a/n: back, within two weeks, just like I promised.

to my reviewers:
Mithril-Moony: I'm glad you still like the idea of the memoirs...lol. I'm quite fond of them myself. thanks for the review
legolasfanxox: what do you mean you can't wait to reasd this chap...you read it at camp. lol. ty for the review m to the oony...lol
emuerz: thanks for reviewing. as for your question, if Remus had flipped open to the back of the book, he would have seen ruined pages. Only part of James's last entry remained, so if he read it, it wouldn't tell him anything he didn't know already
Nietta: I'm glad you liked it...thanks for reviewing.

disclaimer see the prologue. It's still the same

warning: just to let you all know, there are a few (or maybe its just one) swear words dropped at the end of the chapter. I'm sorry if it offends anyone.

Enjoi

"Dirt, you need to get up," an annoying voice said in his ear.

"Five more minutes, Jared," the fifteen-year old James Potter mumbled into his pillow. He placed the voice as Jared's, his older brother by seven years. Besides, only Jared would call him "Dirt"; it seemed to be his term of endearment of the month. James would have to admit, it beat the previous month's term of "Heffer".

"You need to get up now!" Jared said firmly, yanking the pillow out from under James.

"Aw, c'mon Jared," James mumbled into his mattress this time. "Ten more minutes, that's all I ask."

"You're amazingly coherent for someone who just woke up," Jared said with a wry grin. He waited a moment, just in case James might reply, then proceeded in viciously beating the younger Potter with the pillow. James groaned and pointlessly swatted the pillow away.

He rolled out of bed, his jet-black hair as rumpled and untidy as ever. "I'm up. You can quit hitting me with that pillow anytime now," he grumbled, still trying to stop the pillow attack.

Laughing, Jared stopped and said, "Mum wants you to get dressed and get some breakfast." Looking around the room, and spotting his brother's half-packed trunk, he added, "You might want to finish packing too."

"Yeah, it might help. I don't think my school books will do much good sitting here on the floor, collecting dust," James replied, searching through his drawer for a pair of socks.

"What are you talking about, Dirt? That's what they've been doing all summer."

Ceasing his search for socks, James grabbed the pillow his brother had neglected. He hurtled it across the room, hitting Jared square in the face. Silently, he thanked the three years of playing chaser on the Gryffindor quidditch team for his aim. Jared made a face as the pillow fell, silently cursing the same aim his brother had just been praising. "All right, all right," Jared said melodramatically, "I know when I'm not wanted."

Still grinning broadly, he turned and left the room, closing the door behind him. James and Jared, though their ages were distanced greatly, had a relationship that meant a lot to both brothers. As much as they teased and pestered each other, their deep love was evident to everyone who saw them, most of the time, at least. For Jared, his younger brother seemed to anchor him to the good and decency that the world still held. Having just finished his auror training, he was fully aware that the wizarding community was entering dark and perilous times. Almost everywhere he went in the course of his normal day, he was confronted by this, and quite frankly, after awhile, it became rather depressing. However, James, despite his tendency to be rather egotistical at times, was so full of energy and life; James was the type of person who couldn't stand being weighed down by a sad, sower, depressing mood. He seemed to be under the constant impression that the happiness of those he cared about solely depended upon him.

James, on the other hand, didn't think of his brother as a source of happiness to draw from. He was happy and elated enough on his own, thank you very much. Instead, though he would never admit it to anyone but himself, Jared was who he sought for guidance and an example. He respected Jared and his integrity enough to humble himself before him, something that didn't happen very often. And though every time anyone who knew their family compared him to Jared he acted as though he were greatly offended, he honestly quite proud to be thought of like his elder brother. For most of his life he felt that he had lived under Jared's shadow, but he didn't really mind, so long as people still remembered he was still a completely different person. The side of James that came out around Jared was a side not often seen by others. His family and his close friends were some of the few people who knew that James had a deeper side; A side completely separate from the attention-loving, arrogant quidditch star most of Hogwarts saw. Despite this all, however, he was still uncommonly popular. To his family and friends, James was a person of uncommon valor. To his friends in particular, he had a great sense of understanding and a very non-judgmental nature; each one of his three best friends saw something different in him - some redeeming quality that made them completely willing to look past his many flaws. For Sirius, it was the unwavering loyalty and understanding he seemed to possess. Sirius came from a home where he was unwanted and thought very little of. The fact that James was always there for him and thought of him as a brother more than a friend meant a lot to him. For Remus, it was his ability to look passed the qualities that most people shunned him for and see the personality that would otherwise win the admiration of those same people. And for Peter, the last in his group of friends, it was the way he stood firmly for those he cared for and believed in, even if he knew they were obviously wrong; Peter, being the smallest and most picked on in the group of friends, often was amazed at the way James would never hesitate to stand in his defense.

Now fully dressed, James headed down stairs where a strong smell of a delicious breakfast instantly greeted him. He grinned. His mother always went all out for breakfast on the first day of school. She seemed to be under the impression that he didn't eat well enough at Hogwarts, seeing as how he always seemed to come back slimmer than when he had left. His mother blamed it on the food, his father and brother blamed it upon his obsession with quidditch. James always slimmed out during the quidditch season, not that he really needed to be any skinnier.

"Jared says your not fully packed, James," his mother said, serving him more food than he would eat; more than likely, he'd end up giving the excess food to their dog.

"I was finishing up some essays that they assigned over the holidays," he said somewhat truthfully. In all honestly, not only was he finishing the essays, but he was also starting them. Impressively, he had finished all of them, save his potions essay, which he found particularly vicious. He decided he could wait till the train ride, where he could seek the help of Athena Bryce.

Athena was one of the girls in his year, also in Gryffindor. She was a girl of an unusual nature, but one that James admired nonetheless. She was very interested in the everlasting (and almost ever defeated) movement for the rights of those whom wizards deemed inferior to themselves. This led James to admire her for two reasons. One: She was perfectly willing to accept werewolves, and seeing as how one of his closest friends was one, he found this rather amiable. The other reason was one of a more, well let's just, violent nature. In their second year of Hogwarts, she had gotten into a rather nasty argument with one of the Slytherins in their year– one whom James had a distinct loathing for. The argument had ended in the Slytherin (dubbed "Snivellus" by James and his friends) calling her a mudblood and Athena, being a very proud muggleborn and very offended at the absurdly low insult, completely forgot that her wand even existed, and punched Snivellus in the nose, consequently breaking it. Ever since that, er, amusing experience, James held Athena with the upmost respect.

Athena also happened to be very good at potions, but rather dismal when it came to the theory behind transfiguration. Of course, James had never noticed this until she had joined the quidditch team in their third year. She would come back from practices and trudge through her transfiguration homework, while James sat on the other side of the common room doing the same with his potions homework. It didn't take long for them to realize they could easily help each other out, and consequently, cut their study time in half. Ever since then, the two of them were always asking each other questions throughout the year on the aforementioned subjects.

"Finishing up?" Jared said, knowing quite well, even if his mother did not, that James hadn't touched any of his books since he dumped them out of his trunk when he got home.

"Yes, Jared, finishing," James said through gritted teeth. He didn't want either of his parents to figure out that he hadn't done any of his summer work until last night. His parents worried about his academics; though his grades showed that they needn't worry, they were quite concerned with what he did at Hogwarts when he wasn't studying. His father commented when he got home, before grounding him for two weeks, that they (being he and James's mother) had gotten more letters from Hogwarts speaking of his misconduct in just that year than they had ever gotten throughout Jared's entire time at school. If they knew that he had spent all of his summer not doing his assigned work, and instead mischievously plotting his next exploits with his friends, well, James didn't want to think about what his parents would do to him- they could be quite creative when they wanted to be.

Luckily for him, his mother hadn't picked up on the hidden meaning behind Jared's comment, and continued, saying, "When you're finished eating, dear, go finish packing. We need to leave in a half-hour."

Of course, by this time James had eaten all he was going to. He stared at his plate- three-fourths of it was still full. While his mother wasn't looking, he quickly shoved some of it onto his father's plate, who was currently hiding behind the Daily Prophet, quite possibly asleep. He'd never notice. The rest of it, of course, went to the dog's dish behind his chair. He excused himself and hurried back upstairs to his room. He was busy haphazardly throwing everything back into his trunk when Jared reappeared.

"You're going to break something, James," he said. "If you continue throwing things around like that." With a simple flick of his wand, the rest of James's belongings folded themselves neatly into his trunk.

"Where'd you learn to do that?"

"When you live on your own, and have to somehow keep your flat clean on top of everything else, you pick up handy little tricks like that."

James shrugged. "Are you coming to King's Cross with us?"

Jared sighed. "I can't. I've got to go to work. I tried to get this morning off, but things are starting to get a bit hectitc. But, anyway, that's why I'm here. I want to impart some words of wisdom before you go."

"Why? You've never seemed to think that I've needed your 'words of wisdom' before," James said. He didn't mean to sound ungreatful, or possibly resentful, but the lack of sleep he had last night was catching up with him.

Jared sat down in the bed and motioned for James to do the same. He sighed and paused for a moment, thinking of how he should say this. "James, I don't mean to sound morbid or anything, but the wizarding community is on the brink of war at the moment."

"I know," James said. "I hear you and Dad talk about it during Mum's Sunday lunches."

"That's the bare gist of it, James. This man, Voldemort, well, I'm sure at school you've noticed how people have been paying more attention to matters of blood. Particularly those who come from pure-blood families. This is because of Voldemort. I know that you've picked up on the fact that he believes in the purification of the wizarding race. A lot of people support this, no matter how wrong it is. They think he has the right idea about things. We've noticed, at the Ministry, that he, politically speaking, has gained quite a bit of support. In the auror offices, however, we're worried about what he might be willing to do to get more support.

"Voldemort is a powerful wizard, there's no doubt about it," he paused again, as if deliberating whether or not to continue. "I really shouldn't be saying this, but we've kept a lot of things he's already done hushed up. We don't want people to get worried. When Voldemort gains someone's support, he wants to be assured that he keeps it, and he's willing to do almost anything to get it. We've arrested and questioned some of his more . . . zealous supporters. They've admitted that Voldemort has done a lot to ensure he keeps his supporters. He's blackmailed, tricked, deceived, jinxed- he's done almost everything short of murder–I wouldn't be at all surprised if he has already, though. We probably just don't know about it. Quite frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if he did murder, again, soon. There are some who've said that he's already performed unforgivable curses upon people as a way of . . . persuasion," he spat with utter disgust.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at James. "This problem is going to get much worse before it gets even a little better. The Ministry isn't going to be able to hide it for much longer. Something's going to happen- something terrible, obviously, and more than likely, its going to hit a well-known family in the community. We won't be able to hide it then. Voldemort's true nature will be out in the open for everyone to see, and it's going to bring war upon us. James, throughout this all, I just want you to remember a few things for me."

James nodded. It was rare for his brother to be this serious, and he knew that if he was going to be this way, then what he had to say was important.

"Your life is going to get quite, well, crazy, for a lack of a better word, soon," he continued. "No offense, but you have a tendency to get into fights with others at school And I've noticed that those who you're normally fighting with are those who would be most likely to support Voldemort. It doesn't matter that you're still in school. People's opinions on this are going to affect the school. It's going to divide from the inside out. I want you to know, James, that I've always admired the way you stand up for what you believe in, and it's a quality others are going to start to notice as well. People, adults most likely, are going to tell you that you need to stop fighting over this- to just let comments slide by. They'll tell you that it's not worth getting into fights over, and that you're too young to understand what's really going on. They're wrong, James. They are dead wrong. Never stand by and let these things happen. As young as you are, you are fully entitled to understand what's going on in our world and have opinions about it. You have been taught that the discrimination of others because of their blood is wrong and evil. It is James- don't let anyone convince you otherwise. It's your job, well, not just yours, but responsibility falls upon you to stand up for what's right.

"We're entering into a time where there is going to be a distinct difference between good and evil, right and wrong, light and dark. You're going to find, however, that very rarely what is right is also easy as well. It just doesn't work like that. Some people at Hogwarts are going to treat you like filth because you believe in the right things, and they are, quite possibly, going to make your life completely miserable. Don't let that happen, James. Stand-up for what you know is right and try to convince others to do the same. As I said before, some of your teachers are going to try and make you stand down. A lot of adults are going to be afraid of what's happening, and seeing a bunch of teenagers have more courage to defend their cause is probably only going to scare them more. These adults will tell you that it's better to fight in silence, to fight in a manner that isn't so apparent to everyone; they'll try and tell you that that's the right thing to do. It's not. Our fight against evil will never make any progress if everyone believes that they should passively fight. There needs to be more people in the world who will risk everything to do what is right, even when it's not easy. Never stop doing that, James. Never. If you stand, more will have the courage to follow in your example."

Jared sighed again before continuing: "You are going to be presented the choice between what is right and what is easy. When this time comes, I'd like you to remember this conversation. I always want you to be able to hold to your ideals and your beliefs. I give you my word that if you do this, you won't regret it. You will know that you did something good with your life. Don't be afraid to stand for your morals in the face of adversity. When you choose between right and easy, remember your ideals, beliefs, morals, and then make your decision."

He stopped just in time for Mrs. Potter to shout up the stairs, "James! It's time to go!"

James grabbed his trunk and headed toward the door. Jared stopped him for a brief moment. "Remember what I've said," he said quietly. "I have a feeling that this is going to be the last time I get to talk to you face to face for a while. I know that I'm going to get really tied up at work, and I'm sure your teachers will have you up to your ears in books by the second week- it is your O.W.L. year, after all." Impulsively, he wrapped his arms around his younger brother in a tight, emotional hug, and whispered quietly in his ear, "I love you, James. Don't ever change."

Startled, James wasn't quite sure what to do. He couldn't recall his brother ever acting quite this way before. Then, decidedly, he let go of his trunk, and returned his brother's embrace. "I love you too, Jared. And I always will."

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Sirius could still hear his mother yelling at him from downstairs. Not for the first time, an argument had erupted in the Black household. In the recent years, the longest Sirius and his mother had ever gone without arguing with each other was a week and a half. It wasn't exactly the epitome of a mother-son relationship. Sirius could never remember actually liking his mother, even for just a brief period of time. Ever since he had started school, however, his dislike had slowly turned into hate. He couldn't stand to be in the same house with the woman, nonetheless the same room. Normally, during school holidays, he'd spend his time at one of his friend's house, putting as much distance between him and his family as he possibly could without actually leaving the country. This summer, unfortunately for him, his parents said that was not an option.

This past summer was his parents' attempt at "reforming" him. They had gotten fed up with Sirius and his views and outlooks on society. Sirius had always failed to see what made pure-blood wizards any better than half-bloods or muggleborns. His parents and younger brother, however, seemed to think that they were superior and the fact that they were pure-bloods made them practically royalty. For years, Mr. and Mrs. Black had thought that there was, quite possibly, something mentally wrong with their eldest son. He seemed to naturally lack proper pure-blood pride, but worse than that, he didn't care about it at all. For sometime they ignored it, telling themselves that once he went to Hogwarts, and was sorted into Slytherin, he would naturally conform to the opinions and views as his classmates. There was one problem with their plan, however. Sirius was never sorted into Slytherin.

By the time Sirius had turned eleven, he had grown to detest his family enough that he would have sold his kidney not to be sorted into Slytherin. Consequently, he was put in Gryffindor, who just so happened to be Slytherins natural rival. Members of both houses were constantly going head to head with each other, and that suited Sirius just fine. Just like his parents had thought, Sirius adopted the views that his classmates in Gryffindor held; not because he was trying to conform, but because he agreed with them. For the first time in his life he didn't feel that he was constantly being ridiculed for his opinions. He was accepted by people who, like him, felt that there was no shame in having muggle blood. Being accepted by others made it easier for him accept himself, something that he had a hard time doing before. Even though he did hate his family, it was hard for him to be comfortable with himself when his parents had constantly berated him and beat at his self-esteem. As a result, he came home every summer more and more confident about himself and more and more proud of his political and social opinions.

This past summer, however, Mr. Black had decided he had had enough of his son's "unnatural behavior" and that it was time to "put a stop to it, once and for all." For Sirius, this just meant that the summer before his fifth year at school was going to be hell. His parents went all out, too. Not only was he forbidden to leave the house without a member of his immediate family, which Sirius found particularly painful, as he enjoyed running to clear his mind, but they successfully tried to sever his ties with all of his friends. The entire summer, not only had he not been able to contact James, Remus, and Peter, but he had not been able to receive their letters as well. Mrs. Black had given their house-elf direct orders to go through the post and burn anything and everything that was sent to Sirius, save his letter from Hogwarts. He had been forced to attend all family functions, which there seemed to be an unusual amount of. At home, he would spend hours at a time locked in his room, just trying to escape his treacherous family. Even this, however, his parents would not allow him to have. He was forced to be in their presence for as long as his parents could manage. They wanted him to be under their influence for as long as possible, trying to force their views upon Sirius.

All in all, Sirius was miserable for the duration of the summer. As he hardly went outside, he had become unnaturally pale. He quickly lost his appetite after the first week and hardly ever ate, and only attended meals when his parents forced him to; but even then he was always the last to arrive and the first to leave. Sometime at the end of July, Sirius did have a small bout of luck, however. He managed to get a single letter out of the house to his best friend, informing him of his current predicament and pleading for a rescue attempt. He knew that after that letter, his house was almost bombarded with letters from James, but Sirius had watched miserably as Kreacher, their house-elf, burned all the letters. The summer did not seem to have an end for Sirius. He had been terrified that his parents would forbid him to return to Hogwarts, and he would be stuck in Grimmuald Place for the rest of his life. However, now there was a glimmer of hope. Today was the first of September and in about fifteen minutes, he would be at King's Cross Station about to board the Hogwarts Express. He would finally be free from his family, if he didn't die in their current argument, that is.

"GET BACK DOWN HERE, YOU USELESS PIECE OF FILTH!" his mother's voice floated up through the narrow hallway.

"Yeah, call me names, that's going to get me downstairs real quick," Sirius muttered, grabbing his trunk. He knew that he was going to have to go down stairs soon, anyway, unless he wanted to be stuck at Grimmuald place for the school year. He yelled down to her, "WHY? SO YOU CAN BLOODY YELL AT ME MORE, YOU CRAZY OLD HAG?"

That set his mother off again; Sirius laughed as his mother yelled stupid insults at him. Only Adara Black could be idiotic enough to yell insults like "shame of my flesh." Sirius still had to figure out how exactly that was meant to insult him. After a bit more yelling (it was very rejuvenating, mind you), Sirius did finally come downstairs. As soon as he had, however, he wished that he hadn't.

"It's about time you got down here, you bastard," she snarled. Sirius froze where he was standing. It was never a good sign when his mother started swearing. It typically meant that she was beyond sensible reasoning."I have half the mind not to let you go back to that school. I knew we should have sent you to Durmstrang, maybe then you wouldn't be so messed up. But then again, perhaps it's those despicable excuses for wizards that you call friends that ruined you. Blood-traitors, and filthy half-bloods. Little better than scum, if they're better at all. They don't belong in our world," she hissed at him venomously. "They're not worthy enough to lick the dirt off my shoes, nonetheless associate with my son."

As soon as she had said the word 'friends' Sirius had immediately clenched his teeth and tried to keep his temper under control. Just a little bit longer, he said to himself. Then you'll never have to deal with her again. However, as soon as she mentioned worthiness, he lost all control.

"WORTHY ENOUGH? YOU MAD OLD HAG! THEY ARE BETTER PEOPLE THAN YOU WILL EVER BE! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK OF THEIR WORTHINESS! YOU AREN'T EVEN WORTHY ENOUGH TO LOOK AT THEM, NOT TO MENTION TO SPEAK OF THEM, YOU - HEINOUS - OLD - BITCH!" he yelled, louder than he ever had. He was actually trembling, he was so furious.

His father, however, wasn't about to let his loathsome son speak of his wife that way. Before either Adara or Sirius could do anything more, Cepheus Black grabbed his elder son by both arms and forcefully spun him around.

"Get your hands off of me," Sirius hissed, still trembling. He wrenched out of his father's grip. His father instantly grabbed him again, this time holding more firmly so he couldn't get away.

"Don't you ever speak to your mother like that, again, Sirius," he spat in Sirius's face. Suddenly and violently, he spun Sirius so his back was against the wall. Lifting him bodily off the ground, he pinned Sirius to the wall. He continued, his voice dripping with malevolence: "If you ever even think of treating your mother like that again, I swear, I swear that I will beat your sorry ass so bad that you won't ever see the light of day again, do you hear me boy? I swear, I will crucio your weak pathetic ass until there's nothing left of you. Not a single goddamned thing."

Sirius stared at his father in horror. Never once could he remember the man ever speaking to him like that, and quite frankly, he was terrified. His father was a man of his word. If he said he would cast an unforgivable curse upon his son for showing disrespect, then he would. Regulus and Adara watched the entire scene with a mix of horror and twisted amusement. The entire house went silent for the first time in ages. Sirius was still pinned to the wall when his brother quietly said, "Put him down, Dad. We're going to be late, otherwise."

As if suddenly realizing that he was pinning his son to the wall, he let Sirius go. The entire family seemed to snap back to reality. They headed out to the car as if nothing had happened; Sirius kept playing the conversation over and over again in his head. He couldn't forget it. He had known that his parents could stand him about as much as he could stand them, but their distaste for each other had never reached the point of physical threats. Granted, his mother was always threatening him during their arguments, and had maybe smacked him once or twice, but how can anyone take someone who yells things like"shame of my flesh" up the stairs seriously? Too much inbreeding in pure-blooded families- it created loons like his mother.

For Sirius, the car ride to King's Cross couldn't go fast enough. He needed to get away from his family before something else happened. After what seemed like an eternity, they pulled and climbed out of the car. As soon as the family passed through the barrier between platforms 9 and 10 and onto platform 9 3/4, Sirius fully realized he was free at last. He instantly parted from his family without a second thought about it.

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The Marauder Memoirs:

Sirius. Sometime towards the beginning of our fifth year Note to Sirius: Learn how to date these bloody things properly. James. Note to James: who cares? Sirius.:

I remember very clearly the first time I ever went to James's house. My whole life I had lived in a house where I was unappreciated on the best of days, and unloved on the rest of them. Being as young as I was, I just thought that everyone's homes where like that. I didn't know anything else. I stayed at James's place for the last few weeks over the summer before our third year. It was the first time I hade ever been at his place, and I had expected it to be much like my own. I thought his parents would be as indifferent to him as mine were to me. I showed up at his place, and as soon as I went through the door, I could feel there was something different about his home. It took me only an hour or so to realize what was different: his parents had cultivated a home where James and his older brother were loved. It was so different from my home that even after only a few days of staying there, I wanted what James had, but I knew I would never have it in my own family. Ever since then, I seemed to realize that blood was not what made a family, but– and I know this sounds cliched– love. From that point on, I really didn't consider those lunatics I lived with over the summer my family. I had a different family. A family who loved me. A family at school.

final an: okay, real quick note on the Memoirs, but I think I may have said this before, so forgive me if I'm being redundant. The Memoirs were passed around between all four of the Marauders. As such, occasionally they felt that they had to add their own input to what one of the others have written (ie.: James and Sirius's little discussion at the top). This was done in one of two ways (or occasionally both). The first was, one would walk by as the other was writing, and just jot down his own comment right then and there. The second would be they would add comments when they had the book. comments that have been written after the entry was originally written will be dated, so you'll be able to differentiate between the two. If you don't quite understand what I'm saying, the Memoirs exerpt for the next chapter will more than likely clear it up (hopefully...lol)

anyway, please forgive and typos and such. I did try to proofread this. My next update should be in two weeks. Any and all reviews until then will be very much appreciated.

Delano