Author's Note: I just want everyone to know that I've actually gagged on more than one occasion while researching tonsillectomy for this story. There are some pretty disgusting side effects if you're an adult and you need your tonsils removed…
*Also, I went way overboard with Emmett in this chapter, but he's just so much fun to write.
Disclaimer: I don't own "Twilight".
"Go finish your movie, kids. Edward, please get Bella packed. He turned to me. "Bella, I'll go ahead and make the appointment for your tonsillectomy. We probably won't be able to get you on the operating table before tomorrow, but we'll need to get you in a room tonight." I groaned. Of course I'd have to wait a whole day. Anticipating an operation doesn't keep one composed, no matter how uncomplicated it is. On top of that, I despised hospitals, and I didn't want to spend more time than necessary there, especially overnight. Emmett sauntered into the room as Carlisle was speaking. He still had sock-puppet-Edward on his left hand.
"Bella, if you want them out sooner, I can just do it for you." Emmett held a pair of scissors in his right hand, opening and closing them so rapidly it just looked like a blur. Then he moved the scissors to his left hand, into the mouth of the sock puppet. "Of course, Eddie could always do it... It might feel right to have him down your thro-"
"EMMETT," Edward silenced him, "please." Emmett winked at me and walked into the other room.
"Come on, bitches! I'm ready to see Sweeney hack up some more meat pies!"
"That is disturbing," I said to Edward as he helped me hop down from the table that Carlisle was examining me on.
As we walked back into the family room, Jasper came home.
"Whaddup, Jazzter?" Emmett stuck his fist out and Jasper pounded it.
"I thought you were with the girls?" I asked, confused. We didn't expect him home for another three days, as they took an extended hunting trip. It was supposed to be a girl's outing, but Jasper insisted on going because he couldn't stand to be away from Alice.
"They kicked me out. And they kept eating all of the good animals. I got to eat a bird."
"Was it turkey? God I love turkey," Emmett said enthusiastically, sitting down.
"You are a turkey," I replied. He stuck his tongue out at me.
"Those girls are ruthless when they don't get what they want," Edward said, shaking his head. I imagined Jasper was probably replaying his experience to Edward through his mind. "We're about to finish Sweeney Todd. Would you like to join us?" Edward offered to him while leading me over to the couch.
"I'm good. I just wanted to stop home and grab a couple things, then I'm going back out." He walked up the stairs and Emmett started the movie where we left off.
Getting to the hospital was a pain. I started coughing up little white balls, which Carlisle referred to as tonsil stones, and every time one came out of my mouth Edward became more and more distressed. Apparently the whole time he'd been keeping cool, it was for my sake. He didn't want to stress me out because I was ill but on the inside he was itching to rip his hair out with frustration. He didn't know how to help me except to wait for my bad health to pass and that wasn't sufficient for him. I tried to assure him that I was all right, but all it did was push him to try and convince Carlisle to do the surgery sooner. Finally, Carlisle told Edward if he didn't get out of his face, (not necessarily in those words,) then he was kicking him out of the hospital until my surgery was over.
Much to my delight, Edward calmed down and just sat with me in my room. Deep down I knew that Carlisle was probably bluffing, but if Edward were gone, I'd probably be ripping my own hair out.
My father, along with Edward, was also freaking out and tried to insist on staying the evening with me in the hospital. I finally convinced him to stay at home and get rest and that tomorrow he could accompany me after my surgery, as that's the time that he'd be the most useful. If he came that night, he'd just be breaking his back attempting to sleep in a chair for nothing.
Emmett was having way too much fun in the hospital. He rolled into my room on a wheelchair balanced on the back two wheels with my dinner on his lap.
"Isn't the nurse supposed to bring me that?" I eyed him speculatively.
"I convinced her to let me bring it," he said with overconfidence.
"How'd you that?" I knew I'd regret my question right after I asked it.
"I told her I was your father."
"Oh God." Edward shot him a horrified look.
"And then I seduced her into giving it to me."
" Of course you did," I sighed. " Well. I'm telling Rose," I simply replied.
"What?! WHY?!"
"Did you put something in Bella's food, Emmett? If you're going to play a trick on Bella, could you at least do it a little less dangerously?" Apparently Emmett's thoughts slipped and Edward knew his plan.
"What?! It's barely enough morphine to put her to sleep. I was just gonna make her a little loopy."
"I swear to God, Emmett, one of these days..."
"What are you gonna do, brother? I got a wrestling match right here, just waiting for you. See these muscles?" Emmett insisted on lifting his sleeves to show us. I rolled my eyes. "You see this?" He rolled backward into my closet and jumped out of the wheelchair, grabbing onto the horizontal pole that was supposed to hold clothes. After kicking the wheelchair into the hallway, he proceeded to do chin-ups. "I got some of this, right here, just waiting. Bring it."
"I'm good, Emmett. We're in a hospital."
"You never used to say no," he grumbled, and then hopped down. "You guys are boring. I'm gonna go talk to that old guy in 217 again."
"Emmett, please don't give mister Ingrish another heart attack," Edward called after him.
"Whatevs," Emmett yelled back, and made his way down the hall.
At about eleven thirty, I began to drift off to sleep, and another round of Emmett came barreling into my room. He jumped onto my bed causing it to shake violently and reached over me to where Edward was sitting in order to snatch the remote from him and turn the television from the history channel to VH1.
"Emmett, we were watching that," Edward said, offended.
"No, you were putting Bella to sleep with that. And I have to see who goes home on Rock of Love."
"You have got to be kidding me." Edward covered his face with his hands and Emmett put his arm around me and pushed me closer to him.
"You're gonna love this show, Bells," Emmett pointed at the television with his remote. "Much better than whale habitats."
After thirty minutes of catfights, breast implants and crazy girls stealing sweaty socks, luckily for me the nurse came in and gave me medicine that would help me fall asleep. Edward borrowed one of the books that I brought and occupied himself that way.
I was scheduled for my surgery at ten AM. Originally it was at noon, but Edward successfully agitated Carlisle into pushing some other things around in order to get it over with. I was actually quite happy; I didn't wake up until nine thirty and I was immediately put on more painkillers, so I went right back to sleep.
I woke up about three hours later and the room was spinning.
Emmett was standing over me, of course.
I ignored him and searched for Edward. He was at my side in an instant and holding my hand.
"'Bout time, sicko. I thought you were never going to wake up," Emmett said harshly. I ignored him.
"How are you feeling, darling?"
"Okay." My voice was still scratchy and it hurt to talk.
"Good. Carlisle says that I can take you home in about an hour, after he checks on you to see how you're doing. You need to rest your voice as much as possible," he replied.
"You get to eat tons of ice cream." Emmett added.
"No, actually she doesn't. She needs to stay away from dairy. It will cause a build up in phlegm and most likely hinder the healing process," Edward replied. Emmett mocked him unrecognizably in a high voice. "Popsicles are okay, and you'll be all right in about ten days." He smiled and kissed my forehead.
"Bella, I have created a get well video for you." Emmett said proudly.
"Prepare yourself." Edward whispered as he gently lay down next to me in my bed. I pushed myself upright and leaned against my pillow as Emmett hooked up his video camera. There were a few seconds of black, and then I recognized the chairs in my room turned inward and covered with hospital room blankets…. And naturally, out popped sock-puppet-Edward and… could it be? Sock-puppet-Bella.
Mine had brown buttons that I recognized from the jacket that I wore here, and colored on brown hair. Edward's puppet was upgraded; it now had glitter all over it. The camera was angled so that you could see the sun shine in the corner.
"Oh my love, my Bella-" the high voice began, "what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Bella is the sun! Does my Shakespeare turn you on?"
"Oh yes, Edward," an even higher voice began, "I want your hot rocky vampire body so bad."
"How'd you get your voice that high, Emmett?" I asked with a laugh. He just shushed me.
"Oh Bella, I want your clumsy, hot human body too, but I'm too big of a chicken. I could never man up like Emmett and put you in the double kangaroo scissor kick like he does to Rosalie every night. I've decided to be a virgin forever!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Puppet-Bella yelled, and began melting into the blanket. "I'm dying of sexual frustration, Eddieeeee! Please, do something!!"
"Oh, sweet Bella, I'll use the excuse that I'm afraid I'll hurt you, but really I'm just a big wannabe Emmett wanker and I know I'll never live up to your expectations in bed, so I can't!"
"Edward, I'm melting into a sexual oblivioooooooon!" Emmett's Bella-puppet voice faded off as the puppet fell to the floor. Puppet-Edward dipped down and picked up a knife with his mouth and recited Juliet's last words in 'Romeo and Juliet'.
"O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die." And thus, Emmett attempted to stab his own hand with a butter knife. As soon the television screen went blank, Emmett's guffaw filled the whole hospital. When it died down, Edward looked over at Emmett.
"You know that those were Juliet's lines, don't you?"
"Uh, yeah. That was the best part. You're a woman!"
"Right." Edward nodded and Charlie walked into the room.
"CHARLIE! You gotta see this."
"NO!" Edward yelled. I attempted to, but my voice cracked. Edward snatched the remote from him.
"No more puppets, Emmett. I'm begging you." I whispered.
"That's cool. I'll begin my better quality movie about Alice and Jasper tomorrow. 'Oh no, Alice! I've lost you in this bundle of clothes! You're just so tiny…'"
End story.
Author's Note: So… Silly, and overboard, like I said. You may not think it was funny, but that's okay, because I enjoyed writing it. Also, I want everyone to know that someone actually stole everyone else's sweaty socks on an episode of 'Rock of Love'. (So sad I know that... But the show is so addicting.) Leave me some love. :D