If you haven't read the Author's Note in the previous "chapter" please do so now. I'll wait.
...
Done now? Good. Yours truly makes a little cameo in this chapter. See if you can't spot me.
Title: Only Fools Rush In
Rating: M for Mature because of content in later chapters
Warnings: Contains slash and lots and lots of angst. Sorry, it couldn't be helped. Also, minor character death, and *ahem* the mature content in later chapters
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. The rights belong to JK Rowling and Warner Brothers and others. I make no money from writing this, nor is any copyright infringement intended.
Summary: Ten years after the fall of Voldemort, Severus' life has fallen into a routine, and he can almost believe that he can find happiness in normalcy. Until he can't.
Severus hated to admit it, but the best place to get magical plants and herbs was at Neville Longbottom's shop. Once a week, every week, always on a Wednesday, just before noon could find Severus at Longbottom's shop, simply named Greens. Longbottom closed the shop every day at noon so he could take lunch, but he had never turned Severus away and there was always a pot of tea and a plate of sandwiches, too much for just one, waiting. A distant part of Severus' mind wondered at the fact that he could sit to lunch with one of his most despised students, but the larger part didn't much care. Longbottom had grown into a tolerable adult, and- so long as they kept the conversation to such things as his plants and the weather- a satisfactory enough conversationalist. Somewhere in the years since Longbottom had been his student, he'd finally grown a spine, which made him far less annoying to Severus.
Severus may have wondered where and when Longbottom had grown into this capable adult, except he didn't have to. That wasn't something he had to wonder about any of his former students, most especially Gryffindors and Slytherins. The war happened. Voldemort happened. His students, that he was sworn to protect, had been forced into a war that belonged to the old men like Albus and himself. Children didn't belong on the front lines.
So he ate lunch with Longbottom every Wednesday at noon, and if his younger self would have been shocked and appalled, well, maybe he'd grown up a little, too.
Every Wednesday, that was, except for this one. This Wednesday. Greens would probably be closed anyway, he rationalized. Most of the wizarding world was. It wasn't an official holiday, but everyone treated it like one. And Severus couldn't handle that.
The first year, he'd considered drinking himself into a stupor. He'd even gone out intending to find a Muggle liquor store and buying everything he could grab, until he'd seen it. The shop. He'd been told so many stories about that shop, but he'd never seen it before. And then it had been like his feet had a mind of their own, pointing very distinctly away from the liquor store and into a shop he'd never have otherwise considered entering.
Blue's Cupcakery. Brightly colored cakes stood in neat little lines in their little displays, decorated with a rainbow array of frostings. He'd nearly turned on his heel and walked out immediately after coming in, feeling out of place and out of sorts and in desperate need of a drink, when the young woman behind the counter called out to him.
"Coffee's fresh! And nice and strong," she said with an American accent and smile. "You look like you could use a cup. Sit, I'll get it for you." And she'd disappeared into the back. Severus had sat at one of the little bistro tables because, well, he could use a cup of coffee.
He'd come back to that place once a year, every year, for the past ten. It might have been odd, but this shop had it's own place in the history of this day, so while the rest of the wizarding world threw celebrations, Severus sat in a cupcake shop with a strong cup of coffee and maybe a scone. He'd stop by Greens tomorrow to make sure Longbottom hadn't sent the army after him.
When Severus entered the shop that same young woman greeted him with a cup of coffee and a cupcake. He eyed the confectionary warily. "It's a new flavor I thought you might want to try out. It's strawberry marbled with chocolate chili topped with a chai cream cheese frosting."
It didn't sound as though it would rot his teeth out, and there were no neon colors to be found, so Severus excepted it with a grunt of thanks and sat down at his regular table and celebrated the day in his own way.
The next day, Severus stopped by Greens like he had planned. He went just before noon, and found a pot of tea and a plate of sandwiches just as if it was Wednesday. "I didn't figure you'd show yesterday," Longbottom said in lieu of greeting. "Did you…" Severus could almost see the words get drunk form in Longbottom's thoughts, "did you go out?" he asked instead, tactfully.
"I had coffee with someone I've known a long time." It wasn't strictly a lie; Severus had known the woman at Blue's for a long time, and she had sat at the table with him, albeit to ask what he thought of the new cupcake flavor (Severus had to begrudgingly admit that it was rather good). "And you? Surely you had no shortage of party invitations yesterday."
Longbottom shrugged and changed the sign on the door from "open" to "closed" with a flick of his wand before pouring out their tea. "I'm not one for parties much. Besides, my Hachi vines started flowering, so I had a good excuse to stay home."
"Hachi vines?" Severus perked up at this information. "Those are notoriously difficult to raise. They take near-constant attention."
"I have a friend who watches the plants while I'm in the shop. The Hachi vines were a challenge, but he didn't mind too much." Longbottom dumped an alarming amount of sugar into his tea as he did every week and stirred contemplatively. "They should be ready in a few days professor, if you'd like a few cuttings."
Despite the fact that it had been a decade since Severus had last worked in any sort of educational setting, he couldn't shake Longbottom of title professor. "And how much would these clippings be?" Because of the difficulty in raising Hachi vines, they were normally prohibitively expensive. Enough so that Severus didn't usually bother with them. But if Longbottom named a good enough price…
"Why don't you stop by the nursery tomorrow and take a look at them, let me know what you think. We can work out a price there."
"You'll be there?" Severus raised an eyebrow. "I refuse to deal with someone dim enough to be working for you."
Longbottom grinned. "Of course. I've got a girl who watches the shop for me on Fridays. Would around 3 work for you?" Without waiting for Severus' confirmation, he scribbled the address down on a piece of parchment.
Severus took it from him, gingerly. "Your penmanship is still as deplorable as it ever was."
"I happen to like it. My gran always said it showed character."
"That is because this looks like calligraphy compared to Augusta Longbottom's handwriting. The word illegible is too kind a description."
Longbottom laughed. "Say, did you see this morning's Prophet? There was a nice piece on magical fungi in the rainforest…"
When Severus returned home, that bird was on his window sill once again. She came to visit him now and again. Severus imagined that she got lonely- there was no other reason for her to come visit him. Sometimes he wondered if she was being taken care of, or if she had just fled to the wild all those years ago. She was more than capable of taking care of herself; Severus knew that fact intimately.
"You're in luck bird," Severus said to her. "I remembered to pick up your infernal treats while I was in Diagon Alley today." He almost hadn't. People still stared at him, some in awe, some in fear, most in disgust. It had been ten years; hadn't they forgotten him by now? But the Magical Pets Emporium was having a sale that he didn't want to miss. Besides, the streets were emptier than normal. Severus suspected that most were nursing hangovers from the night before.
The bird hooted softly in response and waited patiently as Severus dug for the box of owl treats in the bag full of the shopping he'd done that day. She was old now, no longer nipping at his ear impatiently waiting for her treat. Severus almost missed it.
"Here you are." She hooted her thanks and took the treat delicately from his fingers.
Severus took his things downstairs to his basement that doubled as his workroom. He knew from experience that the bird would follow him down and watch him for the rest of the day, an unobtrusive, snowy presence in the corner of his eye, until he sat down to dinner. Then she would steal a few choice bits from his plate and fly off, back to wherever it was she spent her time when she wasn't visiting him. Occasionally, he'd ask her to carry a package or letter for him, but that was rare. He had no one he wished to write these days, and St. Mungo's sent over their own owls when their orders were due in.
It was all so very predictable. Severus had always been a creature of habit, so it was nice not to have Dumbledore knocking on his door with a request that no other person in their right mind would accept. It was nice not to have to deal with sniveling children and idiots trying to blow up his classroom. It was nice having his evenings to himself.
But best of all was that there was no one around to contradict him when he told bald-faced lies.
He'd had enough excitement to last the rest of his life, he told himself. Wasn't this what he had always wanted, what he had worked so hard for? A nice, quiet life, with no one to answer to and no one to be responsible for. Solitude so he could work on whatever he wanted. He'd only ever wanted to be left alone. And now he was alone.
Normalcy, predictably, a routine that he didn't have to interrupt for anyone. On most days, Severus could almost fool himself into believing that he was happy with his life as it was. But not today. Not after yesterday. Not after the day the wizarding world refused to let him forget. Severus stared blankly at the cauldron in front of him. What had happened to all of his plans? His work at St. Mungo's had only been meant to support his experiments. He was going to invent new, better potions, ones that weren't meant for killing or maiming or torture. He was going to become one of the top experts in the field, fending off multiple invitations to go to this conference in Switzerland or speak at that lecture in America. And no one would mind when he tore up their missives because geniuses were expected to be eccentric.
Instead, he spent his days brewing the same healing potions over and over again and never once attempting to do something else. The endless monotony- sorry, routine- was only broken by the arrival of a certain snowy owl and the occasional dinner with his godson. He stared at the empty cauldron in front of him and knew that he should be happy- knew that he could be happy if he just tried. And he didn't want to think of why he wasn't.
Severus wanted to drink himself to sleep right there and then, but St. Mungo's was expecting another shipment, and Severus had planned to use today to make the Dreamless Sleep Draught. He didn't interrupt his routine for anyone. Not even himself.
Severus ended up at Longbottom's half an hour before planned. His brewing had reached a good stopping point and he didn't want to stay inside the house without anything to do. Longbottom had said he had a friend watching the plants full-time so there should be someone there to let Severus in, even if Longbottom was out. He wondered if this friend was someone he had taught- Severus couldn't imagine any of Longbottom's Gryffindor dorm mates being satisfied with just sitting around watching plants all day, even if they were desperate enough for a job.
There was no bell or anything to ring when Severus got to the gate. He considered sending his patronus to find whoever was there when a soft hoot made him look up.
"So this is where you spend your days, eh bird?" Severus said to the all-too-familiar owl. He wasn't surprised. Longbottom seemed to have developed a habit of taking in strays. Severus himself was a prime example of that- a fact that once would have annoyed him. "Well then, make yourself useful and find someone to let me in. I have an appointment with the proprietor."
The bird gave him a long look that Severus couldn't interpret before giving another soft hoot and winging off. Severus didn't have long to wait before a man that looked vaguely familiar arrived to let him in. "Hullo professor," the dark-skinned man greeted him with a grin. If the man had been one of Severus' students, he hadn't left an impression. Severus couldn't place him at all.
The man seemed to understand this. "Dean Thomas," he said, holding out his hand as though they were being introduced for the first time. "I was in Gryffindor in Nev's year."
"Mr. Thomas. Of course," Severus said, although having a name to put to the face didn't help him remember at all. They shook hands briefly.
"Nev mentioned you were stopping by, but I didn't that would be until later."
"I am earlier than originally planned. If that's a problem, I can come back later." Not that Severus knew where he'd spend the extra half hour. Maybe in a Muggle bar where no one recognized him, and he could nurse a glass of good, smooth bourbon in peace.
"No, no. It's fine," Thomas said, but he looked uncertain. "It's just, Neville's not in at them moment, and I actually have to leave in a bit. But if you'd rather wait, I can show you to Nev's office…"
No, Severus didn't want to wait. He wanted that glass of bourbon. But he'd promised that he'd try to cut back on his drinking. "That would be sufficient, thank you Mr. Thomas."
Thomas hesitated a moment as though he wanted to say something further, but he seemed to think better of it. Instead, they walked together in silence the short distance to Longbottom's little office. It was in a larger building that looked like a house. Severus wondered if Longbottom lived there, or if it perhaps belonged to Thomas as the caretaker. He didn't ask.
There was a large desk and some comfortable looking chairs in the office, but not much else. "Can I get you something before I leave, professor?" Thomas asked, straightening some of the papers scattered across the desk. "Tea, or maybe some biscuits? Or something to read? I think Nev's got some plant magazines around here somewhere," he added, flipping through the papers to look.
"I will be fine, Mr. Thomas. I'm sure that I can find ample ways to amuse myself in your absence."
Thomas stopped and put the papers he was rifling through back onto the desk, probably woefully out of order. "So long as you're sure…"
"Quite sure, thank you."
"Right, well, I should be off, then." He shook Severus' hand once again. "It was good seeing you again, professor." Thomas left, but wasn't out of Severus' sight more than half of a second before he stuck his head back in the room. "Oh, and it's best if you stay in here until Neville comes back. Never know what might bite you out there, you know?"
Severus wondered if he should be touched at the man's concern. Most of his former Gryffindor students would hold a celebration should he perish at the roots of Longbottom's exotic plants. "I assure you, I have no intention of getting eaten by a rogue plant."
"Right." Thomas grinned. "I'm really leaving this time, I promise."
"Good-bye, Mr. Thomas."
Longbottom showed up not ten minutes later, barely giving Severus time to be bored. "I thought you might be early, professor," he greeted Severus, a good-natured smile on his round face, "but I didn't think you'd be this early."
"I had time on my hands. I do apologize if it was an inconvenience."
"Oh no, of course not." Longbottom waved his hand dismissively. "I'm just sorry I kept you waiting. Shall we head down to the greenhouse?"
"I must admit, I was a little surprised to see Thomas as your caretaker," Severus commented as they walked through the nursery. Although he couldn't say that he remembered the man, it had been immediately clear to him that Thomas was emphatically not the type that would be satisfied watching plants for a living.
"Dean? Oh no, he'd go bonkers sitting around here all day. He does the illustrations for the Quibbler- you know the ones. The 'artistic interpretations' of anything they can't get pictures of."
"That would be everything, then."
Longbottom laughed. "Dean stops by from time to time to visit. Mr. Lovegood is pretty lax about when he works so long as he puts a full day in."
"So he was visiting." That seemed odd. "While you were out."
"Have you any plans yet for the Hachi vines?" Longbottom asked in an utterly transparent attempt to change the subject.
Fifteen years ago, he'd have called Longbottom on it and terrorized him until he got the truth. Ten years ago, he'd have thought it suspicious and fished for more information. Today, all he said was, "I'd have to see the quality of the vine before I made any sort of decision." A small part of Severus knew that he was being a coward. The larger part of him couldn't seem to care. Secrets were no longer his stock and trade, and he was better off leaving them be.
Out of the corner of his eye, Severus could have sworn he saw someone moving through the plants, but when he turned his head to look, no one was there.
"Professor? Is something wrong?"
Severus tried to shake the feeling that he was being watched. "No. It was just the wind."
Sometimes, Severus' routine did get interrupted by the man he had the dubious honor of calling his godson. This happened to be one of those days. Generally, these interruptions were minor enough, typically in the form of an owl carrying an invitation to dinner. Today, however, the interruption was not so minor.
"You do realize that I am well within my legal rights to hex you for breaking and entering," Severus stated mildly as he walked into his kitchen to check on the presence his personal wards had alerted him to.
"Entering, I may be guilty of, but there was absolutely no breaking involved," the blond man said without turning from his task of rummaging through Severus' cold pantry. "Besides, if you had wanted to hex me, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"What are you doing here, Draco?"
"Wishing I had stopped at the store before I came here. Do you live on jam and toast?"
"I somehow doubt you came to discuss the state of my larder," Severus said dryly. "Either tell me what it is that you want or I will seriously reconsider hexing you."
Draco turned to face him. The young Malfoy heir had grown into all the promises of beauty he'd shown as a child. His pointed face had lost some of its delicacy with age, leaving him with a much more masculine appearance. He'd grown to the point where he was nearly as tall as Severus, and he kept his white-blond hair consistently close-cropped. Severus often wondered if Draco did this on purpose to differentiate himself from the father he looked too much alike and who had died a villain. "I took the day off of work. I thought we might spend it together."
"Then you'd best make other plans. I'm busy, Draco."
"Oh, don't give me that, Severus," Draco said with a frown, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "We both know that whatever potion you're brewing for St. Mungo's can wait until tomorrow." Draco's expression softened a bit, and he ran a hand through his hair. "Look, I worry about you, okay? You're going to waste doing this. At least at Hogwarts, you had to think, if only of new and creative ways to give detention." Draco grinned, trying to include Severus in the joke, but it fell flat. "I know you're mourning. I understand that, but it's been ten years. You deserve to live your life. That's what he would want you to do."
"He's dead. He doesn't want anything anymore." The was a bitter taste in Severus' mouth. He got a glass of water to wash it away.
"No one knows that for sure," Draco said, a little too quickly.
No, no one did know for sure what had happened that day ten years ago, not even Severus and he had been there. All they knew was that the Dark Lord had been killed and that their savior had disappeared. All Severus knew was that terrible wound and all of that blood and the lonely bird that sometimes visited his window sill. It was enough proof for him, especially since sometimes it was harder to imagine that he might still be alive.
The water wasn't doing anything. Perhaps something stronger would do the trick. Severus poured himself and Draco a glass of bourbon each. "I appreciated your concern Draco, but I'm…" happy, he meant to say. Satisfied. Living the life I've always wanted. "…fine. I'm fine." The bourbon helped, but not by much. Severus had a feeling he'd need a lot more of it.
Draco frowned at the bourbon and didn't touch his glass. "You need to get out of this house, Severus. Interact with other human beings. Besides myself and Longbottom," he added as though sensing Severus' retort.
Now it was Severus' turn to frown. "If I find that you've been following me, I will not be pleased," he warned.
"Neville wrote me. He's been worried, too."
Severus remembered the days when he had been the thing Longbottom feared most with nostalgia. He poured himself more bourbon. "Both of your concerns are well-intentioned, but misplaced."
Draco said nothing in reply but looked pointedly at the newly-full glass of bourbon in Severus' hand. Severus sighed and put the glass back on the table without drinking. "What is it that I can do to ease your mind so that you'll let me be?"
"Come out with me today. Come over for dinner tomorrow and save me from the Weasley horde that will descend upon my house when Charlie gets home. And it wouldn't hurt if you owled that Alcander fellow."
Severus quirked an eyebrow. "Is that all, my Lord Malfoy?"
"You could cut back on the drinking like you promised."
He pinched the bridge of his nose feeling a headache starting. He didn't want to have this fight again, especially when Severus had done exactly as promised. "Fine," he said shortly. "I will acquiesce to your demands only if you promise me that in the future, you will remember that I am an adult and am perfectly capable of conducting my life as I see fit."
"Will you owl Alcander?"
"Yes, Draco. I will send him an owl."
"Good." Draco smiled brightly. "Then come along, there's lots for us to do today. I thought I'd make Charlie's favorites tomorrow, but I don't know where to get most of the ingredients. Maybe you will…"
Severus realized that Draco hadn't promised, but that was all right. He never did.
Word Count: 3,929
I have actually made those cupcakes and they are yumtastic. I bribed my way into the Misfits Cabin using that recipe.