Here is chapter 2! Thanks to my three reviewers, Scribe of Turesa, MidnightMoonWarrier, and magiccat. Your reviews sped up the release of this chapter, and kept this story from remaining a one-shot.

After re-reading the last chapter, I realized a small mistake and corrected it. Sorry about that...

Let's get this next bit over with:

Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT and anything associated with them.

Chapter 2, Blame

This isn't how it was supposed to be. Even he knew that. He had his pick of people to blame, and he always went with the one he preferred. Leonardo was still alive, so laying the blame on him was better than blaming the dead.

Even though Leo and Mikey maintained that Donnie was still alive, Raph just couldn't let himself believe it. It was too painful to think that Donnie was out there somewhere, but not there with them. He couldn't believe that Donnie would abandon them. It just wasn't in his brother's nature to abandon his family.

If he was alive, and Raph wasn't saying that he was, then there must be some logical explanation for him disappearing for almost thirty years. Donnie wouldn't leave unless there was a reason. A multitude of explanations ran through Raph's head, but he dismissed them all, telling his suddenly aching chest that Donnie was dead, and hadn't abandoned them.

The pain of Donnie's probable death, and Master Splinter's own death a few years later, was still hard on Raph, but he was grateful that they were at least out of this hell-hole that was Earth these days. Especially Donnie – the brainy turtle would have been devastated to see technology used the way the Shredder had been. He was such a peaceful turtle, and couldn't stand violence when he could avoid it.

It was one of the traits that Donnie had that once annoyed the crud out of Raph. He couldn't see how one of his brothers ended up being a pacifist, and yet now he wished that he hadn't been so hard on his brother. Anything was better than just fighting to stay alive, and Donnie wouldn't hesitate to jump into a battle if one of his brothers were in danger.

That was one of the best things about Donnie. He was a pacifist, but one who knew that sometimes there had to be violence, and he never went so far as to overdo it.

Shell, I miss him, Raph sighed as he rolled over onto his side. The undetermined nature of Donnie's disappearance and continued absence sometimes resurfaced and made him wonder if Donnie was really alive, but then – where would he have been hiding all these years? There was no way that he could have been hiding in some remote country, not after the Shredder had completely taken over the rest of the planet.

Master Splinter had always been convinced that Donnie would return to them, and Leo had told both Raph and Mikey what Master Splinter wanted them to tell Donnie once he did return. 'I never blamed him for his disappearance.' Those were Master Splinter's last words, and it hurt to remember that his last concern was for a missing son.

Raph choked down the roar of anger and frustration. His last words, the last thing that he ever said to anyone (that they knew of, anyway), were words for a son who had been missing for five years. He should have never died in the first place! Raph roared silently, for even if he was relatively safe in the place where he was now, he didn't want to risk discovery.

Placing the blame of Master Splinter's death on Leonardo's shoulders might not be the most logical thing to do, but how could Leo know that Master Splinter was already dead by the time he had woken up? It wouldn't have been hard to wake Raph up and run back to save their father, and yet Leo had decided to get all three of them to safety.

Raph could still remember returning to the lair a few days after it had been destroyed.

Pillars were smashed, and personal belongings were strewn around the destroyed lair. I can't help but shake in anger. How dare the Foot do this to us!

Mikey was still holding onto some hope that Master Splinter had escaped as well, while I was hoping that they had captured Master Splinter and kept him alive to use as bait for us. If we were clever enough, we could figure out how to rescue him without having whatever trap the Shredder might spring on us actually capture us as well. Leo didn't say what he hoped for, but I could see it in his eyes. He believed that we would find Master Splinter here, dead.

If we did, I'd never forgive myself, or Leo, for letting this happen. I just couldn't stand for him to be dead, not after everything else we've lost in these last five years. Suddenly I hear a choked sob, and look over at Mikey.

His eyes are locked on something that is out of my view, and Leo's already running towards Mikey. With a feeling of dread, I move towards them. "M-master Sp-splinter," Mikey choked out, tears running down his face. I look – aw, shell…

"No… NO!" I can't help but yell, collapsing to my knees as I see our Master Splinter, our Sensei, our father, lying dead not ten feet from us. I'm fighting back tears as I feel the bottom of my world crumble from beneath me.

Raph spent weeks after that trying to cope, find a firm base to stand on, something to fight for again. Their family started falling apart, and a part of Raph felt guilty that he had helped speed up the disintegration of their family. But he couldn't help but blame Leo for not at least trying to save Master Splinter, and neither of them could stand each other after a while.

Poor Mikey, he had had to make a choice, and in the end had gone with neither of them.

Things after that slowly became worse and worse, as the Shredder gained more and more power. Even though Raph wasn't mad at Mikey, they didn't talk anymore. It brought up too many painful memories, to be around Mikey, and especially Leo. It almost hurt just to look at April, and remember that her husband was dead, that Raph had been unable to save one of his best friends.

He touched his left eye. He could feel the stitches closing the wounded eye, and he sighed. They had lost so much in this war against the Shredder, and he had to wonder if they were doing any good at all.

I could really use some advice now, Donnie, Raph sighed. At least you're not suffering like the rest of us… You or Master Splinter.

That was the only comfort in them being gone – that they weren't suffering the way everyone else was, but at the same time, Raph wanted to find a way to change things. He wanted it to happen, and sometimes dreamed of a world where this had never happened, but it was a dream he would always wake up from. There was no chance that they could change things, no hope for a brighter future. They could only resist, and hope that things would get better.

At least he could always turn his despair and grief into anger. Whenever he went into battle, he just had to remember who and what he had lost, and he would have a steady supply of anger. It gave him the energy and strength he needed to defeat his opponents.

Shredder, he thought angrily. You have a lot to pay for. If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to kill you.

Sorry that this chapter is shorter than the last one, but I promise that the next one will be longer once I've got it done. I don't think it'll take long to get it finished, but since my vacation is over, I'm not sure when I'll have time. I'll work hard to post the next chapter in the next week.

That being said, please review! They keep me going, and encourage me to go on. So please review!

This story is now in a community I created for stories created based on the episode, "Same as it Never Was." It's named "Always the Same as it Never Was," and any suggestions for additions to this community would be appreciated.

If you want to discuss this further, I have added a topic thread in my forum, "Mourning Star's Corner," with the same name as this story. Please feel free to come over and ask questions, make comments, etc. I'd welcome the conversation until chapter 3 is ready.

That's all from me for now!

~Star~