Change your attitude and face your fears

When Ludwig woke up, he froze on the spot in finding Feliciano's limbs wrapped around his body, one of his legs intertwined right around his thigh, threateningly close to his glorious morning erection. His gasp reduced to silence, still not breathing he tried to move his arm away from the other's grasp. Unfortunately, the only reaction was having Feliciano nuzzling his cheek against his shoulder. He then lightly elbowed under his ribcage, trying to discomfort him to the point he would move aside, but Feliciano just ran his fingers down his forearm to clench his wrist and mewl annoyingly as reply. Shifting to the edge of the mattress or rolling to the side caused Feliciano to nestle even closer, his knee now bended to touch Ludwig's left leg.

He therefore stretched his arm out to reach for his phone: it was about time to wake him up. Awkward as it was, Ludwig resolved to calling him. A single whisper wasn't enough, though, and the more his voice got loud, the more his face wrinkled in a grimace. His fingers went from tapping his arm to veritably shaking him, till Feliciano sucked in a deep bothered breath.

"Smettila..." He moaned in shooing his hand away. His back-bones muttered low cracks as he stretched his neck and placed his arm on the other side of Ludwig's face, balancing his body to hover above him. His face crumpled numerous kaleidoscopic expressions before settling for a mild, sweet smile. He hadn't opened his eyes yet.

Ludwig kept still as he fell on his chest and yawned, kept still even when Feliciano started twisting and rocking like a cat. When his alarm started playing, he stopped with an "Oddio no.." to rest his forehead on his torso for a few moments before rolling to grab his mobile and silence it. That was the last sign of vitality from him, because he immediately fell dead on the pillow much to Ludwig's preoccupation.

The fuck shall I do now. From the very first moment that morning, this thought had been the only in his mind and it didn't seem it would leave him any time , he asked "Feli...? Feliciano?"

A low, sustained, mournful cry came from his side. Feliciano wearily turned to face him, his face a mosaic of pain. "It's morning..." he tiredly moaned. Ludwig, as empathetic as he felt, couldn't but laugh at how pathetic he was while he was rubbing his forearms against his face in a desperate attempt to both keep the sunlight out and friction his sluggishness away. His arms dropped to the mattress, with his eyes to the ceiling he prayed God to help him.

Ludwig assisted to this morning ritual like an archeologist reading a hieroglyphic for the first time, with the same wonder and doubtful amusement mixed together. "Guten Tag." he gladly replied.

"Buongiorno!" Feliciano promptly responded, his eyes and voice clearly affirming how lost and bewildered he felt. He dragged in a mouthful of air and stated. "I hate mornings."

"I didn't notice!" Ludwig replied jokingly, his feet already on the floor and about to move to the bathroom. "Please, don't leave me here." Feliciano begged as he left him alone to enter the restroom. "I won't take long!" Ludwig find himself reassuring as he reached the sink. Oddly enough, his reflection in the mirror looked more cheerful than ever.

When they were both ready and sitting on the bed, Feliciano however still lacing his shoes, Ludwig felt the need to bring up the weird position he found them tangled in. "Say, Feli... You were clinging to me this morning.."

"Was I what?"

Having caught his attention, Ludwig couldn't go back, so he coughed and resignedly admitted. "Clinging. Like, you were hugging me. Ya know, your arms round my arm and all? It was weird, you were asleep and.. "

Feliciano's eyebrows arose before crippling in a confused frown. "Oh, I didn't.. Did I? Gosh, I'm so sorry.."

"No problem, it was just awkward! Well, very awkward! For real, I didn't even manage to wake you up and I was worried you might get the wrong idea if you found us like that.."

Feliciano scoffed shaking his head. "Don't be so dumb, I'd never take advantage of a drunk man!"

"Well, that's because you'd ever take a man!" When Ludwig turned to laugh with him at his joke, the embarrassed face his glance met wasn't exactly what he expected. "...Right?"

Feliciano eyed him carefully before directing his stare to the floor, where it lingered a few seconds. "I think we have to go." He fast stated as he stood up, grabbed his suitcase and phone and headed to the door. This unexpected rush made Ludwig grew worried, but all his questions were quickly silenced as he had to clench his own suitcase and run after him, already dashing to the stairs.

"There's the elevator!" he cried, but Feliciano wasn't paying him any attention, he therefore recklessly ran down to get closer to him and when he was just a few steps away, he grabbed his shoulder and puzzled, asked: "Feli, what's wrong?"

Feliciano lengthily stared into his eyes with shame and regret. Grief dropped from his words when he asked. "Can't you really figure it out yourself?"

The fuck shall I do now. Was hammering in Ludwig's mind once again.

"Oh God! I slept with a fag!" Ludwig screeched in jumping backwards, his eyes glimmering with horror and repulsion.

"Oh God, what shall I do now? Wash my body with ammonia and sterilize my ass? As if I'd laid a single finger on you!" Rage spilled from every pore.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Ludwig shouted, more confused than angry, still shocked and baffled. Every word offended Feliciano more and more. "I even had dinner with you! Were you trying to hit on me or..."

"Oh, yes! Yes, of course, Herr Beilschmidt! 'Cause the first thing coming to my mind when I enjoy some buff guy's company is luring him into a life of sin and gay sex!" Feliciano sounded more and more furious and frustrated, his fists closed and ready to blow, knuckles whitening as his face reddened.

"Well, I didn't mean.."

"Of course you did! Or tell me, why d'you have that disgusted look on your face? I'm no rapist, Beilschmidt, so take that off!"

The louder Feliciano roared, the quieter Ludwig became. It was the first time he had faced such a situation and he had no idea of how to cope with it. Their eyes never lost contact, but his vision was still blurred. He could hear Feliciano gritting his teeth, but the noise didn't make it past the Get a hold of yourself, Beilschmidt. You're no less than the man you were before. "Listen, I'm sorry I insulted you, I yet admit now wondering why you wanted me to stay last night."

Noticing the wrath and accusation were now almost gone, Feliciano partially calmed down, still maintaining his guard high. This only lightly hindered his voice to come out almost mellow as usual. "You were drunk, that's why. And I actually wanted to chat with you in the morning, too, possibly in front of a nice breakfast. Coffee, mostly. I need three cups at least. My plane will take off in the afternoon, I told you, so this is likely to be our last meal together. I hoped it'd go more smoothly than this.."

His disheartened confession made Ludwig feel way more relieved, yet guilty: He had no right to shout at him, he had done nothing at all! However, he wasn't completely sure Feliciano had no interest in him, let alone the sentiment of violation and horror the image of him rubbing against his body now sent. "I see.. But may I ask why you ran away like that after my question?"

Feliciano's orbs buzzed around the room like bees before he could form a reply. "I was afraid you would punch me, so I ran."

Ludwig didn't even ponder the answer too long. Whatever he could've given, he would've not believed it the least – and he would've been appalled, possibly more than he was now, and horrified. From what they had told each other on the day before, Ludwig also remembered something about him being bullied as a kid and this was enough to him to explain Feli's insane behaviour. He had just reacted the only way he knew: by fleeing. Ludwig then sighed and approached his friend. "Let's get that coffee, shall we?"

They kept silent while walking to the coffee-shop, both caught in their own thoughts. Ludwig's mind processed the previous day and night, analyzing every detail, now seen under a new perspective. He confronted the impressions he had of his companion with the new image he had of him, revealing new shades he had not taken into account. What he considered to be part of his cultural manners was now scrutinized and judged as excessively flamboyant. The whole, perceived as positive and nice till an hour before, was now unacceptable. This, till Ludwig turned to see Feli drinking from his coffee cup, occasionally nibbling his croissant. That was still the man of the day before. The man who offered to meet before the reunion, his customer who stayed in late to invite him out and buy him dinner, who comforted and offered him to stay for the night – only because he was drunk and could get in trouble. Did it really matter if he preferred trousers or skirts? He was still the friendly mate of the day before! But you look at him and all you see are your prejudices.

"I think I owe you my apologies." He stated, sipping his coffee now colder. "I just.. gave my fears a face and that was yours."

"It's okay, Lutz." Feliciano was simpering at him now, some crumbles and sugar left on the sides of his mouth. "I also overreacted." The silence between them lasted a few more sips, before Feliciano spoke dreamily again. "I should've lied to you. We'd still be friends."

Ludwig glanced at him before elbowing him lightly. "Aren't we?"

Feliciano frowned perplexedly. "I believed to understand you wanted me around no more. What with having your fears' face and all..."

That's right, Feli. But big or small, fears should be tackled. Ludwig's expression was sweeter, now, but still tough and stiff. Yet, the absence of hatred was immensely delighting. "You're not so menacing, you know?" He friendly mocked.

Feliciano laughed. "I may not look like a threat, but you were still dismayed to learn there was a remote possibility I like you!"

Wearing his most joking yet scary smile, Ludwig's fake high-pitched voice not-so-seductively remarked. "Why, don't you?"

"You'd never let me show how much." Feli purred, scratching his arm playfully. They both cackled, Ludwig unsuccessfully trying to suppress his mirth into a chortle whereas Feli cheerfully flizzened. Glee flourished and blossomed in every joke they spurted out, turning Ludwig's first total annoyance and intolerance to guffaws. He was still intimidated by the likelihood he would end up in an unwanted flirt, but as time went by he found more and more reasons to keep in touch with that quirky Italian guy.

After breakfast, they stepped together into a shop, where Ludwig would buy a new shirt. He made some dumb comments on how a gay Italian would be the best choice when it came to fashion advice, but Feli cut it with "I'm alright with everything but Hawaiian shirts, socks-and-sandals and wearing more than three colours but at Carnival." Ludwig remarked on how good he would look in a pink dress and Feli snarled that tight skirts didn't fit him for 'obvious reasons'. Ludwig felt slightly bothered, but fortunately Feli couldn't see through the curtains of the dressing room. He himself asserted that a Bavarian waitress costume would be a problem, but he would never be drunk enough to actually put it on. Feli bet he would and Ludwig accepted the challenge.

Having chosen a black shirt, they marched to the building where Ludwig worked. Feliciano checked his phone to make sure he was on time to catch his flight, Ludwig, having piled all his documents previously, was expected to show up later that day for a summary of the meeting. Nothing that would happen before 10.00 AM, since a Japanese delegation had come to talk to his boss in the early morning and he didn't really have much work left. They had swapped phone numbers already, being them printed on their cards – Feliciano still asked if it was alright for him to text and call from time to time. Ludwig couldn't remember the last time he had talked on the phone about something unrelated to his job, but agreeing, he let Feli ignorant of this detail.

"Well, then. Time to go!" Feliciano beamed in approaching to touch his shoulders. Thinking he was asking for a kiss, Ludwig leaned in, offering his cheek. Feli pecked it, admitting that it is not so usual for males to kiss – only good friends do nowadays. He yet added they would probably become such. "You should totally come over to my place sometimes, maybe this summer! You can ask your brother to come, too, even though I'd prefer to be alone with you." The last bit was supposed to be seductive, but actually finished in a keak.

Ludwig joined in his chuckling, appearing quite thrilled by the idea. "I'd love to! Gil is an albino, though, and I'm not sure he'd move his lazy ass away from the couch to get sunburnt. But we should totally arrange something! I'd hate to miss the chance to visit your place!"

And so they waved each other goodbye, Feliciano from the backseat of a cab and Ludwig walking back to his office with a smile on his face. Oddly enough, his collegues kept asking if he had gotten laid.

End Ch.2

Reviews are appreciated!

Foreign Lan./English (I couldn't resist, mea culpa mea culpa mea maxima culpa):

"Smettila!" = Stop it
Buongiorno/Guten Tag = Good morning
Mea culpa = My fault