to be her old self again and I'm doing everything to bring her finally back.

My Bonnie lies over the ocean,
O bring back my Bonnie to me.

I was completely mesmerized by her loud laughter, filling the air softly. Her happiness were brought back and I enjoyed myself just by watching her the whole night. They talked about the work like always. A doctor never stops being a doctor. But this time we weren't haunted by bad memories and thoughts and patients we couldn't save. Instead we were telling each other stories about the people we could save.

And it was Arizona who talked and talked, her blue eyes finally glimmering again and when she wasn't talking, she listened intentionally and her hands always found a way to mine, caressing my hands with soft circles. And when she looks at me I know that we are going to do this kind of thing forever… and we are doing this together.

Mark tells us one of his jokes again and we are all bursting out in laughter, but all that's interesting me is her voice, her laughs surrounding me in the most beautiful way and I finally relax. No worries, no boundaries, no pressuring past, no -

A loud noise is filling the air and everyone is spinning around looking at Arizona who fumbles for her mobile phone, whispering a simple "I'm sorry" right before her voice is loud and clearly. Loud enough to listen to what she is saying and I can tell by the tone in her voice that it's not going to be a good night…

"Arizona Robbins… Yes it's really me... Who is -… What? What's wrong? What happened to her? I'm… I'm on my way…" My heart starts to get heavy as I'm listening to her and it's just aching a little bit more as she raises up to leave.

"I'm sorry… I have to go…" She mumbles, grabbing her jacket and I ran after her without saying a word to them. I already knew who it is, but I can't let her go like that. I even want to go with her.

"Ari… wait!" I scream while she is running to her car, not waiting for anything or anyone. I might be sad or dump, because she isn't waiting for ME. But I understand and know her. It must be something important… something bad. If not she wouldn't run like her life depends on it. And I feel like it really does.

"Ari… What's going on?" Finally I reached her and I stop her by holding her wrist. Even it might be very important I need to know.

"It's Bonnie… Her heart stopped… she… I need to get there and help…" She finally replies, already out of breathe.

"Wait… let me go with you…"

"No… it's okay… We… I see you later at your apartment…" She replies giving me a peck kiss and even I don't want to let her go there alone I simply nod and watch her driving away.

Silent tears are forming in the corner of my eyes and like the sky feels my pain the clouds are starting to cry too.

I wish she wouldn't have to go there. I wish she would be in arms, feeling happy and safe. I wish we could go back in there and I wish I could hear her laughter again. But I feel like there won't be again soon…

Last night as I lay on my pillow,
Last night as I lay on my bed,

I lay in bed for almost 2 hours not doing anything. After she left I got back to tell them what was going on and that I was going to head home so I could be there whenever she came home, because I was sure that she would need me no matter what was happening. And so I sat in front of the TV – but I can't concentrate. And I try to read the book Ari was reading at the moment – Harry Potter, because she wanted to be able to talk about it with her patients and harry potter was always totally in there – but I couldn't concentrate at all.

Minutes passed and she wasn't coming home. Hours left by and I couldn't hold my worries back. I was almost taking my keys and my jacket, ran to my car and driving to the hospital were Arizona stayed right now. But at the same time I knew she would have to get through this alone and maybe… maybe everything was just fine and she stayed there too long, not thinking that I was waiting for her patiently. Maybe they played cars again and Arizona could tell me another story of what they did and talked about.

And suddenly, yet 3 hours that passed by, I heard the door opening, I heard footsteps and just a few seconds later I saw a broken woman right in front of me.

Her hair ashes blond and her eyes were lost, like a ship on the wild and wide ocean in the middle of a heavy storm. She looked at me and looked through me. She stood in front of the bed not saying anything, but I could smell the alcohol right from where she stood and that made me realize that she wouldn't talk about playing cards, talking or telling fairytales about a better future.

She simply stands there like a long lost beauty and I wish pain and sorrow wouldn't hunt her, but it still does, each day, each night.

Last night as I lay on my pillow,
I dreamed that my Bonnie was dead.

"Bonnie is dead… She… I couldn't do anything…"

Her voice is only a whisper and that's when I stop looking at her and instead leaving the place where I laid for hours. I walk up to her and help her out of her clothes. I let them fall to the ground and she doesn't care as much as I do. She just let everything happen to her and so I drag her numb body to the bed which stands just a few inches away.

I first lay her down before I follow. But all I can do is following her, taking her into my strong arms, holding her as close as possible while she is awake, not saying anything, not even crying. She doesn't do anything, but I wish she would. I wish she would talk to me, I would listen. I wish she would cry, I would capture them with my fingers and dry all of them.

But I know she will shatter. I know her… I know her so well… but we had so many good times and I remember them with a smile and now with a few tears leaving my eyes when I hold her so close I know that I'll be there… No matter what's happening. Never.