Lykaios
As Remus stood himself on tiptoes to press a kiss to Sirius' lips, a wrecker ball slammed into his gut, clapping a hand to his stomach he raced to the bathroom and was violently ill. Sirius ran in, and soberly held Remus' hair back. Remus groaned and lifted his head, turning pain-filled eyes onto his lover and slowly stood. Sirius stood as well, and swept Remus of his feet, and carried him into the bedroom. With stern orders to rest and eat right, and feel better soon. But soon came in about, oh, five or so weeks. One night, as Sirius held Remus' long golden hair, he sighed,
"All right, come on, we're going to madam Pomfrey NOW, obviously that potion has made you sick, and it's not getting better, come on." He picked Remus up easily, and walked towards the fireplace, Remus took a handful of the sparkling powder and chucked it into the flames, which immediately turned a roaring emerald green, Sirius stepped into the fire and shouted "infirmary, Hogwarts!" And in a roar, they were spinning at a dizzying pace, when finally they stumbled out of the fireplace, in the long white ward. Remus coughed, brushing soot off of his clothes, Sirius set his husband down on a bed and looked around, the many beds with curtains, the high open windows, the long ward, and the astonished woman sweeping towards them, every bit of it bringing back fond memories, some of them quite painful, seeing as they were triggered by the infirmary ward. Sirius sighed in remembrance, how those memories were good!
"Mister Black, where is Remus? Is he ill? Oh, hello there young lady, what is your name?" The girl blushed, averting the woman's kind gaze
"My name is Remus" Madam Pomfrey chuckled,
"A fine, masculine name. A student of mine, his name was Remus; I was quite fond of him, sweet boy. Much more easy to handle than young Misters Black, or Potter, or Pettigrew." Remus giggled, while Sirius ranted about being perfectly good.
"Oh yes, Sirius Black, you were perfect at pulling pranks. Now, what do you two need of me today?"
"Madam Pomfrey, we need to find an antidote, Remus mixed his Wolf's Bane potion wrong, but he drank it, not knowing it was messed up. Madam Pomfrey, this is Remus." Madam Pomfrey's jaw dropped,
"Oh dear Merlin! What happened? Mister Black, stand outside!" She ordered, quickly pulling the white screen shut, essentially shutting Sirius out. "My dear, please undress."
"Um, what are you going to do?"
"A physical examination. It's going to be uncomfortable, no woman ever enjoys it. Now, hold still so I won't do anything wrong, and tell me if it hurts, I'll stop."
"Okay"
"Here we go." She said quietly, Sirius almost went in when he heard Remus cry out, but then Madam Pomfrey's voice rang out, ordering him to stay out or risk being at the firing end of her wand, which, he had been at before and in all honesty, he'd rather face a pack of horny bugbears than have to be on the firing end of her wand. Soon everything was over, and she pulled the curtain back, looking extremely vexed.
"What did he put in his potion, where did he go wrong?" She demanded of Sirius, the man, put on spot, shrugged,
"He said like, the last three lines, he put in a Newts tail instead of Leech blood." The woman nodded and strode off, whisking into her office, she soon returned with a very, very large tome of text. She dropped it with a loud thud on a small table and began flipping through the pages until she stopped, her hand trembling over the page.
"It's just as I thought. Sirius! Did you two have intercourse with twenty-four hours before or after him taking the potion?" She demanded, Sirius thought back, and when his memory denied him access, Remus cut in, voice quite with embarrassment,
"Yes, we did. But why should it matter if it occurred before the potion was taken?"
"Why is the grass green and sky blue? We have no reasons for the side effects of potions. Now, get back on that bed I have to check something." Remus sighed and lay on his back again, gazing silently at Sirius, who was slightly paler than usual. Madam Pomfrey was digging in her apron for something, and soon she pulled out her wand. Holding the long stick in her hand easily, she pressed the tip into Remus' bare stomach and began muttering, slowly a picture formed, almost like having a TV screen that showed his insides. Remus wrinkled his nose and glanced away, feeling waves of nausea rising, wanting to swamp him, make him lose what little he had for dinner.
"Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!" Madam Pomfrey muttered, moving her wand, as well moving the video screen. "Oh dear! Remus, darling, you're…….. You're pregnant. I can't make the antidote until the child is born, I'm afraid you have nine months of womanhood. Oh, darling, I am so sorry, but think, you'll be a Mother!" When he heard the word 'pregnant' Remus' mind shut down, it was like being in a black hole, that tossed one single word repeatedly at his brain, slowly he raised a hand, pressing it against his still flat stomach. He was vaguely aware of the tears that were flowing down his cheeks.
"Oh, Hun, baby, please don't cry, it'll be all right, hey, baby, what's wrong?" Sirius gathered the crying man in his arms, stroking the golden hair.
"Oh, no, oh, so, I'm going to be a mother?" Remus asked, breathless, Eyes wide, hopeful, beautiful. Sirius chuckled, hugging his husband, hand rubbing lazily on the other's stomach,
"Yes, you're going to be a wonderful mother for our baby."
"And you'll be an amazing father, sweetheart." Remus said softly, kissing the other man. Madam Pomfrey sighed, flicking her wand and the image disappeared, she quickly stowed it back in her pocket. Smiling at the two wizards, she silently left them.
"I'm going to be a Dad…… Oh my god, I'm going to be a Dad!" Sirius began laughing joyously, it almost felt like he had accidentally taken a high potion, his head felt light, filled with clouds and bits of fluff. He almost felt like he could fly he was so happy, he got up and did a little jig, all the while Remus laughing happily at the man's antics.
"Let's tell James and Lily, come on!" Remus smiled gently and stood, and followed the man, they flooed immediately to the Potter's small house. Sirius caught Remus when the man stumbled stepping over the threshold. James' head popped around the side of the corner.
"Oh, hey guys!" He grinned, walking around the corner, wiping his hands on a small towel, he looked very tired, he was breathing heavily, his hair was more messy than normal, if that was at all possible. He glanced over his shoulder, and sighed,
"James, catch him!" Lily screeched, James spun, eyes frantic, he ducked at the last moment, as a small streaking blur pelted towards his head, giggling madly.
"Damn that broom!" Lily cried, running into the den, chasing her son, "Harry, darling, please, come over here, please! Oh, Sirius! Please, catch him! Oh dear, he's going to kill himself! James, you taught him bad things!"
"How is this my fault?!" James cried, lunging wildly at his son, only to miss by inches. Sirius chuckled softly, and taking on a predator's stance, raised both of his arms, and lunged, easily snagging the boy from the air, falling to his feet easily. Harry squealed in delight,
"Uncle Sirius! Hey, hey! Guess what! I went fast! Daddy is showing me how to play… uh…. Uh…. Um…. Kwitt…… Kwah….. Kwuh…. Uh, wait, I know it!" He said, small faced screwed up in thought, trying to pronounce the long word. Sirius chuckled at the boys' attempts to say quidditch
"Slow down there little man, you'll hurt yourself." Harry pouted slightly, folding his arms across his chest.
"Ah, thank you Sirius, you're a life saver. I love you." Lily sighed happily, still slightly out of breath, her face flushed from exertion. She smiled, patting her friend on the cheek, as she gently took Harry into her arms.
"Come on my little seeker, time for you to go to bed!"
"No! I don't want to! No bed!" Harry wailed, beginning to cry. Lily sighed, and gently pulled the broom from her son's grasp, handing it to her husband, with an evil glare shot his way, as she carried her sobbing son up the stair to his bedroom. James sighed and ran his hand through his hair,
"Why was it my fault?" He asked again, staring up the stairs, his eyes full of sweet love for his wife and son. Remus smiled and took Sirius' hand,
"Jamie-boy, we have something to tell you!" James turned, and looked at the couple, and his eyes widened, his jaw dropped, as he finally took in the whole picture, Sirius holding supposedly some woman's hand, Remus nowhere in sight, but note, James had not known yet about Remus' potion mishap.
"Sirius, how could you?" James hissed between clenched teeth, Sirius looked genuinely shocked, then he glanced down at Remus, and smacked his hand against his head, sighing.
"Hun, you want to explain?"
"No, I'm about tired of explaining." Remus replied softly,
"Look, Jamie-boy, no need to worry, this strapping young lady, IS Remus, when he made his Wolf's Bane potion, he accidentally made it imperfectly, impurely, incorrectly, and the potion he made, effectively turned him into a woman. We went to Madam Pomfrey for an antidote, but, it seems, Remus must stay this way for a while longer, because, you see, he's pregnant, and, well, the antidote will be ineffective, and not work, until after the birth. So, Jamie-boy, meet Remus." Sirius told the story quickly, proficiently, summarized, slightly edited, while James on the other hand, was attempting to scrape his jaw off of the floor.
"So, Moony, you're pregnant, huh? Well, who woulda thought you'd actually get knocked up by padfoot?" James laughed delightfully, head thrown back, Sirius only glared at his best mate, while Remus gazed wide-eyed at his feet, a blush just barely hidden behind the waterfall of hair cascading over his shoulders. James' laughing slowly stopped, as he wiped a stray tear from the corner of his eye. He smiled, and, walking forwards, embraced both of his friends, pulling back with a genuine smile,
"Congratulations, guys, I'll be there every step of the way." Remus smiled happily, and walked forwards to embrace James,
"Thank you, so much, just, for everything." Remus whispered, "Damn, I promised myself I wouldn't get all emotional. Stupid potion." Remus stepped back, hastily wiping his eyes.
"Little Devil." Lily muttered, suddenly appearing at James' side, leaning heavily against him, with a sigh of relief.