NEON GENESIS EVANGELION: THESE SCARS WE BEAR

by TEZZA1502

Rating: MA+

DISCLAIMER: N.G.E. owned by GAINAX and Anno. Not me. I'm just taking it out for a spin for a few chapters. I'll bring it back later, honest!

Notes: Sorry, sorry, sorry. The symbol I used to denote thoughts in the first chapter didn't make it through whatever filters uses for it's stories. Hopefully, you readers (both of you) figured out where and what the characters thoughts were supposed to be and it didn't detract too much from your enjoyment of the story. For this one, I'm going back to the old style of presenting such things. So, without further ado, here we go again.

thoughts ' ,'

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DAY TWO Part 1

For some people, it had been a long night.

"Report, Lt. Ibuki."

"The MAGI are still collating data, sir."

"I will accept a preliminary finding."

"Preliminary finding is that Third Impact was Initiated, but. . . "

"But what!"

"But something interrupted it, sir. Highest probability is that one of the principals involved chose not to complete the process."

"WHAT! Who?"

"The MAGI have insufficient data to be able to determine that at this time, sir. All this is. . . is just conjecture at this point. Sir."

"Dammit! All right, keep working on it. In addition, find out if we can expect another attack soon. I don't know where the J.S.S.D.F. laying siege to us disappeared to but I want us to be ready if they come back for round two."

"Yes, sir."

"Now, what shape are WE in?"

"Sir. 72 percent of NERV staff have been found to have returned at this time. Of that number, approximately 30 percent are back on duty. It seems that most of them were actually killed during the fighting and are still adjusting to the fact that they are alive again. We are organising a section by section search for more returnees, but that will take time."

"That will have to do for now. Make your priority finding out what happened to us and the current whereabouts of the First, Second and Third Children. If they are alive we need to get to them before someone else does."

"Yes sir."

"And if you locate Major Katsuragi, tell her I want a report from her as soon as it is convenient. Dismissed."

"Yes sir, Commander Fuyutski."

MEANWHILE. . . . .

Shinji awoke slowly, enjoying the gradual climb from deep sleep to barely conscious. With his eyes closed, he attempted to review some of the dreams he had experienced the night before. Panic, confusion, joy, fear, relief. All the emotions that he himself had felt after coming back but strangely multiplied and distorted as if he was somehow channelling input from someone else.

"Weird." He yawned to himself.

"Still, if anyone is going to feel a little crazy after yesterday, it would be me. Some of the shit I've been through lately would be enough to send anyone over the edge."

He paused.

"Which it did."

He pondered this for a moment, and then shook his head to clear it.

"Ah well, no point in trying to figure it out yet. Might as well get up and face the day. These deep thoughts can wait."

Satisfied with this internal agreement, he opened his eyes.

And froze.

With good reason.

That reason was currently taking up the other half of the bed with her face less than six inches from his own.

Shinji started to relax by slowly by degrees as he noticed she was still asleep.

'Asuka's in my bed and not the other way around? Check!

Both still dressed? Check!

Both under separate sheets? Check!

Holding hands? Check!'

Shinji's checklist came to a screeching halt at that last one. A quick glance down the bed confirmed that yes; her right hand was indeed gently clutching his left. He attempted to withdraw it only to have her grip him tighter.

'Okay. I'm stuck in bed, holding hands with Asuka, while she's drooling on my pillow. If I'm dreaming, it's the best one I've had in a looong time. If I'm awake, I guess I'll just have to lay here and enjoy it while it lasts. Woe is me!'

He smiled gently to himself.

'Besides, how many chances will I get to just look at her face without her accusing me of being a pervert. It's not MY fault she's the most beautiful girl I know.' He thought as he tried to commit to memory every feature of this girl who had unknowingly captured his heart.

An eternity later, Asuka started to stir. Yawning, she let go of Shinji to rub the sleep from her un-damaged eye. Upon opening it, her reaction was very similar to Shinji's.

She froze.

And stared.

Shinji stared back.

Both of them used this time to marshal their thoughts for what was sure to be an interesting conversation.

"Third Child."

"Yes, Asuka."

"Why are you in my bed?"

"I'm not. Your in mine."

"Yeah, right."

"No, really. Have a look around."

Asuka looked.

"Okay. Next question. Why am I in YOUR bed?"

"I don't know. I've been asleep all night. You must have walked in here."

"Yeah, right. I can't walk, remember. You must have dragged me in here."

"While we were both asleep? Anyway, your fed and rested. Maybe you can walk now."

Asuka thought on that for a moment. ' (GRRR!) That baka is way too calm about this situation. Just how long was he awake before me, anyway? Time to stir the pot! (SMIRK) '

"Maybe. Later. I still have questions. You had better have kept your hands to yourself while I was asleep, Third Child. It would be a shame if you survived Third Impact just for it to end here!"

"I didn't touch you! I only just woke up myself." He said defensively while blushing furiously.

Asuka smirked. 'So easy to tease. That's the Shinji I know.'

"Good. Now, what's the plan for today, O Mighty Shinji, Slayer of Angels?"

Blushing even more furiously at not only what she had said, but at the surprisingly affectionate tone behind it, he stammered his answer, "Um. . . get breakfast made, then boil some water for your bath."

"My what?"

"I figure your still coated with that L.C.L. crap like I am, so I'll draw you a bath first. Then I'll have one myself when I come back."

"From where?"

"Well, while your having a wash, I will go out and have a look for a clothing store for us."

Asuka thought about his idea for a moment. "No"

"No, what?"

"No, your not going out to look for clothes just yet."

"But. . . Why not?"

Wincing slightly, Asuka sat up and turned away from Shinji. "Asuka. . . ?"

"I don't want to be alone." She said in a quiet voice.

"What do you mean?" Shinji looked up at her, puzzled.

"I MEAN, I don't want to be alone right now, Shinji." Turning back to face him again, she chose her next words carefully as she continued in a steady voice.

"Yesterday was the most amazing and terrifying day of my life. It changed me. I died and was reborn. And I am going to be feeling the emotional fallout from THAT for years to come."

Taking a deep breath and calming her emotions, she started talking again.

"But that was yesterday. Today, I woke up after the best night's sleep I've had in a long time, next to someone who has been taking care of me, without reward, for no reason that I can see. I am feeling happy and safe and protected and I want that feeling to continue for as long as possible."

Smiling at the expression on Shinji's face, she concluded, "So, after breakfast, I am going to take that bath you have offered me. While I am in there, you are going to look in these cupboards for something we can wear temporarily. Then YOU will have a wash and WE will go out for a look around. Because I-DO-NOT-WANT-TO-BE-ALONE. Do you understand now!"

An extremely shocked Shinji managed to nod yes.

"Good. Now get up and give me a hand. I want to try walking."

To her surprise, once Asuka was on her feet she found she could walk. Slowly and with none of her customary grace and determination to be sure, but it still fell within what was considered 'walking'. Shrugging off Shinji's steading hand, she slowly made her way to the small table in the kitchen and sat down. Breathing heavily, she looked back over her shoulder at him with an enquiring eye.

"Not bad for someone who was in a coma yesterday. Now, how about that breakfast you promised me. Come on, you've got a starving invalid here. Get a move on."

Grinning at the teasing tone in her voice, Shinji crossed the room and began gathering ingredients together from his meagre larder.

"It will be pretty basic, I'm afraid. Whoever was here before us took just about everything edible with them."

"In all the time the three of us lived together, Third Child, I have never seen you present a sub-standard meal to either Misato or myself. I have faith that your culinary abilities will be able to overcome this situation." She smiled at his busy form as she continued. "Just hurry up or my stomach will start growling at you again."

'Is this really Asuka in the room with me?' Shinji thought as he blushed furiously at her gentle praise of him.

'She hasn't shouted at me once so far today. I thought for sure she would give me a black eye after waking up in bed with me. And then saying she didn't want me to leave her alone here. And all those other things. I mean, she's had her nice moments in the past, but this? It's like someone slipped Valium into her entry plug.'

Pondering the idea for a moment, he eventually discarded it. 'Nah. Whoever did it, wouldn't survive if she found out. Soooo. . . maybe she really did figure some things out during her instrumentality experience.'

At this thought, a blindingly fast montage of images flashed past his eyes. They were too quick for any sort of detailed study but they all had one thing in common, a mental association with the young woman sitting behind him.

"What the fuck was that?" Shinji mumbled softly as he put his hands over his face.

"Shinji? Are you all right? What's wrong?" Asuka asked quickly as the boy slumped against the bench and groaned slightly.

"Nothing Asuka." He said, trying to clear his head. "Just a small headache. I guess I'm hungry too."

"Are you sure? You're trembling." She said with concern in her voice.

"I'm fine. Just a post-impact brainfart."

Laughing slightly at the mental image accompanying that last statement, they both settled back into an easy silence.

'Hmm. That looked a little more serious than he wants me to believe. I'll have to grill him about it later. Can't have anything happening to my Shinji, who will look after me then?'

Asuka stopped and realised just what she was thinking. 'Damn, these injuries must be worse than I thought. Since when do I need anyone? I don't need to rely on anyone but myself!'

Sighing, she shook her head and smiled to herself as she considered the situation she found herself in, 'Buuuut, if I DO have to rely on someone, I would rather it was Shinji than anyone else. I mean, he's no KAJI, but he is improving. Whatever he went through yesterday, it's finally given him a spine.'

Mentally ticking of fingers, she continued, 'He's showing initiative. He's taken charge of our survival. He's actually doing a good job of it so far! He's standing up to ME, which would be no easy feat for him. AND, he hasn't spouted any meaningless apologies at me. Yet. PLUS, the first thing he did when we came back was try to strangle me. What wasTHAT all about?' Certain memories surfaced in answer to that last question. 'Well, maybeI have given him enough of a reason to do that in the past.'

Mentally twitching at the dark turn her thoughts were taking, Asuka changed tracks. Survival first, introspection later.

Shinji was also deep in thought as he prepared their meal.

'What was that! It looked like. . . like someone's life in fast-forward. Was that. . . Asuka's life? It looked like her as a little girl. Why do I get such a sense of sadness from these images? What did she lose that could wound her so badly?'

Another flash, this time of a woman and a doll, hanging in a room. The perspective was very low.

'Who's seeing this?' He thought. Then he got it. 'My god, she found her own mother after she committed suicide.'

It took all of his self-control not to give any visible sign of this realisation. 'That explains so much about why she is the way she is. I mean, I know I went off the deep end when my mom died and the commander abandoned me, but that was an accident. Her mother actually killed herself and left her body for Asuka to find.'

Surreptitiously clearing the tears from his eyes, Shinji thought of something, 'Wait a minute! If that's true, then why did Asuka say that her mother was in the EVA with her? She said something about that during the battle, I think? I know some part of my mother was in Unit-1. So how did her mom get into Unit-2?' He waited expectantly, but whatever was giving him those flashes had apparently decided to close up shop for the time being.

'Okay, a question for another time, then.' Shifting his mental attention elsewhere, 'So that explains who she was up until yesterday, but what about since then? She's been nice to me almost all the time. Even when she's teasing me, it doesn't have the same edge to it that it used too. And I really was expecting to be put through a wall earlier. What's going on? Is she really starting to like me?'

At that thought, Shinji mentally reigned himself in. Even after living through Third Impact and all that he's seen and done in the past few months, there are still some things that he is just not ready to seriously contemplate yet.

Coming off autopilot to put the finishing touches on breakfast, he put all those thoughts into the To-Do-Later basket and focused on serving the meal. Placing Asuka's portion in front of her, he set a large pot of water to heat on the burner before returning to the table with his own.

"Well?" He asked when he noticed the girl was half finished hers already.

" 'Well' what?"

"Well, does it pass the Asuka Langley Sohryu Quality Control Criteria for Human Consumption?"

Asuka started, then looked wryly across the table at a wide-eyed, innocent-looking Shinji.

"Smart-ass. Yes, it does and if I wasn't so hungry, you would be wearing it right now. So be quiet and eat."

After they had both finished and the table was cleared, Asuka looked pensive for a moment and then came to a decision.

"Shinji, could you help me take these bandages off? I want to see how much damage was done."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I don't know. But I want to do it anyway. They're driving me crazy."

Shinji agreed with reservations.

"We'll start with the arm one first. Undo it slowly, just in case."

"All right. Here we go."

"And don't tickle me!"

With that last warning, Asuka straightened out her arm and laid it on the table. Shinji gently unfastened the upper end of the bandage and slowly unwound it around her arm. Asuka watched on nervously as a pale pink scar began to be revealed halfway up her bicep. After about an inch of it was revealed, Shinji stopped and gently brushed his finger across it. "It's healed!" He said wondrously, not noticing the effect his light touch had on her.

"What?"

"I said it's healed. Totally. Just some light scarring along the surface."

Completely absorbed with what he was doing, Shinji didn't see her eyes glaze over as he touched her. 'Mein gott, his hands are so soft and gentle.' Coming back to reality, she tried to recall what he had said to her.

"Healed? How well healed."

"Completely, from the looks of it. Just a thin scar remains."

Resuming his task, he asked slowly, dreading the answer, "How far down will it go?"

"All the way." She answered sadly. "It happened during the fight with the other EVA's. I was just about to finish off the last one when one of their blade weapons came out of nowhere. I stopped it for a moment, but then it turned into a lance of Longinus and it went through my A.T. field like a hot knife through butter. That's how my eye got damaged. Right then my batteries cut out and I lost power. I went crazy. And I think I was starting to slip into bezerker mode."

Shinji shuddered in sympathy at what the memory of that was like.

"Anyway, just as it was about to kick in, another lance came down and cut my arm in two. Like a ribbon."

Sniffling loudly, she kept her face hidden behind her hair. "So that scar will go down one side of my arm, pass between my first and second finger, and come all the way back up the other side." Cringing as a thought occurred to her, she continued, " I suppose I should consider myself lucky it wasn't worse, considering what happened to me after that, but. . . "

As Shinji took the last of the bandages off her hand, he saw for himself that it was just as she had described it. Lifting her hand to her face, she traced the entire length of it with her undamaged eye. Unable to contain her emotions anymore, she started to cry softly.

When Shinji noticed this, his first thought was to leave the room. To run away. Again. However, he did not. Steeling himself with the thought that he wasn't going to do that anymore and besides', Asuka needed him right now, more than ever, he leaned in and put his arms around her.

Asuka stiffened at this unexpected physical contact at first, but soon relaxed into his embrace. Eventually, she was hugging him back and burying her face into his shoulder, all the while sobbing uncontrollably.

Shinji stroked her hair and tried to comfort her as best he could. Wisely, he decided to stay silent and let her cry herself out. After a time, she stopped shaking and the tears dried up. Leaning back slightly but still staying within the circle of his arms, Asuka looked Shinji in the eyes for a long moment. "Lets get this over with."

"Pardon?"

"The bandages over my eye. Take them off as well."

Shoulders slumped and sniffling quietly, she sighed, "May as well get it all over and done with at once. No use stretching out the horror any more than necessary. Come on, Shinji, stop procrastinating."

Dragging his thoughts back into order, Shinji released her and stood up. Ignoring her curious look, he started out of the room.

"Where are you going, Third Child?"

"To get a hand mirror for you."

"Oh, okay. Could you close the curtains on your way back? Just in case it's too bright for my eye."

Circling the room while returning, he did as she asked. Placing the small mirror on the table in front of her, he once again began unwinding bandages. Slowly, gently, he removed them all. Asuka removed the gauze pad from over her eye as Shinji moved in to get a closer look.

"How does it look?" She enquired nervously.

"May I get a bit closer?"

Waiting until she nodded affirmative, he slowly cupped the side of her face with his hand and gently traced the two parallel scars that fell diagonally from just above her eyebrow, across her eyelid, and down to the top of her cheek with his thumb. Leaning in, he studied her eye in a slightly detached way.

"Can you see anything?" Her answering groan seemed to be in the negative.

"Okay. Can you move it at all?" Groaning in the affirmative this time, her eye shifted direction and focused a little.

Smoothing the eyebrow under his thumb softly, he decided, "Nothing seems to be wrong, just a bit of bruising and redness. Should be okay with time."

As she moaned again and shifted her head against his hand, Shinji suddenly realised just how intimate a gesture he had made towards Asuka. Although blushing furiously, the boy took heart from her reaction and in a moment of daring, let his hand slide softly down the side of her face before it fell to his side.

Asuka came out of her daze as soon as he broke physical contact. Shaking her head to clear it of the thoughts that had been running rampant, she picked up the mirror and tried to see for herself how much damage had occurred.

'Scheiss! This is to small to really see what has been done to me.'

Putting it down flat, Asuka rose to her feet and made her way to the bathroom. Shinji followed at a safe distance, not sure how she would react once she got a good look at herself, but wanting to stay out of range, just in case.

'I think she still looks great, but when has my opinion ever counted.' Was all he thought as she pulled back the curtain and got a good look at herself in full sunlight.

Asuka stood in front of the mirror, taking in the sight of her changed appearance.

Yes, she had been in a coma.

Yes, she had been depressed for a while.

Yes, she hadn't had a chance to clean up after yesterday's battle. But this! This was a nightmare!

As she took stock of her appearance, she became increasingly pissed off. 'Still coated in L.C.L., hair looks like a birds nest, skin looks like grey sandpaper, puffy red eyes, I've got bones poking out everywhere and lets not forget the big goddamn fucking scars now decorating my body.'

Turning on Shinji, she shouted "Why the HELL didn't you tell me I looked this bad?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I look like a HAG, you idiot! Even Misato after her worst binges never woke up looking like this. I'm an ugly, scarred mess. Better to have stayed dead than to live looking like this."

Leaning against the sink and putting her head in her hands, she started to weep again.

"Asuka, don't say that. It's not true." Shinji started earnestly.

"SHUT UP, baka! I'm hideous. Who would ever want anything to do with me now, looking like this?"

"I would." Came his soft reply. Asuka froze in mid-sob at those words, but didn't look up. Not quite daring to say anything else, he crossed over to the tub and began filling it. Heading out to the kitchen briefly, he returned with the large pot that had been heating up. Pouring it in, he went back and forth repeating the process until the tub was warm and full. Turning to Asuka, who had not moved since his last statement, he said in a quiet monotone, "If it's too hot, just turn the tap on. Only the cold water is still running, unfortunately. Soap and shampoo are under the sink and there's towels in the cupboard."

Turning to leave, he stopped at the door when he heard her ask gently, "Do you mean that?"

"Yes, I do."

Turning Shinji's revelation over in her mind, she continued to ask "Why? How could you possibly feel anything like that towards me? I know what I am and I know how I've treated you in the past. And now my body finally matches my soul. Scarred! Why would you ever want anything to do with someone like me, Shinji?" She finished, almost pleading.

Turning to face her and considering his next words carefully, he waited until she raised her head and looked at him before answering, "Asuka, you've always been the most beautiful girl I know. That hasn't changed."

"Let me finish." He said when she looked like she was going to interrupt. "Yes, your personality is a bit prickly but I know there are reasons for that. You say you haven't treated me well in the past. Well, that's true, but I have deserved it on occasion."

Smiling ruefully, he continued, "BUT, we have been given a second chance at this life, whether we think we deserve it or not. I am trying to be more than I was, before. You can too."

Looking her over, he concluded, "As for your scars, well, anyone who is a real friend of yours won't notice them as anything more than just another part of you. And I will personally introduce Unit-1's boot to ANYONE who tries to give you any shit about them."

Getting a small smile out of her with that last statement, Shinji stepped back out of the room. Just before he shut the door, he threw one last thought into the room.

"And for the record, I've liked you since we fought that first Angel together."

'Really? Wow!' Were the only coherent thoughts Asuka could muster after Shinji left the room. Getting undressed and lowering herself into the bath, the young girl contemplated all that had been said, trying to decide if the boy was being serious and telling the truth or just trying to cheer her up. After much consideration, she decided he was being truthful.

'If there is one thing I have learnt about that boy, it's that he sucks at lying.'

Now all she had to do was deal with the fact that Shinji had feelings for her and he had meant everything he had said.

Shinji, on the other hand, spent the next ten minutes quietly hyperventilating!

Finally, as he shook his head at his own audacity, he picked himself up off the floor and set his own water to heat, before succumbing to his need to clean. As he knew how long Asuka liked to spend in the bathroom, he took his time, giving the unit a good once over. With that done, he went to 'her' room to choose some clothes for her to wear on their shopping expedition.

"Hmmmm. . . must have been a single mother living here with a teenage son. I'll be fine but Asuka will whine all the way to the shop."

Laying out a shirt and a pair of overalls on the bed, he turned to go into 'his' room while he continued to think out loud, "Nothing for it, I suppose. I'm in for a loooong walk later. I wonder if there are any earplugs lying around."

Making his own selection, he took them with him out to the kitchen. "COME ON, Asuka. We may have a big day ahead of us. You don't want to prune in there, do you?" He yelled through the door.

"BITE ME, Third Child! It's a lady's prerogative to take her time, at all times."

"I'll confirm that, if I ever meet one." He said under his breath.

"What was that!"

"Just agreeing with you."

Hearing the splashing that accompanied her dark mutterings, Shinji waited. Soon, Asuka opened the door and marched past him into her room, throwing him an unreadable glance as she went by.

"And don't come barging in and giving me any grief about what I laid out for you!" He called after her as she shut the door.

'So far so good. She's not shouting at me yet.'

Drawing his own bath, Shinji was cleaned and out in record time. Emerging dressed and ready to go, he was surprised to find Asuka waiting for him. Rising from the table, she led the way as they headed out.

"Lead me to a shopping centre, Third Child. I want to get out of these rags as soon as possible." She growled.

END OF PART 1

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More Notes: well, it's proceeding smoothly for now, this writing thing. Because I enjoy reading it as much as I do writing it, the hardest part for me has been divorcing my awe at the high level of stories I have looked at from the thought processes I use to write my stuff. I mean, I AM doing this for my own enjoyment but still, it can be a bit intimidating sometimes. Anyway, enough about my problems, part 2 should be along presently. Thrills, spills, and a bit of perving. It's all about the shopping. P.S. Thanks to Avhern, blackman and James5 for their reviews. Keep reading guys & dolls.

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