A/N: Relax folks, Ahsoka is coming. Good things come to those who wait.
Chapter II: Rude Awakening
Ezra opened his eyes. He was lying on the deck. His back and neck ached. Spittle had run down his open mouth and collected in a small pool on the floor. The holocron lay a few inches from his outstretched hand where it had apparently fallen. The sinister object had assumed its original shape and glowed dully.
The door opened and a mischievous, beeping trash can zoomed into the chamber. It chittered excitedly at the young Jedi.
"What do you wannnt, Chop?" Ezra groaned, wiping the side of his mouth before putting a hand to the side of his head and forcing himself to sit up.
The chittering continued.
"No, I don't want to put instacrete in Zeb's bed… at least not right now anyway."
The droid did not take "no" for an answer.
"Look, just go away will ya!?"
Chopper zoomed forward and slammed into the padawan's leg several times before realizing Ezra wasn't reacting. He stopped, spun his dome around so that all of his sensors could see his young master and made a few noises of concern.
"Yeh, I know, I know, it's just… I'm not feeling well, okay?" he was babbling and he knew it, but was unable to control himself, "And… I miss Ahsoka and I don't want to upset Kanan anymore than he already is... I don't… I just… feel so alone," he concluded miserably.
A shadow blocked the light from the passageway.
"You're not alone, Ezra."
The shadow moved to reveal the slight Mandalorian girl with blue tinted hair.
He smiled weakly at her, picked up the holocron and sat back down on the edge of Zeb's bed.
"Hi Sabine, I guess, I uh… fell asleep on the floor there."
"Yeh, that looked real comfortable."
She smirked. He loved how her eyes flashed when she smiled. Her tone was casual, but he could tell she was worried about him.
"It wasn't. What's up?"
He hoped she'd take the hint that he didn't want to talk about what she'd just overheard. Under most other circumstances he'd have leapt at the chance to win Sabine's attention, but he wasn't yet ready to talk about the vision offered by the holocron, not even to her.
Sabine leaned back against the door frame and crossed her slender arms in front of her. She paused ever so slightly before replying. To Ezra's relief she declined to pursue what he had said to the droid in an unguarded moment and instead answered his question without further comment.
"Hera and Commander Sato want to see us."
"A mission?"
"I think so."
"What about Kanan?"
Her smile evaporated.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, do you think he'll be able to even go on missions anymore?"
Sabine looked down, her expression uncertain.
"I don't know, Ezra, if he weren't a Jedi, I'd say no way... but..."
She didn't complete the thought, afraid to offer hope she did not feel.
The doctors and medical robots had examined Kanan as soon as they had returned. The diagnosis had been swift and crushing. Kanan's optic nerve and retinas were burnt out entirely with no hope of recovery. Perhaps the Kaminoan's tissue cloning techniques might have offered hope, but Kamino had suffered the same fate as Geonosis long ago, their mysterious arts lost along with them.
Kanan was blinded for the rest of his life. Ahsoka was dead. Vader and his Inquisitors were now focused entirely on destroying them.
Ezra joined Sabine in staring at the floor.
"You don't blame yourself…" she asked hesitantly, "do you?"
He stood up suddenly to face her, his expression twisted in pain.
"Of course I do! Why wouldn't I? Kanan got hurt because I trusted Maul! Ahsoka had to face Vader to protect me!"
He buried his face in his hands and leaned back against the bulkhead. He wanted to cry but refused. A moment later he felt her hands, small and warm, on each of his shoulders.
"Ezra," she said softly, "listen to me."
He dropped his arms and looked at her.
"Don't do this," she pleaded, "I know what it's like to feel guilty for the deaths of people you love… but I also know that blaming yourself helps no one, not you and not the people who care about you – the people who still need you."
Ezra started. He could see she meant what she said. Her expression was earnest in a way that made her chiseled features appear artless yet strong, an altogether different effect than her usual supremely confident elfin countenance, dominated as it often was by a rakish smirk, calculated nonchalance or, when dealing with Ezra, world weary forbearance.
"You… need me?"
The expression of world weary forbearance slid over her face like a veil.
"I meant the team, Ezra," she corrected in a tone of slight annoyance, though when she saw his reaction her expression softened once again, "Yes, yes I need you… we all need each other… and it won't help us if you punish yourself for something that isn't really your fault."
"But, Sabine," he protested, raising one hand and letting it fall in a gesture of despair, "if it weren't for me none of this would have happened!"
"No, and the Sith thing you found would now be in the hands of the Empire."
This was true. The inquisitor they ran into hadn't been looking for them, but for Maul… and probably the prize that he now possessed.
"Remember you all went to Moriband because of that vision you had at the temple, right?" she pointed out, cocking her head slightly, "Everyone had a choice, including Ahsoka and Kanan. Do you really think they would choose differently now? Would they have let you go alone?"
He considered this a moment and looked down at the floor with a sigh before replying.
"No, they wouldn't, but that doesn't mean what happened wasn't my fault."
She dropped her hands and backed up a few steps.
"People die in war, Ezra, sometimes people close to us."
His head snapped up as if he'd been slapped, his gaze fierce and stepped toward her.
"That's what Rex said, but I don't accept that! What good are these powers if I can't even protect the people I care about?
She was surprised at his sudden intensity, but held her ground.
"You can't be in every battle or stop every blaster bolt, Ezra. More of us will die, you can't stop that. Will you blame yourself for everyone who doesn't make it?"
He looked at her, his countenance stricken.
"No, I won't let you die!" he cried, raising a fist in impotent frustration, "I promise! Kanan got hurt and Ahsoka died because I wasn't powerful enough, not strong enough to protect them! But I will, Sabine, I'll do whatever I have to do to protect you!"
"I know, Ezra," she acknowledged with a slight smile, "and we'll be there for you too, but you have to let us… you can't do it all yourself."
"I get that. I just… I lost my mom and dad… now this…if anything happened to you… I'd just…"
The wayward Jedi struggled, his voice trailing off to nothing. The moment stretched. Sabine opened her mouth to reply, but reconsidered as the sound of metallic footsteps approached.
"Where are you, you overweight glob of grease?" a bored, superior and slightly threatening voice droned from the passageway.
Grateful for the interruption, both humans smiled and rolled their eyes at what they knew was likely about to happen. Chopper and the Ghost's newest crewmember had an amicable, if predictably stormy relationship.
Chopper's dome began spinning wildly, punctuated by a quick series of excited buzzes and clicks. The astromech tried to escape, but the former bounty hunter blocked the exit.
"Uh, uh, Chop," she admonished with an amused grin, "Sounds like you're in trouble."
The padawan put the holocron back in his belt pouch before calling out.
"He's in here."
AP5 appeared in the doorway. Sabine stepped out of the way so the former inventory droid could enter.
"I'm not surprised," he observed drily before turning to address Chopper, "Hiding won't help. These organics can't protect you."
He stepped forward and delivered a swift kick to his friend who bounced off the nearby bulkhead with a satisfying crash.
"That's for erasing my bombing run simulations."
Ezra found AP5's voice slightly nasal, which was surprising given the droid's lack of breathing passages, and possessed of a slightly upper class accent, both of which annoyed the young padawan.
Chopper backed up and started to protest his innocence, gesturing dramatically with his two dome claws.
"You're not funny, you defective rust bucket," AP5 retorted, "and don't give me that "what, little old me?" routine either. You might fool these ridiculous organics, but you can't fool me."
Ezra and Sabine both made faces.
"Do you really have to call us "organics?"
The tactical droid turned to the young Mandalorian with his huge, baleful eye sensors.
"Would you prefer "meatbags", mistress?"
Sabine folded her arms across her chest once more, clearly displeased.
"No, I wouldn't."
"That's a shame, I do."
"Well," she retorted, her hands dropping suggestively to the handles of her twin pistols, "I prefer using arrogant clankers for target practice."
"Now, now, mistress," the droid replied in a patronizing tone and holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender, "there is no need to resort to violence and "clankers" is an offensive term for droids that served the Separatists. I can assure you, mistress, I served only the Republic."
Chopper chirped and buzzed in agreement.
Sabine rolled her eyes once more in response.
"Oh yeh," a familiar voice injected from the hallway, "no need for violence, eh? But it's all right for you to abuse old Chopper here, not that the rest of us mind that too much and fantasize about dropping bombs on unsuspecting bucket heads, is that it?"
AP5 turned to see the purple skinned lasat enter the bunk room.
"Do you have a problem with dropping bombs on unsuspecting bucket heads, master Garazeb?"
Zeb cupped his chin in the palm of his hand.
"Well, now that ya mention it, I don't, but unless you want Sabine here to straighten you out with her blasters you might wanna fix yer attitude problem."
Sabine smirked.
The protocol droid looked quickly back and forth between Zeb and the slight Mando. He noted her self-satisfied expression before replying.
"I see your point, master."
He turned back to his counterpart.
"All right, Chopper, move! You're going to put back what you erased or I'm going to deactivate you."
The astromech emitted chirps that sounded distinctly like laughter before he rocketed past Zeb and down the hallway.
AP5 sighed.
"I don't know why you didn't melt him down long ago."
"Yeh, we don't either," Zeb replied with a laugh as the clerical droid followed the retreating form of his friend.
He turned back to his crewmates.
"Hera says we need to go to the operations center."
Ezra nodded.
"Okay, let's go."