"I really don't see what the difference is," Roy breathed wearily.
"How could you not get it?" Edward responded, exasperated as if he had more of a right to be getting fed up than his guardian did at the moment. "They're completely different!"
"They're the same." Roy wasn't sure why he kept going. He knew there was no winning when Ed got this riled up, and yet he tried anyway, continuing to invite the headache upon himself.
"How many times do I have to tell you?" Ed snapped from the kitchen counter. "Frozen macaroni is indisputably different than the macaroni that comes in the box!"
"Macaroni is macaroni."
"They're entirely different things," Ed shot back again.
"If we were talking about frozen macaroni verses homemade macaroni, then I'd agree with you. But anything that takes less than ten minutes to make is not worth comparing."
"Like you're one to talk!"
"Brother, calm down," Alphonse sighed, remaining primarily silent during the semi-heated exchange. He was obviously not taking Ed's apparent frustration very seriously, given the topic.
"But you agree with me, don't you? Ed asked suddenly, snapping his attention over to Al.
"Uh- yes, but they're both good, so-"
"It's not that simple!" Edward more or less screeched, melodramatically slamming a fist down on the counter. In response, Alphonse sighed and leaned back in his seat.
"Hey Ed?" Roy breathed as he idly stirred the pot.
"What?"
"Relax."
Just as predicted, the shorter blond slumped in his chair with his arms folded and a pout smeared across his face. Roy only rolled his eyes and continued his mundane task.
He was silently scolding himself for cooking cheap macaroni for them the night after their latest soccer game, but god, they could get so insistent. He tried to make actually decent meals on the weekends, since he scarcely had the time and energy during the week, but he could only do so much. Plus, even after so many weeks, his cooking skills still had much room for improvement.
Roy was well aware that they wouldn't shrivel up and die just because he let them stuff themselves with ice cream and macaroni. Hell, he probably ate much worse as a kid. But even so, he was constantly telling himself to do better- to be better. If he didn't give it his all, then he could never justify calling himself their father.
Still, the word felt so strange to him.
The colonel smiled grimly towards the pot of macaroni, wondering yet again if that sensation would ever fade.
With a soundless exhale, Roy wiped the dour expression from his face as he grabbed three bowls and began to fill them with the cheesy pasta, noting how the two sets of eyes locked onto his back excitedly. He turned and set two bowls before the kids, then went to prepare his own.
But with his back turned again, he noticed that they didn't immediately begin to dig in. Instead, he heard some brief murmuring.
"Uh hey dad!" Al began eagerly, causing Roy to turn to the two skeptically. "Can we watch TV as we eat?"
"Really?" Roy heard his nonplussed tone before the request fully registered. "You two have been making a lot of requests lately."
But instead of giving a response, they continued to stare hopefully up at him. "Please?"
Well, he knew where this was going. No point in drawing it out. He didn't want to encourage poor habits, but it was a weekend… "Alright, fine," he answered, but they were already scurrying into the living room with dinner in hand before he could so much as finish his statement.
One glance into the living room once the clamor of the television filled the air proved that Roy was much safer staying in the kitchen for the time being, lest he be forced to watch their brainless cartoons. But if his experience was enough to go by, all he had to do was wait half an hour and they would surely change it to the science channel or something.
He wasn't aware kids were into that these days; but then again, those two seemed to be an exception to several stereotypes.
With his bowl of macaroni, Roy sat down at the kitchen table and pulled over the newspaper that had been waiting there since that morning, and proceeded to absently flip through it as he ate.
If nothing else, it was a decent time killer. Nothing in the paper particularly stood out, primarily because it was his job to know at least half of everything that was written. And the other half wasn't all too interesting.
He had finished eating long before nearing the end of the pages. But as he reached the last few uninteresting segments, his cell phone chimed to life. The colonel quickly rose from the table and swiped his phone from the counter where he had left it, and glanced at the caller ID.
He somehow withheld a groan as he held the device up to his ear.
"Hello Hughes," he greeted politely, inwardly prepping himself for the excited explosion that would surely come from the other end.
"Hey Roy! How've you been?" his friend replied with far too much energy for the time of day.
"Since we last spoke yesterday, I've been fine," he replied flatly.
"That's great! Hey, I've been thinking-"
Here it comes.
"How would you and the boys like to come over next week for dinner? Gracia's cooking! And you know how her food is the best in the whole world!"
"I don't know, Hughes; we're all pretty busy."
"Oh, I know that's not true," the other man remarked with a smug satisfaction in his voice. "Besides, I bet those kids don't get out much."
"They get out enough, thank you," he huffed stubbornly. "Nearly every day, since they joined that soccer team."
"Ah, the soccer team: the greatest decision ever made during Roy Mustang's career as a parent."
"Ha, ha."
"Just come over, Roy," he tried again, dropping some of the blinding energy from his tone. "Besides, Elicia wants to see you too; it's been a while. If you keep this up, she's gonna get jealous of Ed and Al. And we don't want any family feuds now."
"Alright, alright, fine," he drawled, steadily losing the will to fight this downhill battle. "What time?"
"Please report at the designated location next Saturday at seventeen hundred hours."
"Alright," Roy responded flatly, refusing to even comment on his friend's shenanigans.
"You're no fun," he heard the lieutenant colonel mumble with tacit grin, before continuing on in a neutral tone: "Great, I'll let the girls know to expect you. See you Monday!"
Roy habitually bid his friend a good night and hung up his phone, eyes naturally falling towards the living room that was lit purely by the television. He drummed his fingers on the countertop in thought for a moment before decisively picking up his now empty bowl to bring to the dishwasher.
Surreptitiously peeking into the next room over proved that they had indeed changed the channel to some kind of historic documentary, meaning it was safe to enter. He lingered in the doorway for a moment, entirely unnoticed as the two kids had their eyes glued to the TV, their empty bowls left forgotten on the coffee table. Unbidden, he walked in, crossing their field of vision to reach the armchair that sat diagonal to the couch that the blonds occupied.
He studied them for a moment, idly wondered if they had noticed his presence. When half a minute passed without so much as a glance, he finally turned his attention to the documentary, only then realizing that it was talking about lost artifacts being found deep in the ocean. Being born in a landlocked nation, it was so wonder they were so invested.
It was many more minutes until a commercial break, in which Roy took quick advantage of.
"Hughes called," he said simply, pausing for a beat to ensure that they both glanced over to him. "He invited us over for dinner next weekend."
The reaction was instantaneous. Alphonse beamed and sat up a little straighter, clearly giving Roy his full attention. Edward's reaction on the other hand was far more subdued; he merely tilted his head slightly, expression difficult to read.
"That sounds great," Al said excitedly. The moment he turned to look at his brother, Edward effortlessly slipped on a smile to match. "What do you think?"
Ed nodded without a hint of hesitation. "Sounds good to me," he said easily. Al may have missed it, but Roy wasn't fooled for a moment. The sly kid simply did not have an opinion and decided to turn Al's into his own. The colonel just rolled his eyes, having already gotten used to the behavior. Calling him out on it didn't go to well in the past. Chances were, he barely noticed he was even doing it at times. Besides, Roy learned very quickly that if Edward had a problem with something, he would not hesitate to say something.
They've taken multiple trips to the Hughes household before and the boys never had a problem with it, besides maybe the first time due to some initial awkwardness, paired with Maes' unnatural enthusiasm and his young daughter.
"Great," he said after a moment of silent musing. "Saturday at five."
The kids nodded, then turned their gazes back to the television, sensing an end to the conversation. Roy certainly didn't have anything more to say, so he let it be and leaned back into the armchair.
The documentary continued on for another hour where the three of them sat in a comfortable silence, with a few comments shared between each break. At times, it baffled Roy to think that he would enjoy the company of two children as much as he did, despite how often they (primarily the oldest) made him want to hit his head against a wall.
It was nights like that that always put to rest any doubts he would periodically have about himself and his ability to handle the challenge. At least, until the next time something happened to spring them to life once more.
With there being nothing else good on to watch anyway, Roy told the two to get ready for bed, but not without ordering them to clean off their bowls with the slightest amount of smug satisfaction. He tried to keep it unnoticeable, but no one could deny that a bonus to having kids in the house was his right as a caregiver to assign them chores.
They grumbled, of course, but had spent the next few minutes shuffling dishes around in the kitchen as Roy enjoyed his freedom to do anything but that; which resulted in him just doing nothing. He enjoyed it regardless.
"Goodnight," the blonds said in near unison as they disappeared down the hall for the night.
"Goodnight," Roy replied without thought as he absently continued flipping through the channels of the TV. Long gone were the days where he awkwardly hovered, wondering if they needed his help with any day-to-day activities, and barely keeping himself from giving in-depth directions to the most basic objects around the house. Granted, he probably just underestimated what kids of their age were capable of, but he couldn't help overthinking those things right at the beginning.
But while they were still so young, their difficult past had made them unusually dependent. Roy wouldn't have allowed himself to even ponder adopting them had that not been the case.
He had almost dozed off, focus switching frequently between the television and his own thoughts. It wasn't until what he assumed to be a little over an hour later when he decided to give in and head to bed.
Roy switched the TV off and walked towards the hall, not bothering to suppress the deep yawn that forced its way through. However, it was because of that that he almost missed the hushed murmuring coming from the end of the hall.
The study.
The yawn shifted into a knowing sigh as he shook his head and walked passed his room. As his feet carried him closer, the voices silenced completely, but it was far too late to fool him.
Roy opened the door, eyes falling predictably on the two kids laying on the floor with open books surrounding them, their golden eyes already on him and laced with a childlike guilt.
"Aren't you two supposed to be sleeping?" he asked with a quirked brow, folding his arms expectantly in the doorway.
They both visually faltered for a moment, sharing a quick glance before looking back up at him.
"Sorry," Alphonse offered meekly.
"Just ten more minutes," Edward audaciously urged, his grip on the edges of the book unrelenting. He was entirely shameless in comparison to his brother.
Roy just sighed again with a thin smile to get rid of the frown on Al's face and the defensive pout on Ed's. "Not this time," he answered, ignoring the mild pang he felt upon seeing their deflating reactions.
Maes basically wrote him a book on parenting when he decided to adopt them. And while he ignored most of it, one thing that came to mind was that Roy couldn't give them everything they asked for. Not like that stopped the damned hypocrite from doing just that to his own daughter, but still…
"Come on; put the books away and go to bed." He folded his arms to make it clear that his stance wouldn't budge, despite their moaning and groaning.
As he often did, Roy silently marveled at how they eventually did just as he asked, albeit reluctantly. As a colonel, he was well acquainted with giving orders to soldiers who would always follow them because otherwise, they'd risk insubordination and a court martial at best. It was always strange to see how the same principle applied to children and their guardian instead, when all at risk was merely being grounded.
It was odd how adoption papers were basically an official record stating that he could boss them around in exchange for providing food and shelter, in spite of not being related by blood; although his own upbringing certainly wasn't any different. And really, how did the principle differ from the military?
Roy was certain he was making this too complicated.
With a slight shake of his head, he stepped aside and let the two boys pass, watching passively as they turned to their room while muttering a sleepy goodnight.
Once they were gone, Roy wearily scanned the room with his hand over the light switch. Before he flicked it off, his eyes lingered on his decent selection of alchemy books and he heard himself sigh.
Those two were so adamant about learning alchemy, even if it meant teaching themselves. Apparently, their absent father had quite a bit of material, which the boys had poked at once he left. Roy knew it would be good for them to learn, seeing as they had so much intelligence to spare. And yet, he hesitated. The less they knew about it, the less likely it was for them to turn out like him.
Even so, he had never been able to strictly say no. He was being stubborn, but a nagging feeling in the back of Roy's head knew it was only a matter of time before he gave in and let them have full reign to his research materials- besides his flame alchemy notes, anyway. There was no way in hell he'd let them get close to that.
With a dismissive shake of his head, Roy backed out of the room and closed the door behind him, yawning once more as he fled to his room.