forgot to say this last chapter, but major thanks to Dark Heart 945 for designing the cover for this book, and for coming up with the title for this chapter.

Just to clarify, this takes place between 4b and 5a, hence why Bailey and Mo are still here but Carmen and Tee aren't. Harry will most likely make a future appearance though, so be on the lookout for that.

Never before had Ryan severely regretted having a room that required a small set of stairs in order to reach. The stairs from the ground floor to the first floor of the house had been tedious enough, but at this point, the very sight of stairs made his head spin. He wondered if this was how Chloe felt whenever she came across a set of stairs.

He settled for slumping down at the foot of said stairs, his fingers wrapped loosely around the cane that he resented himself for having to rely on. The strong painkillers he'd been administered in hospital were just starting to wear off, meaning that standing was even more of an effort than before.

No one tried to follow him up, thank goodness. Most likely, they'd figured that he needed his space. It was just as well, as if anyone realised that he was too weak to even get up a set of three steps, he would inevitably be the butt of more than a few jokes.

This thought sent a moderate current of energy through his body, which gave him the strength to stand, though he had to use his hands to practically climb up his cane. He climbed the last few steps to his room, wincing on each one, before he finally made it and went inside his room.

He slumped down on his bed, the pain now more pronounced due to the meagre activity, pulsing in steady waves from his back down his legs. The pain stopped at his calves, however, as by now he had lost the majority of sensation in his ankles. He wasn't looking forward to the time when he wouldn't be able to stand, let alone walk, with or without the cane.

Basically paralysis.

This thought caused Ryan's heart to sink until it sat like a hard, heavy rock (Like a tumour) in his stomach. He glanced at himself in his mirror, and while he didn't look frail or sickly (Yet) as was characteristic of cancer patients, his face was a few shades paler than usual, most likely from the shock of the diagnosis.

After what seemed like hours, a knock on his door finally sounded.

"Come in," he said flatly, not really knowing who to expect. Probably Mike, May-Li or both.

He was right, in a way, as May-Li was standing on the other side, but he didn't expect to see Finn of all people there with her.

"Hey," the short boy greeted shyly, staring intently at Ryan, trying to figure out exactly what was wrong with him. He had caught parts of the serious words down the kitchen shortly before, but he hadn't been able to understand most of it, only that it was bad. Floss's morbid prediction had done nothing to help, and Ryan's harsh words to Chloe had confused him even further. Finn had heard about cancer and what it could do, but he didn't understand why Ryan had gotten angry at his sister for it.

"Hey," Ryan mumbled in return. "What do you need?"

"We should be asking you that," May-Li said. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, my back and my legs are killing me, I can't feel my feet and the stairs are my new worst enemy," Ryan said bluntly.

"Ohh," May-Li sighed in sympathy. "I'll go get you some more painkillers, yeah?" Without waiting for an answer, she left the room, leaving Ryan and Finn alone.

"Sit down, mate," Ryan said, patting the space on his bed next to him. Finn sauntered in and sat down, unsure of what to say or whether he should bring up Ryan's cancer or not. He had planned to ask him why he had gotten angry at Chloe, but that was before seeing him and his current mood.

Finally, Finn settled for, "How are you feeling?"

"May-Li just asked that."

"No, I mean, how are you feeling?"

Ryan gave him an odd look for a few seconds, raising one eyebrow in perplexity, before he understood what Finn meant and he answered with, "Don't know. Everything, really."

"'Everything'?" Finn repeated, cocking his head. It was his turn to give the funny look now.

"It's hard to explain," Ryan replied. "Part of me wants to scream, part of me wants to punch something, part of me wants to cry and part of me wants to lie in bed and never get up again."

He didn't know why he was suddenly being so frank and open with people, especially Finn. Perhaps the cancer diagnosis and the myriad of his emotions had affected his tendency to not open up.

"Is that why you shouted at Chloe?" Finn asked, seeing the opportunity to broach the elephant in the room. "She only wanted to know what was wrong with you."

"She's better off not knowing," Ryan said.

"How?"

"I don't want her to worry about me."

"Then why did you tell all of us?"

"Because you were all there when I started screaming this morning, so I couldn't pretend nothing was wrong," Ryan explained, just as May-Li returned with a glass of water and some Codeine* pills.

"What's this about?" she asked, making herself known. "Is this about not telling Chloe?"

"He needs to tell her," Finn insisted.

"I agree," May-Li said. "She's gonna find out eventually, Ryan. Best she hears it from you."

Ryan washed down the Codeine with the water, before saying, "It doesn't matter how she finds out, she's gonna take it hard either way. I know what it's like to have a relative with cancer, and I don't want that for her."

May-Li's expression turned sympathetic, while Finn's eyes widened. "What do you mean? You have a relative with cancer?!"

"Had," Ryan corrected, as a dark shadow passed over his expression. "When I was 3, not long after Chloe was born, my dad ... he was diagnosed with cancer. He had to spend forever in hospital, having every treatment in the book, only it was so aggressive it just kept spreading. I think it was around that time when my mum started drinking, because she couldn't cope with having to look after a baby, a toddler and a sick husband."

Finn and May-Li both looked stricken at this story. May-Li already knew everything that Ryan was telling her and Finn, but that didn't make it any easier to hear, and Finn of course was finding all this out for the first time.

"I think you can guess what happened," Ryan finished, closing his eyes and squeezing his cane as he fought back the long-ago but luridly vivid memories of the bald man writhing in agony on the hospital bed, the sinister-looking drip bag leaking its toxicity into his blood ...

Little Ryan had been far too young to understand what he was seeing, he just knew it was bad, and scary. So very scary. He began to think that nothing would scare him as much as that had ... until his fifth birthday. Fighting back even more excruciating memories, he peeled his eyes open to look at May-Li and Finn again, their expressions harder to look at than the sun.

"The thing is, his cancer was the same one that I have now."

"What's going on?!" Chloe demanded to know, not long after Ryan had stormed away. "What has he done? What does he have? Why doesn't he want me to know?"

The other DG residents, still reeling from the jarring news, glanced at each other, debating on whether to drop the bombshell or not. On the one hand, Chloe had just as much right to know as they did, but on the other, was it really their bombshell to drop? With Ryan keeping something as big and significant as this literally inside of him, ultimately it was his choice who knew about his condition and who didn't.

"We can't say," Mo said in the end. "It's his right to tell you if he wants to."

"You can't hide it from me!" Chloe persisted. "I know something's wrong, for crying out loud, he was using a cane!"

"I'll take you upstairs if you want to pry it out of him," Bailey offered.

"Bailey, no," Kazima said sternly.

"Please," Chloe pleaded.

Bailey sighed, before going around the table to follow Chloe to the foot of the stairs.

*Codeine is the strongest painkiller that you can buy over the counter. When it comes to something like spinal cancer, you need something stronger than paracetamol or ibuprofen.